Page 39 of Who We Think We Are

K ate takes it easy for the next few days. Jake starts a fire for her in the morning, and she feeds the flames all day. It’s raining, so Coco is happy to curl up with her.

One day, Kate opens an email from Cobus Janssen, replying to an update she had sent him about her time with Bertrun:

Hi Kate,

I’m so glad you found Bertrun, and I’m sorry she doesn’t want to stay in contact. That may change over time.

I did the research on the membership of your grandmother and her cousin in the Hitler Youth. What is strange is that there was no Hitler Youth in the Netherlands. That was strictly for German youth.

In the Netherlands, there was an equivalent called the Dutch National Youth Storm.

It is possible that the person who wrote the reports on Katrina and her family thought that the Hitler Youth (Hitler Jugend) was the same as the Dutch National Youth Storm.

It is also possible that Katrina and Jaap were accepted into the Hitler Youth because Katrina’s father was a Nazi in Germany during the war.

All of the family members used the term Hitler Youth in the police reports.

The records don’t clear up this confusion. But what we do know is that from December 1942 to the end of the war, both Katrina and Jaap had a change of heart and were part of the Dutch resistance. Maybe that’s all that matters.

Sincerely,

Cobus

Kate agrees. It is confusing, but she decides the semantics don’t matter. Oma thought of her experience as being in the Hitler Youth, and after she saw the truth about them, she quit and joined the resistance.

Kate starts reading GG’s letters on her laptop. It’s the first time she’s had the time to really dig into them since everything began.

Jake’s been teaching the girls how to cook, and Sunday’s lesson is on lasagna. When they sit down to a dinner of lasagna, Caesar salad, and garlic bread at GG’s table, Kate says, “This is absolutely delicious, girls. Thank you!”

“You’re just glad we’re learning to cook so you don’t have to,” says Paige.

“You’ve got that right. With three cooks in the house, my odds have tripled that I’ll never have to cook again! I was thinking maybe I’d be a housewife now, but there’s a bit of a problem with that …”

“You don’t cook, clean, or shop for groceries,” says Paige.

“Yup. So, I guess that’s out.” Kate takes a big bite of her lasagna. “I have another idea brewing, but it is just out of reach in my mind. I want to do something meaningful.”

“Is that what you’ve been doing on that laptop hour after hour, Mom?” asks Kelli.

“No, I’ve been reading GG’s Holocaust letters,” says Kate.

“I knew she and Bubbie helped Saul and Sarah aid German Jewish refugees. But I had no idea how extensive it was. There are tons of letters from people GG recruited to help the refugees—her pen pal club, she calls them—talking about their successes and failures. There are also letters from Jewish refugees who landed somewhere safe because they had been helped by one of her pen pals. There are even letters from pen pals who helped other pen pals. They write about their successes and their failures. So far, I’ve read letters from Germany, Austria, Denmark, the Netherlands, England, France, Sweden, New Zealand, Australia, China, the US, and Canada, and I’m probably not remembering them all.

“Once the war started, those letters slowed down because Germany wouldn’t let Jews leave anymore.

But then GG started helping the Canadian Jewish Congress by writing letters for them to lobby the Canadian government to admit more refugees.

Then, after the war, when the Canadian government finally started letting in Jewish refugees, she and Bubbie started the nonprofit that Suze and I still have today.

They helped refugees with jobs, housing, clothing, and so on.

And she supported her pen pals in helping Jewish refugees, too.

There’s story after story of people she helped. ”

“Wow, she was a real hero,” says Kelli. “I mean, we knew that already, but this shows how much.”

“Exactly,” says Kate, polishing off her lasagna.

When everyone gets ready to go their own ways after dinner, Kate says, “Kelli, could we have a chat?”

“Sure, Mom,” says Kelli. “I feel like I’m in trouble.”

“Not at all. I just want to check in with you. Let’s go sit by the fire.”

Jake stoked the fire when he heard Kate ask Kelli to have a chat, so it’s burning brightly. They sit in the chairs in front of the fireplace. Kate starts. “I wanted to see how you are. I don’t want to assume you’re OK just because you seem that way.”

“Thanks, Mom,” says Kelli. “I am OK. It has been so good to spend time with you, Dad, and Paige, hang out, and go slow. I do a lot of journaling. I’ve been seeing Lilla for therapy once a week. Eventually, we’ll move to once every two weeks.”

“Is there anything else you think we should be doing?” asks Kate.

“No, I think I’m good,” says Kelli. “Just keep up with what I’m already doing. But I don’t want to go back to Toronto.”

“Nope, you don’t have to. When you’re ready to talk about what you want to do, let me know. That is, unless you know already.”

“I think I might want to go to Camosun College in January, and then maybe UBC or Simon Fraser next September. Probably live in the dorms but stay local. It may sound too simple, but I think I just want to wait a year so I’m closer in age to the other kids.

But I’m still thinking. Thanks for letting me go at my own pace.

“Hey, do you want to play cards?”

“Sure. That would be fun.”

“Great. I’ll get Dad and Paige and meet you at the kitchen nook in five minutes.”

After they finish their game, Kate asks, “Jake, can we go to bed early?”

