Page 27 of Viper (The Dark Angel’s MC #4)
Lake
I’m numb.
It’s been half an hour since he went into the back room, and Ted hasn’t come back out. It’s been half an hour since I’ve had the itch to cut, and Ivy had to hold me while I fell apart before she cleaned the blood off my hands.
Half an hour since I became completely numb.
“I’m worried, Leo, she hasn’t said anything,” I hear Luna whisper.
She had her babies while I was away. She shouldn’t be here. She should be with her twins, Ella and Anastasia, not here…
“He’s her universe, princess, and right now, her universe may not survive,” he replies with concern, and I can feel his eyes on me as Eagle, Jaylen’s dad, tightens his grip he has around my shoulders.
I want to cut, I can feel the itch, I need it.
“Get outta your head, darling,” Eagle whispers, reading my mind, and he gently grabs hold of my hand, and I look down to see my scar red and raised.
I didn’t even realize I was scratching it.
“I know it’s hard, I know you want to relapse, I know you are dying slowly inside the longer they take to give us some news.
But I need you to have faith, to hold onto the love you feel for him to stay strong enough for both of you, for my granddaughter,” he whispers and my tears fall as I slowly lay my head on his shoulder.
The room is full, most of the brothers and their old ladies are here, most of them seeing my breakdown and all of them looking at me.
I can feel their eyes, yet I’m too numb to care.
Eagle tightens his grip on my hand when I try to move it unintentionally.
I need to cut, I need to feel the sharp edge of the blade on my skin.
“I’m going to go find out what’s taking so long,” I hear Raya snap.
Venom’s voice hits my ears, “They won’t tell you anything because you’re not blood related…”
“I don’t care,” she growls, “Lake is at breaking point, she’s barely blinked let alone moved!”
“Fuck it, I’m going,” I hear another voice I don’t recognize.
“Tank,” I hear Blade sigh, “just sit down.”
I hear a growl before the voice, Tank, snaps, “And watch our Sergeant’s love fall apart and cut herself again, no, we need answers.”
I flinch at his words, and Eagle shouts, “Everybody sit the fuck down now and shut up!”
I hear a lot of chair movement, but I don’t look up, instead, I concentrate on my wrist, the need to scratch it consuming me.
“Lake,” I hear whispered before Skylar’s dark blue eyes connect with mine as she kneels before me, “I need you to focus on me,” she pleads, “Just focus on my voice, on me. I’m right here.”
She grips my knees to keep me steady and focused, and my tears fall.
“He-he wasn’t breathing,” I choke out, and Skylar nods and whispers, “That’s it, keep going…”
“She’s getting her out of her trance,” I hear whispered with shock.
My breathing intensifies, “He-he, blood, so much blood,” and suddenly Ivy is before me with Luna and Raya.
“We’ve got you, Lake, we’re here, we’ve got you,” Ivy whispers as she covers my wrist with her hand, Luna doing the same with her other while Eagle keeps his arm around me and Sky, she gently places her palm on my stomach and promises, “We’ve got you…both of you.”
My body shakes and my sobs echo in the silent room as my friends all grip me tightly with tears staining their cheeks. While Eagle, whose son could die, comforts me, and that only makes me cry harder as I lean into him and sob, “I-I can’t lose him…”
“Lake,” I hear ten minutes later, and I look towards the door to see Ted standing there looking at me with concern.
Eagle helps me stand, and I tremble as I walk over to him.
“D-Don’t sugar coat it, Ted,” I hiccup, and he nods as he looks around the room.
“Out of all the members of my staff and students, I never thought you’d fall for a biker,” he says gently.
I sniffle and admit, “I didn’t know he-he was one at-at first.”
He smiles and mutters, “Well, that explains it,” before he sighs, “he hit his head quite hard, more than once.”
I shake, my tears falling already seeing where this is going, and I confirm, “He has a brain bleed.”
