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CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

ASH

I f I tried to pinpoint what it was, I wouldn’t be able to say. Sitting across from Ethan, watching him listen to the conversation around him but not fully engaging, I searched for an answer.

His skin was smooth and fair, clean-shaven, with thick, perfectly curved brows that framed those eyes. Ethan’s were striking—not just because of their pale-blue hue. They always held a quiet kindness, even when he was angry, his eyes betrayed him. The same thing happened with his lips, which naturally pulled at the corners. That shy smile of his was priceless. When it appeared, his dimple would deepen in his left cheek, and his bone structure seemed to sharpen, his cheekbones looking higher, fuller somehow. His jaw would tighten, leading the eye to the subtle cleft in his chin. And that was just his face.

I took a sip of my drink, my mind wandering to the curve of his spine as he’d arched over my desk, the breathtaking flex of his strong shoulders as his palms pressed into the wood to hold his weight. He had dimples on his other cheeks too. I adjusted myself as discreetly as possible, praying no one at the dinner table noticed me blatantly leering at him.

I had no idea why I was so drawn to Ethan. It felt like a magnetic pull—a need to touch him, to press my lips to every inch of his skin. It was overwhelming. Maybe it had to do with the wait. Aside from Chris a while ago, I’d gone without for longer than I could remember. It had been years, perhaps, since I’d waited this long to sleep with someone. Maybe that was why I felt like I was ready to devour him. And the fact that he’d just asked me to, at the worst possible time—before this fucking family dinner—only made it worse. If it hadn’t been for this, I’d have said yes in a heartbeat, and we’d probably still be tangled up together right now.

Every time our eyes met, I caught the faint blush over his cheeks, and my ability to follow even the simplest conversation evaporated. Henry had been right—I was acting like a randy teenager. By the time we arrived at the house, the hour-long ride had been a blur of stolen touches and Ethan’s lips imprinted on my brain. I couldn’t stop myself from reaching for him, pulling him closer, over and over again. It was addictive—Ethan’s lack of resistance.

Henry cleared his throat loudly, snapping me back to reality. I turned toward the sound, catching the pointed look he shot me, nodding toward my right. My father sat beside me, his expression unreadable. I quickly pulled my thumb from my mouth, where I’d been biting it without realizing.

“Sorry, what was that?” I asked, trying to mask my distraction.

My father raised a disapproving brow, shaking his head. “The hotel in Tribeca.”

I nodded, regaining my composure. “Warren already okayed the development with the contractor. They’re starting on Wednesday.”

The deal had come out of nowhere but that was fine. I hadn’t really paid much attention to it.

“Earlier than expected. That’s good, Sebastian,” my father said, his tone almost approving.

The tight knot in my chest eased slightly.

“The projected returns on the investment are excellent. It was a smart move. And we have Oli to thank for that,” our father said, placing a hand on Oliver’s shoulder.

The knot in my chest returned with a vengeance, this time laced with a sting of cold betrayal. I leaned back in my chair, meeting Oliver’s eyes. He looked guilty.

“Oli must be a real estate savant—mere days into the company and already pulling off miracle deals,” I said, my tone icy.

Oliver’s eyes widened, darting toward our father nervously.

“He has strong connections,” my father said dismissively.

I let out a bitter laugh, glancing at Henry, who shook his head at me in warning. I ignored him. “Or maybe Warren hasn’t been instructed to sabotage his every move. Tell me, Oli, where exactly did the funds for this buy-in come from? Redirected, perhaps?” The sting of betrayal burned hotter as I watched Oliver hesitate.

“It was a sound investment,” my father interjected before Oliver could respond. “Solid.”

Oliver shook his head, barely perceptibly. “We decided to backtrack on Georgia—just temporarily?—”

“I fucking knew it,” I muttered under my breath, gripping the edge of the table.

“Sebastian, we’ve discussed this,” my father began.

“Does anyone need a refill?” Henry cut in loudly. “Ash? Wine?”

I ignored him, my focus entirely on my father. “When exactly was this call made? Because, as the fucking CEO of this company, I’m informed of all major decisions at the seven a.m. briefing every day, and I’ve heard nothing to that effect. Convenient, isn’t it, that Georgia—a project I’ve been advocating for—was the one sacrificed? Were you planning on filling me in, or is my input no longer required?” My voice was tight, brimming with restrained fury.

“This isn’t the time or place for this conversation,” my father said, his tone even but no less condescending.

“You’re damn right it’s not. The time for this conversation was four days ago, before you authorized it behind my back.”

“You’re acting like a spoiled child, Sebastian. Take the loss with dignity,” he said, his calm delivery slicing deeper than if he’d raised his voice.

I pushed my chair back, my fists clenched. My eyes sought Ethan instinctively, and I caught him watching my father with barely disguised contempt. The sight only added fuel to the fire raging inside me.

“Ash,” Oliver said cautiously.

“I’m going for a smoke,” I said, cutting him off. “And I strongly recommend you stay seated.”

Without waiting for a response, I stood and walked out, the air around me crackling with unspent fury.

I resisted the urge to slam the door shut behind me as I stepped out. Instead, I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths, willing myself to calm down before lighting a cigarette.

