Page 22 of Viper (The Dark Angel’s MC #4)

Lake – A Week Later

I gently rub against the raised scar on my wrist, a weird feeling filling me as the baby moves in my stomach, reminding me she’s there, of the choices I’m willing to make, to sacrifice my mental health so she has a better life.

“What were you feeling?” Dr. Gren asks, and I look at the woman with kind, light-brown eyes. “You mentioned that you didn’t mean to cut deep, that you slipped, but what were you feeling when you decided to cut just as deep on your other wrist?”

I look back at the raised scar and slowly lick my bottom lip.

“Hurt,” I admit, “heartbroken, unwanted, broken, lonely…”

“That’s a lot of pain to feel all at once,” she remarks, and I nod.

“It was, and all I wanted to do was call Jaylen,” I admit.

“Why didn’t you then?” she asks.

I chew my bottom lip, my eyes tearing up, and I admit, “Because I slept with someone else.”

“You feel like you cheated,” she confirms, and my tears fall.

“It’s ridiculous, right?” I ask, “We weren’t together, and yet I feel like I betrayed him.” I sniffle, “I was drunk, really drunk, and it wasn’t until the guy had walked away that I sobered up enough to realize what I did, and I threw up.”

“What happened next, Lake?” she asks, prompting me to continue.

We’ve gone over my childhood, the feeling of loneliness being homeschooled, but not this, not about me finding out about the pregnancy, the cutting.

I sob, “I went to get the morning after pill, even though he used a condom but the woman wouldn’t give me what I needed because I didn’t know when my last period was.”

“You realized you were pregnant,” she finishes for me, and I nod, and she confirms, “You thought you didn’t deserve the baby.”

I look at her and ask, “Do I though?” my tears fall, “I got drunk while pregnant, I allowed some man I could barely even see touch me, I started to cut even knowing I could be putting the baby at risk, I didn’t eat properly and I tried to contact adoption agencies behind Jaylen’s back. Do I really deserve this baby?”

“The question is, do you think you deserve it?” she retorts.

I shake my head and deny, “No, I don’t. Just like I don’t deserve Jaylen.”

“Why don’t you deserve Jaylen?” she asks, and I scoff.

“Where do I start?” I say, “He omitted that he was a brother. I knew brothers were worried about women wanting their patch, yet instead of understanding it, I got upset with him. He told me he slept with my mother, who didn’t want me, way before he even met me, and I still got upset with him.

For months, instead of trying to talk to him, to communicate with him, I argued, I allowed him to think crap that wasn’t the truth, then I kept the knowledge of his baby from him. ”

“You were hurting, Lake,” Dr. Gren states, “You were going down a dark path and you couldn’t see the end of the tunnel because he was your end, he was your light that kept you going because you fell in love with him and when you broke up you became blinded,” she closes her book, “You’re being very hard on yourself, you both are really.

You mentioned he’d never been in love before and that you’d never been in a relationship, and it takes a lot of hard work to come out on the other side when you go through hard times, and I honestly believe this is just a hard time. ”

“But I slept with someone else,” I whisper, not able to move past it.

“You did, but like you said, you weren’t together.

” She says, “Okay, it’s the end of the session and you have someone in the family room…

Now, before you go, I have some homework for you, Lake.

I want you to picture your future and write down what you see, whether it’s you as a doctor and single or a mom with Jaylen by your side, I want you to write it down, and in the next session, we’re going to decipher it. ”

I nod and slowly stand, my body trembling, and I slowly walk to the door before she calls, “Lake,” and I turn her way. She smiles and says, “I want the honest truth in your letter, don’t hold back what you wanted for your future before depression took hold of you.”

I nod and whisper, “I promise I’ll write the truth,” and she smiles.

I turn and leave the light yellow room, walking down the hallway towards the family room at the end.

I don’t know who is here.

Jaylen came last week with Venom so I’m not expecting him again, he’s done his duty and I’ve already said I don’t want the girls here.

Unless its Raya here to come kick my ass for telling Venom her daddy died but I didn’t say he was technically murdered, or well, death by man slaughter anyhow, only that the Hyenas did set the fire.

She wants revenge, the Hyenas being the ones who killed her father unintentionally and again, I never told Venom that, but I am hoping he’ll come to realize it and save her before she self-destructs with revenge.

Taking a deep breath, I open the door and walk through, but I freeze as Jaylen stands up, smiling at me, and my tears begin to brim.

“You’re back,” I choke.

He tilts his head and asks, “Of course I’m back, shorty, where else am I supposed to be?”

I sniffle and I admit, “On the road.”

