Page 23 of Violet Moon (Pitch Mountain Pack #1)

sixteen

There was no need to rush out of bed. There was no meeting with Parisa, just like there hadn’t been yesterday or the day before.

The meetings were still happening, of course, but only Wilma joined Parisa in her study.

Parisa hadn’t explicitly told her to not come, but her voice saying “get out” still played in Sera’s mind on repeat.

With a heavy sigh, she managed to sit up, but it was another long while before she put both feet on the floor and stood. Going about her day felt pointless, but she didn’t want to disappoint everyone or Parisa even more than she already had.

Her plants were wilting. She’ll deal with them later. She didn’t have the spare energy.

She kept her head down as she rushed through the hallways to the kitchen. Her appetite was minimal, but she still needed to eat if she was going to remain upright at the bakery. Once she set foot in the kitchen, all conversation ceased.

Diah gave her a little wave. “Good morning, Beta,” she said in that soft, sweet voice of hers.

“Good morning,” Sera replied with the best fake smile she could muster.

She turned to Olive, desperate to make this feel more normal. “How did your exams go? Have you gotten your scores back yet?”

Olive nodded. “Did well enough. It’s my third masters. I should be pretty good at taking tests by now.”

Diah’s gaze flittered between them both, her mouth tilted downwards with obvious concern.

“Have either of you seen my — oh hey, Beta.” Lock stopped short, eyes wide with surprise. “I was just looking — not here, I’ll check elsewhere.” He rocked back and forth on his feet. “I’ll see you later. I’m taking over with Wil when you’re done.”

Sera nodded in his direction and gave a quick goodbye to each of them, leaving without any food after all. Her stomach was twisted in knots. Wilma was taking over in far more than shifts. She was what the pack needed. She was what the pack deserved.

Sera was a ghost at the bakery. She did her best but she was haunting the place with her strange mood and the way she felt like she was floating outside of herself. She dealt with customers the best she could.

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” she asked the woman on the other side of the counter.

“Two of the pear and sage tarts, please.”

It took Sera longer than it should have to make sense of her words, but she was able to handle the order, and the next.

She took extra time to arrange each tart in the little violet box and tie each closed with a soft, silver ribbon.

It was unnecessary, especially when they were eating in the shop, but Sera needed the routine of it.

She needed the chance to feel like she’d made something beautiful instead of ruining everything.

She’d even let down Hugh. She hadn’t followed through on any of their plans to meet in days and he was being kind and giving her space.

After her shift, she had no plans, so she dragged her feet up the path to the house.

Jo smacked into Sera and started apologizing, but once they realized who it was, they stopped talking and drew Sera in for a tight hug.

“You don’t have to tell anyone what’s wrong. You just need a hug,” Jo whispered, their hair tickling Sera’s ear. “I really hope I didn’t just make things weird.”

Stunned, Sera gave them a little hug in return. It was nothing like the vice grip around her own waist, but it was nice.

“Not weird, I promise,” Sera said. “Thank you. I did need a hug.” Sera’s voice cracked and she closed her mouth up tight to keep anything else from pouring out.

With another squeeze, Jo let her go. “If I wasn’t incredibly late, I’d stick around but —”

“Go ahead. Don’t worry about me.”

“I will, though. And that’s fine.” Jo grinned and waved goodbye, dashing down the path towards the bakery. “Don’t forget we’re all here for you!”

Sera waved at their back and stood there feeling odd but warm in the sunshine.

She made it as far as the front door before deciding she couldn’t do it.

She needed more room to breathe and the house was stifling.

The outdoors felt better for now. She slumped into a deck chair on the back porch, but all she could think about was how, in the summer months when it was too hot for the fire, she’d sit out here with Parisa while the cicadas hummed.

The back door opened. Sera tensed and gripped the arms of the chair.

For a split second she thought it might be Parisa before she smelled Wilma and heard the distinct pattern of her feet on the deck boards.

She was both instantly relieved and disappointed.

Somewhere in her heart, she was hoping for the chance for Parisa to come to her so she wouldn't have to be the one.

Wilma said nothing as she came around the back of Sera’s chair and sat beside her in another deck chair. From the corner of her eye, Sera glanced over. Wilma had brought a book and was flipping back to the page she was on.

Sera drummed her fingers on the chair arm and followed one racing thought after the other.

