Page 37

MIA

In the morning, I wake up alone.

It hurts worse than it has any right to. Yulian’s empty bed, Yulian’s absence—they all hit way too hard.

This is the life of the pakhan, I realize. Sleepless nights, a cold pillow.

A cold heart.

No. That’s unfair. Yulian may be a lot of things, but cold-hearted isn’t one of them. Not when it comes to his family.

Speaking of family… mine’s coming to visit today. With the chaos of last night, I almost forgot I’d made plans for it.

By the looks of it, so did Yulian.

I bite my lip. I was counting on Yulian to be here. It’s true that I want my parents to spend more time with Eli, but I want them to spend time with him, too. To give them a chance to get to know him.

But Yulian’s got bigger fish to fry today. There’s no point getting upset—he’s a busy man. He’s got a Bratva to run.

But will his Bratva always come before his family?

I shake my head. This is no time to be thinking about that. I’ve still got months before my baby’s due date. Months before the deadline Yulian set for my decision.

Then why doesn’t it feel like enough time to unravel all of this?

I slap my cheeks, then glance at the clock: almost ten. My parents will be here for brunch. I need to get a move on. My mental gymnastics will have to wait.

I take the quickest shower in history, then start making breakfast.

After a few minutes, Eli waddles into the kitchen. He’s sporting the funniest bedhead I’ve ever seen, hair sticking out in all sorts of directions.

“Morning, sweetie,” I greet him with a smile. “What’ll it be today? Burned pancakes or charcoal pancakes?”

That makes him giggle. “You’re not supposed to burn them, Mommy!”

“Really?” I gasp. “But they’re so much crispier that way.”

We keep messing around for a bit, enjoying the weekend atmosphere. I toss him chocolate chips to catch in his mouth; most of them end up on the floor. At one point, Kallie emerges from the guest room to join us, somehow with a worse bedhead than Eli’s, and sprinkles powdered sugar on my shirt.

I won’t lie, it turns into a bit of a food war.

“Here comes the Pancake Monster!” I cry out, making myself look big and scary.

“Yeah?” Kallie taunts. “Get a faceful of these marshmallows!”

“Aunt Kallie, duck!” Eli squeals. “She has the dough!”

As we make a mess of the kitchen, I can’t help the huge grin on my face. How long has it been since we’ve played like this? So carefree, so happy?

Since Brownsville. The realization hits me like a bucket full of ice. You haven’t been this happy since Brownsville.

As if on cue, the doorbell rings.

“Coming!”

I try to make myself presentable. Most of all, I try to push down the messy thoughts filling my head.

But it’s not my parents waiting out the door.

“We need to talk.”

It’s Yulian.

Kallie graciously takes Eli for an ice cream run, leaving us alone.

“Sorry about the mess,” I mumble, wiping down the counter. “We were playing at it got a bit out of?—”

“I need you to leave.”

I drop the kitchen rug in my hand, my arms suddenly slack. My brain tries to catch up to what Yulian just said, but it keeps coming up empty.

Because I can’t have heard right, can I?

Leave. It echoes in my head, over and over again. He said leave.

He wants me to leave.

Somehow, I remember how to speak. “What?”

The heartbreak on my face must be plain to see, because Yulian quickly specifies, “Not forever. But until things calm down, it isn’t safe for you here. Or for Eli.”

Eli. Not just me, then. My son, too. My son, who’s just started to get used to his new home.

My son, who thinks of Yulian as his father.

I stare at him in disbelief. “You want me to… to take Eli away?”

He doesn’t answer. Instead, he slides two pieces of paper my way. “These are plane tickets to Paris. They’re not in your real name, of course. I’m having the passports made as we speak.”

“Yulian, where is this coming from?” I push away the tickets as if they burned. “I thought we agreed that I’m not leaving you to face this alone.”

“No, you agreed.” His tone turns sharp. “But I’m done letting you do whatever you want. As long as Desya’s out there, you’re not safe anywhere near me.”

“That’s not what you said before,” I protest. “You said all I had to do was live here. Now, you’re telling me I have to go away.”

“Circumstances have changed.”

