Page 29

Bia

It has been two months since I began recovering at the house Emilia had me brought to. I had no idea how badly I needed it until I got settled here.

Peter has visited me a few times, but his last visit was a few weeks ago, and he surprised me by bringing Thalia with him. She has been staying here with me ever since. I think a few weeks of time with my best friend is exactly what I needed. She has been here and held me while I cried over losing my baby, from the suffering I have gone through and wishing I was enough. She also broke down when she found out I tried to kill myself. She made me promise, if I ever feel that low again, I would call her. She promised, no matter what she is doing she will be there and that nothing is more important than me. She had no idea her saying that to me would have me crying again because no one has ever said that to me.

Maya, my therapist, has been helping me too not just with my trauma from Tristan but with issues from my childhood, and through it all, Thalia has been here holding my hand.

Even though Cillian was barely around before, I do miss him. Or maybe I wanted him? Not sure, but last week Emilia came by and told me that they finally told Cillian I’m here and safe. She gave me a package from him, telling me I can open it whenever I wanted, and it is up to me when I reached out to him, and they will only give him information about me that I approved.

My session with Maya yesterday was all about whether I want to reach out to Cillian and what do I want from reaching out to him. What do I want from him, and what do I want for myself?

I decide to open it.

I cut the box open and see an envelope that say, “open me last.”

I put that aside and open the smaller envelope, which is a Kindle gift card. Good thing Thalia and I are both bookworms because by myself I would barely put a dent into the gift cards I have.

The O’Sullivan family members each have written me a short note, which I neatly lay on the table so that I can save them.

There are art supplies, canvas pictures of different sceneries, he even had one of us from our wedding. I go to set it down, but something catches my eye. I turn it over and a sticky note is on the back.

One day I want to take pictures of us together out by the back of the mansion with the cliff in the background. I want to fill our home with memories of us.

I smile thinking he maybe wants us. Is it out of guilt? Does he really want me? Who knows but I guess the only way to know is to read the letter.

I take the letter and sit down on the couch.

My Little Lamb,

Father tells me you are safe with Emilia and are starting to heal. You have no idea how happy that makes me.

Sorry doesn’t even come close to describing how remorseful I am for everything that has happened to you.

I wish I could go back to the beginning.

I would treat you with the respect you deserved that first night and protected you from everything that happened to you after.

I would make sure you never left our mansion that night that way you would have never been caught in that car.

When Xander called me and said you were in the hospital, I was so scared thinking something terrible had happened to you.

When I saw you in the hospital bed looking so tiny and covered in injuries, it felt like my heart jumped out of my chest and was lying next to you in that bed.

From the moment I saw your picture, your eyes captured me.

You know I was married to Meredith, but what you didn’t know is that I married Meredith because she had gotten herself mixed up with the wrong crowd and had pissed them off.

They had put a hit out on her head, the only reason I married her is because she was Neal’s little sister.

She married me and became safe from the threats because killing an O’Sullivan woman is a death sentence (don’t worry, Tristan is serving out his punishment before I send him to hell), but she also took advantage of the power that is attached to my family.

Meredith treated everyone around her poorly; she talked down to everyone including members of my family.

She would use her bipolar disorder as an excuse, but I knew better.

I know the rumors around Meredith’s death were that I killed her, and to be honest, if I could have pulled the trigger fast enough, I probably would have.

I don’t say that because I snapped, but because she walked into my office holding a gun aimed at her stomach.

She was pregnant with our son, Dillion, and told me she would never bring my evil spawn into this world right before she shot him and then shot herself.

I still live with the nightmares of watching her kill Dillion to this day.

That’s why I kept you at a distance, because I was petrified of letting you get close to me. I knew you could destroy me more than Meredith ever could.

My plan backfired; keeping my distance not only hurt me but also you and our baby boy.

I wish I wasn’t so stupid and really saw what was in front of me that day when Tristan was on top of you. My sweet wife was being raped in front of my eyes, and I chose to believe you were cheating on me. I knew deep in my gut that you could never do that, you are too loyal to do something like that.

I can never apologize enough for being so stupid, blind, cowardly, whatever you want to call it.

I think about our baby.

Did you ever pick out a name for him? I saw your list of names. I picked out Lucas for his grave. His name means light, I thought it was perfect, but if you want to name him something else, we can. I just didn’t want to bury him next to his older brother without a name.

When you're ready or if you want to, we can have a private ceremony, just the two of us, or have as many people as you want. That way we can celebrate our sweet boy.

I miss you, Bia, more than I could ever describe. I can’t wait until you are ready to come home, but I will wait as long as you need. I want you to get better. Take your time, the most important thing for me is for you to heal from everything you have been through. When you're ready to come home, I will be there for you with open arms.

We will take everything at your pace, but I moved your stuff from the penthouse back to the mansion in our wing and in the master room. I have been sleeping in the guest room and will stay there until you are ready to for me to sleep beside you every night.

I can’t wait until we are living in our own wing, and we lock out my annoying siblings so that I can have you to myself. They have already demanded time with you when you get back. Might lock us away in our wing for a month or go on a vacation and not tell them where we are.

Don’t laugh, I know I missed out on time with my wife, and I plan on making it up to you by spoiling you, by cooking for you, buying you whatever your heart desires and so much more.

Don’t feel pressured to write back to me. We will take everything at your pace.

Take care of yourself, little lamb.

Your husband,

Cillian