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CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

ASH

O ur last day in Barcelona came, and it was nothing like I had planned.

With Oliver’s wedding a week away, our time together had slipped through our fingers. When we returned to New York, we’d only have four days before heading to the Hamptons for the endless parade of events. I knew this was weighing on both our minds, a silent clock ticking down with every shared glance.

So when Aria casually mentioned over lunch that Elena García was in town and wanted to meet, the disappointment from Ethan was impossible to ignore.

Henry glanced between us as I told Aria to set it up. Ethan pressed his lips into a tight line, trying—and failing—to mask how much it hurt. When Aria added that we’d be meeting Elena at the restaurant, I stood and gently pulled Ethan away from the table.

“I’ll try to get out of it as soon as I can, pet. But it’s important,” I explained.

His voice was quiet. “It’s fine, Ash.”

I took a deep breath, holding his hand and pulling him to sit down beside me. “You can’t tell anybody about this, Ethan,” I began carefully.

His brows furrowed in curiosity.

“You can’t tell Henry ,” I clarified.

Ethan nodded, his gaze steady on mine.

“She wants me to leave Langley Enterprises and start a company with her,” I admitted, the weight of the confession settling between us.

His blue eyes widened, his breath hitching slightly. “What?”

“I’ll tell you more about it later,” I assured him quickly. “I haven’t agreed to anything. I’m just listening, but these social meetings are important to maintain the relationship.”

Ethan nodded slowly, his expression unreadable. “Social meeting,” he repeated softly.

“It’s just drinks and conversation,” I added, trying to ease whatever tension was building.

“But I have to leave, right?” he asked, his voice quieter now, his gaze dropping to his lap.

“Yes, darling,” I replied gently. “Go out with Henry. I’ll meet you back at the hotel when we’re done.”

He chewed the inside of his cheek, still avoiding my eyes. “Is Aria staying?”

“Yes.”

He glanced up briefly. “Would you have Henry stay if I wasn’t here?”

“I suppose so,” I admitted, watching as the corners of his lips tugged downward.

Ethan nodded again, slower this time. “I’ll see you later, then. Let me know when you’re done,” he said, standing abruptly.

His detachment caught me off guard. “I won’t be long, I promise,” I said quickly, but he only gave me a faint, practiced smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“Have a good meeting, Ash.” He pulled his hand from mine.

I watched him walk away with Henry, a pang of unease tightening in my chest.

Something about this felt incredibly wrong.

* * *

I spent the last half of the meeting trying to reach him, but Ethan didn’t text me back. When I returned to the hotel, he was uncharacteristically quiet.

“Do you want to go out?” I asked.

Ethan stared out the window, his posture tense, before shaking his head. “Can we stay in?”

I nodded, taking his hand to lead him to bed. Once we were settled, I told him more in-depth about Elena’s business proposition, letting the words tumble out. I confided things I’d never said aloud—not to Aria, not to Oliver, even when we weren’t at odds. This thing with Elena had been on my mind for months. Maybe there was a way out of all this frustration, a way to escape the constant battles and endless pressure. Maybe I didn’t need Langley Enterprises.

The thought was liberating and terrifying all at once. Because if I didn’t have this company, then who the hell was I?

Ethan listened intently, his fingers occasionally tracing patterns on the sheets, but I could tell that something was still off. His silence lingered after I finished, and his brows furrowed like he was piecing together a puzzle.

I stroked my hand along his jaw, hoping to draw him out. “Can I ask you what’s wrong?”

Ethan’s eyes flicked away from mine. The silence stretched between us, but I could see the wheels in his mind turning, working through whatever was bothering him.

Finally, he spoke. “Am I the youngest person you’ve dated, Ash?”

“Yes,” I replied, meeting his gaze evenly. “You already knew that.”

“How about the smallest age gap you’ve had?”

I leaned back slightly, looking up at the ceiling as I thought. “I dated men my own age when I was younger. I’m guessing you mean more recently.”

“Yeah.”

“Then I think…around eight years. Maybe seven.” I looked back at him, trying to gauge his reaction.

His jaw tightened, and I braced myself. “If I were ten years older, would you be less ashamed of me?”

“Pet, I’m not ashamed of you. Not at all.” I curled closer, my hand threading through his hair. “You know why people can’t know. But it’s never been about shame.”

“It felt like that today,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

I swallowed hard, the knot in my throat almost choking me. “Ethan?—”

“Can we pretend for a second?” he interrupted, his eyes searching mine. “Like it’s just us, and none of this other shit matters?”

I exhaled slowly, brushing my hand down his back in what I hoped was a soothing gesture. “Sure.”

“Would you let me stay for your social meetings?”

Understanding hit me in waves, the weight of every letdown I’d caused crashing over me. All I wanted was to fix it, to fix us . “Of course I would,” I said without hesitation. “I’d keep you by my side at all times.”

