Page 29 of When a Highlander Vows (Enemies to Lovers #1)

29

L ucas’ mouth was soft, despite his firm grasp on her, and with a traitorous moan, she fell into him, opening her mouth to his insistent tongue. Her blood sang when his tongue touched hers, and she gripped his neck tightly as the kiss increased in passion. But her senses quickly came to, and she pulled away, but he did not let her go. He merely rested his forehead against hers.

“What are ye doin’?” she asked, her voice soft and almost slurred, drunk with the way his kiss always made her feel.

“What dae ye think, Sunshine?” he asked, smirking, and she trailed a finger softly across his beard.

Both of his arms were wrapped around her, and she enjoyed the tight feel of his embrace. But then she remembered what he’d done after the ball, pleasuring her and then running away as he seemed to every time.

With a grim look she said, “Ye cannae tell me who to befriend, ye ken, especially when ye have made it quite clear that ye daenae want me.”

With an angry growl, born of both fury and need, Lucas lifted her a bit with one arm, dragging her back against the stone wall. His other hand leaned against the wall to the side of her head, and he kissed her again.

This time, the kiss was even more heated. She gave into it, even though she knew she should not have, pressing against the insistent grounding of his hips. It was subtle, but she could feel his movement, and even if she did not know what it was to be with a man, her body seemed to know, and her hips surged forward to meet his. Roughly, he pulled away, kissing down her neck, still holding onto her as tightly as she held onto him.

When he nibbled at her ear, he whispered, “When will ye get it into yer head, Lass, that I want ye like nay other?” His free hand moved to grasp a breast, and she gasped at the sudden pleasure, even though he was impeded by her stays and bodice. “The only problem is, it is all it can be, for I will hurt ye.”

He was looking deep into her eyes, and their breath matched as she fell into his heated gaze.

“I daenae care about that, if ye would stop runnin’ away,” she said, pulling on his face until their lips met again, and this time, she controlled the kiss.

A responding groan from Lucas’ throat made her tingle with pleasure. She liked the thought that she could make a man want with as much desire as she felt herself, a desire which threatened to tear her in two.

“But I care,” he eventually said in a throaty voice, kissing her softly, sucking a little on her bottom lip, making a wet gush appear between her thighs. “I never want to hurt ye, Lass,” he said.

She was atremble with desire, heat, and pure, liquid need. Any attraction to Bram was now forgotten. It was only this man within her arms who was in her mind, and who was very much in danger of crawling his way into her heart as well.

But she swallowed, trying to regain her courage, and she pushed on his chest, making him step back a bit. A line of confusion furrowed his brow as tears welled in her eyes.

“But can ye nae see, Lucas? Dae ye nae understand? This hurts me too.” She pointed between them, and the blood drained from his face.

He spun around, and stepped away, his hands on his head. When he turned again, he was looking at her with sorrowful eyes. When he spoke, his voice was tender.

“I dinnae realize, Lass. I am so sorry.” He came to her, and hesitating, he grabbed her hand and kissed it, rubbing a thumb over the back of her hand. “I will go. Ye daenae have to worry about anythin’ from me, Lass. I will go, and I willnae touch ye ever again. I swear it.”

Caitlin tried to reach out to stop him, but he ran out, hurrying to the library door and leaving her on her own. Caitlin sank down to the floor and burst into the tears she’d held back in front of him. Why did he affect her so? They had only just met, and yet she felt tied to him. Even if she wanted to leave the castle now, it would not be easy.

Something inside her told her she was in the right place, and yet why did he pull away every time they touched? Why did he say he would hurt her? He had only been tender with her since her arrival. He had been the one to give her a home and a place to live with others after the loss of her brother.

She rested her head in her hands and let the tears fall. As she cried, she didn’t notice the door to the library opening, but then she heard Rachel’s soothing voice, and she looked up.

“Rachel,” she said, “I have made a terrible mistake.”

“What is it, Miss?” Rachel said, reaching out to help Caitlin to her feet. “Let us help ye. Lottie told us where we could find ye.”

Caitlin fell into the embrace of her companions Mary and Rachel, and she let them lead her out of the library into the passage. Quickly, Caitlin wiped her tears with a handkerchief, and she took their arms.

“I wish to see Sarah and Paige. Ye will take me? They will be in Sarah’s chamber.”

“Aye, of course,” Mary said, patting her on the arm. “But will ye tell us what ails ye? It seems ye have nae been right since the ball. Is that headache from the wine still hurtin’ ye?”

Rachel chuckled, and Caitlin smiled to herself, even though she felt like a complete fool, allowing herself to be drawn into Lucas’ kisses once again.

“Aye, I will tell ye.”

When they found Sarah’s chamber, they slipped inside, and Paige turned to see them at the door. Sarah lay in bed, and Paige was standing next to her.

“Och, ye’ve come. Good.”

Sarah smiled. “Come and sit with us, please. I have nay desire to continue talkin’ about pregnancy and restin’. I want to hear everythin’.” Her eyes flashed at Caitlin as she sat down.

