Page 11 of Tweedles Reflection (The Crimes of Alice #4)

Tension filled the air. So thick I felt like I was wading through a swamp with each step away from the queen and through the reception area.

I couldn’t look them in the eyes. I didn’t want to. Fear, that’s what this feeling was. I was terrified to look them in the eyes after what I’d admitted to. I wasn’t sure I could handle whatever I found there.

Instead, I busied myself with finding a ride to bring us all home.

A part of me wanted to go straight to the Underground and get this all over with. Start the trials, become High Queen, save everyone, and call it a day. The heavy weight on my shoulders and the sorrow pressing on my chest, a feeling that wasn’t mine, told me that wasn’t going to be possible.

“Uh... our ride will be here in a moment.” I tucked my hands under my arms and stared out into the quickly descending darkness.

Silence answered me.

Thankfully, we didn’t have to wait long before our ride showed up. This time, it was a different van with a different driver. Without asking their opinion, I climbed in the front seat.

The driver gave me a strange look but said nothing.

I turned toward the door and stared out the window, my fingers rolling the stone over in my hand. The inner turmoil inside of me raged against my ribs. If Hatter was feeling anything about what happened, I couldn’t feel it. Not above my own emotions.

Get it together, little girl.

Biting my inner cheek, I ignored the voice of the Shadow Man. We might have made a deal to make me High Queen, but that didn’t mean he got to dictate how I felt along the way.

The dull sound of the road filled my ears, blocking out all others. When we finally reached the front of the house, I climbed out of the van with the driver’s voice calling after me. I kept moving forward, the feel of the others on my back almost chasing me into the house.

I stalked through the house until I reached the kitchen. Pulling open the refrigerator door, I grabbed the open bottle of wine. I drank deeply from it, straight from the bottle. My mother would be so appalled.

Leaning against the counter, I stared at the yellowing tile on the kitchen floor, letting the burn of the liquid push down the ball of emotion in my throat. Eventually, four forms appeared in the kitchen doorway.

I hugged the bottle to myself, lifting my gaze to them. My eyes settled on the clock on the wall next to them, unable to look any of them in the eye just yet.

“We should get some rest. Hatter can help you get settled and find something to do. Maybe show you around the Human Realm while I—”

“Shut up.”

My head jerked to the side. My eyes locked with Carban’s. “What did you just say to me?”

The line in Carban’s jaw tightened, his words coming between clenched teeth. “No more talking. It’s our turn.”

I swallowed another mouthful. “This isn’t the time to hash thi—”

“Be quiet.” This time, it came from Coby.

My mouth opened to argue.

“Pet,” Cheshire interrupted me, his voice soft, almost sad. “I think you should listen to them. We listened to you, and now you need to listen to us. It’s only fair.”

“Fine.” My arms tightened around the bottle, my mouth teeth grinding together. “Have at it. Lay into me. Get it all out. Because we don’t have time for any more temper tantrums.”

Four sets of eyes zeroed in on me. Any other time, I would have welcomed their eyes on me. Except this time, it was almost as if I were back in that drawing room. Everyone cackling and poking fun at mad old Alice with her fanciful dreams of Wonderland.

Judgement. That’s what I saw in the eyes of my friends and family then. I never expected to see it in the eyes of the fae I loved.

“Alice.” Coby’s tone was firm, no longer using my nickname. “This isn’t a temper tantrum. We’re worried about you.”

I gaped at him.

Worried about me? Of all the things I thought that would have come out of his mouth. Angry. Disappointed. Disgusted. But not worried.

“Alice darling,” Hatter began, stepping toward me. “We’re not mad at you.”

“Speak for yourself,” Carban growled.

Hatter shot Carban a look before softening his gaze and turning it back to me. “This is a large task for just one person. We’re worried you...”

“Won’t be able to handle it,” Coby ended for him.

I huffed a laugh, lifting the bottle to my lips. “That’s amusing.”

“Alice.” Carban pushed between the others to stand in front of me. “You are in over your head.”

I snorted.

“The last time you wanted something impossible to happen, you went off half-cocked on your own and look how that ended up?”

My lips curled up at the edges. “Well, we’re all here now, so what does it matter how we got there?”

Cheshire chuckled, earning him a glare from the others.

“This isn’t a game,” Coby reminded him, then flicked his gaze flicked back to me. “You’re not dealing with the shadows this time. This is the Underground itself. Magic so old that even the queens won’t mess with it.”

I sat the bottle on the counter and leaned back on my hands. “You don’t have to tell me this. I know. I assure you I am fully aware of how serious these trials are.”

“That’s not what we are worried about, Alice darling.”

Carban glanced over at Hatter. “Exactly. We’re worried about what you’ll do.”

I blinked. “Huh?”

Coby sighed, moving to lean against the table. “Ally, when you wanted to stay with us, what did you do?”

I stared at him.

“You didn’t come to us,” Coby continued at my blank stare. “When the shadows came to you with a deal? What did you do?”

This time Carban answered. “You handled it on your own.”

“I don’t understand where this is going.” My head tilted to the side.

Coby shook his head, his foot tapping on the ground. “We’re afraid you’re going to go off the deep end, and we won’t know until it’s too late, and you’ve maybe killed your fiancé, and then you did put the Underground in jeopardy, which led to us all being punished.”

