Page 14 of Want It All

I wanted to ask why he couldn’t sleep so badly that my throat went tight, but I knew I couldn’t.

I didn’t know much about feral alphas, but everything I’d heard – the blackouts, the loss of control – was contrary to the man who walked me to breakfast, who’d brought me food, who’d stepped between me and trouble then left a posy of blossoms outside my door.

What I knew of Byron Griffiths was all gentle words and considerate actions, and I thought of the way I’d seen him standing at the literature mixer, his arms tight to his sides and his head bent as he tried to make himself smaller.

‘What do you do instead of sleeping?’ I found myself asking.

There was another silence, as if he was surprised. ‘I read,’ he answered. ‘Scour the internet for cute animal videos. If it’s particularly bad, I’ll work out. Sometimes –’ he broke off, and I heard him inhale. ‘Sometimes, my dad will be awake, too. Sometimes we’ll talk or go for a walk.’

‘It must be nice to be so close to your parents.’

He laughed; the sound was pained. ‘I love them a lot. And I’m all they have.’

It sounded like there was more to it, but again, I couldn’t bring myself to pry. We’d only been on the phone for five minutes, and I already knew more about him than I had that afternoon. ‘You can call me,’ I blurted.

‘What?’

‘You can call me. When you can’t sleep.’

‘Rose. I’m not interrupting your sleep just because I’m not getting any.’

‘You can,’ I insisted. ‘This is … This is nice.’

‘It is nice,’ he said, after a moment.

‘See? You can message me, and if I’m awake, I’ll call you.’

‘Hmm,’ he said, which I took to mean I will absolutely not be doing that .

‘Try it tomorrow and see if you like it.’ I couldn’t stifle my yawn, and he made an exasperated noise.

‘Go to sleep,’ he growled; the sound sent tingles to my fingers and toes.

‘Whatever you say, alpha,’ I returned, letting a hint of purr into my voice, and ended the call.

Another message came a moment later.

You’re an absolute menace, you know that?

I went back to sleep smiling.

The next morning, we received an email saying class was cancelled; Heathcote had some kind of virus. He’d left a message on the online classroom, reminding us to submit our first assessment.

I’d already done it. I’d thought it would be a relief, but nerves were still gnawing at my stomach.

‘Wonder if he’ll still be marking?’ Sebastian said, shoving a forkful of pancakes in his mouth.

‘There are rules around when we get feedback,’ Byron answered, stirring his coffee.

‘Because the next assessment is due in two weeks, we need feedback for this one within seven days. Mum said Heathcote has the proper flu and will be out too long to make the deadline. They’ve already organised two other markers. ’

‘So what are we doing today?’

I frowned at Sebastian. ‘Heathcote gave us work to do.’

‘Rosebud.’ He slung an arm around my neck; my cheeks went hot. ‘Class is cancelled. It’s the end of summer and beautiful outside. We’re young, and theoretically carefree. We can study tonight. We’re doing something today – you just have to choose what.’

‘Why is this my decision?’

‘Because you’re the prettiest,’ Sebastian purred in my ear, and my breath hitched, even though that wasn’t remotely true.

I tried to ignore the twist of loss I felt when he moved away. ‘I haven’t been for a walk through the gardens yet,’ I made myself say, ‘Or down to the beach.’

Tristan glanced out the dining hall windows, then brought up a weather app on his phone. ‘It’s a perfect beach day. Overcast and warm, but not too hot.’

‘Dad said there were bluebottles last week,’ Byron commented, his gaze following Tristan’s. ‘You might not be able to swim.’

‘I don’t mind,’ I said. ‘I just want to see it. And maybe …’ I trailed off.

They waited; Tristan cocked his head to the side, watching me.

‘Just get away for a bit,’ I continued in a rush. ‘I’ve never really been able to do that.’

Byron frowned, but Sebastian’s expression was one of understanding.

‘You know Tris has a car here, right?’ he said, and I blinked at the use of a car over his car, or the car.

How many cars did Tristan Grace own? ‘We can take you away anytime, anywhere you want to go. Further down the coast, or north towards Sydney, or inland towards Braidwood or Canberra. We could even drive to Melbourne one weekend, though it might be a flying visit. Whatever you want, Rose.’

I inhaled, because that was a lot of possibility, far more than I’d ever considered. ‘Thank you,’ I said quietly. ‘That’s really nice.’

Tristan stood. ‘But today, we’re going to the beach.

’ Suddenly, he was all alpha; his shoulders rolled back, and his voice took on a tone that would make a high school teacher proud.

