Page 19

Bia

Grace: Hello, Bia, darling. How are you?

Bia: I’m good, Grace. How are you?

Grace: I’m good. I miss seeing you at the mansion. I called because I wanted to ask if you had bought your dress for the ball next week.

Bia: No, I’m going shopping tomorrow.

Grace: If I wasn’t busy, I would come with you. Make sure you and Cillian color coordinate.

Bia: Of course, I will talk to him about it.

Grace: How are you and Cillian?

Bia: We are good.

Grace: You don’t have to lie to me darling. I know he is being hardheaded and stubborn. I worry about you.

Bia: I’m okay, you don’t need to worry about me.

Grace: Such a sweet girl. I have to go, darling, talk soon. Bye bye.

She ends the call. I guess I’m going shopping tomorrow for the Mafia ball. When was he going to tell me? An hour before he would pick me up? You would think being raised in a household with women and having been married before, he would know women need time to prepare for an event like this. Not just the day of, but days before.

I’ve been pretty quiet about things I want in this marriage, but I guess being considerate about how long it takes a woman to look perfect before an event will be something I have to talk to him about.

I scroll through my phone until I find Cillian’s name in my contacts, even though I should change it to Asshole Husband. But with my luck, he would see it.

I take a deep breath before pressing my thumb on his name.

Ring…Ring…

Cillian: What?

Bia: Hi, Cillian, do you have a moment? I need to talk to you about something.

Cillian: Make it quick.

Bia: Oh…okay. Your mother mentioned the Mafia ball is next week.

Cillian: I’m aware of when it is. What’s there to know? You show up in a dress, you play the role of my wife on my arm, and at the end of the night, we go our separate ways.

Bia: Well, she mentioned that we have to color coordinate our outfits. I was wondering if there was a specific color you wanted to wear or a color you didn’t want to wear.

Cillian: Are you seriously wasting my time asking me about what colors I want to wear to the damn ball?

Bia: Uh…yes.

Cillian: I’m Irish, you married a powerful Irish man. We always wear green or gold. I’ll send you my stylist’s number so you can coordinate it with her. Don’t fucking bother me with this stupid bullshit.

Bia: Ok-

But I don’t get to finish apologizing to him because he disconnects the call.

“That went well,”

I say to myself in the big, quiet penthouse. This past month has been hard for me mentally, when you have always been isolated by your family and get a brief feeling of being wanted, then have it yanked away from you, if can be a major hit on someone’s mental health.

I know I’m clingy and needy because I want to be around others but I'm assuming that's what happens when, for over ten years, you have been basically abandoned.

Cillian’s stylist ended up helping, or should I say forced me into a very tight ballgown dress. It was similar to my wedding dress but a size too small and it had a corset on it.

Unfortunately for me, she came to my penthouse to help me get ready because supposedly all the important makeup artists and hair stylists were already booked. She acted like it was my fault.

If she only knew.

She left an hour before Cillian was supposed to arrive. I sat down in a chair and texted my best friend Thalia while I waited.

Thalia: You are going to have that man wiping his mouth.

Bia: Are you high? He can’t stand my presence.

Thalia: The same man who couldn’t keep his eyes off you during the wedding.

Bia: Sure.

Thalia: When you wake up naked and deliciously sore between your legs you can tell me I was right.

Bia: Aren’t you supposed to be a lady?

Thalia: Well, I do have a pussy, so I guess I’m supposed to.

Bia: THALIA.

Thalia: What can I say? I’m a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets. Wait until you have dick for the first time, you will see what I’m talking about. A woman will do anything for some good dick.

Bia: You are nasty.

Thalia: Tell me something I don’t know.

Bia: I miss you.

Thalia: I miss you more. I will have to come see you soon. We can have a girl's week in that big ass penthouse.

Bia: Sounds wonderful. I have to go, Cillian will be here soon.

Thalia: Alright, have fun and go get fucked by your husband.

Bia: Bye.

I shake my head, laughing. She is wild and crazy, and I fucking love it. What would I do without her? I don’t know, but I never want to know.

