Page 15 of When a Highlander Vows (Enemies to Lovers #1)

15

O ver the next four days, Caitlin began to feel lighter. She spent a lot of time outdoors, enjoying the sunlight and the breezes, walking around the castle, keeping the wall to her side to guide her and Fallows as a constant companion. Sarah and Colin were kind, and she often played with Colin in the garden or out of doors.

Without Lucas, the shadow in the castle passed, and it was all lightness. She could grieve Seamus in the quiet of the night as Percy purred beside her, and without Lucas there, there was nothing to distract her from enjoying that peace.

But one afternoon, as she and Colin sat in the garden talking about the garden, Fallows and Percy sitting nearby, Paige approached them.

“What are ye doin’ here, Lass?” she asked sharply so that both Colin and Caitlin turned.

“Just admirin’ yer lovely roses, Paige. I have never seen the like of them.” Caitlin smiled at the young woman, hoping it would ease her frustration at finding them there.

“Well, ye cannae have them. They are used for baths and salves.” Paige’s eyes were fiery, and Caitlin stood slowly, gathering Colin’s hand.

“Of course nae. I wouldnae dream of takin’ them unless ye gave yer permission. It is nae me garden after all.”

“Aye, well, that is good ye ken that.” Paige looked uncomfortable and yet still angry.

“Paige, are ye sick? Ye are lookin’ red,” Colin said innocently, and Paige shook her head.

“Nay. Now, move along, I have work to dae. The both of ye.” She pushed past them, and Caitlin watched the woman fade away among the trees and shrubberies.

“Well, Colin, we’d better go. How about we go and play hide and seek in the main hall?”

“Aye,” he cried, racing ahead, pulling her along with him as she laughed.

Yes, she could get used to a life so full as this. She didn’t feel as much of a burden now. She helped Sarah with her work and played with Colin when Sarah needed to rest. Her time would be coming along in a few weeks, and Caitlin felt needed again.

An hour later, she was in her chamber, fatigued by the day of activity. Lottie had been kind enough to provide her with paper and ink so that she could write to her friends. Lottie also said she could invite Rachel and Mary to the feast for her arrival.

Caitlin sat down at a small wooden table and began to write. It had taken her some time to learn both reading and writing, but it was worth it. She’d given that gift to Rachel, even if Rachel put a stop to any further learning because of her strict father. So, she wrote in small enough words so that Rachel would not struggle too much to understand.

Perhaps when Rachel comes, she can teach me more about what it is to be taken by a man, Caitlin thought wickedly, her muscles warming considerably at the thought.

It was only when alone that she thought of Lucas and their kiss by the sea. It grew even more passionate in her dreams, and she often woke in the middle of the night, drowning in need, wishing he might touch her just once more.

But in the light of day, she chastised herself for her foolishness. Returning her focus to her letter, she finished it, and then taking it up, left the chamber, handing it to a servant passing by. Now that she knew the castle better, she could walk on her own, even if it took just a little bit more time.

“Please send this to the MacLennan house in the village of Taobh Cnuic.” She knew that Rachel would still be going there, having been given the message from Lucas’ men that money would be coming and that the house would not be sold or taken down.

When the message had been sent, Caitlin walked to the library. It had become a habit of hers in the last four days to spend her afternoon time there. She would be alone, but the books would distract her from any dangerous and warming thoughts.

It was a wonderful place. Books of all shapes and sizes packed into hard wooden shelves along the stone wall. A fire was always in the hearth, and Caitlin found the room to be the most comforting and welcoming room in the castle. Sitting down in the chair, she found the book she’d been reading over the past days, and she set it in her lap, beginning to read.

But for some reason, the words would not stick. Writing Rachel had brought up the memories of Seamus. His smile, his eyes, the way he smelled when he embraced her after a long journey. He was the one who had found Rachel as companion. He had also taught Caitlin to read, not thinking it too lowly for a woman to learn. Every turn of a page reminded her of him and the great gift he’d given her.

A tear fell down her cheek, and as she wiped it away, she heard someone clear their throat at the door. Looking up, she saw a man walking toward her.

“Lass, are ye all right?” a familiar voice asked, the sound heading straight for her bones.

Lucas had come home.

Lucas stood in the doorway for a few seconds, watching as Caitlin cried silently to herself in the library, looking down at a book. He’d just returned from his trip, and on his way to his study, he noted that the library door was open.