“I knew you were going to be upset about Lewis.” I snatched the bottle back up and shook my head. “Go on, tell me how horrible of a person I am. How wretched and evil. There’s nothing you can say to me that I haven’t already thought about myself.”

“We don’t get a fuck about that,” Carban snapped, grabbing the bottle from my hands and smashing it against the wall. He caged me against the counter, his arms on either side of my hips. “We care about you, Ally. We’re afraid of what you’ll do when your back is up against the wall.”

I sucked in a breath. “Feeling a bit backed into a wall now, if I’m being honest.”

“Not yet, you aren’t.” Carban chuckled darkly.

“Pet,” Cheshire pleaded, “we just want you to let us in. Don’t hide things from us. We want to help you.”

“Don’t go down a path we can’t follow,” Carban murmured against my cheek. “Don’t make us watch them take you away from us again.”

The ring on my finger burned, a warning as much as a reminder of the secret I was still keeping.

I cupped Carban’s face in my hands, locking eyes with him. “It won’t... they won’t. I promise. No one will take me away from you, and I’ll burn this world and the next before I let them take you away from me again.”

Carban’s mouth crushed to mine. His hands grabbed the side of my face, angling my head until he could ravish me properly. I held onto him by his shirt, dragging him closer to me as his tongue pillaged my mouth.

I focused on the desire liquifying my blood and not the gnawing sensation of guilt in the pit of my stomach. The others hovered a few steps away, letting Carban and I have this moment. A moment that I hadn’t thought would ever be coming.

It was one thing to kiss me during a heist. Kissing me now? There was no other excuse than because he wanted to. Which begged the question, did he forgive me? Was everything alright between us?

Unfortunately, I wasn’t the type of lady who could just kiss and forget everything else. I needed words. I needed action. Not a quick tumble against the kitchen counter.

So reluctantly, I pushed Carban away, breathing heavily.

His eyes were dark and clouded with lust. The hands on my face slid down my shoulders to my waist, drawing me closer.

As much as I wanted to give into that moment, I couldn’t. Not yet. Not with so much left unsaid.

I shook my head and pushed him away far enough to slip past him. I grabbed my bottle of wine and stood in the middle of the kitchen, staring down the four fae males who were two seconds away from devouring me.

“I’m going to take a bath... alone.” I let that word sink into their minds, reveling in their disappointment. “Then I’m going to bed. Because tomorrow... tomorrow, we start the trials. And this,” I gestured at the four of them, “will just have to wait.”

“Alice darling...” Hatter tried to follow me into the bedroom.

I shut the door in his face. Sinking against the surface of the door, I covered my face with my hand, my eyes burning and emotion clogging my throat. Before a single sob could escape, I sucked in a hard breath and let it out.

Standing, I drank from my bottle and headed to the bathroom.

While the water filled the tub, I pulled out the blessing from my pocket.

Setting it on the top of the dresser, I found the other two. I lined them up next to each other, Morgana’s, Tatiana’s, and Mab’s. Three blessings from the three queens of the Underground. Soon to be four.

I pulled my attention away from the blessings and stripped. My mind whirled as I sank down into the warm water.

Becoming queen had never been something I’d dreamed about. Even as a child, I never played princess or damsel in distress. I didn’t want to be in charge or be at someone else’s mercy. I simply wanted to play tea party and listen to my father’s stories.

Being a leader was someone else’s dream. Someone else’s calling. It wasn’t mine. It wasn’t me.

Now here I was, about to take part in the trials to become the High Queen. Not just queen. Not just someone who listened to humans complain about the fae. No, I was about to become the highest of high in all of the Underground. Someone in charge of everything, everyone.

How?

How could I keep everyone else safe and happy if I couldn’t even handle my own life?

I had four males out there that loved me. Or at least, I thought they did. I’d never questioned Hatter’s love for me, not since the moment I saw him again at the tea party. And Cheshire, we’d had a rocky start, but he’d always been clear on his affections.

Even now, he’d made sure that I knew that I wasn’t just someone to tolerate so he could be with Hatter. Cheshire wanted me and all that entailed.

The Tweedles were another story. From the very beginning, they had played with me. Bouncing me back and forth between the two of them. One flirty and the other grumpy, reluctant to get close. Then out of nowhere, it was them, they were the ones I gave my body to first.

And yet... I didn’t know where we stood.

Coby had already stated his case. He wanted us to be together. No matter what. Anyway he could have me.

Carban? Now he was another question that needed answered. He wanted me. That much was for sure. How he felt about me otherwise? That was still up for debate.

A small knock on the bathroom door pulled me from my thoughts. I didn’t answer, taking another swig of the wine bottle.

“Alice,” Hatter murmured through the door, his voice full of emotion. “Please, darling, let me in.”

Staring at the water spout, I flicked the water on and off with my foot.

“I can feel it,” he continued, not taking my silence as an answer. “You can lie to them, you can lie to yourself, but not me. I can feel it. You’re drowning. Feel like you have no other options. That this is the only path forward. You’re wrong.”

I sniffed a laugh.

“You’re hiding something.” Hatter paused as if waiting for me to refute it. I didn’t. “If you don’t want to tell me, alright, don’t. But this isn’t a path you have to walk alone. You have us. We will be there to help you. So please... don’t shut us out.”

Lifting the bottle to my mouth, I found it was empty. Sighing, I stood from the tub, water dripping all over the floor as I stepped out and opened the door. I shoved the bottle at Hatter, who stared up at me from the ground.

“Bring me more wine.”