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CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Phoenix

The memory lingered after Aziza roused me from it. I could remember the words, feelings, even the smells. I wasn’t sure it was suppressed memory, but the mundane things like him feeding me were filtering out of my mind every day.

As I lay there, my head on Noel’s chest, I tried to figure out if that voice and Hank’s were the same. I didn’t want to mess this up and hurt an innocent person.

“Phoenix, how are you doing?”

First, I glanced up to see Noel looking down at me with a sweet smile on his gorgeous face. Then I shifted to where Aziza had perched herself on the mattress.

“I’m okay.”

“Do you remember everything we just did?”

I nodded. “I do, but it seems like such an unimportant memory.”

“Does it? For some reason it’s the one you chose, which tells me that somewhere in that head of yours it’s a significant thing, and that may not register with you just yet.”

I supposed that could be.

“Would you like to go back to your room, or stay here a bit?” she asked.

“Oh, whatever.”

Noel snorted. “If you’re answering that way because you think I want to get up, don’t. I’m cool with whatever you’d like to do. If you want to chill here we can, go to your room, mine, take a walk, be alone. No answer is wrong.”

“I don’t want to be alone, but don’t really want to be around a lot of people right now.”

Aziza smirked. “How about I leave the two of you to decide your plans for the rest of the day? Phoenix, I’d like you to relax and not dwell on this session. You’ve brought something to the surface, and that’s all.”

“We can hang out in my room if you want?” Noel offered, and I wanted that.

“I’d like that.”

Aziza stood. “Go enjoy the rest of your day. I will log all this information and talk to you later.”

After she left, I followed Noel to his room. We didn’t encounter anyone and once we were alone, I took a deep breath.

“You good?” He faced me as I stood in the center of his room.

“I’m fine.”

“Want to watch a movie?”

I shook my head.

“Play a video game?”

“No.”

“ Hmm …” He inched closer. “All you gotta do is tell me what you’d like, and I pretty much can guarantee you I’ll do it.”

My cheeks warmed. I wasn’t worried Noel would make me feel stupid for asking—it was just that voice in the back of my head. His voice, telling me I was not worthy, ugly, that Noel was just taking pity on me. I closed my eyes, desperate to wash it away, when I felt his fingers tilt my chin up.

“He’s not here with us, Phoenix. It’s just you and me. Our voices, not his.”

He was so in tune, it was almost jarring. “I like…if you did…”

Noel slid his palm to my cheek. “If you’re asking me if I’d want to kiss you again, the answer will be yes every time.”

I was out of my depth, but I shouldn’t have worried.

Noel took my hand and guided me onto his bed, where in one flush move, he pressed me to the mattress and covered me exquisitely with his body.

It was as if he knew I needed to feel surrounded, safe.

I needed to only focus on one thing and right then, that was Noel Saint.

“We good?” he asked, and I dipped my chin.

He leaned in, his lips brushing lightly over my own, and it was as if I were transported to a peace I’d been desperate to reach for days. Like the last time, his touch and taste grounded me. It was like home and an adventure all in one, and I’d die happy like this.

I snaked my arm around him, resting it loosely on his jean-clad ass. I wanted so much more than just this, but was the cost too high? Would it hurt me? What did he want?

“Slow, Phoenix, and I promise, anything you want from me I will give you. But there’s no rush; we have time…you have all the time.”

“I suddenly don’t want to take my time.”

He chuckled. “You’re irresistible, so if you think I’m not struggling here, you’re wrong.”

“I really like you, Noel. I don’t feel broken when I’m with you. It’s like I’m whole…maybe?—”

“Beautiful? Because you are.”

“Have you seen you?” I laughed.

Noel didn’t have his sunglasses on his head or anywhere on him, but his hair was pulled back, and I wanted so much to run my fingers through it.

“I see myself a lot…sometimes more than I want.” He smirked. “Twin, remember?”

“Ha. I see how that could be a lot.”

Gently I gripped the hair tie and quirked a brow.

“Go ahead.” He smiled.

I tugged, and his golden curls tumbled down, grazing my face. His hair wasn’t super long, maybe just touching his shoulders, but it was like a halo over me offering me even more protection and, yeah, this was officially my new favorite place to be.

“Wow, you have amazing hair.”

“Thanks.”

“And I would love to talk to you about the whole amazing process you go through to make it so luxurious, but I really think if you don’t kiss me again, I might die.”

He licked his lips and responded by devouring my mouth. His tongue dipped inside and he stole my air, captured my fears, and swallowed them away until all I felt was lust, bliss, and Noel.

I stayed in Noel’s room for hours, kissing him, touching him, and trying not to come in my pants. Now I was under a cold spray, jacking it to the memories of our make-out session. I didn’t know how slow I could go. Seriously, that man had moves…and I wanted all of them all the time.

A knock made me jump.

“Hey, Nix, you still in the shower?” Hazel shouted from the bedroom.

“Yeah.” Did she not hear the water?

“You ok?”

“I’d be better if I could shower in peace.” I didn’t mean to snap, but I had my hand on my cock and was a second away from coming. Which I didn’t want to do to the sound of my sister’s voice.

“Oh, saucy. Okay, fine. Dinner is ready when you’re done.”

“Kay, bye.”

I was grumpy by the time I got down to the kitchen because try as I might, I couldn’t get hard again after the sound of my sister’s voice shattered my naked-Noel fantasy.

“Chili-cheese dogs!” Nick shouted as he brought a tray of hot dogs to the table.

“Shep made homemade potato salad and Mason made his coleslaw, so we are in for a treat.”

It looked so good, as everything else they always made did, but I was frustrated. Horny and hungry were a bad combo.

Noel sat beside me, which I both loved and loathed. I wanted to touch him and at the same time I needed him to not touch me.

“The cheese sauce is a little spicy, Angel’s recipe, but so good.”

“Cool.”

I made quick work of fixing my plate and remained silent while I ate. Everyone was talking about the shop, what a douche Rose was, and a brief comment about how this guy, Two, who I guessed Angel had a friendship with, was going to live with some family on the other side of the country.

I glanced at Angel, and he didn’t appear thrilled about it, but he was a grumpy one and I couldn’t get a beat on him.

“You all right?” Noel whispered to me.

“Fine.”

He huffed. “Liar.”

I ate as fast as I could and excused myself swiftly. I needed to be alone, to I don’t know, maybe jack off.

I’d just sat on my bed when there was a knock. Oh, for fuck’s sake. Why can’t anyone leave me alone?

I opened the door and there was Noel, a shaky smile on his face. “What’s going on, Phoenix?”

I couldn’t think. I tried to come up with something to make him go away but I couldn’t, so I just blurted it out.

“I don’t want to go slow, Noel. I want you to fuck me.”

His eyes widened, and I wished I could take back the words. Instead of him turning tail, he walked inside, shut the door, and pressed his lips to mine.