Page 25 of Violet Moon (Pitch Mountain Pack #1)

seventeen

Sera walked around the pack house like a newborn foal on shaky legs.

Days had passed since Parisa kissed her and the tension in the house had eased.

Parisa was talking to her again, but Sera couldn’t force herself to fit into her same routine.

Again she felt like she was mourning a life that didn’t get to exist. In some other universe there was a Sera who got to kiss Parisa whenever she wanted and they didn’t have to dance around one another pretending like they both didn’t know how the other felt.

It was a welcome distraction to walk out to see three of her packmates in a circle in the hallway playing rock, paper, scissors. Lock and Harry were howling with laughter as they chose the same thing several times in a row. Diah walked up beside them.

“You both have a pattern,” Diah pointed out.

“No, I don’t!” Harry laughed, throwing out scissors the same time Lock did.

“I think I figured yours out. Let’s go again.” He readied his arm but turned to see Sera at the last second. He stood up straighter. “Hey there, Beta.”

“Good to see you all in high spirits,” Sera said.

“We’re letting fate decide who has to cover for Olive tonight during late shift,” Harry explained.

Diah grinned and waggled her eyebrows. “She’s got a date tonight.”

Sera perked up. “Do we know who with?”

Diah shook her head. “Some mystery person that she’s apparently seen more than once already. Olive’s too good at keeping secrets.”

“There’s no secrets in a pack house,” Lock said with a grin. He glanced at Sera so quickly she nearly missed it, but it worried her all the same.

“Oh yeah, then who is Olive dating?” Harry asked.

Lock looked smug. “Pick up enough of her shifts and you’ll know who comes looking for her.”

“Wait.” Diah’s eyes opened wider. “You actually know?” She grasped Lock’s arm, pleading. “You have to tell me everything. Living room. Now.” She started pulling him away. “Harry, you’re coming, too.”

Sera watched them leave and waited until their happy chatter had faded before sneaking into the kitchen.

She was glad to find it empty, but the moment she poured her coffee she wished for more pack gossip as a distraction.

She wrapped her hands around her mug and drank it all in a few big gulps.

She was going to Parisa’s office early — without flowers.

Those didn’t feel right anymore. But she still wanted a chance to talk to her Alpha about nothing in particular and for it to feel somewhat normal before Wilma arrived.

She made it as far as Parisa’s door before that hope was dashed.

Parisa flew out of her study, looking frazzled. She nearly crashed into Sera, but caught herself with one hand on Sera’s shoulder. Sera jumped at the sudden contact and Parisa retracted her hand like she’d been burnt.

“Sorry, didn’t see you.” Parisa sounded out of breath.

“Aren’t we meeting this afternoon?”

“Not today. Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. Something came up. And we don’t need to meet every day, do we?” She smiled, but it looked out of place on her otherwise strained features. “I know we’re on the same page.”

“Sure. I guess we don’t.”

“Great!” She lifted her hand as if to pat Sera on the shoulder, but pulled it back at the last second. “I will see you later, then.”

“See you.”

Sera realized that she had no idea where Parisa was going.

She used to know the ins and outs of her schedule.

They were friendly again, but the wall between them was there.

It’d taken on a new shape, but it was back and more impenetrable than ever.

Parisa was keeping herself and the pack safe by keeping Sera at arm’s length.

Sera looked at her hands and wondered what to do with her sudden free time.

She tried to read the book Edgar had dropped off outside her bedroom door the other night, but found it hard to focus. She’d skim a page only to have no idea what she’d just pretended to read.

Edgar walked back into the house and through the den on his way to the kitchen, looking dapper in his professorial attire. He paused and smiled when he saw what Sera was reading. “Just started?”

“Trying to. It’s hard to focus.”

“That one does start a bit slow.” He settled in the armchair near Sera.

“This is more of a me problem than a book problem.”

“Understandable given how much has happened.”

