Page 49

MIA

“To Mia!”

Glasses clink around the table, the festive atmosphere instantly infectious.

“To Eli,” I correct, laughing. “He’s the one we’re celebrating tonight.”

“We’re celebrating both of you,” Ginny protests. “You both won.”

It warms my heart—to hear her say that. To have my sister back. Maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to forgive her, but fuck it. I’ve had it up to here with pointless grudges. It’s not the past that matters—it’s the future.

I raise my glass. “To family, then.”

“To family,” everyone else echoes.

We clink again. This time, it feels right.

If only Yulian were here, too.

I shake my head and push that thought out of my mind. When I called him to share the news, he was the one who insisted we start celebrating without him. He’ll join later if he can make it, he said. If not, we still have tomorrow night.

Tomorrow. My heart soars at the thought. After this, we’re going to have infinite tomorrows. No more Brad. No more courts.

Just us.

“Mommy, can I have your pepperoni?”

I smile and push my plate Eli’s way. If he asked me for the moon right now, I’d go grab it in a heartbeat. “Knock yourself out, kiddo.”

He happily digs into my slices. I watch him pry off each piece of pepperoni and pop them carelessly into his mouth. Sauce drizzles down his chin and sprays his Bluey t-shirt.

Without thinking, I pull him into a side hug.

“Mommy…?”

“I love you so much.” I kiss his curls and fight off the tears. “To the moon and back, and back, and back.”

He squishes his tomato-stained cheek against my dress. “I love you to the stars, Mommy.”

We stay like that for a while. My family gives us space, chatting amongst themselves and stealing heartfelt glances at the messy picture we make. We’ve got dismembered pizzas on our plates and sauce everywhere, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

We’ve risked so much. If I think about how badly this could have gone, the pizza in my stomach starts to feel like cement.

Right now, Eli could have been handed over to Brad.

He could be back in that house, being forced to eat food he doesn’t like, being drugged to sleep to keep him quiet.

Could be crying for me, begging me to come get him, and I’d be powerless to do a single damn thing.

But it didn’t go that way. I saved him. We saved him. Yulian, Isaak, Nikita, Kallie, my family—everybody pitched in. Everybody.

You are so loved. I keep those words close to my chest. I don’t want to weird Eli out, not any more than I’ve already done, but the thought keeps echoing inside me, floating between my head and my heart. You are so, so loved.

And you will be, too.

I place my hand on my belly. The baby isn’t kicking right now, but she’s getting a little bigger each day.

I have no idea what kind of person she’ll grow into: what kind of movies she’ll like, what cartoons she’ll beg to watch in the morning, if she’ll want her pancakes soft or crispy.

If she, too, will be a little quirky like her brother.

But I do know one thing.

She’ll be loved.

By her whole messy, ragtag family.

“Mommy?”

Geez. Enough with the waterworks. “Yes, munchkin?” I say, quickly wiping my eyes so he doesn’t see what a mushy mess his mother has turned into.

“Can I have your fries, too?”

I laugh and hand them over. Eli spends the better part of the next ten minutes sorting them by hue and crunchiness factor.

Kallie pokes me with her elbow. “Need a tissue? I’ve got scented ones.”

“Tempting, but no.” I let out a slow, happy sigh. “I’m okay. Really.”

“If you say so.” Then, mercifully changing the subject, she points at the other end of the table, where Isaak and Nikita are glaring daggers at each other over the last pizza roll. “What’s the deal with those two?”

“Damned if I’ll ever know.” I sip my drink and watch the daggers fly. “But they remind me of someone.”

“You don’t say.”

I push her lightly. “Not me!”

“No?” Kallie jiggles her eyebrows. “You sure? ‘Cause I’ve seen those sparks before.”

“Oh, c’mon. No way.”

But the more I look at them, the more I realize Kallie’s not wrong. Those fireworks, that crackling tension over the silliest things—I have seen that before. In the mirror.

And every time I’ve been in Yulian’s presence, too.

Lately, our sparks have settled into a comfortable hearth.

Cinders still fly free when we fight, and when we’re in bed, there’s no telling where the fire will spread.

But that constant poking and testing each other’s limits…

It feels like another version of what we had those first few, unpredictable months. Before the growing pains set in.

That’s when I realize it. A simple truth, one I’ve been avoiding for the past couple of months.

I want to stay.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise, really. It almost kind of doesn’t. All my anger at Yulian for last year’s betrayal has dissipated long ago. In the many weeks since we’ve started living under the same roof, he’s proven himself to me over and over again. To me—and to my kids.

He wants them in his life. He wants me in his life.

And I want him in ours, too.

I reach next to me by reflex, but Yulian isn’t there. I’ve never wished harder that he’d appear out of thin air, with his cologne and GQ stubble and million-dollar suit. I want to share my answer now, in front of everyone we know and love. Want to start our lives without a second’s pause.

“Dessert?”

I barely glance at the waiter, so lost I am in my own happiness. “Sure. Can we, um… see the menu?”

“Of course.” He hands me one. “I’ll be back soon for you.”

Weird choice of words, but I nearly don’t notice. My mind is completely elsewhere. “Thanks.”

Then I look at the menu…

… And my heart stops.

No. I drop it like it’s burning. It can’t be. But the words finger-painted in red stay.

HAVE YOU SAID GOODBYE TO HIM?

I spring up, but the waiter’s gone.

Was that Desya? I rack my brain, but no answer comes. Was he here, just now, inches from me? Inches from my son?

I can’t remember. I was so distracted, I didn’t even clock what he sounded like, let alone looked at his face.

The table has fallen silent. “Mommy?” Eli asks, but I can’t find my words anymore.

Kallie bends down to pick up the menu and see what’s got me so upset. “Oh, shit.”

“Everything okay?” Nikita is at my side in an instant.

“I—I need to find Yulian,” I stammer. “Right now. He’s—” Not safe, I want to say, but I hold back at the last second for Eli’s sake.

However, Nikita doesn’t need me to say anything more. “He didn’t tell me where he was going tonight. Just to stick by you in case Brad tried something.”

“Where’s Maksim?” I turn to Kallie. “Did he tell you where he was going to be?”

“Just some boat party,” she answers. “On a yacht, by the— oh. ”

“What?” I’m starting to sound crazy, but I don’t care. “What, Kallie?”

“By the bay.” Her face drains. “On the Hudson.”

No.

No, no, no.

The Hudson. Where Yulian “killed” Desya the first time. It can’t be a coincidence—not at this point. Not with the threat I’ve just been handed.

He set another trap. On purpose.

And he kept it from me.

Memories flash. I recall the way Yulian was yesterday. Like he wanted to touch all of me, map me out and remember me. As if I could disappear at any moment.

Then I think back to this morning.

“Tonight?”

“Not tonight. I’ve got… business.”

“Tomorrow. We’ll celebrate tomorrow.”

“Bullshit,” I say under my breath. Because, according to this message, there might not be a tomorrow.

“Nik, I need you to drive me there.” I can’t keep the panic out of my voice. “You can track each other, right?”

“Our phones,” she confirms. “In case one of us disappears.”

The next few minutes are a flurry. I entrust Eli to my parents and Ginny, and their protection to Isaak. He’s incredibly gracious about it, despite being virtually a stranger. I’ve never appreciated him more.

Once that’s settled, I rush with Kallie and Nikita to the car. All the way there, I keep chanting in my head. The words are incoherent, dripping with fear and regret.

Please, let him be okay. Please, please, please.

It can’t end this way.

I haven’t told him yet.

I haven’t told him…

That I want to spend the rest of my life with him.