Jaylen sighs and walks over to me, his black tee stretched nicely, showcasing his muscular chest, and I look up when he stops near and says, “I’m not going anywhere ever again.”

My heart races with his words, and I try not to look more into them until he holds up a white shirt, his own, and my tears fall as he says, “I thought you might like this to sleep in…”

I don’t hesitate. I grab the shirt and bring it to my nose, inhaling, and his cologne enters my senses. I relax instantly, making him chuckle as he gently wraps his arms around me and I place my head against his chest, not removing the material from my face.

This is the guy I remember from our relationship, the one who always made me feel like he loved me, the one who didn’t care when I took his shirts. The one I kept at home and even though his smell is gone, I can’t sleep without it.

I feel him kiss my head, and I close my eyes, enjoying the sensation, and he whispers, “How are you doing, shorty?”

My tears fall at his nickname, and I press myself deeper into him, causing him to tighten his arms around me. I admit on a whisper, “My therapist gave me homework,” as he gently runs his fingers through my hair, soothing me.

I never want to leave his embrace again, his warmth bringing me the comfort I need.

“Is that so?” he confirms, and I look up at him, locking eyes with his hazel ones that mesmerize me as I keep my body pressed against his as much as I can with the bump and reply, “She wants me to write a letter about how I see my future.”

He smiles gently as he runs his fingers through my hair again and asks, “And how do you see it?”

“I don’t know anymore,” I admit, my eyes racing between his.

Jaylen grips my hair and pulls me even closer, placing my head over his chest, and I close my eyes as his chest rumbles as he says, “You do, you just have to let yourself want it.”

“What if I’m scared?” I ask with a whisper, not opening my eyes.

“You still write it no matter what. Don’t think about everyone else’s feelings, write how you see it and then go through it with your therapist before you try and make your wishes come true,” he says before he pulls back a little as he cups my jaw and we lock eyes again.

“You need a clean slate, Lake,” he says, “You need to put the past behind you and to focus on your present and your future. Focus on what you want and fight for it.”

“But I’m broken, Jaylen,” I remind him quietly.

He shakes his head and denies, “You’re not broken, you’re just a little cracked, and instead of putting a band-aid over it, you're fixing it.”

He places a kiss on my forehead and says, “Come take a seat, I’ve got another present for you,” and I comply, allowing him to guide me to the light brown chairs before I take a seat, not letting go of his tee.

He takes a seat right next to me before he grabs the box off the table, and I furrow my brows as I take it from him before opening it.

A strong cinnamon smell hits me, making my stomach grumble, before the buns with white icing come into view, and I look at him with teary eyes.

“You said you’re craving them,” he whispers as he cups my cheek and gently rubs his thumb along my jaw.

This man…

He’s my everything.

Swallowing hard, I gently close the lid of the box, breaking our connection before I climb him like a tree and beg him to take me home, and he moves his hand so I can place the box on the table, and I admit, “They’ll be gone by tonight,” and he chuckles.

I sigh, sitting back in the chair, and I clutch his shirt, not willing to let it go in case he decides to take it back with him, which is silly thinking, really, but my emotions are all over the place right now.

“I’ve never slept with Cherri, shorty,” he admits out of the blue, and I look up from his tee that he’s sprayed his cologne on in shock. He smiles sadly, “Growing up, I didn’t touch any clubwhores, especially not Cherri.”

“Why?” I ask, stunned by his admission.

He shrugs then admits, “Because I didn’t want to sleep with women half the brothers had, brothers I see as family, I mean, my dad sleeps with those women, meaning it would be like screwing him.”

I scrunch my nose because eww, and he chuckles.

Wait, does that mean…

My heart pounds, and I ask, “And the ring girl?” He tilts his head and frowns, and I admit, “I went to your fight and she was all over you,” I clear my throat, “She came into the café, gloating about what you did.”

He winces, shame etching off him, making my heart stop, and he states, “I never slept with her,” and my mouth parts in shock.

He continues, “Yes I-I licked her but I was picturing you,” he sighs, “When I realized it wasn’t you I pulled back and dragged her out of my office before I vomited and then had my whole office redone, it’s also when I realized I needed to go nomad before I lost control of my emotions. ”

He didn’t sleep with her…

“I’m sorry I made out like I had slept with Cherri, I never should have let you assume, I was just angry because I thought you were trying to get my cut, which again, I never should have accused you of, especially when I know your heart,” he whispers.

I swallow hard as he grabs my hand, and I clutch his tight, my heart pounding, the future I was told to envision slowly disappearing.

It’s official, I am a whore.

He never slept with her or Cherri, but I slept with someone else. I may have been drunk, but still.

He deserves someone better than me, even if it was always him as my future.