Page 19 of Want It All

‘Say that again?’ Chloe demanded. ‘You, Rosemary Morris, my best friend, went to the beach with the son of Carwyn Griffiths ?’

I winced. ‘Fuck, Clo, I don’t think they heard you in Tasmania.’

‘Sorry,’ she said, unfazed and entirely unapologetic. ‘Can you get me a signed bookplate?’

I laughed. ‘You’re impossible.’

‘Well, failing that, can you bond him – the son, I mean … unless? – so I can come to the ceremony and coincidentally sit next to Carwyn and casually drop that oh, I don’t know, he’s my favourite author ever and I want to be him when I grow up ?’

‘What happened to you’re there for a degree, not a pack ?’ I countered. ‘Or that motherfucker did what in the dining hall ?’

On my phone screen, Chloe waved her hand dismissively.

She’d let her hair grow; it fell beneath her shoulders like shining black water.

‘Exceptions can be made, Rosie. For Carwyn Griffith’s son, specifically.

And even I , the best friend, think he apologised sufficiently for the dining hall incident. ’

I fell silent for so long that Chloe squinted worriedly at her phone screen. ‘They’re nice,’ I said at last.

‘Ask them for their scent cards, then,’ she answered practically. ‘I know you’re not supposed to have them there, but surely people do it anyway. Only if you want to, obviously, not because I’m a crazed fan.’

‘It’s just …’ I chewed my lip. ‘That makes it all real . And at the moment it’s like this … summer haze. Everything is golden and warm and full of possibility. If I ask them …’

‘It ends,’ Chloe finished, reading my mind like she always did. ‘You’ll know for certain what it could be – or not. And the summer will be over.’ She paused. ‘It’s fine to live in the haze, Rosie. You deserve it. But autumn always comes, yeah?’

‘Yeah,’ I sighed. ‘Autumn always comes.’

When Chloe had hung up – after extolling the writerly virtues of Byron’s father for a little while longer, then moving on entirely to her pros and cons list for two different Masters programs, one in Singapore and one in Shanghai, both close to different family members and with that, having different complexities – I decided to go to the First Year Library to study.

Despite what I’d just said to Chloe, Tristan, Sebastian, and Byron had been absent for the last couple of days.

Byron had gone with his parents to visit his sister, though he hadn’t mentioned where; Tristan had sent a rather curt group text saying that he and Sebastian had caught a cold.

I’d responded, saying that I hoped they were okay and asking if they needed anything, but I hadn’t heard anything back.

I’d spent some time with both Marina and Alessia, but after giving myself the weekend as a break from studying, I decided to get started on the second assessment.

We didn’t have class that day, but I went to the First Year Library anyway. It was nerve-wracking, going there by myself without Byron’s comforting bulk, but I spotted James and Pravin at one of the desks and they immediately waved me over with matching smiles.

‘Second assessment?’ Pravin said, by way of greeting.

‘Second assessment,’ I agreed, smiling in return.

I set myself up next to them, opening my laptop and getting started. We worked in a companionable silence for half an hour or so, until James stretched and looked across at Pravin. ‘Did you hear about the commencement party?’

‘I heard it’s organised by the Revels,’ Pravin returned. ‘Apparently they organise most of the social stuff here.’

A later-year student a few desks away stood up, then stepped towards us, his eyes flicking between me and James. Pravin glanced at us, then raised an eyebrow at the other student in challenge. The student turned away, grumbling. ‘Sorry,’ Pravin muttered. ‘Did you want to talk to him?’

‘Nope,’ I said.

‘Absolutely not,’ James agreed.

‘Well then. Anyway, I heard they’re making tubs of sangria.’

James made an appreciative sound. ‘Will you go?’

Pravin nodded. ‘Alessia wants to,’ he said, flushing slightly. I smiled at his obvious crush, though I didn’t know whether Alessia returned it. Either way, Pravin didn’t seem like the kind of alpha who would pressure a beta; James’ relaxed presence next to him rather proved the opposite.

I shifted in my seat. I wanted to go, too. I could ask to go with Pravin, or maybe check whether I could go with Marina.

A familiar anger warmed me. If I wasn’t an omega, I wouldn’t have to worry as much. And if I was an alpha, I wouldn’t worry at all . I could simply go to the party and enjoy my life.

But I was an omega, and I knew it was a waste of time to complain.

It wasn’t like anything was going to change, at least not soon.

Our current government was progressive – compared to other countries, anyway – and their policies supported universal access to scent blockers and the right to a safe education.

