Page 9

CHAPTER EIGHT

Phoenix

True to Aziza’s word she walked me to my room, dropped her card on the nightstand in case I needed her, and left. I lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling, replaying the conversation with Agent Rose.

I hadn’t told him everything I knew, and I wasn’t positive why. Maybe I’d had enough talking; perhaps I’d tell him later. I wasn’t certain that what I’d kept from him was important. He had a name, one I was fairly certain he wasn’t born with, but it was what he’d demanded I call him.

“You will not refer to me as Sir, Master, Mister, or anything else twirling around that stupid brain of yours. You will only call me Adonis. Do you think your tiny IQ can remember that?”

I’d never forget it—that was for sure.

I was exhausted but afraid to sleep. I could feel him in the back of my mind.

His words, his critiques. My once-full heart and soul full of hope was depleted, wrecked, gone.

He’d shown me the sadness of my existence.

…Maybe the others who’d been taken out of the shack, they were killed because they’d wanted to be.

Maybe they couldn’t live with their failures. That would make sense.

A soft knock echoed in the room, but I ignored it. Then the door opened, and light footsteps made it over to my bed.

Hazel hovered beside me, her eyes filled with grief…perhaps seeing me for who I was, mourning the loss of my delusional self.

“Nix?”

“What?”

“Are you hungry?”

“No.”

“Well, there’s lunch downstairs. If you want, I can bring something up once I’m done.”

I wanted to roll my eyes, but I knew she was only being nice… There’s that pity again . I turned onto my side. “I’m going to take a nap. I’ll eat later.”

“Okay, Nixy.” She went to touch me but pulled her hand back. “I love you.”

I looked at her. I did love her, even if she’d lied to me all these years. “Love you, too.”

After she left, I fought off sleep for as long as I could, but I was pulled under and thrust into memories that were so real I believed I was there.

“Why do you have so many videos of yourself on your phone?” Adonis squatted beside my mattress. “Is it to remind you of how poorly you dance, or do you really believe, this”—he shook my phone in my face—“is actually art?”

I glanced at the screen. It was a video Hazel had taken of me during my performance in The Nutcracker last winter. I’d received a standing ovation; it was what had gotten me the lead in Romeo and Juliet .

“Speak, you fucking idiot. I asked you a question.” He pushed the side of my head.

“I uh…my sister took it and sent it to me.”

“She sent you this one—what, to show you how shitty you dance?”

“I…”

“What about the others? You’re quite vain for someone who’s ugly and untalented.” He snorted. “Your legs are like an ostrich’s.” He watched the videos, and I sat on my mattress, tears streaming down my face.

“Oh damn, you have about as much grace as a bull in a china shop. I can’t watch any more; I’m gonna be sick.” He got up and threw the phone into a barrel of water. “I’m doing you a favor, keeping you away from other people. No reason to subject them to your hideous existence.”

He came back over and cupped my face. “You don’t even cry pretty.

” He rolled his eyes. “You aren’t even worth my time.

No one’s time, if I’m being honest. But…

” He sighed and moved to a stool and sat.

“I’m gonna waste my time and tell you all the reasons your existence is worthless.

I’ll get that good-for-nothing brain on course.

Make you see you for what you really are. ”

I imagined he was grinning under his mask. I sobbed harder as I listened to him tear every part of me to shreds. When he was done for the day, I was left in the dark. It was so quiet, all I heard were his words on repeat.

I jolted out of bed, gasping for air. I wasn’t there; I was in the Saint brothers’ house. One glance out the window told me I’d been asleep for a few hours, at least. The room had no clock, and I’d refused the new cell phone Hazel offered me.

I was drenched in sweat so I went to the bathroom, stripped my clothes, and took a shower. I washed up and then stood under the spray for a long time. The white noise of the water dulled the voices…his voice…my voice.

Finally, I got out, dressed, and decided to leave the bedroom. I was a little hungry so I made my way to the kitchen, where the twins were sitting at the table and munching on what appeared to be a huge bowl of cheese puffs.

“Hey!” Nick smiled. While they were identical twins, they were different at the same time.

Where Nick wore his hair down, a spray of blond curls, Noel seemed to like to tie his hair back and he always had either his round sunglasses on, tucked in the collar of his shirt, or atop his head.

“Uh, hi.”

“Want some?” Noel gestured to the cheese puffs. I hadn’t eaten anything like that for years. I always tried to eat healthy, stay in perfect dancer shape.

“I’m okay.” As if on cue, my stomach growled.

Noel chuckled. “We have more than this. You skipped lunch, and dinner isn’t for a few hours. Want something else?”

“No. You don’t have to do anything for me. Just water is fine.”

Nick got up and moved to the fridge. He retrieved a bottle of water and brought it to me.

“Thanks.”

“I know.” Noel hopped up and also opened the fridge and pulled out a vegetable platter. He placed it on the table with exaggerated flourish. “How about this?”

Nick and Noel had these cheesy grins on their faces.

“Is it for a party or something?” I stepped forward slowly.

“We don’t do parties.” Nick went back to the table and tossed a cheese puff into his mouth.

“We have all sorts of healthy shit in the fridge. JJ and Mason try to make sure we don’t get scurvy or something, but we’re grown men with the brains of teenagers.

” He held up a puff. “This is my kind of carrot.”

Noel cackled. “It’s true, we don’t eat healthy. But you.” He gestured to me. “Are in amazing shape, probably because you eat right.”

Adonis had fed me well; I was slightly underweight but healthy enough. Some of the muscle definition from dancing had deteriorated, so I would never call myself amazing in any capacity.

“Well, thank you. I’d love some.”

Noel grabbed the plates and the three of us sat in the kitchen, chomping away at veggies. Not so much Nick. He scarfed down a cucumber slice or two but then hugged his bowl of cheesy puffs and ate those.

There was idle chitchat between the two of them; they never put me on the spot or forced me to talk. It was the most comfortable I’d felt since I’d been rescued.