Cillian’s driver is the one who walks up to my penthouse and escorts me down to the limo. Cillian never looks up from his phone the whole drive to the party. I look out the window, enjoying the scenery outside. This time of the year in Greece is already so hot, but everyone here is wearing long sleeves and pants; depending on how cold it is, they may be even wearing a coat.

“Bia,”

Cillian calls me. I look away from the window at him.

“Remember when you step out of the limo, you put on the best act of your life, you smile and act like we actually like each other.”

“I know,”

I say softly.

“Good,”

he says before he goes back to his phone. It takes a bit longer to arrive at the ball. The driver gets out and opens Cillian’s door first. I take a deep breath as Cillian walks around to my door and helps me out of the limo. I give him a smile and say thank you as he escorts me inside. He doesn’t acknowledge anything I said but I keep a content smile on my face while paparazzi takes photos of us and yell questions at us.

“Cillian, how is married life?”

“Did she marry you for the money?”

“Is she pregnant?”

“What about Meredith?”

“Did you kill Meredith because of Bia?”

I gasp on the last one, and Cillian shoots me a hard glare before he sends a harsher glare at the reporter. I keep moving forward until we are inside; once I’m inside and I see more of the O’Sullivan’s I take a relaxing breath.

I stay on Cillian’s arm, playing the perfect Mafia wife, smiling, and shaking hands with each person that comes up to us. I make small talk with them, mostly the wives and girlfriends as the men talk.

Dinner goes well, without any interruptions, we even dance to a few songs before Cillian goes off to talk with Mateo De Luca. I excuse myself to go to the bathroom while he is gone.

I quickly do my business and wash my hands, but as I step out of the bathroom, Tristan is leaning against the wall.

“Hello, Bia,”

he says as he lifts his body off the wall and walks toward me.

“Hello, Tristan,”

I say and try to walk past him, but he grabs my wrist.

“What’s the rush? It’s not like Cillian is waiting for you.”

“Please let go of my wrist,”

I say and try to yank my hand out of his grip.

“No, I don’t think I will. I told you I would have you,”

he says as he steps closer.

“Tell me has Cillian fucked you yet? Are you his little whore or is he so repulsed by you that he hasn’t touched you?”

he says taking another step closer to me, making me walk backward toward the wall. I push against his chest; he looks at my hands on his chest and chuckles.

“Such a tease, already want me huh? Putting your hands on me.”

“No that’s-.”

“What the fuck Bia?”

I hear Cillian holler as he yanks me away from Tristan, and I stumble and fall into Cillian’s chest. He uses one arm and steadies me, but he moves his hand quickly away from me like my touch burned him.

“Tristan, I’m sorry,”

Cillian says before grabbing my hand and yanking me down the hallway.

“Cillian, I didn’t.”

“I don’t want to fucking hear it.”

“But I didn’t.”

“I said I don’t want to fucking hear it,”

he says as he pushes open the back door and I see the limo driver waiting for us. Cillian pushes me inside before slamming the door and stomping around to the other side of the limo.

He sits down and orders the driver to take us back to my penthouse.

“Mother will be training you how to be a proper Mafia wife because obviously you have no idea how to act like one. I will not have you make me look like a fucking fool. Tell me Bia you still a virgin or have you been fucking men in the penthouse I pay for?”

“I would never do that to you. I promise I didn’t pursue Tristan.”

“Sure, that is exactly how it looks.”

I stay quiet and don’t say anything else. What can I say? His mind is made up. Cillian’s anger only grows with time passing, and I figured when we got to the penthouse, he would leave, but he told the driver he wouldn’t be needed for a few hours.

The moment the door shuts behind us once we are inside the penthouse, he unleashes his anger on me.

“I told you, Bia, I fucking told you not to fucking embarrass me or my family by fucking whoring yourself to other men. You know how important my reputation is. Why Bia?”

“I told you, I have never done anything with him, he is always the one to pursue me. I never seek him out. He gives me the creeps the way he stares at me.”

“He stares at you?”

“Yes, every time he is around, he makes me uncomfortable and has already promised he was going to have sex with me like he did with Meredith.”

