Page 10

MIA

I can’t believe it’s over. We’re safe. Actually safe. Out of that house, away from Brad and his cruelty.

“Are you okay, munchkin?” I whisper, reaching out to stroke his hair.

At first, he says nothing. Just sits next to me, fiddling with his too-big seatbelt.

Then the dam breaks.

He starts crying suddenly, but quietly. Fat tears roll down his cheeks as he fights to keep himself from sobbing.

“Oh, honey?—”

“I’m sorry, Mommy!” he bursts out, then throws himself into my arms. “I didn’t want to s-stop talking to you, but Dad said you lied, and I was so mad!”

My heart breaks in a million tiny pieces. I stroke his back, trying to calm him down, even though all I want is to break down right next to him.

Yulian’s gaze flicks over to us from the rearview mirror. Our eyes meet.

I won’t butt in, he seems to say, silently, with that look alone. But I’m here for you. For both of you.

It gives me the courage I need.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I whisper. “I shouldn’t have lied to you.”

“Lies are bad,” he hiccups. “But Dad—he was bad, too. He was so bad, Mommy.”

I feel like the worst mother who’s ever lived. For not making better choices when I was younger. For lying to him about it. If I hadn’t done that, Brad would never have been able to manipulate him.

This is all my fault.

“I’m sorry, Eli.” I hold him close as he cries, blinking back tears of my own. “It’s over now. He won’t be able to hurt us anymore.”

It occurs to me that I can’t promise that. Brad is still Eli’s father. Like it or not, he has rights. If he decides to pursue this, there’s no telling what he might do.

For a single, horrible moment, I wish I’d let Yulian pull that trigger.

I regret that thought immediately. Killing my son’s father—it would have become another secret between us. Something I could never, ever come back from. The guilt alone would have eaten me alive.

I hug Eli tighter. Eventually, his sobs soften. “I’m sorry,” he sniffles again. “Are you mad at me, Mommy?”

“Of course not.” I press a kiss to his forehead. “I could never be mad at you. I love you to the moon and back.”

“I love you to the stars,” he whispers.

Something inside me slips loose, a knot I hadn’t known was there. For weeks, I’ve longed to hear those words. To hear him say it back, just once, to know I hadn’t fully lost him.

“Hey, Eli,” Yulian says, noticing my tears in the mirror. Wanting to give me time to compose myself. “Why don’t you look under my seat?”

Eli perks up, curious. “What’s under your seat?”

“An old friend of yours.”

The car pulls up in front of StarTech. Eli wriggles out of his seat and reaches down. Then his face lights up. “Garfield!”

He tugs a big, dirty, orange ball of fluff from under Yulian’s seat.

My eyes go wide: it’s my son’s favorite toy. The Garfield plushie, the one I got him third-hand at the thrift store. We thought we’d lost it. How does Yulian have it?

Did he… keep it all this time?

Yulian steps out of the parked car and opens the door for us. Eli immediately jumps down and throws himself at Yulian’s legs, hugging him tight. “Thanks, Yulian! You’re the best dad ever!”

I blush. We exchange uncertain looks over Eli’s head. Right now, we don’t know where we stand yet.

But it doesn’t matter. Not when it comes down to Eli.

“You love your children. Even if you don’t love me, I’ll never doubt you love them.”

Sadness tugs at me. It’s a soft, bittersweet kind of sadness. Because I know Yulian will always love Eli, regardless of his issues with me. But at the same time, I can’t help wishing there was no “regardless.” That we could go back to the way it was before.

If only things were that simple.

I muster the best smile I can. “He is, isn’t he?”

“I’m glad Mommy’s having another baby with you.”

Wait, what?

I choke on air. Yulian’s face takes on a slightly green hue.

“You, um—you know about that?” I blurt.

Eli shrugs. “Dad told me.”

Goddamn Brad. Suddenly, I’m not so confident about my good deed of the day anymore.

There are a million things I want to say to Eli. That I wasn’t going to keep it a secret forever. That I wanted to be the one to share the big news with him. That I wanted to do it right.

But there’s no trace of anger on his face. No hint of sadness or disappointment. Just a big, grateful smile while he squishes his cheek against Yulian’s leg, Garfield tucked safely in his arms again.

I forgot how simple things can be. How easy kids can make them.

Slowly, Yulian’s hand comes to rest on the top of his head. He’s not used to this, I know. It’s been ages since he’s had a family.

But maybe, this can be the start of another one.

Whether he loves me or not.