The door opened again, and Henry appeared.

I shook my head.

He lifted his hands in mock surrender. “I don’t work for the company, remember? You like me.”

I sighed, nodding reluctantly as I looked away. “It took him a fucking week to undermine me,” I said, taking a drag and letting out a bitter laugh. “I don’t know why I’m surprised. I expected it. He’s fucking fantastic at covering his tracks.”

“It’s messed up, Ash. But you know it’s him, not Oli. Don’t take it out on Oli.”

“He should have warned me,” I snapped.

“You know Dad. Oli probably found out today,” Henry countered.

I knew he was right, but it didn’t make me feel any better. “I’ve been working on this for months. I fucking deserved that buy—I earned it. All that dinosaur wants to do is fuck up the business to justify his own damn ego,” I spat, the anger bubbling over.

“I know, Ash,” Henry said evenly. “Why do you think I ran the first chance I got?”

“It’s not fucking fair. I’m not a kid. This deal wasn’t a whim—it was well thought out, strategic, and fucking fantastic,” I ranted, pacing.

“I’m sure it was,” Henry said.

“Stop pacifying me,” I snapped again.

Henry stared at me for a beat before a small smirk tugged at his lips. “I’m not pacifying you. I’m trying to help you calm down before you do something rash.”

“He treats me like I’m a joke,” I said through gritted teeth, nowhere near calm.

“He treats everyone that way. Look, Ash, I’m not defending him, but what did you expect?” Henry said, his tone unusually serious. “The guy built the company, and the second you took over, you wanted to change everything. Of course, he’s going to be pissed and pull crap like this behind your back. It’s still his ship—always will be, whether you like it or not.”

“So, I just have to take it until he dies?” I asked bitterly.

Henry chuckled. “Or…” he said, letting the word hang in the air.

“Or I don’t,” I finished.

He nodded. “Or you don’t,” Henry echoed, sitting down.

I shook my head. “I’ve been working my whole life for this,” I argued.

“And is it worth it?” Henry asked, pulling out one of Ethan’s vapes and taking a drag.

I sat down next to him.

“I know it’s not an easy choice, Ash. But you’re turning into a madman. Before Ethan came into the picture, we hardly ever saw you. I know you like your job, but not like this. It was never this obsessive. You’re not enjoying this anymore.”

“You don’t have to enjoy every second of it. That’s not how life works,” I told him, but the accusation of abandonment always hit me hard. It had been coming more and more frequently, so much so that I could hardly recognize myself sometimes. They were everything to me. My brothers always came first.

“Maybe not. But you’re not supposed to hate it, either,” Henry said, his tone pointed.

I leaned back in disbelief, exhaling a plume of smoke. “When the fuck did you turn into my moral compass?” The anger still simmered, but it wasn’t boiling over anymore.

Henry grinned. “Cut Oli some slack. He was probably blindsided. You know we’re not great at standing up to Dad. He must feel like shit right now.”

I sighed, the knot in my chest loosening slightly. “I’ll try. But I’m not going back in there right now,” I said, earning a chuckle from him.

“Oh, I know. I’ll keep you company while you lick your wounds,” he teased.

“Fuck off,” I exhaled, though the bite was gone from my words.

“Hey, while I have you here and tame,” he said, turning to face me.

I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.

“What the fuck is going on with you and Ethan?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. I’ve never seen you like this with anyone before,” he said with a knowing smile.

I hesitated, but Henry was the only person I could talk to about this. “I don’t know. That kid could ask me to jump off a building, and I’d only ask which one,” I confessed.

Henry let out a surprised laugh. “Ash,” he said, his grin wide but his eyes confused.

“He keeps catching me off guard. Maybe it’s generational,” I offered weakly.

“Bullshit. You just like him,” Henry said plainly.

“Of course I like him. I wouldn’t be in this mess if I didn’t.”

“No, I mean more than you normally do,” Henry clarified.

I took another drag, mulling it over. “Yes. Probably,” I admitted. My mind wandered to Ethan over my desk, and everything else faded into the background. “With everything that’s happening, he’s turned into…”

“A distraction?” Henry offered.

“No. Ethan’s like a…treat,” I said, the word fitting perfectly.

Henry blinked. “What the hell does that mean?”

“When I’m with him, all this fucking mess with Dad turns into white noise. I don’t have to worry about stakes, or problem-solving, or his ego. Ethan’s just mine—alone in the dark. It’s so fucking hard to quit him when all I want to do is indulge.”

Henry’s expression shifted from surprise to understanding, and it unsettled me.

I waved it off, feeling the tightness in my chest. “It’s a good thing there’s a deadline,” I added, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Yeah, but you don’t have to follow that. If you really like him, I’m sure Oli would understand in the long run.”

“No. It ends when it ends.”

“But, Ash—” he started.

“No. I know you like him too, Henny. Ethan’s great, but this isn’t going past what we agreed. There are a million reasons this shouldn’t even be happening, starting with the fact that I can’t be in a relationship with a nineteen-year-old.”

