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Bia

Cillian’s letter was very overwhelming, not in a bad way, but in how good it felt for him to open up to me and be honest with me about things he kept close to his heart.

My heart broke for him about what happened to Dillion and the fact that he had lost two sons.

For days I kept debating if I wanted to write back to him, but last night I decided if he could be open and honest with me, I could at least try. I’ve always wanted at least a friendship with Cillian.

That’s why, after I had breakfast, I went to go find Maya.

I softly knock on her door.

“Come in, Bia,”

she calls.

“Hi, I hope I’m not bothering you.”

“Of course not, you look like you have something on your mind. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I do. I been thinking about if I want to write Cillian back and last night, I decided I want to.”

“What made you make that decision?”

“He was very open with me about things in his past, and if he can be open, I can at least try.”

“I’m proud of you, Bia. Remember, even though he is your husband, you can tell him no at any time. Set your boundaries.”

“I will. Do you think you could send my letter out to him after I write it?”

“I know Emilia or Gabriella will be here in a few days to bring more supplies. You can have them send it to him for you.”

“Okay, thank you, I’m going to write it now,”

I tell her with a smile.

She waves me off, and I make my way back to my room. I sit on my bed with a notebook and a pen and start writing.

Dear Cillian,

Thank you so much for sending the gifts to me, it was really thoughtful of you.

I wanted to say how sorry I am for the loss of Dillion. I can only go off the pain I have been feeling from losing our baby, and I know it hurts. It hurt worse than any other pain I have ever been in.

Thank you for taking care of our baby boy until I can come home and we can have a ceremony for him. Lucas is a perfect name for him. Please visit both of them and give them my love. A child should always know they are loved.

I know you would have been an amazing father to both of them. You would been very hands-on, you would have loved them and guided them to be strong men like your father has done with you and your brothers.

Tell your family thank you for the sweet notes and that I miss them too.

I’m not sure what you want out of this marriage, but my therapist tells me we both need to be clear with our expectations for ourselves and each other.

Our marriage was arranged, and I don’t want you to be miserable the rest of your life but I’m hoping we can at least be friendly with each other.

I know I’m not the woman you would marry if you had a choice, and I completely understand that, but I don’t think, no, I know I don’t want to be miserable the rest of my life. I never want to be as low as I was before I came here. I hate that I tried to kill myself because everything hurt so much, and I felt I had no other choice. I felt like I was in a dark hole with no way out except to kill myself.

I just want to be respected.

If you truly want to try to make this marriage work, I would love to cook for you or with you. Your chef was teaching me how to cook some Irish dishes, but I would love to cook you some of my favorite Greek recipes.

I want to know your favorite sport. Have you ever been to a game? Leonidas used to get so excited to go to a game when he was younger. Did you and your brothers go to a game together?

What is your favorite movie? What is your favorite music?

Sorry I’m blabbing, I tend to do that when I get nervous.

Maybe in my next letter I can tell you about some of my childhood memories, I do have a few happy ones. And maybe you can tell me some of yours.

I hope you're doing well and taking care of yourself.

I hope to talk to you soon.

Bia