“What?” Sera sat up straighter. News could spread like wildfire in a packhouse, but she thought her and Parisa’s conversation hadn’t been overheard. Now she wasn’t so sure.

“I mean, with the duel and everything.”

“Oh, right. Of course. Yes, it’s been a lot.”

“I bet. Even more reason to read, though.” He added. “A good escape. Plus that one picks up quickly once you make it through the first chapter. You’ll get invested in no time.”

“I hope so,” she replied, knowing she needed the distraction, but more than anything she wanted Edgar to stick around because this was the most normal she’d felt all day.

She tucked a scrap of paper in the book and closed it.

“Does the plot pick up quickly or does it get heated quickly?” She asked with a grin.

“Both.” Edgar sat back, crossing his ankle over his knee. “There’s a little espionage in that one. A lot of secrets. And it’s one of those books where the main characters sleep together fairly early in the book but the feelings take a lot longer.”

Sera wasn’t sure if she was in the mood for anyone else’s feelings, however escapist they might be, especially when it came to love. Maybe she needed a nonfiction book about boats or volcanoes or something. “Always a fun dynamic.”

“It’s so satisfying when they finally figure it out.”

Sera shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Maybe she needed to start her bakery shift early today. “And I will look forward to that.” She set the book down. “But I’m due at the bakery.”

Sera wandered up the path to the pack house at a hesitant pace, avoiding going back home.

In a matter of weeks, she’d managed to dismantle the core of what made her feel safe and happy.

Her pack was the only home and family she had, and now she was suspicious of her packmates and how much they knew and Parisa was further away than ever.

At least they were on speaking terms. Though, that hurt in its own way, too.

Parisa had told her she loved her. Parisa had kissed her. And now she was supposed to pretend none of that happened?

Sera started to climb the front steps of the pack house, turned away, and went down the grassy path that led to Emmaline’s cottage instead.

The walk there was its own sort of comforting meditation, but none of it compared to the welcoming warmth of Emmaline’s home as her packmate ushered her inside and gave her a cup of tea. She settled into the couch in her living room.

Emmaline sat across from her and smiled. “How was the bakery today?”

“You’re not going to ask why I’m here unannounced?”

Emmaline waved a dismissive hand. “That’s none of my business unless it’s something you want to share.”

Sera wrapped her hands around her mug and stared at her tea. “I do want to share, but in a really roundabout way, if that’s okay.” She glanced up. “But I shouldn’t just come over and unload my messy brain on you. How are you doing?”

“Don’t mind me. Nothing to share. Just same old, same old. Once you live for nearly a hundred years, the days all blend together. I’m just lucky mine are all content and fairly lovely.” She grinned as she took another sip of tea.

“I’m envious of that, honestly,” Sera said, thinking back to where she was weeks ago, stuck in a comfortable rut before she decided to blow everything up. It wasn’t perfect, but it was good enough.

“Now why would that be? You’re wonderful in every way. Is someone else ruining your day?”

Sera shook her head. “Only one ruining my days is me.”

“If you’re ready to share, I’m ready to listen.”

“You and your partner, how did you two know you were meant for each other?” Sera asked, hiding behind her mug with embarrassment.

“Oh you just know,” Emmaline replied. “You know because you don’t get sick of him no matter how much he’s around.”

Ernest popped his head around the corner. “And you can’t wait to tell her every minute, boring detail of your day.”

“And you want him around even when he’s made you angrier than a cat in the rain.”

“And you miss her even when she’s just gone for the day.” He winked at Emmaline and ducked back into the kitchen.

“Did you ever —” Sera faltered, not knowing how to phrase her question. “Feel free not to answer if it gets too personal, but did you ever worry about what others might think when you got together?”

“What? A wolf and a bear? Sure, we had some ugly thrown our way, but I always found safety within our pack. I don’t care what others think as long as my family is there for me. Besides, that’s one of the best things about our pack — the disregard for traditions that no longer serve their purpose.”

Except for the rules that Parisa was hiding behind. “Parisa can be strict about things, though.”

