Page 47

MIA

Afterwards, Yulian brings me lunch in bed. I’m fucked all the way out. My body’s tingling in places I didn’t know I had. At some point, I’m going to need a shower.

But not now. Now, I just want to sink into his presence at my side.

It’s been so long since we’ve had this. Not just sex— us. Time to just be together, to lose ourselves in each other’s bodies and spend the aftermath in each other’s arms.

I’ve never felt so taken care of.

When Yulian pushes a piece of food against my lips, I don’t even ask what it is—I just open up and swallow.

The cheese melts on my tongue. “More,” I whine.

Yulian chuckles. A rare sound. “Bossy little kitten. Thought I’d cured you of your obsession for control.”

“Maybe I need a remedial lesson.”

His eyes go dark. “I can arrange that.”

His fingers trail gently across my belly. It makes me shiver all over—how delicate he can be when he wants to.

And how dominating.

If he’d told me twenty-four hours ago “I’m going to whip you and you’re gonna love it,” I might have laughed. But the way he used that toy had nothing to do with pain. It was pure sensation. I could focus on nothing else.

Which I suppose was the whole point.

Turns out, back-to-back orgasms make for a stellar distraction strategy. I’m so empty, I can’t even think about worrying for the rest of our meal.

Then reality trickles back in. “The trial…” I swallow the last piece of cheese with the lump in my throat. “What am I going to do?”

Yulian pulls me close to his chest. I wish I could stay like this forever, safe in his embrace. “You know what you could do…” he murmurs.

“No.” He wants me to hand him the reins, and I won’t do that. Not when I know exactly what he’s going to do to Brad if I do. “I need to fix this myself. For Eli.”

For a long moment, he just watches me. “You’re saying this is your battle.”

“It is.”

He doesn’t press, though I can tell he wants to. Instead, he kisses the top of my head and pulls me closer. “Then I’ll be here for you. Regardless of how it ends.”

Regardless of how it ends. My stomach ties up in knots. Tomorrow, there’s a very real possibility I’ll walk out of that courtroom without my parental rights.

I haven’t wanted to think about that option. What I’ll do if Brad wins. Until now, I’ve needed every scrap of confidence I could muster. I’ve always been a fake-it-‘til-you-make-it kind of girl, after all.

But what if, this time, it’s not enough?

I think about Eli, back in that cold, cold house.

Eli, taken off his meds on a whim because of Brad’s ignorance, starting fights at school again because he can’t control his impulses.

Losing all his friends, all the good things in his life.

Eli, sinking back into selective mutism.

Thinking every day that his dad is being mean to him because he’s not good enough. That it’s his fault this is happening.

Eli, losing his spark forever.

“Hey.” Yulian tips my chin up. His thumb wipes a stray tear off the corner of my eye. “Where’d you go just now?”

“I don’t want to lose him,” I rasp. “He’s my son. He… he still needs me.”

“Don’t think about that.”

“I have to.” It hurts to even say it. “The trial ends tomorrow. If I can’t convince the judge…”

I trail off. It’s too painful—too unreal.

Yulian tucks me closer. His palm moves to my belly. “I’ll always protect you, you know. All three of you.”

All three. It moves me that he’s including Eli. That he’s always included Eli, as effortlessly as breathing. “Thank you,” I whisper.

“You don’t need to thank me.” His strong arms close around my shoulders. “You’re family. Family protects each other.”

Family.

Guilt flares inside me. Would Yulian still call me his family if he knew what I did? That I destroyed the evidence of the Baldwins’ involvement with the murder of his original family?

I did it to protect my son. To spare him more grief. But what if that ends up being exactly what breaks him? Not Brad’s death, but his continuing to live?

What if I’ve ended up dooming my entire family instead of saving it?

I curl up against Yulian’s chest and let the tears fall. He holds me close through it all, and I hate that I don’t deserve it. I’m betraying him even as I cry in his arms, because he has no idea what I did.

I thought he didn’t deserve me. That, after putting me and Eli in danger, he couldn’t ever deserve me again.

But now, I know.

I’m the one who doesn’t deserve him.

“It’s not the only way, you know,” he whispers into my hair between kisses. “Killing him, I mean. Though I’d vastly prefer it.”

“No killing.”

He scoffs. “I got the point. There are other ways of making people dance to your tune.”

I meet his gaze. “What other ways?”

“You had the right idea with the blackmail.” The mention of those files sends another stab of guilt through me. “I could ask Tikhon to hack into his records, if you want. Find something worth using.”

No. He can’t. Then he’d find exactly what I’ve been trying to hide from him. And if he does…

There’s no telling how bloody it’ll get.

“No,” I answer too quickly. Yulian’s brow kits with suspicion. “I mean, it’d take too long. I need something by tomorrow, and Brad’s database—it’s gotta be endless, right? It’d be like looking for a needle in a haystack. Besides, the hack itself would take time.”

I must have made some sense, because Yulian says, “You’re not wrong.” He clicks his tongue in frustration. “That mudak. ”

If he’s a mudak, what does this make me? I realize there’s probably some dirty Russian word waiting for me on the other side of this, but right now, I can’t think about that.

Instead, I think about what Yulian said.

Blackmail. Brad’s records.

There are other ways.

Suddenly, a lightbulb goes off in my head. Several lightbulbs—a whole fucking electronics store. “Shit.”

Yulian frowns. “Care to elaborate?”

“There is another way.” I sit up straight, eyes wide on nothing. “A way to kill his case without killing him.”

And I’ve had it all along.

Yulian sits up next to me. “Then let me in on it. If I can help, I will.”

“No need.” I smile brightly at him. “You already did.”

Then, before he can pry any more, I grab his face and kiss him.

His surprise lasts exactly two seconds. Soon, he’s kissing back, dragging me into his lap. “I take it we’re celebrating?”

“Not yet,” I whisper against his lips. “But right now, I’d like to say thank you.”

Yulian’s eyes go dark. His hands find my ass, kneading it as he pulls me flush against his hips. “Then I guess I’ll have to let you.”

I ride him until we’re both breathless. Until I’ve come more times than I thought anybody could in a single day. Until he’s filled me up to the brim, over and over again.

Because, this time, I’m going to win.