Page 41 of Wake Me Up (New England Bay Sharks #5)

I lie in my bed, staring up at the ceiling.

It’s past two in the morning, but I can’t fall asleep.

Unlike the past nights when I lay here, smiling like a moron because I was remembering how sweet Tripp had been to me and my kids, right now …

I’m restless for other reasons. Or one particular reason that occurred earlier today. Well, yesterday, I should say.

Though I couldn’t tell you the reason, Tripp asking about my scars didn’t really hit me until after I dropped him off once I ran my errands with him by my side. Now, days later, and I can’t get the short encounter we had that involved him asking about those scars off my mind.

When I told him that Aviana’s delivery was rough and I knew I didn’t want more kids, he simply kissed my scars one by one, and then we had sex again.

When I told him I knew I didn’t want more kids, I didn’t mean that I had gotten those scars during labor and delivery.

I meant … I had gotten those scars from a tubal removal months after I gave birth to my final child because I knew that it would be dangerous for me to try to carry another.

My preeclampsia was so bad with Aviana that the doctor said we could have both died.

And then I hemorrhaged. All of this made me know without a shadow of a doubt that I was done having kids—and luckily, Jamie felt the same way because it scared him.

I should have been more forward with Tripp and told him that those scars had come from a surgery I had to make sure I never got pregnant again. He doesn’t have kids of his own. What if that’s something he wants and I can’t give him it?

Who am I kidding? Of course he wants kids of his own!

He’s so good with kids. He’s taking Aviana to a damn Jonas Brothers concert, for Christ’s sake.

Or he was going to, but now that I have to tell him the truth, I know that will likely be the end of the road for us.

I can’t hold him back from his dreams, especially when he doesn’t even know that I can’t give him everything I’m sure he wants in life .

I wish more than anything that I hadn’t invited him to Thanksgiving at my parents’ house tomorrow night because now, I have to face him. Not only that, but I have to do it without ruining everyone else’s holiday.

One thing is for sure though: I can’t keep this from him. It’s not fair to either of us.