Page 17 of Viper (The Dark Angel’s MC #4)

Lake – Two Months Later

I chew my bottom lip as I eye the light pink, off-the-shoulder dress with long sleeves hanging off my frame, wondering if the sleeves will stay down my wrists or if I should be smart and put hair ties over them so they don’t come up.

“Fuck baby.”

I flinch as the guy's grunts echo from two months ago, and the urge to grab the small blade I have in my nightstand builds for the fifth time today. I take deep breaths to try and control it, not wanting to do it again.

One week is how long I’ve gone without cutting. Before that, it was eight days, and three days before that.

Every time I get a flashback of what I did, or Viper’s words echo in my head, I cut, nothing too big but deep enough that I feel it, to quiet the voices.

Not a good sign though, is it, huh? An EMT in med school cutting all because she’s heartbroken over a guy and let someone touch her when drunk.

I feel a slight movement in my stomach, and I look down at the flowing dress, my bump just noticeable, and I slowly turn to my side and gently rub my hand over the twenty-week bump, the baby moving underneath my hand as I eye it in the mirror.

A girl, I’m having a girl…

I found out yesterday, before I met with an adoption agency in the heart of Santa Monica and that apparently several families want to be considered.

Sadness fills me again, and I blink, the tears that brim wanting to fall, while the urge to cut intensifies.

Sitting in the office, explaining that I’m just not ready to be a mama and that the father is not involved.

It hurt, a lot, especially when I saw a future with Viper, but I powered through it before starting a shift with Callum.

Thankfully he hasn’t noticed that I’m pregnant.

My bump is small but I guess that is what happens when you don’t eat right during pregnancy which makes me selfish.

Food just hasn’t appealed to me, and the little I do eat, I eat for her.

I sigh as I drop my hands from my stomach and turn away from the mirror, deciding against the hair ties around my sleeves, not wanting to give anything away. I try to ignore the guilt because I haven’t looked after myself for her, proving I’m not worthy of being her mother.

The more I think about the baby, the more down I begin to feel, and today is supposed to be a happy day. It’s Skylar’s wedding so I need to be on my game for her, especially considering I’m one of her bridesmaids while also trying to hide my bump from everyone, especially my dad.

It helped that I’ve used work and school as an excuse to keep my distance, but today I don’t have a choice. I can’t let her down.

My phone chimes, and I grab it off my nightstand. My eyes go to the drawer, but I shake my head and wake the device up, ignoring the pictures of Viper knowing longing will fill me.

I miss him.

Shaking my head again, I open the text threat but swallow hard at the words, and my chest tightens.

My Girls – Raya: Heads up, I’ve just saw Viper riding through town .

He’s back.

Another message pops through.

My Girls – Skylar: Okay, I’m glad he’s back for my wedding, but I’m pissed he left to begin with .

Another message….

My Girls – Ivy: Don’t worry, I’ll ream him out when he walks through the door, leaving the way he did was not okay, especially for Lake .

My heart pounds, my stomach tightening, the urge to call him, to confide in him, to beg him to hold me pulls, and my eyes tear up.

When Skylar messaged the day after I made the biggest mistake of my life, that he had gone nomad, I felt like all the air was sucked out of me. No one was aware he was leaving, he didn't say goodbye. Plenty of brothers have blamed me for them losing their brother, their Sergeant at Arms.

Every time I walked into the diner or café, or even in the supermarket, if a brother was there, I’d get evil looks.

I couldn’t really blame them because, well, I blamed myself too.

I ended up calling in sick to work for a week, and I did things I’m not proud of - things that have now left scars on my wrist as a reminder of how pathetic I really am.

My stomach flutters, which may or may not be the baby, and panic sets in.

What if he sees the bump?

What if he found someone else on the road?

Bile rises, and I quickly swallow it, trying to breathe through the nausea and jealousy while regret fills me hard.

I have no right to feel jealousy or pain.

If he’s moved on, then that is his right.

I slept with someone else I mean, I know we’re broken up, have been for five months, but still, I slept with someone else.

He slept with the ring girl, and while I was intoxicated and not thinking right, unlike him, I still did it, while pregnant with his child, no less.

Skylar said he needed space, and the club allowed it, so if space brought him someone else, then I guess I’ll have to get on with it.

I hope I don’t cry when I see him for the first time in two months.

“You may now kiss the bride,” the minister says two hours later, and by minister, I mean Brick while Tate, looking adorable in her flower girl dress jumps up and down excitedly.

I have no idea when Brick got himself ordained, but I have to admit, the man did good, and Mama Lopez could not take her eyes off him, so if that was his plan, it definitely worked. Though, if he hurts her again, I’ll chop his balls off while Skylar holds him down.

Fury mutters, “Fucking finally,” before he cups the back of Skylar’s head, gripping her loose, wavy hair and slamming his lips against hers hard.

The whole garden erupts in cheers, and I grin widely, my eyes tearing as I clap along with Ivy in front of me holding Hudson.

He keeps eyeing me, and I look his way again, causing him to squeal and giggle.

I smile a little at him. Normally, I would hold him and fuss over him, but I just can’t, especially knowing what I’m going to do in around four months...

A big part of me thinks I’m being selfish, but the other part knows this is the right decision.

I can barely keep myself up as it is, and having a baby…

I refuse to screw her up and allow the club to put a label on her before she’s even born.

Instead, she’s going to a family who is far away from the club, from me.

The club cheers louder, and I look away from Huddy to see Fury carrying Skylar bridal style down the little aisle and towards the tables and marquee, and I swallow hard.