“Why? Is there a rule you want to break?” Emmaline leaned forward with interest. “Or one you’ve already broken?”

Sera stared into her tea.

“You don’t have to tell me. Just know that some rules are meant to be broken, especially those that keep us from being happy.

Take the two of us, for example. Wolves and bear shifters weren’t mixing when we met, but we smashed right through that wall.

And even now, we don’t always play by the rules.

We live how we wish. Our life looks however we want it to. ”

Sera recognized the knowing look in her eyes.

It was the same she’d seen in Lock’s and Edgar’s earlier, but so much more perceptive.

Emmaline had known Parisa and Sera the longest. There was no way she hadn’t noticed the shifts in daily pack life.

Her advice was too pointed. There was a chance that Sera was just overanalyzing the situation, but something in her gut told her that Emmaline knew.

Sera took a deep breath and let it out. “But you both agree on how to live together. What would you do if one of you didn’t?”

Emmaline took a moment to think. “We’d talk about it. Understand where each other is coming from.”

“And what if you already know where the other person is thinking and you agree with them, but it hurts?”

Emmaline’s features softened. She set down her tea and sat forward, leaning on her thighs with her forearms. “I’d be honest and say I’m hurting, that I can’t move forward like this.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.”

“You’re braver than you know, and stronger than you realize. And don’t forget, the entire pack is your family, too.” She smiled. “Feelings like these are a great thing to talk to a lump of dough and an oven about. Should we attempt choux pastry again?”

The challenge seemed like the perfect distraction. Sera nodded, setting down her tea. “Sounds like exactly what I need.”

Back at the house, Sera sat in front of the roaring fire for the first time in days.

It hadn’t felt right without Parisa but today it was the only place she wanted to be.

This was part of what made her love her home.

She enjoyed some rare quiet with a cup of coffee, until Jo appeared in her periphery.

“Beta! How are — are you okay? I can go somewhere else if you need to be alone.”

“No need.” Sera waved them over. “It’s the family room for a reason.”

Jo made a face and held up their phone. “Family is a sensitive subject right now. I got a passive aggressive text from my mom and I was looking for someone to hang out with.”

A familiar bittersweet feeling welled up inside her. “Do you need to talk?”

Jo shook their head. “No. No, no, no. I don’t like to talk about this kind of stuff. I’m just glad I’m here. At home. Back home really isn’t home at all anymore. I could never be myself there, not like here where I can be —” Jo wiggled their arms above their head. “You know, all of this.”

Sera smiled, wrapping her hands around her mug and looking down at her coffee. “I don’t remember my home, so this is the only home I know. And it’s a good one. I’m glad you feel like you can be yourself here.”

“Becoming a wolf was like starting over. I’d bugged so many of the Alphas to turn me, but they all said no, except for Parisa who just told me to wait. At the time I couldn’t see why, but now I’m glad for it.”

“Oh?”

“I needed time to figure myself out a bit more before exploding my whole life, I guess.”

“Do you feel like you exploded your life?”

“Yeah, but in a good way. I wasn’t happy, so it needed some exploding.”

“And you’re happier now?”

Jo brightened. “Definitely. The last year has been both super long, like I’ve always been here, and super short, like I just got here yesterday. Some days I wonder if I’ll ever figure myself out.”

Sera chuckled. “I’m far older than you and still confused. Maybe you’ll do better than me.”

Jo plopped down on the other sofa. “Doubtful. Being a hot mess is, like, my whole thing. But I think the pack makes me less of a mess. Like Wil is always looking out for me. So is Alpha Parisa. Harry feels like the big brother I never had. All of them do, really. It’s like I walked into this enormous family and everything was new and difficult, but it also felt like coming home, you know? ”

Sera swallowed around the lump in her throat. “I know exactly what you mean.”

This pack she loved was worth protecting, but she couldn’t forget about herself and what she needed to feel at home. She was done pretending. Sera knew what she had to do.