Page 6 of Who We Think We Are

But of course, we won’t. We’ll never be OK again. Kate notices Oma’s breathing has changed. She’s breathing rapidly. Kate looks at Jake.

“It just started. I pressed the call button for the nurse.”

“This must be the end.” Kate joins them, taking Oma’s hand.

A nurse named Angelica rushes into the room, checks Oma’s heart rate, and says, “It seems as though your wife is having a heart attack, Mr. Hathaway.”

“It seems as though?” Kate repeats.

“Yes, we can’t be totally sure,” says Angelica. “But does it make a difference? She is having some sort of cardiovascular event, and she is in pain.”

“Oma can feel pain?” asks Kate.

“Yes,” says Angelica. “Her body feels it even if she’s not aware of it. But rather than us talking about it, I’d like to give your grandmother morphine to calm her down. After that, though, there’s no chance she’ll regain consciousness. What do you want me to do?”

Kate looks at Grandad, and with tears in his eyes and anguish on his face, he nods.

“Yes, please, Angelica, give it to her,” says Kate, her tears and anguish mirroring Grandad’s. Of course, there wasn’t a chance of her regaining consciousness anyway, but still …

Angelica gives Oma a shot and says, “It won’t be long now. I’ll make sure you’re not disturbed.”

“Thanks, Angel.” Angel—Angelica. Same thing.

Jake, Grandad, and Kate stand around Oma, holding hands with her and each other. They silently bear witness to Oma’s passing as her breath slows and eventually stops. It is the most exquisite yet painful moment of Kate’s life.

A while after Oma has stopped breathing, Jake asks, “Shall I go and get the nurse?” Kate and Grandad both nod. The spell is broken. Life moves on for the living, but not for Oma.

Dr. Liscombe slips into the room and checks Oma’s heart.

She says, “I am deeply sorry for your loss,” and pauses.

“Here’s what happens now. A nurse will give Mrs. Hathaway a sponge bath and dress her in whatever you like.

You can have this room for the rest of the day so people can say their goodbyes. ”

“I’ll help the nurse,” says Kate. “Jake, can you start the calling tree you set up? Grandad, what do you need?”

“I need to stay with my wife. I’ll sit over here so I’m not in your way.”

“OK. Jake, I’ll let you know when you can come back in.”

Angelica and Kate give Oma a sponge bath. Tender and gentle, they bathe Oma with her favorite soap. She is still warm. Kate kisses Oma on both cheeks, and they pull Oma’s favorite royal blue housecoat over her head. When they’re done, Angelica crosses Oma’s arms across her chest.

“No! She looks like a corpse.” Kate tilts the back of the bed back up a bit and lays Oma’s hands by her side. Oma looks like she has all week. “There. Now she can receive her guests.”

Family and friends trickle through to say goodbye to Oma and give their condolences. Kate’s dad arrives alone. When Kate looks at him with an eyebrow arched, he says, “Your mother stayed at home. She doesn’t like how she was treated and doesn’t think she’s welcome.”

“Just as well,” murmurs Kate. “Makes things easier.”

When Suze brings her mom and Bubbie, they hug Kate and Grandad and wish each other “Shanah Tovah” (good year) because it is Rosh Hashanah.

“But how can it be a good year with Katrina gone?” asks Tante Arela.

“Katie, we’re concerned that your grandmother is going to be cremated,” says Bubbie. “Have you thought this through? The family is not sitting shiva, and there won’t be a funeral, only a celebration of life several months down the road.”

“Bubbie,” Suze says, “Even though we consider ourselves family, remember, Oma is not Jewish. Leave Grandad and his family in peace to honor their own customs.”

“Alright,” says Bubbie. “I’ve said my piece. We’ll leave it at that.”

Suze looks at Kate, smiles, and rolls her eyes. But even in her grief, Kate can hardly make eye contact with her best friend.

The parade of family and friends finally ends.

Kate and Jake will take Grandad back to his place.

But it’s so hard to leave Oma’s body for the last time.

Her body will be taken to a morgue and cremated in a few days.

Kate understands sitting shiva for the first time.

In a way, she would like to sit with Oma for another three days.

But she’s not here . And besides, I would lose my mind .

Kate and Jake kiss Oma on the cheek one last time. Oma’s body is cool now, but not yet cold.

Grandad says, “I want a few minutes alone with my beloved.” So, Kate and Jake wait outside the door.

When they get to Grandad’s, Kate makes them tea.

“Are you planning to go to Holland, Katie?” Grandad asks.

“Yeah. I have to. I’ve got to find out the truth. But I’ll make the arrangements for the celebration of life when I get back.”

“I thought you might be planning to go. I want you to. Your dad and I will take care of her celebration of life. It will be good for him to do something for his mother. It will help him and me with our grief and allow us to bond. That won’t happen if you take care of everything.

Don’t worry about your mother interfering. I can handle her.”

“You sure can. I saw that the other day,”

Jake doesn’t say a word, but Kate can tell he’s not pleased. “I’ll tell you about it later, Jake.”

“No. The secrets stop now.” Grandad tells Jake everything he knows about Oma and her family’s Nazi past, how they kept it a secret, and how Kate found out.

“OK, that helps the past few weeks make more sense, but I still don’t think you should …” says Jake.

“Jake, please.” Grandad spills his tea as he fumbles putting the cup in its saucer.

“I just wanted to tell you the truth. You and Katie can sort out your differences of opinion at your own house. I need to go to bed and cry myself to sleep. My wife of seventy years just died, so I don’t care about anything else. ”

“OK. Sorry, Grandad,” says Jake.

“It’s alright, son. I have a few things I want to say, and then I need you both to leave me to my tears.

Katie, the reason I want you to go to Holland and find out the whole story of Oma and her family is so everyone can know the truth.

Then, she can be loved and remembered for her whole self, not only the parts I allowed her to share.

I don’t know how I’ll ever forgive myself.

“And to both of you … remember the pain I’m feeling right now when you censor and place conditions on each other. And one more thing, Katie. When you see Oma’s brothers, do not make any trouble. If they don’t want to talk about the past, don’t force them. Leave them be.

“Thank you both for everything. I couldn’t have made it through this week without you. I love you both. Now, please go.”

Kate doesn’t want to leave Grandad. He looks so old and sad. And alone.

“Katie, go. Please. I know it’s tough, but I need to be alone.”

“OK, Grandad. Good night. I love you so much.”

“And I love you even more, sweet girl. Good night.”

Jake puts his arm around Kate, and they go home.