Page 43 of Want It All

‘No,’ Sebastian agreed, absently stroking my calf as he sat on the floor before me, reading through a journal article on his tablet. His fingers paused. ‘What’s not right?’

‘Alphas,’ I answered.

He looked across at Tristan, who was in the kitchen, making caramel slice because Sebastian had asked for it, a pained expression on his face. ‘Um.’

I put my laptop aside. ‘I have to do something.’

‘What kind of something?’ Sebastian said warily, watching me get to my feet. ‘Rosebud? What kind of something?’

I blew him a kiss. ‘Don’t wait up.’

‘Rose, what –’ Tristan started, but I dodged past him, smiling, and closed the apartment door behind me.

From their point of view, this would seem impulsive. But I’d thought about this non-stop for a week. I was tired of tiptoeing around my own instincts and the quirks of my designation. I’d been letting things happen to me, rather than making them happen for myself, but it didn’t have to be that way.

I didn’t have to wait for the pack I wanted to form around me.

I could make it for myself.

Byron had left me that night – left us – but leaving didn’t mean he had to stay gone. It just meant he needed time. I could check in, make sure he knew that he was wanted, that we’d be there when he was ready.

He might not come back, I knew, pausing on the main staircase. I might get rejected once more. The pack I’d come to want so badly might never be anything but a dream. The thought wasn’t a nice one, but there was zero doubt in my mind that the payoff would be worth the risk.

He was worth the risk.

Steeling myself, I walked to his room.

I knocked on his door. There was no answer, so I knocked again. When nothing came but silence, I called his name.

‘Rose?’

I spun to see Alessia poke her head out of a door down the hall. ‘Oh, hey,’ I said sheepishly.

Her lips twitched. ‘He was going out as I was coming back from dinner,’ she told me. ‘He said he was going for a walk.’

‘Thanks, Alessia,’ I said, grateful, and made my way back down the stairs.

It hadn’t really helped. I now knew the one place he wasn’t , but there were a thousand places he could be.

There was one place he’d talked about, though; one place I knew he went often.

It was a stupid time of day to be outside.

The sun was beginning to set, which meant the local snake population would be most active.

The eucalypts bordering the Banksia gardens cast long shadows on the ground as I stomped my way down a sandy path, careful to make as much noise as I possibly could.

The sky was just starting to darken, lit at the horizon with shades of orange and pink.

With every step, I rehearsed what I would say. When I saw him, however, sitting on the grass near the cliffs and looking out to sea, I forgot every single sentence I’d planned – and possibly every word I’d ever known.

He didn’t notice me at first. The breeze was blowing towards us, so I was almost on him before he spun around at the sound of my feet.

He’d taken a blanket with him, thick and comfortable-looking, a patchwork of black and blue.

His eyes widened at the sight of me, and he went statue-still, the kind of stillness that usually preceded an animal springing to its feet and bolting at speed.

‘I watched the videos,’ I blurted.

He stared at me. He didn’t look well; his skin was paler than usual, and there were shadows beneath his eyes.

‘And I read the articles,’ I added.

He muttered something under his breath that sounded very much like Tristan fucking Grace , then turned his gaze back to the ocean.

The view was breathtaking. I hadn’t been out here before; I’d been too wary to come by myself, and I hadn’t thought to ask someone else to join me. I’d kept myself shut inside, a habit since my designation had been revealed, and now I knew what I’d been missing.

The ocean stretched before us all the way to the horizon. The water was restless, broken by peaks of white and glints of the late afternoon light. The relentless rumble of the waves filled my ears, so loud I almost didn’t hear when Byron spoke.

‘Which videos?’

‘All of them.’

‘And which articles?’

‘The same.’ I paused, and sank down onto the blanket, an arm’s length away from him. I could feel his heat regardless. ‘Along with all the legal transcripts, your admission papers for the Alpha Retreat, your journals, your discharge papers, and your psychology reports.’

‘That’s … quite an invasion of privacy.’ His tone was half-impressed, half-annoyed. ‘I can’t believe Tristan found all that.’

‘There was more,’ I said honestly. ‘I can safely say that if it exists, Tristan has it. He hadn’t planned to share it, I think. Even Sebastian hadn’t seen it. Not until –’

‘Not until I walked out.’

I didn’t answer.