The men behind me tense, the pure aura of them intensifying as Ted confirms, “He does, we need to operate otherwise we’ll lose him, he’s already being prepped in the OR, Dr. Travis will be doing the surgery.
” he looks around the room before looking at me, “He woke for a moment, he whispered your name before his heart stopped again.”
I feel my bottom lip wobble as my tears fall, and I nod as he squeezes my arm and says, “I’ll let you know as soon as he’s out of surgery, but Lake, you know the drill.”
“It’s a risky surgery and he may not-not make it,” I reply, and he nods sadly as crying can be heard behind me.
Ted kisses my head before he leaves, but I stay frozen.
I’m going to lose him, my daughter is going to lose her daddy…
I was too late to come to the realization that I wanted to fight for us.
“Lake,” I hear Blade whisper, but I shake my head and mutter, “I-I need a minute.”
My feet move before my brain catches up, and I rush out of the door and down the hallway before the sign for the ladies enters my vision, and I rush inside and into the stall just in time.
Everything I’ve eaten and drank today comes back, my stomach tightening every time I heave as sobs rip from me. The pain of losing Jaylen will destroy me from the inside out.
I take deep breaths as the heaving stops before I slowly slide down the wall of the stall and sit on the floor, my sobs tearing through me.
I’m a medical student. I know the survival rate, and I know the dangers of the surgery.
My wrists itch again and I look down at them, the scars in view and without thinking, I begin picking at it with my nail, letting the pain hit me, needing it to but it doesn’t work so I dig in harder, pulling at the scar until it bleeds and I dig my nail deeper into it as I sob before I hear gasped, “Lake no,” and hands grab mine before I lock eyes with a blurry Ivy and I hear Psycho mutter, “Fuck, Prez,” and I hear Blade curse.
“Jax, pass me some tissue,” Ivy orders with a sob, and my tears fall.
They shouldn’t be in here with me, I’m being selfish…
“Here, cupcake,” Psycho says with sorrow before pressure is put on my wrists, and my breathing deepens.
“I-I’ve been so selfish, so stubborn,” I sob.
“No!” Blade snaps, “You haven’t, and Jaylen would tell you the same if he were in front of you.”
Ivy moves before Blade takes her place and gently cups my cheek as he whispers, “This, this shows everyone in that waiting room exactly what he means to you, it shows them that the thought of him dying kills you as well. This reaction, Lake, is normal, it isn’t selfish.
He is your everything, and while yeah, you broke up over stupid shit, you never stopped loving each other. ”
“I relapsed,” I whisper with heartbreak, guilt that I failed Jaylen, hitting me.
“I know, sweetheart,” he whispers back as Ivy’s sobs echo in the room, “I’m just sorry we didn’t get to you in time to stop you.”
My tears fall, and Blade gently pulls me into him before lifting me up bridal style, and I close my eyes, my tears unstoppable.
I relapsed…
I hear gasps, but I don’t look. Instead, I keep my eyes shut as I feel Blade sit down with me on his lap before I hear, “Prez, I brought what you asked for, though I didn’t know how much cologne to spray, so I put shitloads on.”
“Thanks, Trent,” Blade replies before the smell that settles me, that I crave, hits my senses, and I open my eyes to see a guy with a prospect cut holding out one of Jaylen’s tees that smells like him.
I slowly reach for it, not noticing the blood on my wrist, and I take it as I hear Raya sob, “No…” but I don’t look and put the tee to my nose and close my eyes.
“Psycho, grab a doctor to have a look at her wrist, please,” Blade rumbles.
“P-please tell me she won’t be readmitted…” Raya pleads.
“No, kitten, she won’t be, she’ll probably just need to see a therapist sooner than the date she’s been given,” Venom soothes, “This was expected, we just didn’t get to her in time.”
I squeeze my eyes tight and press my nose against the shirt harder before I hear, “Fuck she really does love him, that wasn’t just an act.” and Blade growls but doesn’t say anything as I burrow into him.
If I lose Jaylen, after I finally got my emotions together, I won’t survive, I know it.