She was the one who had screwed up. It was her job to be the one to talk to Parisa first, but she couldn’t imagine doing it, not after the way Parisa had yelled at her with such anger in her eyes — justifiable anger, at that.

Throughout their years of running the pack, Sera had always been chasing after Parisa, trying to keep up with what was expected of her.

Times changed and Sera tried to change with them.

The pack grew, but with each new member added it became clear that Parisa had picked a Beta too soon.

If she had waited, she could have gotten someone better than her.

She felt a bead of sweat roll down the nape of her neck despite the chill in the air.

Everything around her had sharpened — the colors of the leaves, the sound of Wilma turning pages, the many smells of the packhouse behind her.

She could feel the itch to run surging through her body.

The wolf wanted to emerge. Frustrated with herself, Sera suppressed it.

As much as she wanted to be the wolf now, it wasn’t the answer to any of her problems.

“I messed up,” she said, voice shaky.

Wilma took her time closing her book. “I know.”

“Does the pack know what happened?”

“Not the details, no. They’ve gathered that something happened between you and Parisa and everyone is worried about both of you.”

“You should be Beta, not me.”

“That’s not how this works.”

Sera stared at the forest that surrounded their home. “I don’t know how we could change it, but we’d all be better off with you.”

“That’s not what I think and that’s not what Alpha Parisa thinks either.”

“She already said it should be you that stands beside her at the next duel.”

“That might be true, but she misses you.”

“That’s impossible. You didn’t see how angry she was.”

“And now she’s miserable, too.” Wilma sighed. “You two have been together as Alpha and Beta for so long. You can make it through to the other side of this.”

“No I can’t. We can’t. Not this time.” Sera’s heart sank as she spoke aloud what she’d feared the most.

“Not alone, no. But together you can.”

Sera shook her head. “It’s not about what’s best for me, but what’s best for the pack. I’m not what’s best for the pack anymore.”

“I don’t think a lick of that is true, but I know I can’t change your mind.”

The back door creaked open. Harry stood there with a sheepish look on his face. “Beta Seraphine, there’s a vampire here for you.”

At the front door, Hugh was waiting with two coffees in disposable cups. “Sometimes I know what you need more than you do.”

She took the coffee from his outreached hand. “I don’t deserve this. Or you.”

“You deserve the world, mon lou lou . Now let’s walk and work through this.”

“I’m afraid the more I talk, the more I’ll fall apart.” She glanced over at him as they took their first step away from the house. “How much do you already know?”

Hugh took a long sip of his coffee. “I know that your dear Alpha has been challenged.”

Sera choked on air and whipped her head to the side.

“Don’t be so surprised. It’s big news and word spread quickly once some of your younger members figured it out, too.

Though, even before that, I’d guessed from how you spoke about what was happening.

I thought, what on earth could she not tell me about?

I admit it’s not a topic I know a lot about, but I’ve gathered from her and chats with Clemente about what it was like in the past.”

“I ruined everything.”

“How?”

“Hugh, I —” Sera looked back to see how far away they were from the house.

“If you want to talk around it, that’s fine by me.”

Sera took her first sip of coffee. It tasted of warm vanilla and spicy cinnamon. “I did something that Parisa is rightfully furious with me about. I made her look weak when she is anything but that.”

“Have you two spoken much since?”

“Once and it was terrible. I’m not cut out to be her Beta.”

“But you are.”

“Only because she didn’t wait long enough for better options.”

“Why did you want to be Beta all those years ago?”

Sera didn’t want to dig into the past now, but Hugh looked at her in a way that pulled the words out of her.

“I wanted to be there for Parisa as she built the pack she dreamed of, as she grew the bakery from just us in our kitchen to so much more. I was endlessly proud that she asked me, but times were different then.”

“I’ve lived long enough to know that people don’t change all that drastically, no matter what they believe — for better or for worse. If you were her best pick then, those same reasons she chose you are still true now.”

“But what I’ve done is unforgivable.”

Hugh stopped and waited for Sera to look up at him before he spoke. “Isn’t that for Parisa to decide? You need to talk to her.”

“I can’t.”

“Why did you do it?”

Sera pinched her lips together. Admitting this out loud was going to be harder than anything. “I was scared for her. I didn’t act on reason. It was all impulse.”

“Why?”