But their political opponents were loud, and the opposition’s policies pushed the notion of the traditional pack , even though designations had barely been around long enough to have traditions.

They were simply parroting a recycled sexism from earlier times.

In their eyes, alphas protected, betas served, and omegas – who were mostly female – bred, and that was all there was to it.

You didn’t have to look very far back in history to know that notions like that left a lot of room for the loss of opportunity, of autonomy, and for outright abuse.

The government struggled with balancing their policies with the opposition’s demands, and, worryingly, with the opposition’s growing popularity, so things hadn’t moved forward quite as far as they could have.

‘You’re welcome to come with us,’ Pravin said, interrupting the depressing direction of my thoughts, his smile directed at both James and me. I thanked him, but I couldn’t crash his time with Alessia, and it wasn’t his job to protect me.

But it’s fine when Byron does it?

I stared at my laptop screen, mulling over why it felt different. I eventually settled on because Byron volunteered .

It didn’t make any sense, because Pravin had, too.

I pushed aside the notion that it was because Byron felt like pack. I couldn’t feel that; I didn’t even know what his scent was.

I shifted in my chair again, restless, then looked down at my fingers, remembering the way Sebastian had twined his own through them.

‘Rose?’

I blinked, startled, then turned to see Byron studying me with a frown.

‘You’re back,’ I said stupidly.

He nodded. ‘An hour or so ago.’

‘How was your sister?’

He didn’t answer for a long, uncomfortable moment. ‘The same as the last time I saw her,’ he said at last.

I wasn’t sure what to make of that. ‘Are you okay?’

His grey eyes darted around the library. ‘I … I just came to make sure you were all right.’ His gaze settled back on me; his fingers flexed, as though he wanted to reach out, but stopped himself. ‘I think … I need a walk.’

With that, he turned and strode from the library, leaving me gaping after him.

‘Rose.’ Pravin nudged me gently with his elbow.

I turned blindly towards him, my eyes pricking, my stomach churning at the rollercoaster of emotions evoked by Byron’s sudden appearance and even more abrupt departure.

I’d missed him. ‘Oh. Ah,’ Pravin said awkwardly, when a tear spilled down my cheek.

‘You know none of that was because of you, right?’

I wiped my face angrily. ‘No, I don’t know that. Sometimes it’s hard to know what he’s thinking.’

Pravin laughed softly. ‘No, it’s not. Not usually. Because most of the time, his mind is on one thing – you.’

Sebastian and Tristan reappeared at breakfast the next day.

They both looked tired, and Sebastian’s expression was unusually hollow.

Despite that, he sat down next to me and slung his arm over the back of my chair as if nothing had happened, saying Hi, Rosebud , with a wide grin.

My instincts loved it; if we weren’t on blockers, his subtle beta scent would be all over me.

‘So, are we going?’ he said, taking up a lock of my hair.

‘Going where?’ His closeness muddled my thoughts; it was dangerous being near him.

‘To the party.’

I glanced at Byron, whose eyes stayed glued to his coffee cup. ‘I –’

‘Your alpha will come,’ Tristan said, with the hint of an eyeroll.

That got Byron’s attention. ‘Will he?’ he said, one eyebrow raised.

‘Have you got something better to do?’

Byron snorted. ‘I can think of a hundred things. I’m good, thanks.’

‘Rose clearly wants to go,’ Tristan said impatiently. ‘Stop being obtuse.’

Byron’s eyes fell on me. ‘Do you?’ he said, surprised.

I hesitated. It was another opportunity to see my friends, and I did want that. It was so nice, being able to chat to Pravin and James and Alessia, to have coffee with Marina. I felt more like a regular person, and less like an overly hormonal princess locked up in a scentless tower.

But I knew better than to be alone around alphas and alcohol.

‘If you three are going, then I want to go,’ I decided.

It was sneaky of me, and I knew it; I was essentially forcing Byron’s hand. Sebastian shot me a sideways grin, pointedly twirling my hair around his finger.

Byron’s expression was thoughtful. ‘I’ll have to talk to my liaison officer,’ he said at last.

Tristan’s phone buzzed. He picked it up, frowning, then his eyes widened. ‘The marks for the first assessment have been released.’

It took a moment for what he’d said to sink in; by the time my brain caught up, Sebastian had already let my hair go and had opened his laptop to scroll through the online classroom to the grades page.

I hurried to do the same, my fingers trembling.

I clicked into the grades, then froze when I saw the mark there.

‘The class average was eighty-two,’ Tristan read. ‘And the top mark was ninety-four.’

My chest went light with happiness. I hadn’t realised how worried I’d been until the weight lifted.