Page 12 of Who We Think We Are
K ate and Kelli spend a couple of days in Amsterdam before they go to Utrecht.
Even though they’ve been there before, Kelli wants to go to Anne Frank’s house.
Being there for Kelli had pushed Kate’s identity crisis into the background, but now it all comes flooding back.
As Kate wanders through the attic where Anne Frank’s family hid, she feels guilt, or is it shame?
She can’t tell the difference. Did Oma’s family do anything to harm any Jewish people?
Kate knows it’s ridiculous, but she feels like her ancestors killed Anne Frank.
When they exit Anne Frank’s house, Kelli wants to go to the red-light district, which is close by. She has never been allowed to go before.
Kelli starts in on Kate with her sales pitch. “Mom, I’m sixteen. I’m old enough.”
“I know, pet, but I hesitate to expose you to that dark side of humanity.”
“I think there are a lot of darker sides of humanity in other places, like Anne Frank’s house, for instance. In the red-light district, the sex trade is destigmatized and legal. Sex workers are permitted to be entrepreneurs, free to make their own decisions about their bodies.”
How does Kelli know all this? “Your dad would kill me.”
“Well, he’s not here, and besides, you’re not afraid to take him on.”
“You’re good, Kelli. With your gift of persuasion, you could go into sales or be a lawyer. OK, we’ll go, but I have a few rules. We’ll only stay there in the daylight hours, we’ll link arms, and you will not let go. And finally, you will not talk to strangers. Agreed?”
“Agreed.” Kelli pulls her mother along. Kate’s going along with this, but not for the reason Kelli thinks. But because this is the first time in weeks that Kelli has shown her old spunk and enthusiasm.
Walking arm in arm, they laugh at some of the completely outlandish things they see, like a bright neon sign that says, “Real Live Fucky Fucky.” There are strip shows, bars, peep shows, sex shops, and prostitutes sitting in windows like they expected to see: red lights for cis women, blue lights for transgender women, and red and purple for anything goes.
Kelli explains the coding system to Kate.
Kate finally asks, “How do you know all this, Kelli?”
Kelli laughs. “A little thing called the World Wide Web, Mom!”
As they walk by a particular window with a woman sitting in a chair, a memory comes flooding back to Kate.
“I just remembered something. Oma told me once that her family was so poor when she was young that they lived in a flat above a prostitute’s window.
The prostitute was very kind to them and gave Oma and her brothers candies.
” Kate feels a crushing pain in her chest. This isn’t funny anymore.
“Oma had to endure things you and I can’t even begin to fathom.
I’m ready to leave here now, pet. Are you? ”
“Yup. Thanks for indulging me. Now I can say I’ve been here.”
“Even if it had to be with your old mother.”
“Yeah, and in broad daylight. Buzzkill!”
The next morning, they take the train to Utrecht.
After they settle in at the houseboat, they stop at a bakkerij, get a picnic lunch, and rent bicycles.
They ride along the canals and into the countryside.
It is a warm, sunny autumn day. Perfect.
They stop and have their lunch under some trees by a small river, covered by brilliant yellow leaves against a cloudless blue sky.
There is even a windmill across the river.
“It’s like we’re having a picnic in a Dutch postcard,” says Kelli.
“It is like that, isn’t it? I am so glad to be here with you, sweetheart. It’s good for my soul.”
“For me, too. Thanks, Mom. You were right. A change of scenery is good for me.”
“Let’s go out for Indonesian food tonight. Tomorrow, we’ll hook up with Tamara’s family and go and see de ooms. Then, the following day, I’m going into The Hague to meet that historian who will help me research Oma’s family. Your cousins Doortje and Malou will skip school to hang out with you.”
“Sounds good. It’ll be fun to see them. Mom, I’ve been thinking; please don’t tell Tamara or anyone I quit school, OK? I just want things to be normal.”
“You didn’t quit school. We’re considering options that are a better fit. But no, I won’t say anything.”
At Oom Dirk’s flat the next day, they have cookies that Kate and Kelli picked up at Schulte’s Bakkerij, tea, and coffee.
Kate says, “Just a reminder, I’m going to The Hague to do research tomorrow. I’m meeting a historian at the National Archives.” She looks directly at Oom Cor and Oom Dirk. You wily old liars. I may not have gotten the truth from you, but I’m getting it another way .
“Tamara, it’s still OK for Kelli to hang out with Doortje and Malou?”
“Yes, of course. They’re excited. They’ll drop by the houseboat in the morning, Kelli, and you can decide what you want to do.”
When Kate walks to the kitchen to make more tea and coffee, Tamara follows her. “That was passive-aggressive, Kate. I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but leave those old men alone.”
“I’m sorry, Tamara,” says Kate. And she is. Poor Tamara doesn’t know anything. She has no idea, and I don’t want to hurt her . They’re Tamara’s family more than they’re mine. I don’t have to prove anything to them.
The next morning, Kate gets up early to catch the train for The Hague.
Kelli is still in bed but awake. “Have a great day with your cousins, sweetie. I don’t know when I’ll be home.
It’ll be a long day. Why don’t I meet you at Tamara’s?
See you tonight,” Kate says and kisses Kelli on the top of her head.
“OK, Mom. Good luck with whatever it is you’re trying to find.”