“You’d introduce me to your dad, your friends?”

I smiled at the sweetness of his question. “I wouldn’t subject anyone to my father,” I joked lightly. “And I don’t have friends, you know that.”

“We’re pretending, remember?”

“So, in this scenario, I’m neither jaded nor antisocial?”

Ethan shook his head, a faint grin forming.

“Then yes. You’d be my trophy. I’d show you off every chance I got.”

His lips curved into a playful smile. “Where would you take me?”

“You mean when you’re not tied to my bed?”

“Yes, exactly. When you’re not being an absolute pervert,” he teased, his voice light but tinged with affection.

I smirked. “I’d take you everywhere. Paris to indulge in pastries. Italy to drink wine in vineyards. Greece for grappa and to smash dishes. Bali to swim. Iceland to see the northern lights. Hell, I’d even take you to Antarctica to freeze your ass off at that igloo camp.”

He chuckled, his eyes softening as I went on.

“I’d take you everywhere, just to see you smile like that all the time.”

But that smile faltered. His gaze drifted over my face as though he were searching for something. He licked his lips, seemingly steeling himself, before scooting closer.

His voice dropped to a whisper, but the intensity in his eyes didn’t waver. “I love you, Ash.”

The words hung in the air between us.

The smile slipped from my face, and the room fell into an unbearable, suffocating silence.

Ethan’s eyes kept scanning my face as my brain struggled to catch up to his words, to make sense of what he had just said.

I shook my head softly, and his face fell.

I sat up on the bed, turning my back to him.

“Ash…”

“No, you don’t,” I said, my voice tight.

My chest felt like it was going to burst, the terror gripping me more than the tiny flicker of happiness his words sparked. I had fucked up. This was my fault. He wasn’t supposed to feel like this. I had been a complete idiot, letting things get so out of control. One fucking week, and I’d forgotten why this was important—why it wasn’t supposed to happen.

“I do,” he insisted.

I closed my eyes tightly, trying to smother the guilt clawing its way up my throat. “You’re just confusing things, Ethan. It’s not like that. This isn’t love.”

“I know you don’t want to hear it,” he said quietly, “but I’m not confused. I know what I’m feeling.”

I pushed off the bed, pacing the room to keep the weight of it all from crushing me.

“You wanted to know why I was upset—this is why,” Ethan said, his voice rising with emotion. “This has felt so fucking real lately. Then you asked me to leave, and it just hurt, Ash. It hurt because I don’t want to hide this. It’s not new, either. I’ve been feeling this way since before we even left.”

“We talked about this,” I said, my tone sharper than I intended.

“We did,” he said softly, his shoulders slumping. “I’m sorry. You just…snuck up on me, you know?”

I looked back at him.

Ethan’s face was pained, not hopeful, just raw. “You’ve given me enough warnings. I know it’s too much, too soon—probably both. It’s not like I don’t know it’s a lost battle. I don’t expect you to say it back or feel it. And I fucking hate it, because I know it just gives you more ammunition to think I’m too immature, that I can’t handle my fucking feelings.”

The words tumbled out of him, each one heavier than the last. He rubbed his face roughly, trying to hold himself together. “And now I’m crying again. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m supposed to be getting you to want to be with me, and all I’m doing is pushing you further away. And now…I’ve lost you, haven’t I?”

My heart felt so unbelievably heavy watching him. It was worse than finding him in the alley. This—this was why I kept that wall up in the first place.

“You’re never going to lose me,” I told him gently, hoping he could hear the truth in my words.

Ethan looked up at me, his blue eyes glassy with tears. “But you’re never going to love me.” There wasn’t a question in his voice, just quiet resignation.

I parted my lips to respond but found myself frozen, unable to form the words. It wasn’t true—not at all. If anything, Ethan was probably the only person I could see myself falling for. But I couldn’t let that happen, and I certainly couldn’t tell him.

What the hell was wrong with me? All I had to do was stay the fuck away from him, keep things casual, and not let him catch feelings. Now look where we were.

“You know why we can’t be together, Ethan. I can’t do this to Oliver. We can’t do this.”

“I know,” he said softly, his gaze dropping to the bed. He clicked his tongue and shook his head. “I didn’t want to ruin whatever time we have left. I’m sorry.”

I sat back down on the bed, running my hands through my hair. I had no idea how to fix this, how to comfort him, or how to make this go away.

The silence wrapped around us, heavy and oppressive, amplifying the weight of everything left unsaid.

Ethan sighed. “Do you want me to stay over at Henry’s tonight?”

I turned to face him, alarmed. “No. I don’t.”

Ethan’s heartbreak was etched all over his face, and it killed me.

I shifted closer, reaching for him. “I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want, but that doesn’t mean I want you to leave.”