“So what? You figured Meredith was unfaithful, it would be okay if you fucked him?”

“No, I haven’t done anything with anyone. I’m still a virgin. What do you want me to do to prove it to you? Go have an examination so the doctor can tell you the stat of my hymen?”

“No, I won’t have a doctor know that I haven’t fucked my wife.”

“Guess he was right about one thing.”

I pause for a moment looking away from him to the windows, “That my body disgusts you.”

I hear him pant from across the room and in a scary calm voice he says, “You think I find your body disgusting?”

I turn around and face him. “Then why else have you been avoiding me? Today has been the first time we have seen each other since you brought me here a month ago.”

“You know what is expected of you. I never said I would be a constant in your life. You just took Meredith’s place, and if you died, I would just find another woman to replace you.”

“I see,”

I say sadly.

“We can start on one of those responsibilities…getting you pregnant. I need a son.”

“Of course,”

I say. He walks up to me, grabs my hand, and leads me into my bedroom.

“Take your dress off and bend over on the bed,”

he orders.

“I need help taking it off,”

I say as I turn around so he can see the corset in the back. He curses under his breath; once it is loose enough for me to slide it down my body, I look down as I remove my undergarments.

“Bend over the bed,”

he snaps at me. I scurry to the side of the bed and do as he says. I hear the sound of his belt buckle and his zipper. I try to look back, but he stops me.

“No, you don’t look at me,” he says.

I turn my attention across the room at the wall. I can feel the heat from his body. I shiver when a hand grips my waist while the other cups between my legs. He uses the heel of his hand to grind on my clit. His lips find the column of my neck and nibble on it, I wiggle my hips, wanting more.

“So needy,”

he growls against my neck, but he shifts his hand so that he can push two fingers inside of me. I squeak and try to move away from the pressure.

“Relax, I need to loosen you up if you're going to take my cock,”

he barks at me; I lay still and try to will myself to relax. Cillian thrusts his fingers in and out of me while continuing to grind his palm against me.

“Tight and wet, I’m going to love fucking your tight cunt. I may fuck you even after I knock you up.”

I let my forehead fall against the bed. So that’s it? After he gets me pregnant, he will no longer come around.

He pulls his hand away and I feel the head of his cock pushing against my opening. Cillian pushes against my lower back before he thrusts all of him inside of me. I bite my cheek as the tears roll down my cheeks from the pain of him breaking my hymen.

“Good girl, you did keep your virginity for me,”

he says and keeps pounding his cock in and out of me.

“Your cunt is so fucking tight, who knew fucking a virgin could feel this fucking good.”

I grip onto the comforter with the pain that is radiating inside of me. I can feel each finger bruising into my hips, his pace never loosens up. He keeps chanting dirty praises to me.

In and out.

In and out.

Thankfully he grunts out a, “Fuck,”

as I feel warmth spread inside of me. He yanks himself from me, I hear him walk away and a moment later, I hear the shower turn on. I crawl in the bed and under the covers.

It doesn’t take me long to fall asleep with dry tear marks on my cheeks.

Seems like I only just fell asleep when I wake up, and I can feel the pain right away. I slowly sit up and as I move, I hear a crinkle next to me. I look and see a note was left on the bed.

I will let you know when I’m available for a fuck.

-C

The tears stream down my face, I feel so dirty, so used. I decide to take a bath, maybe that will help the pain. I limp my way to the bathroom and run myself a hot bath.

After I have poured bath salts and oil into the tub I groan as I sink into the water. The warm water soothes the ache between my legs. I pulled my legs to my chest, and I let out the ugliest sob I have ever cried from my chest.

Why? Why me? Why could no one ever love me? Why am I so unlovable? Why did I believe anyone could love me? If my family can’t love me, why was I stupid enough to hope Cillian could care about me?

He will never be able to as all I am is Meredith’s replacement. I’m not worth his time, all I’m good for is to carry his child. He has no respect for me and that is perfectly clear after what he did.

I hate my life. Why was I even born? I wish I was never born.