“No, they haven’t! You said—” Then, suddenly, I realize what this is all about. “This is because of what happened last night, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do. He got into your head.” I walk around the counter, stepping into Yulian’s space. “You’re going to do something reckless, aren’t you? That’s why you don’t want me here.”

Yulian balls up his fists. “It doesn’t matter. The decision’s been made.”

“Bullshit,” I snap. “I decide for myself, Yulian. That was the deal.”

“I don’t care what the deal was.” His voice drops. “This is the new deal.”

“Then you can keep it, ‘cause I’m not taking it.” I grab the tickets and rip them up for good measure.

Yulian’s expression turns murderous. “I’m rebuilding my life.

I’m working again. And in case you’ve forgotten, I’m fighting for my son’s custody.

This?” I point at the torn tickets. “This ensures I lose it.”

His brow furrows. “I’ll handle Brad.”

“Yeah, and what’s that look like?” I cross my arms and stare him down. “Tell me it’s not murder, and I’ll do it. Tell me, and I’ll start packing right now.”

He grits his teeth, but stays silent.

Christ. I cannot believe him. All the talk we’ve done, all the boundaries I’ve set—in the end, they mean nothing to him, do they?

Take the offer. It’s the little voice at the back of my head, the one that’s been urging me to run since day one. Go to Europe. Take both your kids and disappear. From Prizrak, Brad—everyone.

From Yulian, too.

I clench my fists and shake my head. “I’m not going to play along with this.”

“So you’d rather be killed?” This time, he’s the one who steps into my space. His frame towers over mine, tall and furious. “You’d rather lose both your children and your life? Just to spare that worthless asshole ? ”

“I’d rather not leave both my kids fatherless,” I bite back. “You saw what happened with Desya. Last night, it was Zhenya, but it could’ve easily been you. And I’m supposed to just, what? Be okay with that?”

“I don’t care whether you’re okay with it or not, but you’re doing it.” His face is wrinkled in a deep scowl. “You’re going to get on that plane, take Eli with you, and get the hell out of this city before next Sunday rolls around. That’s an order.”

I blink. “Next Sunday?”

Yulian seems to realize his mistake. “Forget it.”

“What’s happening next Sunday, Yulian?”

“I said to forget it.”

“It’s another trap, isn’t it?” He tries to walk away, but I block him. “You’re risking it all again, and you don’t want me to be there.”

“For fuck’s sake, Mia!” he roars. “Can’t you just do what you’re told, for once?”

“No.”

“Listen to me?—”

“I said no.”

He glares at me. I glare right back. I’m so angry, and yet, I can feel the tears bubbling up to my eyes, because it’s not just anger I feel.

It’s heartbreak.

I trusted Yulian to bring me into his life again. Trusted that he’d protect me, take care of me, never leave me.

But now, he’s kicking me out.

And I won’t have that. I won’t be yanked around like this again. Not now, not ever.

I take a deep breath and fix him with a hard stare. “I’m not running anymore,” I tell him. “I’m sorry, but I’m just not. I’m going to stick with you, I’m going to fight alongside you, and I’m going to be with you every time you go out there and risk your life. That’s my decision.”

“Mia—”

“So if you’re going to make me walk out that door, then by all means, do it. But you don’t get to decide where I go after that.” My voice breaks on the last sentence. “And you sure as hell don’t get to demand me back a third time.”

It takes a long time for Yulian to answer. When he does, his words taste like nothing at all. “Do whatever the hell you want.”

Then he’s out the door again.

I sink into the couch and try to remember how to breathe. I have no idea how long I stay there, just staring into nothingness.

Before I know it, the doorbell rings again.

It’s Mom, and Dad, and Ginny—and Kallie and Eli, too, back from their ice cream run.

My family. The one Yulian wants me to leave.

But I’m not leaving them.

Not again.

Not for anything.

“Hi, darling!” Mom’s voice is warm, but her face immediately paints with worry at the sight of mine. “Oh, baby, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I pull her into a hug and bury my nose in her hair, inhaling her familiar scent. It comforts me instantly. “It’s just good to hear your voice.”

I usher them inside.

And, just like that, I remember what it’s like to breathe.