Ethan moved toward me hesitantly.

I wrapped my arms around him before he could say another word. “Don’t ever think you can’t come close to me, pet. Don’t ever think that. I’m always going to be here for you.”

Ethan looped his arms around my waist, his face buried against my shoulder. “I wish you weren’t so nice to me.”

“You asked me not to be an asshole,” I pointed out, trying to lighten the moment.

“I don’t particularly like that, either,” he said, his voice muffled against my shoulder. “But you’ve just been so nice lately. It makes everything feel real. Doesn’t this feel real to you? Even a little?”

The ache in my chest wouldn’t let up. “Ethan…”

It was real. Every second of it. Nothing about this was an act. God-fucking-damn it. When had I let this get so out of hand?

“Is it me, then? What am I doing wrong? Tell me so I can fix it. I don’t want to lose you.” His hands curled into my shirt, clutching at me like I was the only thing keeping him afloat.

“It’s not you, my darling. You know you’re perfect to me.”

“Then why don’t you love me?”

Another question I couldn’t answer.

I hated hurting him like this.

* * *

The plane ride back was unbearable.

We moved through the motions of packing and leaving as if on autopilot, avoiding each other and speaking only when absolutely necessary. The weight of everything unsaid pressed down on us, thick and suffocating.

Henry flew back with us, and Ethan spent most of the flight staring out the window, his body turned away from mine. I buried myself in work, trying to ignore the concerned glances from Henry and Aria.

When we landed, I insisted Henry and Aria take a separate car. I drove Ethan to his apartment, the silence between us as loud as it had been on the plane.

I parked in front of his building and waited, unsure of what to say or how to start.

Ethan stared down at his lap, his fingers fidgeting with the edge of his shirt. Finally, he broke the quiet. “Is this it, Ash?”

Prolonging it would make it worse for both of us. “We only have a few more days, but…I think it might be better if this was it, yeah.”

He glanced at his building, his jaw tightening. His hand moved to the door handle but didn’t open it.

Then he turned back toward me, his expression shifting to something fierce and determined. “I’m not going to pretend like this doesn’t really fucking suck because I’m terrible at that—and for some reason, you can read me like a book, anyway—but I want you to know I don’t regret it.”

He shifted in his seat, facing me fully now, his voice unwavering as he continued. “You made a fucking mess of my life, Sebastian. I didn’t think one person could cause this much trouble. I didn’t think someone could rip apart everything I thought I knew about the world or myself.”

I sat still, his words washing over me, my heart lodged somewhere in my throat.

“But you changed everything, and I don’t regret it. I don’t regret knowing you or falling in love with you. I don’t. I just regret that it took me so damn long to admit I wanted you. I’m sorry I robbed us of that time.” His voice cracked, and he took a deep breath, forcing himself to stay composed. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and I just—” He faltered, his breath hitching as his voice softened. “I’m just going to miss you so fucking much.”

Ethan’s honesty was ripping at every last thread of my restraint. I felt all those things too. I didn’t regret a second of this—whatever this was between us. I loved how close we’d grown, how effortlessly we fit together.

I tried to think about my father, about the company and the board. I tried to think about the scandal this would cause, how it could shatter not just my reputation but theirs.

I thought about my brothers—the promise I’d made to my mother to always protect them, to always put them first.

I tried to keep Oliver’s face clear in my mind. I tried to focus on all the reasons why he asked me not to do this. Why this was supposed to end here.

But Ethan wasn’t his. He wasn’t theirs.

He was mine .

And I fucking wanted him.

Before I even registered what I was doing, I hit the lock button on the door. Ethan’s hand froze on the handle. He glanced down at it, confused, before turning back to me.

I took a deep breath. “I can’t give you up.”

His eyes darted over my face, searching. “What?”

“I can’t,” I repeated, the words spilling out before I could stop them. “Let’s go back to my place. Fuck this stupid time frame. I don’t want to let you go.”

His lips parted in disbelief, and then slowly, relief lit up his face, his smile brighter than the sun. He looked like he was trying to process what I’d just said, but I didn’t give him the chance.

I grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him, pouring every unspoken word into the connection of our lips. Each kiss was a silent confession of everything I couldn’t bring myself to say.

You’re different to me.

Kiss.

This is real.

Kiss.

I want to keep you forever.

Kiss.

I fucking love you too.

Kiss.

“We still can’t tell anyone,” I murmured against his lips.

Ethan let out a breathless laugh, shaking his head. “I know. That’s okay. I don’t fucking care. I just want to be with you.”

As I felt his lips slide over mine again, I accepted the truth I’d been fighting all along: I had lost this battle.

Now, I’d have to find a way to make things right with Oliver before my entire world came crashing down.

Because against all odds, I’d fallen for Ethan too.

And this was only the beginning of the real problems.