‘I’ll make us a picnic to take. Byron, you get drinks and sunscreen.

You two –’ his eyes swept over Sebastian and I ‘– go get ready.’

I opened my mouth to protest – I could help with the food or something, surely – but Sebastian caught my hand and tugged me to my feet.

‘Nope,’ he said under his breath, like he knew what I was thinking.

‘Tris lives for this. And by this, I mean doing stuff. Usually it’s for me, but today it’s for us , so sit back and enjoy it.

’ He grinned. ‘That’s the point of having alphas. ’

Tristan was already striding towards the kitchens, and I pitied whoever was on duty. When Tristan said picnic , I didn’t think he meant a few packets of chips and some apples.

Sebastian pulled me from the dining hall, leaving Byron to clear the table. ‘I’m so glad we’re doing this,’ he said happily. ‘I’ve been studying my ass off, and Tris has been worrying about me studying. This is the perfect break.’

‘You’ve been studying?’

‘Only every spare moment. Heathcote really freaked me out.’ He glanced at me sidelong as we climbed the main staircase. ‘No one’s ever been quite that … blatant … about their bias before. And I want the Banksia Prize. I don’t want to let Heathcote fuck that up for me.’

I pondered his words as he dropped me off at my door, and what he’d said stayed at the front of my mind as I dug my swimsuit from my wardrobe and dressed, then found a change of clothes, a towel, and my sandals.

Despite what Tristan had said, I slathered myself in sunscreen and packed it in my tote bag, too.

When I’d finished, Sebastian was waiting outside in a t-shirt and board shorts. He tugged my bag from my hands, ignoring my protest, then led me down the stairs. ‘The alphas are getting changed. They won’t be long.’

We waited for them outside the manor’s mouth-like double doors.

The air was warm and fresh, and I felt something inside me relax.

I hadn’t realised how much I’d wanted this; I’d probably needed it for years .

For all that we liked to pretend, beneath the layer of clothing and conventions humans were just animals; we all needed to see the sky and feel the breeze on our face, at least every now and then.

Byron and Tristan arrived, and a few minutes later we’d walked to the end of the drive and were stepping outside the sandstone walls, using a small iron gate I hadn’t noticed when I’d arrived.

The groundskeeper, Harry, waved at us from the shade of a towering blue gum; I waved back, and we meandered along a rocky path towards the cliffs.

The cliffs lay around two kilometres from Banksia.

I could just catch a hint of salt in the air and hear waves rolling, the sound carried by the strong breeze.

Tristan led the way, Sebastian behind him.

I followed, and Byron walked behind me, pausing when I stopped to snap some pictures of the landscape on my phone, trying to capture the glittering water stretching to the horizon, framed by bush.

Being bookended by the two alphas felt a little like being chaperoned, but I wasn’t about to complain; my omega was preening.

We didn’t talk much; the breeze made conversation difficult, and I was unfit enough to be slightly out of breath as I navigated the rocky path with sandalled feet.

My awareness flittered between the path, the view, and the other view – Sebastian and Tristan’s broad shoulders and backs.

If I was being completely honest, my gaze might have drifted down a few times, too.

It was a view I shouldn’t have been looking at, but surely there was no harm in just looking, especially when I was doing it respectfully.

Mostly respectfully .

There was harm, though, because I was looking at things I could never have, but after today, I’d know that I wanted them.

Sebastian looked back and shot me a grin.

Warmth spread through me, seeping through every limb, into every joint, and –

I was in trouble.

‘Oh, look,’ Byron said, interrupting that train of thought. ‘Dolphins!’

Alpha eyesight was sharper than the other designations, but I could still make out the small pod, playing in the bay, just past where the waves were breaking. ‘They’re so close to the beach!’

‘They get whales here, too,’ Byron added, stepping beside me and shading his eyes as he looked out to sea. He was wearing a pair of aviators, but the glare from the water was fierce. ‘It’s later in the year, though. Humpbacks and Southern Rights, mostly, but other kinds too.’

‘And sharks?’

‘Ye-ep,’ he said, drawing the word out. ‘A few different types. But dad said there was a drone sighting of a three-metre white shark not long ago, so I think I’ll be sticking close to the sand.’

Despite the warmth of the day, I shivered. I wasn’t afraid of many things, but being wary of metres-long apex predators was just sensible.

‘Your dad is an author, right?’ Sebastian said over his shoulder. ‘I read one of his novels a few years ago. The Watch Eternal . I really liked it. I was surprised it wasn’t … bigger.’