Henry’s frown deepened. “But you can fuck him.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. “Yeah, because no one knows,” I replied, the words stinging like acid on my tongue. I didn’t want to hide him. After struggling to come out as a teen, I promised myself I was never going to hide. Being with Ethan had never felt wrong. There was nothing wrong about us.

Henry looked away, his lips pulling down. “You don’t treat him like it’s going to end,” he said softly.

He had a point. I told myself to watch what I said and did with Ethan, but I kept falling out of line. He brought out a protectiveness in me I hadn’t felt for anyone else. I wanted him to feel special. It wasn’t just about sex anymore—I wanted him. All of him.

But I couldn’t.

“Then I’ll fix that,” I said, even though I didn’t quite believe it.

Henry arched an eyebrow. “Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, Ash. You’re way past the point of no return. Are you going to stop calling him darling? Or stop having him stay over at your apartment? You treat Ethan like he’s your princeling. Hell, you don’t even look at him the same anymore. It used to be all predator, but now it’s like you worship him.”

That gave me pause. “How do you know what I call him?”

Henry looked guilty. “We’re friends. We talk.”

“About me?”

“Nothing you’ve ever told me—just like I’m not telling you what he’s said. I’m not playing intermediary here. I listen and give advice, that’s it.”

“And what advice have you been giving him?” I pressed.

“That he shouldn’t get his hopes up with you,” he said flatly.

My teeth ground together.

“See? Why the hell are you getting upset with me for telling him the truth if you want him to know it’s going to end? You’re being a contradictory fuck about this whole thing,” Henry said, exasperated.

“Please stay out of it,” I said firmly, my tone leaving no room for argument.

He nodded but rolled his eyes. “I’ll stay out of it, but he’s still my friend, Ash. I don’t want either of you ending up hurt,” he said, his voice softer, more earnest.

“It’s too late for that,” I muttered, lighting another cigarette. I gave him a nonchalant shrug, even as the weight of my own words sank in. “This is going to end in a mess, and we all know it. I’m not that daft.”

We lingered outside for a while longer. I asked him about yesterday, but as always, Henry stayed tight-lipped. He looked slightly more composed, but it was clear he was still struggling. Seeing that made my anger toward Trent resurface, the urge to hunt him down and punch him in the face again gnawing at me.

I tried to calm myself, but it was pointless. My father’s latest move had left a sour taste I couldn’t shake. I was fucking tired of being questioned at every turn, of constantly having my authority undermined. Henry was right—I had to figure out how to move past this or be done with it entirely.

When we went back inside, I detoured to the bathroom, unsure if I could face everyone again so soon. Leaning on the vanity, I stared at my reflection, tension etched into my features. I looked twenty years older than I had last year.

A soft knock broke my thoughts.

“Ash?” Ethan’s voice came through the door.

I smiled to myself before opening it and pulling him inside by his shirt.

Ethan locked the door behind him, turning to face me. “Are you okay?”

His pale-blue eyes searched mine. They looked even lighter when he was worried, or maybe it was just the lighting. Either way, I grabbed him by the waist and lifted him onto the sink. I leaned in to kiss him, but his hands on my shoulders stopped me.

“I’m fine, darling,” I said, but he shook his head.

“I know you’re upset. Don’t take it out on me,” he said softly.

The comment caught me off guard. “Why would I do that?” I asked, resting my forehead against his.

He kissed the corner of my lips, the gesture sweet, melting some of my rage. His hands curled in the fabric of my shirt, holding me close.

“When you’re upset about work, you get offended easily. You get a little aggressive with me and then snap when I push back. It’s like you’re trying to pick a fight,” he explained gently.

I blinked, realizing he was right. I’d been about to kiss him hard, maybe more forcefully than usual, and he wasn’t into that.

“I’m sorry. I hadn’t realized,” I admitted.

Ethan nodded, accepting the apology, and kissed me lightly. “I just wanted to check on you,” he said, his voice so sincere it made me smile.

“I wish we’d blown them off.” My smile widened as he returned it.

“Me too. I wish we could go back. I can’t stop thinking about it,” he murmured, his voice low and filled with a confidence that sent a thrill through me. I’d worried he’d bolt after what happened on my desk, but he’d surprised me by leaning in to his own desire instead.

“Me neither, pet,” I said, capturing his lips again, this time deepening the kiss.

His hand pressed gently against my chest, a subtle reminder to slow down. “I should get out of here before someone comes along,” he said softly.

I nodded reluctantly. “Wise,” I agreed, though I didn’t want to let him go.

“Ash.”

“Yes?” I kissed him again, savoring the feel of him against me.

“I’ll go with you on the trip,” he said, his lips pressing together in that fucking heart-melting shy smile.

My chest swelled, and a grin spread across my face. “That’s great fucking news. You just might’ve saved the night.”

His smile brightened into something proper, and he leaned in for a quick kiss before slipping off the counter. He glanced over his shoulder as he headed for the door, and I had to fight the urge to pull him back.

“Maybe get a room with a desk,” he said with a teasing shrug.

I bit my lip, holding back a laugh as he chuckled quietly and disappeared through the door.

I leaned back against the sink, a satisfied smile tugging at my lips, all my disappointment momentarily forgotten.