Page 28 of Wake Me Up (New England Bay Sharks #5)

I poke at my lasagna, looking down at it and not really feeling hungry. My mind is going in a million directions between Aviana’s upcoming surgery and my new marriage. There’s a lot going on right now.

It’s been three days since the little … incident happened at Tripp’s house, where I had a moment of weakness and humped his leg like a horny teenager. And in the past three days, he’s sent me a few messages and called once. All of them I’ve ignored.

I can’t ignore him forever, nor does he deserve for me to either.

The man married me just to help my daughter.

And then he confessed that I’m what he wants and all he thinks about.

Now, I guess I don’t know what to do with that information.

It would no doubt be easier if there was no attraction at all because then I wouldn’t be at risk for my worst nightmare.

Falling and losing again.

“Mom, did you hear me?” Cash says, pulling me out of my own thoughts.

“Sorry, babe.” I shake my head to wake myself up a bit. “What did you say?”

“I asked if I get to work with Tripp this week. I know he’s busy and all, but he can usually squeeze in an hour every week.” He sounds concerned. “I texted him from Cane’s phone the other day, but he said he’d let me know. I never heard back though.”

“Um, we’ll have to see. Avy has some appointments this week before surgery next Thursday, and so … I just need to see, okay?”

When disappointment masks his face but he tries to hide it with a small smile and a nod, I fight off a grimace because in one of the messages I received from Tripp, he asked if it would be okay if he worked with Cash this week.

He even offered to come and pick him up too.

When I read the message, the image of Cash and Tripp laughing while he taught him important lessons on the ice flashed through my mind, and guilt suddenly hit me like a freight train.

I don’t want Cash to forget his dad, and while coaches and family friends have come and gone, Cash has never connected with someone as strongly as he has with Tripp.

That makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong by allowing them to spend so much time together—especially now that I’m married to the freaking guy.

I look at Cash, and I know … I can’t take this connection from him. Even if it only entangles us more.

Pushing my plate away from me, I glance at the clock. We ate early tonight, so it’s not even six o’clock yet, and aside from Cane, who will probably eat one or two more helpings … we’re done.

“How’s tonight sound?” I murmur, looking from Cash to Cane. “You’re welcome to go, too, if you want.”

“Hell yeah!” Cash chants, ignoring my scowl at his choice of words as his entire face lights up. Surprisingly, so does Cane’s.

“Yeah, I’ll go,” Cane says thoughtfully before glancing at Cash. “If you don’t mind, Bub.”

“Are you kidding?” Cash all but gasps. “That would rock!”

“All right, all right. I need to at least check that it’s okay with him,” I say, giggling at their enthusiasm before looking at Aviana. “Girls’ night?”

She shoots off her seat, jumping up and down excitedly. “Yes! With popcorn, and I’m painting your nails!”

“Perfect,” I utter politely, remembering how most of my skin was covered the last time she painted my nails. “I’ll shoot him a message and let you know what he says.”

Yet, somehow, I know … he’s going to say yes.

I pull in front of Freya’s house, only about twenty minutes after she messaged me and asked if I had time for a lesson with Cane and Cash tonight.

They don’t know it yet, and Cash might not be overly impressed with me at the end of the night, but I have another plan.

One that Cane will enjoy much more than going to the arena.

The door opens, and the boys bust out, both grinning like fools, carrying their gear as they rush toward my truck. When the door opens again and Freya walks out, pulling her sweater tighter around her body before walking toward the truck, I’m shocked.

Just as the boys get in, she stands by the passenger door, keeping the door open. It’s pretty clear she’s feeling awkward, but because she’s the best mother that I know … here she is, walking her kids out.

“Thanks for agreeing to take them,” she says, keeping her eyes toward me but looking past me. “Have them home by nine?”

“You got it,” I drawl.

She attempts to plaster on a smile so that they don’t pick up on the fact that she’s ready to crawl out of her own skin. “Have fun, boys. Be good for Tripp.”