Caitlin truly was a sight for sore eyes, and when he saw her again, all the strange feelings that had arisen after their kiss came rushing back. Even dealing with skirmishes for days did little to quell the desire he felt for her. The need to keep her safe.

He shut the door behind him and strode into the room, drawn to her like a cord was tied between them. “Lass, are ye all right?” he asked, and Caitlin’s head whipped up to stare at him with her moist light-brown eyes.

“Aye,” she said, sniffling and hurriedly wiping her cheeks. “Ye have returned.”

“Aye.” He got close enough so that she could see him, and he knelt down in front of her chair so that they’d be eye to eye.

Fatigued and sore from a long ride, Lucas was doing what he had promised not to do again. Getting close to Caitlin.

She laughed lightly. “I suppose I forget that others can see far. I thought I was quite hidden with my tears here in the library.”

The corner of his mouth turned up, and going against his logical impulse, he reached out to brush a tear aside with his thumb. She breathed in, and their eyes met. The moment with the kiss came back like fire through his blood and in his memory. It was as if it had just happened, and his eyes glanced at her mouth but only briefly.

“Tell me, Lass,” he croaked, trying to rein in his desire as he pulled his hand away and sat in the chair across from her. “Why dae ye cry?” His chest ached.

If it was because she had been forced to stay in the castle, then he would have to consider taking her home. If living with him made her that miserable, he could not bear it. To see Caitlin cry was like watching the sun fade into darkness. It hurt like nothing else.

Her breathing was shaky, and she closed the book in her lap and put it on the side table. Her gaze moved from him to the other parts of the library, and he worried she would not tell him.

But she said, “At the sea, it was like being at me brother’s grave. I was happy for that, for it means that I can be on me own with him whenever I like. We are nae so greatly parted. But I miss him terribly.”

A similar pain crossed Lucas’ heart. Seamus had been a dear friend, always kind, always generous, showing Lucas what true happiness was. He said nothing, waiting for her to continue.

“This grief clings to me, and even though the sea is his grave, I hate that there is nay body to be recovered. That he cannae be buried properly or have a proper funeral service with a minister.” Her tears began anew. “I ken me parents would hate that. It makes it seem as though he will be forgotten by all who kenned him.”

She wiped her tears with the back of her hand, and Lucas stood, holding out a hand to help her to stand.

“Nay one could forget Seamus, Lass.” To his own surprise, he drew her into a hug, pressing her body against him.

This time, the desire was dimmed, hidden only behind a shared grief. A need to feel the sadness and loss with another. He breathed in her rosewater scent and closed his eyes.

“I am sorry for the loss of yer family, Lass. I ken what it is to lose,” he whispered against her ear, and he felt her shiver even as she gripped him tightly.

“Thank ye.”

“Now,” he said firmly. “I think ye should take a rest.” He took her hand and put it on his arm.

They spoke softly of Seamus as they went up the stairs, and when he opened the door to her chamber and led her inside, he realized he’d never spoken so softly and kindly to anyone in the whole of his life. Even his dear Nan who deserved so much, he often spoke to angrily.

Caitlin sat on the bed, and she looked up at him. “Thank ye,” she said. “I am tired.”

“Rest now, Lass.” He leaned down and brushed his lips against her forehead.

He held them there for a moment, and then he pulled away, feeling an odd stirring in his chest. He pulled back quickly and stood so that he was not tempted to kiss her again in that foolish manner, kissing her like it was keeping him alive.

“Until later,” he said, turning to go.

“Lucas,” she said, making him turn back toward her and catch her brown-eyed gaze. “Ye are well? The journey was a success?”

“Aye. Rest, Caitlin.” He left then and shut the door behind him, walking slowly down the stairs, thinking to himself.

He’d not done anything upon his return except walk to his study, and he’d inadvertently come across the woman who’d been haunting his dreams the whole of his journey away. When in that chamber with her, he had seen another side to himself he didn’t know existed.

His parents had been all anger and stone, and he thought he was the same. It was his makeup, deep down in his bones, but that was a different Lucas to the one in the library. The softspoken, gentle Lucas who helped a grieving woman up to bed to allow her to rest was a stranger to him.

But maybe Caitlin brought out something new in him. Either way, all he knew was that he wanted to dry her tears. He wanted to honor her brother and give her a chance to say goodbye to her brother properly. He had an idea, but it would take talking to Nan to do it. And he knew he was going to get a tongue lashing for at least a half an hour about how he’d left so suddenly and for so long.

Och well, Caitlin is worth it.