Jake tilts his head and raises an eyebrow. “Of course. Let’s go.”

When their teeth are brushed and faces washed, they sit in bed in their pajamas, propped up against the cushions. “What’s up, Kate?”

“I wasn’t ever going to show this to you, but I feel dishonest somehow not letting you read this.”

“What, Kate? You’re scaring me.”

“Oh, it’s nothing to be scared of. Read it, and then we can talk about it.” Kate hands Jake her phone with Bradley Owens’s suicide note pulled up and sits perfectly still, breathing to the count of five, while Jake reads.

When he finishes, Jake is still looking at the phone and says, “That fucking bastard!” Then he looks at Kate with tears in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Kate. You didn’t deserve this. What an abusive fucking bastard.”

“He tucked it in the boxes of GG’s Holocaust letters. Liling and Chun found it.”

“That’s diabolical,” says Jake. “He stabbed you in the back sixteen years after he died. What a coward. I feel like ripping him apart limb from limb.”

Jake stops talking, unclenches his fists, closes his eyes, and slows his breathing. Kate’s heart is racing, so she breathes along with him.

After a while, Jake opens his eyes, looks at Kate, opens his arms, and says, “Come here.”

Kate crawls into his open arms, which he wraps around her, holding her close.

They sit like that for a long time while Jake rubs Kate’s hair. “Thanks for showing me the letter, sweetheart. That took a lot of trust.”

“That’s why I showed it to you. Because to trust you with my heart, I have to be vulnerable.”

On Monday morning, Kate is alone in the house, taking a bath. She hears the front door open, and Suze shouts, “Kate!”

“I’m in the tub!”

Suze rushes into the bathroom. “I showed Mom and Bubbie the Jewish resistance pictures you gave me. Remember the big picture with the adults standing around children in the forest?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, Bubbie pointed to one of the men in the picture and said, ‘That is my Papa!’”

“What!? You cannot be serious. That’s amazing!”

“I know! I haven’t seen Bubbie excited like that, maybe ever.”

At that moment, the idea that has been tapping on the back door of Kate’s mind for days barges in, like Suze just did. She doesn’t want to steal Suze’s thunder, so all she says for now is, “We’re going to Berlin, Suze. You and me. We’re going to find Saul.”

“Get out of the tub, Kate. There’s more I want to talk about. I’ll make tea and meet you downstairs.”

Kate towels dry and puts on sweats, and they sit in the easy chairs in front of the fireplace with their tea.

“The board wants you back, Kate,” says Suze.

Kate’s eyes tear up. “That feels really good to hear, but there are some things I haven’t had a chance to tell you yet. I got laid off. And I don’t want to be the chief control officer or head of anything right now, work or the board. Who needs that stress?”

“At the last board meeting, we had quite a discussion about you and what you’ve discovered about Oma’s past,” says Suze as Kate puts another log on the fire.

“Someone suggested that rather than worry about your family’s Nazi past being exposed, we feature it.

Oma was a victim of the Nazi eugenics program.

It would be quite an education for the public.

What if you did one of the CBC interviews talking about that? ”

Kate sips on her tea. “Oh, wow. I didn’t see that coming.

But unfortunately, I can’t do that, Suze.

I’m not saying never. I’d have to get Bertrun to give me permission to speak about it.

The worst thing I could do right now would be to make this public.

Then I’d never be able to have a relationship with her. ”

“OK, that’s too bad, but I respect that. Will you at least help the board members with the CBC interviews for the PR campaign?”

“Sure. That would be fun. I have an idea that’s been forming in my mind, and it just became clear to me when you told me about it being Saul in that picture.

I’ve been reading GG’s letters since I got home.

Between GG, Bubbie, Saul, Sarah, and GG’s pen pal club, they saved hundreds of lives.

If I can get funding, I’d like to track down some of those people and interview them.

There are powerful and inspirational stories to be told.

I don’t know what the final product will be, a documentary or a book, but it would be a fundraiser for Grandma’s Table.

And we could start with finding Saul. What do you think? ”

“I think a documentary and a book, and I think it’s genius. It’s 2015, and the people who survived the Holocaust are dying. I wouldn’t want to do the whole thing with you, but the finding Saul part? Absolutely! Where do you think you could get funding?”

“I don’t know, but I’m going to start with Bob Brown and Canamine.”

After Suze leaves, Kate calls Bob Brown’s office and reaches his assistant. “Hi, Rose. This is Kate Hathaway. Is Bob around today or tomorrow?”

“Hi, Kate!” says Rose. “We miss you around here. Bob’s here today.”

“Does he have a thirty-minute slot open at any time?”

“At one. He asked me to order him a sub sandwich. He’s planning to eat at his desk.”

“Does he have something urgent he’s working on?” asks Kate.

“No,” says Rose. “He’ll probably play some computer game. When he doesn’t have a meeting at lunch, he likes to turn his brain off.”

“Well, don’t order that sub sandwich, please. I’ll show up at one with something he likes better than that: Jake’s homemade lasagna. Do you want some, too?”

“Yes, please! Every time you brought lasagna to a potluck, I would stuff my face with it.”

“Thanks, Rose. Please don’t tell him. I want to surprise him.”

“Mum’s the word. See you soon.”