Page 23 of Want It All

‘I should never have thought you wouldn’t notice,’ he answered evenly.

‘ Why, Tris?’ I tugged angrily on the hem of my shirt. ‘Why on earth would you do that? Why could you possibly want her to slick in public? And why would you put both of us in danger like that?’

‘Neither of you were in danger,’ he said.

‘Byron Griffiths has a white knight streak wider than the Pacific fucking Ocean, and he’d lose a limb before he let Rose stub her toe.

If anyone tried to hurt you , I wouldn’t be held accountable for my actions.

Plus, I’d made … contingencies. You were both perfectly safe. ’

‘Contingencies?’ I frowned at him. ‘What …’ I trailed off. I’d noticed the alphas dressed in black – who wouldn’t? – but I hadn’t thought anything of it. ‘You hired security?’

‘Specialists from the APF,’ he confirmed.

‘Alphas trained to protect omegas and diffuse difficult situations. I also asked Pravin and Marco to keep their eyes on Rose, if, for some reason, myself, Byron, and the security alphas couldn’t get to her first. And all of that was on the slim chance that firstly, Rose’s scent was complementary to anybody in that room, and secondly, that they were unable to control themselves upon scenting her. ’

I rubbed my temples. ‘That doesn’t answer why , Tristan.’

He studied me, his expression intense. ‘I can’t tell you why.’

‘You can’t tell me why,’ I repeated slowly. ‘ You , who tell me everything , literally everything , including some things I’d be totally fine not knowing. You can’t tell me why.’

‘Exactly.’

‘And you’re telling me that you can’t tell me.’

He gave me a look, and I realised.

He wanted me to work it out.

It didn’t take me long, because there were so few things it could be. I strode to him, splaying my hand over his chest to push him down so I could straddle him. He flicked an app on his phone to turn some music on over the Bluetooth speakers; once the volume increased, I put my mouth to his ear.

‘The Revels.’

His hand settled on my hip. ‘The fact you’re not running this country is criminal.’

‘Don’t try to turn my head with compliments,’ I said tersely. ‘I’m so angry with you, Tris.’ I lowered my mouth again. ‘What did they ask you to do?

In answer, he tapped something out on his phone.

Compromise the omega .

He deleted the words as soon as I’d read them, but I’d already turned cold. It could mean oh-so-many things. Compromise was nebulous in itself, but –

‘Which omega?’ Tristan whispered, his free hand tightening on my hip. ‘I couldn’t know. But I couldn’t ask , either, because I could have been volunteering information they didn’t know. We’ve been so careful – you’ve been so careful – but I have no idea how closely they’re watching, Seb.’

‘So you compromised us both, just in case,’ I murmured. ‘Made us vulnerable together.’

‘Not truly vulnerable,’ he insisted. ‘I would never leave you in danger, never . I was ninety-nine percent sure about Griffiths, but if he – and the security alphas – didn’t rise to the occasion, I could have taken Rose with us, too.’

‘And then what?’ I grabbed a handful of his hair; he groaned, tipping his head back. His lovely green eyes darkened as they fixed on mine. ‘I guarantee you that Rose just spent a good half-hour in the company of her favourite vibrator. If you’d carried both of us out of the library, then what?’

He gave a one-shouldered shrug, an action which had always looked unfairly sexy on him. ‘You would have either fucked it out or scented each other and lost interest immediately.’

I let go of him in surprise. ‘You’d let me fuck her?’

‘ Let you?’ He scoffed. ‘I’m not that kind of alpha, Seb. You know that. Your body is your own. Until I bite you, at least. I don’t know how I’ll deal with it then, though I’ll try not to be an asshole about it.’ His fingers stroked circles on my waist.

I frowned. ‘Do you want to fuck her?’

He paused, which was telling. ‘I’m not sure,’ he said at last, which was a very definite yes , because in all the years I’d known him, the only answer to that question in relation to someone other than me had been an absolute, immediate, and heartfelt fuck, no .

‘But it’s really up to Rose, isn’t it? And it wasn’t my throat she stuck her tongue down. ’

I inhaled, digesting that. ‘I’m so angry with you.’

‘I know.’

‘I told Byron.’

He passed a hand over his eyes. ‘Is that where you went?’

I opted for honesty, though I wasn’t sure he strictly deserved it. ‘I went into his room.’

His lips parted in surprise, then he swallowed. ‘And?’ he said, barely a whisper.

‘Our scents are complementary.’

His hands tightened on my hips, as if he couldn’t help himself, as if he needed to hold me tighter. ‘And did you like it?’

I fucking loved it . ‘Yes.’

‘So he and I –’

‘Could be complementary, too.’ I paused. ‘But he’s ass over head in love with Rose.’