He shifted and plucked at a handful of grass before him. ‘Why are you here, Rose?’

‘Because I’ve seen all that, and you’re still mine,’ I answered softly. ‘You’re my alpha. But if you don’t want to be –’ I swallowed, feeling as if I’d suddenly swallowed my own tongue ‘– you’re my friend regardless, and I care about you. I want to be here for whatever you need.’

He glanced at me, his expression unreadable. ‘For whatever I need,’ he repeated.

I held his gaze, trying to let him see the truth of it. I wanted to let him know that I cared, and I really would do whatever he needed – even if what he needed was more space. Even if he needed space indefinitely .

He looked away. ‘What happened … It’s not a nice story.’

‘It doesn’t matter if it’s nice.’ I cautiously settled on the blanket, crossing my legs. ‘I’m here if you want to share it. That’s what friends means. And I think –’ my tongue felt leaden once more ‘– I think that might be what pack means, too.’

His throat worked as he swallowed. ‘Pack.’ He said the word reverently, tasting it, then looked down at his monitors.

‘I’d never forgive myself if I hurt you,’ he said, his voice rough and quiet.

‘You or Sebastian. I don’t know what I’d do.

You’re precious beyond belief. And I’d rather deny myself than risk that.

’ He shook his head. ‘I’ve realised over the last few days that it doesn’t matter how much I want it.

It doesn’t matter how good it would feel, how right . Pack isn’t for me. It can’t be.’

I shifted closer. ‘We’ve never felt anything but safe with you, Byron.’

He closed his eyes.

‘It’s more than just safety,’ I continued softly.

‘You feel like … You feel like lazy weekend mornings and talking about our days. You feel like trips away and watching films and buying furniture. You feel like conversations about everything and nothing and cups of tea when it gets cold. You feel like life outside Banksia.’ I paused.

‘It’s terrifying, but you feel like forever. ’

He took a shuddering breath. ‘You feel like forever, too,’ he whispered. ‘You feel like everything I’ve ever wanted.’

My omega preened at that, demanding we be closer to our alpha, but I knew he wasn’t done. I shifted again, feeling his warmth on my skin, but still not close enough to touch.

He sighed and opened his eyes to gaze back out at the fiery sky and endless sea. ‘My sister, Tina, was an omega.’

My fingers twitched.

‘We were always close, always best friends. She was a year older than me, exactly to the day. Our parents used to joke that we were late twins. We even looked that way – both tall, with the same dark hair, the same grey eyes. We did everything together. Tina never minded that I was her shadow; we had the same friends, the same interests. The only way we differed was that Tina loved building things, loved using her hands, while I loved reading and getting lost in other worlds. Our parents would say that I’d dream a world, and Tina would build it.

‘She revealed as an omega when she was fourteen.’ My breath caught; so young , I thought.

‘A few months later, I emerged as an alpha. It was way too early – for both of us – but I had to, I think. Can you imagine what a fourteen-year-old omega goes through?’ My chest constricted; I could imagine it, all too well.

‘The staff at our school were on blockers and cancellers – it had just been made law – but the students weren’t.

They couldn’t be, and neither could Tina.

They were way too young. But it meant that Tina was never left alone.

She was harassed from the moment she stepped onto school grounds by the older students.

Even a teacher –’ He cut himself off. ‘Dr. Ford thinks my alpha emerged in response to that. That my instincts knew my sister needed someone to watch her back. And so I did.’

My heart ached; I rubbed it with the palm of my hand.

‘My parents wanted to homeschool her. Tina refused. She said it wasn’t her problem that other people wouldn’t control themselves.

She said they needed to be given the opportunity to try, that things were changing, and they needed to get used to being around omegas.

Mum and dad weren’t happy, so I went to the principal and demanded to take the assessments from Tina’s year.

I passed them, and the principal agreed to move me up and place me in Tina’s classes.

He was relieved, I think. It took the burden of care off his teachers and put it on me. ’

For a moment, I was furious beyond belief at an adult I’d never met placing that weight on a child’s shoulders. On Byron’s shoulders.

‘Nothing had changed, not really. Tina and I still did everything together, only now I used my height and my weight and, when I needed to, my fists, to make sure she was safe. That became my life – making sure Tina was safe.’

‘You were so young,’ I whispered.