Maybe they won’t notice if I leave…

I know Viper is here, I can feel him, but I don’t dare look his way.

I did once when I walked down the little aisle to see Cherri trying to get his attention, and I haven’t looked since. I refuse. I don’t know if he has a date, and if I look and he has one, it would destroy me.

The blade in my nightstand enters my vision, and I blink, trying to get rid of it.

I don’t need it.

The crowd follows the happy couple, and I sigh when Ivy raises a brow, not allowing me to run, and I move my feet to follow as well while Psycho takes his son from his woman. He is a little miracle giggling at his daddy while Ivy grins widely.

Sadness and jealousy fill me as my daughter moves slightly and I swallow hard before quickly moving away from them, then weaving through the people, ensuring I don’t touch anyone and avoid eye contact. I know I’m not welcome here, heck, I can feel the distain washing from the brothers and Cherri.

I find my dad sitting at the back table and I smile a little, seeing him looking around at everyone with a weird expression, one I know well.

He misses them and hates it.

He sees them all as family, and of course, he hasn’t gone back to Gary’s Motors yet making it even harder to want to leave permanently.

Mama Lopez is playing on her healing so he won’t leave the club.

By the way he’s looking at her and Brick, who are all loved up, a sight I had longed to see, he’s ready to leave.

“Hey, Daddy,” I say and take a seat next to him, “Dusted off your suit shirt, huh?”

He snorts, wrapping an arm around my chair as he mutters, “Only for Sky and Fury,” and I grin before looking towards the small dance floor to see them embracing with Tate between them.

Another sight I had longed to see, now if Raya and Venom would get their shit together.

“She deserves the world, and I am so glad Fury finally got his head out of his ass to give it to her,” I whisper as I lay my head on my dad’s shoulder.

He hums before kissing my head, then replies, “She does, she’s been through a lot, but pumpkin, you deserve the world as well.”

My eyes automatically go to the bar area set up out of instinct, and my eyes connect with the hazel ones I’ve missed oh so much, and electricity builds between us, the sparks flying everywhere.

I break the connection first when he doesn’t attempt to, and I lie, “I’m fine, Daddy, I have everything I want.”

He snorts, “No, you don’t, I can see right through your facade. You miss him, Lake. How hard is it to admit to? Especially when he’s looking at you like you’re his world and he’s drowning without you.”

“There’s just too much pain between us, Daddy,” I whisper, and he sighs, wrapping his arm tightly around me.

“I just hope you don’t wake up one morning and regret not fighting for him over the silliest of reasons why you broke up to begin with,” he mutters, and my eyes tear.

Too late, but I don’t say that. I people-watch, trying not to look in Viper’s direction again. I say quietly, “Mama Lopez is mended.”

He sighs, “I know, I was going to speak to Blade tonight, Gary’s expecting me back next week.”

“You love it here, Daddy,” I whisper, and he hums and admits, “I do, but the brothers put a label on my daughter's head before she was even born, a label they had no right to give. I can’t stay around that.”

I swallow hard but don’t say anything.

Maybe I do deserve that label. I allowed a man to take me like a whore when I was drunk, and when Viper finds out, he’ll never want to see me again.

It’s the main reason why I won’t go and speak to him.

He’s going to hate me even more than he already does when he finds out that I’m pregnant, and he’ll most likely kill me when he finds out I’m giving our baby up for a closed adoption.

It’s for the best, though, for me, him, and the baby.

“Incoming,” Dad murmurs, and I look around before I notice Cherri, in a tee and jeans, walking this way, her cherry red lips curled ion distaste.

Great…

“Randy,” she says as she stops in front of us, and Dad mutters, “Lilac…”

Cherri tenses and I raise a brow as I lift my head off Dad's shoulder and question, “Lilac?”

Dad chuckles and admits, “Yeah, her legal name, her mama loved the color purple.”

I snort, and Cherri growls, “Watch it, Lake!”

“Now, now Lilac, don’t try and parent me now, I was a mistake remember,” I goad, and her face reddens with anger that makes Dad chuckle.

“You’ve raised a disrespectful brat!” Cherri snaps, and I shrug and state, “At least he didn’t raise a patch chasing whore.”

Her nostrils flare, and she snaps, “I might be a whore, but at least I can keep Viper, unlike you!” Dad tenses, but she ignores his look of warning and gloats, “I had him this morning. As soon as he got back into town, he fucked me hard and fast.”

She’s lying, she has to be.

“Kitty and I, we’re sharing him,” she finishes with a smirk, and the need to cut builds again as Dad warns, “Turn your fake ass around and leave before I make you, or I’ll decide to let Blade know about your lies regarding a brother.”

Cherri grins clearly not believing him, but it soon vanishes when I don’t behave like she wants, instead, I say, “Well, I guess he better get himself checked out, then, huh?”

She narrows her eyes before huffing and storming away, and Dad mumbles, “She’s lying, Lake.”

I shrug and admit, “It doesn’t matter,” before I stand and kiss his cheek.

I need to leave, the need to cut is overwhelming.

“It does matter, Lake,” he says vehemently, but I shake my head and mutter, “It doesn’t. I need to go get ready for work. I’ll call you later, Daddy,” and I walk towards the back gate before he can say anything else without looking at anyone else.

It doesn’t matter because I allowed another man to touch me despite the fact that Viper held my heart.

With a lump in my throat, I get to my truck and open the door, but tense when I hear, “I guess you’re more like me than we all thought, huh? You know, fucking Joey at The Dive like a whore.”

Tears instantly brim, guilt taking over because if she knows, then he knows.