‘Mmm.’ Tristan shifted beneath me. ‘I wonder if he knows that.’

‘If he didn’t before, I expect he’ll realise after tonight.’ I paused. ‘What now?’

‘You mean right now?’ he said, gently teasing. I could feel him shift beneath me, and I knew he was trying to lighten the mood.

Unfortunately for him, anger was burning hot in my stomach, and there was zero chance I was going to let him quench it with sex.

I took his chin in my hand, forcing him to look at me.

‘Tristan, I need you to know that this is our first fight. I love you, but you have to understand that I’m serious.

You manipulated us. No matter your contingencies , you still put Rose in danger.

You put me in danger. What if I’d slicked and someone noticed?

It would have blown years of cover. If you pull something like this again, I might not forgive it. ’

After six years together, we sometimes took each other for granted.

Not in a bad way – I didn’t think – but rather we just assumed that we’d always be together, that there was nothing we couldn’t get through.

We’d squabbled over silly things before – what to binge watch next, usually – but this was different.

It was a betrayal of my trust, regardless of whether there’d been danger, too.

His hands relaxed their hold on my hips. ‘I understand,’ he said quietly, his expression serious. ‘What do you need from me?’

‘I’m going to study.’ I slid off his lap. ‘I’ll be in the nest. I think I’ll sleep there tonight.’

His face fell. That made it sink home; we hadn’t spent a night apart the entire time we’d been together.

He bit his lip as I headed for the nest, but he didn’t try to convince me otherwise.

My nest was little more than a separate bedroom.

Tristan had asked me what I’d wanted it to look like, so I’d dutifully picked out some things online, and I usually half-heartedly rearranged them in the days before a heat spike.

Sometimes, it made my chest feel hollow that I didn’t have more of a connection to it, as if I were somehow being an omega wrong .

The low bed took up almost all the floor space, canopied by diaphanous cloth of silver.

Tiny fairy lights stretched from the middle of the ceiling to all four bed posts, and more fell in gentle arcs across the walls.

The bed was covered in the softest royal blue coverlet Tristan’s money could buy, and cushions of blue and silver – all soft, none hard or scratchy or rough – were piled at the bed head.

I’d never spent the night in here before, because I’d never had a heat; I’d barely spent an hour .

When I’d realised that my designation was changing, I’d taken every heat suppressant I could get my hands on.

But I’d revealed late, and I’d been so surprised – and so scared .

I didn’t know how to be an omega; I’d always been a beta.

And that had been enough to manage, to be honest. I didn’t know what to do with heats, or scent marking, or biting and bonding, or the urge to be fucked into the floor.

It had all been new, all unfamiliar, all terrifying , and I had still been fresh to university and had just found the love of my life.

I didn’t want being an omega to ruin all that.

Which was without considering all the horror stories I’d read about male omegas, and the lengths that some packs would go to get their hands on one.

The internet really was the worst, sometimes.

So I’d suppressed my designation, both chemically and mentally, refused Tristan’s gentle suggestion to register myself, and thrown my energy into pretending that nothing had changed, that I was still a beta who dealt with the occasional complication of a pesky heat spike.

A beta with a really good nose, a beta who craved my alpha like I did food and water.

But it was hard to keep pretending in my nest.

I smoothed my hands over the coverlet, shivering at the softness against my palms. Without thinking too much about it, I pulled my shirt over my head and threw myself down.

I wondered whether Rose would like my nest.

I wondered whether she had one of her own.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and called her.

‘Sebastian?’ she answered, her voice unsure. We hadn’t spoken since the dance – since the kiss .

‘Rosebud. What’s your favourite colour?’

‘I …’ She trailed off, evidently thinking about it. ‘I’m not sure that I have one.’

‘Col ours , then.’

‘Um. Green? Pink, maybe? And blue. Oh, red.’ She huffed a tiny laugh. ‘I think I like all of them.’

‘That is supremely unhelpful,’ I drawled. ‘What colours make you feel calm?’

‘Blue, I think. And green. Like, dark greens. Golds? Ocean colours.’

‘Ocean colours.’ I looked around the nest. I could do ocean colours; I was already halfway there.

‘Why do you ask?’

I smiled. ‘No reason.’

There was a short silence. ‘Seb,’ she said tentatively. ‘Are we going to talk about what happened?’

‘I’d rather talk about something else.’

‘Oh,’ she said, and I could hear the hurt in her voice. ‘Okay. Did you have something in mind?’

‘Yes, Rosebud, I do,’ I purred. ‘When are we doing it again?’

It wasn’t until hours later, when I was lying in my nest, the fairy lights casting a soft glow across the bed, that it occurred to me – I’d never asked Tristan why the Revels had asked him to do it.