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MIA

This can’t be happening.

“Why would they call her?” I whisper to Isaak in a panic, even though in my heart I already know. “She’s not even on the list!”

Before I’m even done speaking, he rises. “Your Honor?—”

I lose track of the argument that comes after. Something about lists and rebuttal witnesses and discovery and a thousand other things I couldn’t care less about. Right now, there’s only room for a single question in my mind.

Why is my own sister betraying me?

“Shit.” Nikita effectively summarizes my thoughts. “This is bad.”

“This is a disaster,” I murmur, gripping the table tight.

Cold dread claws at me as Ginny makes her ascent to the witness stand, trading places with Howard. Whatever argument we were making to keep her from testifying, we must have lost it.

“Ms. Collins.” Smithers stands again once Ginny is sworn in, happy as a clam. “Can you clarify what your relationship with the defendant is?”

She leans uncertainly into the mic, giving it a tap for good measure. “I’m her sister.”

“Her sister? Then you must know her fairly well.”

“I do.”

“And what is your sister like?”

Her gaze fixes on me. There’s pity in it, just a trace, but the venom drowns it out. “She’s a runner. The second things go bad, she bails. She’s done it to me; she’s done it to our parents…” Her voice fills with resentment. “And she’ll do it to little Eli, too.”

A flurry of objections follows. But whatever legalese Isaak is throwing at the other side right now, it cannot undo the damage that’s been done.

The judge heard her.

Everyone heard her.

And it appears she’s not done yet.

With Smithers egging her on, Ginny launches into a tale of my flaws.

How I abandoned my aging parents, forced her to put her life on hold to take care of them.

How I never reached out to them in the five years I’ve been gone.

Then she sings Brad’s praises for helping them find me in their time of need.

Isaak objects. Constantly, vehemently. She can’t get through a whole sentence without him interrupting, but it’s useless. He can’t make the judge unsee what she’s seeing: my own blood, calling me unfit to be a mother.

My heart sinks. Lower and lower, until there’s nowhere left for it to go. I space out halfway through her speech and don’t come back. I can’t bring myself to.

My sister wants me to lose custody of my child. If anyone had told me this an hour ago, I’d have punched them in the mouth, oaths be damned.

But Ginny presses on. On, and on, and on, until she’s torn me to shreds in the eyes of the judge. All while building up Brad by comparison.

The worst part of it is that she’s right about at least one thing: I did leave them. I didn’t want to, but I did it. I left my baby sister to fend for herself, my parents to get sick without my help, and not once did I look back.

Maybe I truly don’t deserve to keep him.

When Isaak rises for his cross, I grab his sleeve. “Please, don’t.”

He looks at me like I’ve gone insane. “We need to respond to this.”

“You’ll eviscerate her.”

“That’s the plan, yes.”

I shake my head. “I don’t want you to hurt her.”

“Did you not see what she just did up there?”

“That’s exactly why I won’t do it to her.”

“Mia—”

“No.” My tone hardens. “Do this, and you’re fired.”

Isaak is livid. No doubt, he’s ruing the day he ever agreed to help me. But I can’t have him destroy Ginny on the stand.

I can’t do that to my little sister. I can’t hurt her. Not again.

Finally, Isaak exhales. “Your Honor, the defense requests a continuance to prepare for this rebuttal witness.”

“Continuance granted.” The judge bangs her gavel. “We’ll adjourn to tomorrow.”

I stumble out of the courtroom in a daze. Nikita stays close on my heels, ready to pounce at the first whiff of a fainting spell.

My parents’ faces are masks of consternation. “We had no idea she was going to do that,” Mom murmurs. “I am so, so sorry, honey.”

“It’s that guy’s goddamn fault,” Dad curses. “He put all sorts of ideas in her head. I just know it.”

I half-listen to them. My brainspace is too jumbled, too crowded with the same, pressing dread. I’m going to lose my kid.

When Ginny walks out, I find myself standing in her path. “Why would you do that?” I whisper with barely any voice. “Why would you do that to me?”

Ginny looks contrite, but determined. “Because I had to.”

“You had to?” I balk. “You had to put my kid’s custody in jeopardy? You had to tell the judge I’m a horrible sister, a horrible daughter, and a horrible mother, too?”

“Oh, don’t start,” she snaps. “You know as well as I do that all your stories about Brad were fake. You just wanted out.”

“‘Fake’?” I pull up my sleeve and shove my arm in her face.

“Are these fake, too?” I point at the burns.

Covered up with makeup, but still visible.

Still scarred to high heaven. “He used to put cigarettes out on me. Did you know that? And then he had me buy the replacements.” My tone turns bitter. “Did I make this up, too?”

Her jaw sets. “I have no idea what I’m looking at. All I know is that I can’t keep living a half fucking life, Euphie.”

“What’s that got to do with you taking my son from me?!”

“It has everything to do with it!” she yells. “Because then you’ll finally run out of excuses and come back home!”

I fall silent. Everyone around us does.

Ginny’s chest falls heavily now. “You’ve lived your life, Euphie,” she whispers, her voice cracking around my old nickname.

“You’ve lived. But I haven’t. Can’t you see?

” She gestures helplessly at our parents.

“They need someone. Twenty-four-seven, and I can’t be it anymore. I’ll lose my fucking mind.”

Her words hit me hard. But I can see Mom and Dad’s faces, and however hurt I’m feeling about this, I can tell it’s nothing compared to what it’s doing to them.

“How can you talk about your own parents like that?”

“Because they’re not my parents anymore!” she cries, teary-eyed. “They’re my dependents. They’re my job . I wish to God I could go back to having parents, but right now, I don’t even have that anymore! All I have is two people who rely on me, and no one to help with that!”

“They always took care of you,” I try to argue, but it’s weak even to my own ears. “They always?—”

“Do you have any idea what it’s like?” She’s full-on bawling now.

“To watch your life pass you by? To see everyone you’ve ever known leave your hometown, go to college, find their calling?

Get married, have kids, have something to call their own?

All while you stay in one place, itching to be out there and knowing you can never, ever do that? ”

Each word is a dagger straight to my chest. Suddenly, it isn’t Ginny I’m seeing anymore—it’s the hundreds of burned-out caretakers I’ve watched break down in the hospital.

All those people whose lives are frozen, who never get to clock out because they never had the choice of not clocking in in the first place.

The guilt hits in waves.

Ginny wipes her eyes with the back of her sleeve. “Eli will be fine with Brad,” she says. “He’ll be fine, and I’ll get my life back. And you can come home and take care of the ones who actually need you.”

I want to be mad at her. Want to scream and yell and curse. But how can I? How, when it’s clear she has no idea how dangerous Brad actually is? When he’s filled her head with all sorts of lies and promises?

How, when I’m the one who pushed her this far?

“Ginny, please.” It’s all I can think to say. “Please, don’t take my son from me.”

“I’m sorry.” Her tone is clipped, distant. “But I have to do what’s best for me. Even if it’s not what’s best for you.”

Then she’s leaving.

As soon as she’s gone, my knees give out.

“Mia!” I can hear Kallie and Nik, can see the flurry of activity as they rush to me, but it’s all so far away. It’s nothing compared to the despair that grips me.

I’ve lost my family.

I’ve lost my sister.

And now, I’m going to lose my kid, too.

As I close my eyes and slip into unconsciousness, one last thought fills my heart. A crazy, impossible wish.

I wish Yulian were here.

When strong arms lift me up, I barely feel it.

When warmth surrounds me, I barely feel it.

And when the scent of cedarwood and amber engulfs me?—

“I’ve got you, kotyonok. ”

—the world’s already gone black.