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One

Cillian

It took a week to coordinate Meredith’s funeral. I sit in the front pew at the church with my parents, my three younger brothers, and three younger sisters. Neal is the only one from Meredith’s family who is here; their mother is an alcoholic, and who knows where their father ran off to. Neal raised Meredith since their father ran off a few months after she was born. The stress she has caused him isn’t fair, especially with how much he has done for her.

He will be taking over security for our Mafia when it comes time for me to take over for my father. I wouldn’t trust anyone else with the safety of my family.

I listen as Father Michael starts reading the Irish Blessing, “Go n-éirí an bóthar leat,

Go raibh an ghaoth go brách ag do chúl,

Go lonraí an ghrian go te ar d’aghaidh,

Go dtite an bháisteach go mín ar do pháirceanna,

Agus go mbuailimid le chéile arís,

Go gcoinní Dia I mbos A láimhe thú.”

(May the road rise to meet you,

May the wind be at your back,

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

The rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.)

I think back to my memories with Meredith; we didn’t have any happy moments. I married her to keep her from being sold to a pimp when she stole money from a local gang. I only did it as a favor to Neal. The pimp only wanted her because she would make him a lot of money. Supposedly she was very generous with the different John’s that would visit her before she married me and probably even after we were married.

Meredith was gorgeous, with her chestnut brown hair and hazel eyes but when her oh so fucking wonderful personality started to shine, people usually would run as far away from her psycho ass as they could get. Not that I blame them, if I could I would avoid her as much as possible.

Meredith had bipolar disorder so she was extremely impulsive, and it would land her in a ton of trouble. Between her impulsiveness and manic episodes, I had to start keeping a guard and a nurse on her after the first month of us being married.

I had hoped that when we got married, and I paid her debts off, she be under my protection, and everything would be okay.

Oh, how wrong I was. She somehow convinced herself that all my guards were going to kill her, so she tried to hurt all of them. We also tried having her locked in her room but all she did was tear apart her room looking for our cameras. Thankfully she didn’t get that far.

We had to sedate her and cuff her to the bed. It took her almost a week to finally settle down but then she went into a deep depression. Wouldn’t get out of bed, refused to eat. We had to put an IV on her, and after that she kept trying to cut her wrists, so we had to handcuff her again.

That was my wake-up call with her. I hired a team of nurses that would stay with her and make sure she took her medicine on time. I made sure I was at every single one of her appointments.

I may not have loved her, but she was still my wife, and I would always respect her.

I stayed quiet and refused to say anything during the ceremony and neither did Neal. I’m still too angry to say anything about her after she killed my son. I would have done anything to keep him alive.

Everyone gives me their condolences. I politely nod or thank them, but I continue to stare at the hole which her coffin has been lowered into. I had her buried next to hers and Neal’s grandparents and far away from my family plot.

Petty? Maybe so, but after she killed Dillion, she didn’t deserve to be buried with my family. She had disgraced the O’Sullivan name in the worst way.

“I’m sorry, Cillian. I thought she was okay. If I had known…” Neal says.

“Not your fault; we knew with her not being able to take her meds while she was pregnant that things weren’t going to be easy. I just never thought she would do something as drastic as this.”

“Me either. I’m sorry.”

“I know.” He pats my shoulder after that and leaves.

I follow Father Michael to my family plot where a small hole has been dug for my sweet baby boy. I had the medical examiner cut him out of her so they could be buried separately.

“Ar dheis Dé go raibh a anam.” (May his soul be on God's right hand) Father Michael says after saying a few words for Dillion. Then he leaves me alone with Dillion.

I kneel before the tiny coffin and rest my hand on it with my head bowed to the ground.

“I’m sorry, my boy. I’m sorry you never got a chance at life. Maybe you are too pure to be poisoned by the evils of this world. I wish I could have held you, loved you, and raised you to be the big strong leader I know you would have been. I will never forget you, Dillion.

“Is breá liom tú mac.” (I love you, son)

I stand and kiss his coffin. Before walking away from his coffin, I’ve come to the conclusion, since losing Dillion. I will never open my heart to another woman ever again. Women are viperous snakes and can’t be trusted. They are only good for one thing and that’s opening their legs.