Sarah looked flushed and tired, but happy. Her hands folded over her large belly, and she reached out for Caitlin’s hand. Caitlin took it, and she looked at Rachel for encouragement. Her old friend nodded at her, and she sighed.

“What is it ye wish to ken?” she asked Sarah, a little afraid that since Paige was in the room, she would not be able to tell the truth about Lucas.

Why did I nae think this through? Paige will be furious, and she will surely turn Lucas against me.

But in the last few days, Paige had been very kind to her, providing her with some helpful sleeping herbs to quell the nightmares and relax her mind. She’d also been an entertaining companion in their time with Bram and Martin. Caitlin was beginning to rely upon her as a friend, and as her eyes glanced at Paige, Paige smiled.

Perhaps it is safe now to say, even if I dae nae say all.

“It was unexpected, to be sure, and I never thought it would happen, or anythin’ would happen, but—”

“But what?” Sarah asked kindly.

“But Lucas and I—” she paused, looking at Paige again.

Paige sighed. “Aye, I have seen it, Lass. Even if ye dinnae expect it, the man cannae hide his affection. I can see the way he looks at ye. Only this afternoon when ye were on Bram’s arm. Why, he looked as if he wished to tear the man limb from limb.”

Laughing, Sarah looked up at Paige. “Truly? Och, I would have loved to see that.”

Caitlin looked down at her hands, embarrassed. “I had nay notion that a man such as Lucas would ever look at me. Me eyes. I cannae have a real, normal life. I cannae be a proper wife or lady of a castle or clan. So ye must understand that I dinnae ask for this.”

Her eyes pleaded with the others. “But things have happened between us. He has kissed me, and I have kissed him, many times. But each time, he runs away, claimin’ that it is wrong, that he will hurt me if he remains. And I, fool that I am, cannae help but fall every time we are near to each other. I daenae understand it.”

The others were silent as she spoke, and when she was done, a tear fell down her cheek.

“I think I very well may be in love with the man, but I daenae understand why. It can go nowhere, and it is nae as if we ken much about each other. I just—”

“Ye feel somethin’ deep inside.” Caitlin looked up to see Sarah putting a hand over her chest.

“Aye,” Caitlin nodded, wiping away the tear.

“It was that way with Archie too. I understand ye completely. Somethin’ pulls ye toward the other, even if ye daenae quite understand why. And Lucas is a good man for all his glowerin’ and grumblin’. He is only hurt from the past.”

Caitlin asked, “His family?”

“Aye. But that is his secret to tell,” Sarah said. “He is bein’ a fool for now, lettin’ ye go, but I daenae think he will be so for long.”

She smiled. “Listen to me. Let it sit for a time. Sometimes men just need a little bit of time to think over their mistakes, and then they come to see it.”

“Even if it takes a bit longer than we’d like,” Paige agreed, making Sarah chuckle.

“Aye, but there is one more thing to say.”

“What is it?” Caitlin asked.

“That ye must begin to see yerself clearly in yer mind’s eye and in yer heart. Caitlin, ye have so much to offer. Yer kindness, yer goodness, yer selfless spirit. Even if ye claim yer eyesight is poor, ye have found yer way around the Castle well enough. Every servant and every soldier brightens when ye enter the room. Ye could be anything and anyone ye’d like to be; and it doesnae depend upon Lucas’ gettin’ out of his own way. Just remember that.”

Love and gratitude swelled in Caitlin’s heart, and she felt Rachel and Mary’s hands on her shoulders.

“Aye, the lass is right, Miss,” Rachel said. “Ye let the villagers at home tell ye what ye are, but ye are nae just poor eyesight. Ye are special.”

Caitlin looked down, a smile on her face.

“Ye all are far too kind to me. How can I ever repay ye?”

“By livin’ life kennin’ who ye are and what ye can give. By nae lettin’ a man tell ye what it is ye must be. By bein’ happy and bein’ just as ye are,” Sarah said.

Caitlin’s eyes moved to her friend’s large belly. “Colin and this new bairn are very lucky to have ye as a maither, Lass. We daenae ken each other well, and yet ye have been so kind to me. Thank ye.”

“Now,” Paige said, cheerily. “I think Sarah should rest, and all of us should go downstairs and see what there is left of the sweets Bram brought us.”

“Aye, a good idea, that,” Mary said eagerly, and after the others left, Caitlin reached over and embraced Sarah while she lay on the bed.

“Besides,” Sarah said, “I think Archie is with Lucas right now, puttin’ some sense into his head. He’ll see right soon enough.”

Chuckling, Caitlin kissed her friend on the cheek. “I think I would like to be a fly on the wall in that conversation.”

“Aye, me as well.”

Caitlin waved goodbye to her friend, and when she shut the door, she felt at least that the weight had been lifted from her heart. Unburdening herself to her kind friends had been the right thing to do. But Sarah’s hope was far too tenuous. Caitlin did not have any hope that Lucas would come to change his mind. She couldn’t have any, for if things continued as they were, she knew she’d be far too in love with him to be able to bear when he finally told her there was nothing between them.