“Always!” they both say quickly.

Before she closes the door, her eyes meet with mine. It’s only for a second, but it’s long enough that my heart kick-starts. And then … she closes the door, and she’s gone.

“Buckle up, fellas,” I say, glancing over at Cane in the front. “Did y’all wear sneakers?”

Looking down at his bag of gear, he frowns. “Yeah, but I thought we needed skating stuff?”

“Change of plans.” I look in the rearview at Cash. “Don’t worry, Moneybags; you’ll have fun still.”

I know he’s unsure of what we’re doing and a little uneasy, but he simply shrugs. “All right.”

Then Cash asks his brother, a hint of worry in his voice, “Hey, did Mom seem weird to you at dinner?”

“She was quiet, but I’m sure she’s just worried about Avy’s surgery,” Cane answers, as if he’s trying to calm his brother’s nerves.

Cash worries about his family—I know he does because I can hear it in his voice and see it. He’s lucky he has a big brother like Cane to calm him down.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Cash mumbles before looking out the window. “Avy is going to be fine though. ”

“Of course she is,” Cane tosses back. “She’s Avy. Toughest, most annoying kid ever.”

“Truth.” Cash chuckles, but concern still flows from his tone.

I hope I didn’t make anything worse with Freya. She has enough to worry about right now without me trying to complicate her shit even further.

But I can’t help but wonder if she’s thought about the other day the way that I have.

I don’t know whether to curse, smile, or cry when I look down at the pictures Cane sent me. But when I zoom in, looking at the smile on his face in a picture that Cash must have taken of him in the batting cage, a smile overtakes my face, and a few tears stream down my cheeks.

“Look at Bubba,” I say to Aviana, staring at my oldest baby having the time of his life. “He’s having so much fun.”

I scroll to another video, and it’s Cash in the batting cage. It’s pretty clear that he doesn’t take after his big brother when it comes to hitting. But he’s smiling and having a good time, so I’m happy. Although I know my son enough to know it kills him to not be good at something.

I message back and say that it looks like fun with a heart emoji and set my phone on the coffee table before pulling Aviana against me. “The house is quiet, and no boys are here to hog our popcorn.”

“I guess.” She sighs, not looking at me.

I can always tell when she’s bummed out about something, but lately, she’s been a little harder to read because I know, deep down, she has to be worried about the surgery.

“Everything okay?” I give her body a little squeeze. “You seem a little down, babe.”

She wiggles slightly, moving out of my hold and positioning her body to face mine. “I’m glad the boys get to spend time with Tripp. They always seem happy around him and all, and he does a lot of nice things for them.” She stops, looking down shamefully. “But sometimes …”

“You wish you could spend time with him too?” I take a guess, even though this isn’t a concern I had before this very moment.

“A little, yeah.” She shrugs her shoulders. “It’s almost like they’ve had a dad lately. I wish I had a dad person too. Even if he doesn’t want to hang out with me, I wish someone would.”

I’m so taken aback from her words, and I don’t have a damn clue what to even say. Tripp certainly isn’t a father figure to my boys. It’s all too new for that, and besides, the kids don’t even know we’re legally married.

Reaching up, I cup her cheek. “I’m sorry you’re feeling that way, baby.” I stroke her cheek, thinking about how I swear she was just a tiny baby and all was right in the world. “And I’m sure if you’d like to hang out with Tripp sometime, he’d be honored.”

“Really?” she peeps.

“Absolutely,” I say, plastering on my brave face because I’m her mom. I’m supposed to know the answers, even when I don’t. Like right now.

Pulling her back against me, I nuzzle my nose into her hair and breathe her in. “Love you, chickadee.”

“I love you too,” she whispers, snuggling into me.

And even though the movie continues to play and she may watch it … I can’t focus on what’s happening on the screen. I’m too deep in my own thoughts, wondering why I’m so dead set on fighting these feelings I have when my kids all seem to adore Tripp Talmage.