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CHAPTER SIX

Phoenix

I chose to eat dinner up in the bedroom.

Lunch was a lot to take in. Everyone had been so happy and boisterous, and the whole time it had felt as if eyes were constantly on me waiting for me to either break or speak or who knew.

Hazel had offered to eat with me, but I’d told her I kind of needed to be alone.

That had surprised her, and I understood why.

I hadn’t been alone once since they’d taken me from him, and she likely wondered if me being by myself was what I wanted.

To be honest, I didn’t really know what I wanted.

I turned the television on and found the background noise nice. I ate my food, which was amazing. Seriously, did they have a professional cook or something? Afterward, I took a shower and when I entered my bedroom, Noel was walking out with my tray in hand.

“Sorry,” he said once he’d seen me. “I knocked, and Hazel informed me she could hear that you were in the shower and told me I could pop in. I was just grabbing your dishes.”

I swallowed. I didn’t want to talk to him, or anyone really, so I nodded and stepped away. He cocked his head at me; I could feel his assessment.

“No one will bother you here if you don’t want them to, Phoenix. I apologize for coming in. This is your safe place. I hope you can find some comfort in that.” Without another word, he walked out and as soon as the door shut, I released a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.

I didn’t sleep well, but I never did. Hazel was beside me, having come in at some point—who knew why? I had a feeling I had nightmares, but the second I opened my eyes I never remembered what they were.

I slipped out of bed, used the toilet, brushed my teeth, and got dressed.

Hazel had brought clothes with us; they were all comfortable but there was a pair of jeans and with the agent coming by, I thought it best to wear something other than sweats.

After I’d dressed, my stomach growled. I didn’t know what to do. Should I go to the kitchen?

“Hey.” Hazel stretched, her face all rumpled with sleep.

“Hi.”

“Hungry?”

I nodded and tilted my chin toward the door. “Should I go feed myself?”

She smiled like she did whenever I spoke. “Gimme five, and I’ll go down with you.”

Relief washed over me. “Thank you.”

By the time we made it to the kitchen it was filled with people, and I halted at the door. Shep was loading up a platter with pancakes while JJ was finishing up a batch of eggs. I guessed they didn’t have a chef; they were just really good cooks.

Hazel noticed that I didn’t enter the kitchen fully and stayed with me. “Too many people?”

“Just loud.”

She squeezed my arm. “I can get you a plate and meet you in the dining room if you want.”

“Okay, thank you.” I spun around and quickly went into the large—blessedly empty—dining room.

I took a seat and listened to the voices in the kitchen. They weren’t so loud in here. They all laughed a lot and teased each other brutally, reminding me of how Hazel and I had once been.

“Morning.” Noel sauntered in with his dish and sat a few seats away from me.

“Morning.”

The corner of his mouth kicked up. I noticed he had rounded sunglasses on the top of his head and his blond hair was tied in a little ponytail, not like Shep’s.

He wore a dark-green T-shirt and possibly black pants, but he was sitting and I didn’t remember for sure.

He was very attractive. So much prettier than me… everyone was, though.

“Here you go.” Hazel placed the plate in front of me, and there was a little of everything from pancakes to eggs to fresh fruit.

Noel and Hazel talked as I ate, focusing on each bite. I was grateful for food. Someone so undeserving should be grateful for any kindness—however, it was likely pity. People took pity on the ugly and disgraced.

“Hey.” Hazel nudged me. “You okay?”

“Yeah.”

She narrowed her eyes. “I called your name three times.”

“Probably speechless over the food, right?” Noel pointed at my half-eaten plate of breakfast. “Shep is a masterful cook, though he prefers baking, but JJ and Mason are good too.”

“It’s very good. I’m thankful.” I returned to eating, noticing how Hazel and Noel looked at each other. Silently talking.

Likely saying how pathetic I was, how sad my little existence was.

Soon enough, more people were in the dining room but not everyone. I could tell they were trying not to overwhelm me; Hazel had no doubt asked them to appease little old me.

The second I was done, I took my plate to the kitchen and rushed up to the bedroom. Maybe he was right; I deserved to be alone.

I sat in one of the oversized chairs in the bedroom and stared out the window. I could hear waves crashing but couldn’t see the ocean. I could definitely tell there was water just by looking at the horizon. Birds flew by, the sun was bright, it was a beautiful day.

Agent Rose would be here soon, and I’d tell him what I knew about him. It didn’t feel like a betrayal; he’d never said I couldn’t tell anyone about him, and if I did this hopefully the agent would finally leave me alone.

A little before ten, there was a knock on my door. I turned and saw Hazel entering the room.

“Hey, Nix. Agent Rose is here.”

I stood and walked to her, but she didn’t make to leave.

“I asked some of the guys to stay, and our therapist, Aziza Bakir, will be there. No one will speak, but JJ thought if you had people behind you this would be easier.”

Easier for whom? I wanted to say. Instead, I shrugged. “Fine.”

I followed her downstairs to the large study we were using for this. When I entered I saw the agent first, followed by a woman with long dark hair, dark eyes, and a warm smile, probably the doctor. Noel and JJ were also there, and that was fine.

“Hello, Mr. Briar.” Agent Rose sat at a table, a recording device in front of him as well as a pad and pen.

“Hi.” I quickly sat. I could see Noel from where I was, JJ was behind me, and Dr. Bakir was off to the side. Hazel was beside me.

“I need to record this interview, if that’s all right?”

“Yeah.” I didn’t care; I just wanted to get it over with.

“Thank you for agreeing to speak with me, Mr. Briar. I respect that you’re not in the best headspace and promise to make this as painless as possible. But anything you can remember will be vital to this case.”

I didn’t really want to hear his practiced monologue. “Where do you want me to start?”

“Well, preferably from the beginning. Can you start from the night you were kidnapped? Go from there, and take your time.”

I focused on a small scar on the wooden table; I sort of disassociated from the memory but at the same time felt like I was plunging back in.

I opened my mouth and began.