Page 82 of Want It All

‘Rose?’

I looked up, my cheeks wet with tears once more.

Sebastian crossed to my side. I was in his bedroom; Tristan had carried me from the nest. The nest wasn’t the right place for what he’d told me – or what he’d shown me.

I shivered.

I didn’t think I’d gone into proper rejection shock, not really. I wasn’t feelinggood, but I was functioning, and my body was gradually warming. Tristan’s confession hadn’t helped; Sebastian had put me in the bath afterwards, getting in with me and wrapping his arms around my body until I stopped trembling.

I didn’t want to believe that Tristan had used me in such a way, but he’d told me with an even voice and a level expression, with no attempt to hide details or shrink away from what he’d done, and my instincts told me it was the truth. He’d deliberately pit my designation and my body against me to bolster his chances of membership with the Revels, putting me in danger – inpublic– and using Sebastian to do so. The fact he’d hired extra security alphas made no difference to me – it was the intent behind his actions that hurt, and the manipulation.

I could hardly credit it. Sebastian didn’tneedhis alpha’s help to get the Banksia Prize; he’d get it on his own account.If I didn’t beat him to it, my snarky, competitive side interjected. But in an odd way, I could also see things from Tristan’s point of view: Sebastian had been his entire life for six years, and the Banksia Prize was Sebastian’s dearest wish. Were I in Tristan’s place, I’d probably do some questionable things to help him get it, too.

But I could barely digest Tristan’s confession in the face of what I’d learned about Byron.

I’d been curious about the monitors; who wouldn’t be? I’d known it could be bad. I’d been told about what happened to alphas when their instincts took over.

But I’d never really thought aboutwhyit could happen, about what could have sent Byron into such a state that he’d succumb to the alpha beneath his skin.

I clicked into a different video.

In this one, Byron was wearing a suit, sitting on one side of a long table next to a fair-haired man I knew now to be his liaison officer, Dr. Ford. Beside them were two women, Byron’s lawyers.

Trials involving instinct blackout didn’t happen in the usual way, I’d learned. There was no prosecution, no judge to arbitrate, no jury; just the alpha in question, their representatives, and senior members from the APF.

The injured alpha refuses to give evidence,one of the APF officers said, sitting unerringly still in her distinctive black uniform.

But he needs to, Byron answered, his voice desperate.I assaulted him.

The other APF officer shook his head.That’s not the way this works, he said gently.But what we can recommend –

I stopped the video and clicked into another document.

This one was long; I’d still read it twice. It was wrong to do so, but once I’d started, I couldn’t stop. It was Byron’s own journal entries, at least one for every day he’d been in the state-mandated Alpha Retreat.

Fuck, I miss her so much today,he’d written. The date indicated that he’d been in the facility for just over one month.Sometimes, this still feels like a nightmare. Like I’ll wake in my own bed and stumble to the kitchen, and there she’ll be, blowing on her coffee and stuffing her face with raisin toast.

Sometimes, I feel guilt for what I’ve done. Sometimes, I wish Dad had never stopped me, that I’d–

I took a deep breath.

Sebastian wrapped his arms around me. I settled back against him, letting my tears fall freely. ‘How did this get so complicated?’ I croaked.

He kissed the tears from my neck. ‘The truth can be like that.’

‘I understand why Byron left the room that night, and why he’s kept his distance, but understanding doesn’t take away the hurt. And Tristan …’ I trailed off. ‘I’m so angry, Seb.’

‘You have every right to be.’

I twisted in his arms, looking up at him. ‘Youhid it from me, too.’

He didn’t turn away, looking me in the eye when he answered. ‘Yes. I didn’t see a reason to hurt you with it. But I will never hide anything from you again, Rose. I promise you.’

I sniffed. ‘I don’t know what to do.’

He pulled me close. ‘You don’t have to do anything right now. Just let yourself feel it.’

I turned back to the laptop, clicking into the last video. It wasn’t as clear as the others; it had come from a home security feed.