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Chapter thirty-nine

Keala

P ulling herself from the soft clutches of sleep, Keala opened her eyes. The sound of monitors beeping was familiar to her, though the IV in her arm was not. She’d been in and out since being lifted onto the cart, but everything since then felt hazy; it was unclear what had been a dream and what had been real. Based on how dark it was outside, it’d been at least a few hours since she’d been carted off the field.

A bouquet of balloons floated near the door, and the chairs where Ikaika and her parents had been were vacant. Cora stood, looking out the window.

“Cora?” Keala’s voice came out raspy.

Cora turned and rushed to her bedside. “Slowly,” she warned as Keala tried to sit up. “Your family went to get some food and I offered to stay. I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course.” Keala’s eyes fixated on the balloons, wondering, hoping…

“Some of the girls came by right after the game to make sure you were alright.” Keala ignored the way her heart sank a touch, thankful that her teammates had gone to such trouble. “Zoe brought your phone and a couple of changes of clothes you left in the locker room. She has the rest she can get to you whenever you need.”

“That’s so sweet.” Cora looked at her, arms crossed over her chest. “Guess I did need my Pedialyte,” she joked.

“Keala.”

Keala looked at her hands resting in her lap. “I’m sorry.”

“Do you even know what you’re sorry for?” Keala stayed silent. “I begged you at the beginning of the season to take care of yourself. Focus on your health, on eating right, getting enough fluids and sleep, especially with two demanding jobs. You worked five shifts in a row. Nobody in your family has seen you for more than a few minutes in days .”

“It was a hard week?” It came out more as a question than a statement.

“And yet I was not surprised to learn from your family that this is how you’ve always been.” Cora sighed. “Just because you’re good at playing this role for your family doesn’t mean it’s your job.”

Keala looked away, too struck by the words to respond.

Cora continued, “I knew this girl once. She listened to what everyone said she should do with her life. Let their thoughts on her future rock her like a wave back and forth, rock her so hard, she didn’t think about her own wishes or wants. All she worked for was what others wanted. Making other people happy. She grew up and hated the job she chose. She wished for a better life, thinking it would come when she got money. She worked and worked and worked herself to the bone, made the woman inside her writhe in pain at not being released. She rarely spent time with her family or friends, and she never felt fulfilled. If you were friends with someone like that, what would you say to them?”

Keala recognized what Cora was doing, but there was only one clear answer. “I would tell her to quit and find what she loves.”

“So why can’t you take that advice too? Why are you different from everyone else? Why must you suffer—work yourself to the point of literal collapse—when you see that others shouldn’t?” Cora clasped Keala’s hand. “Who are you working so hard for?”

Who was she working so hard for? It wasn’t herself. The first answer that popped into her head was her parents, but her parents had never asked her to work like this. Sure, her mom made comments about her choice to be an NP over being a doctor, but that conversation always began because she hadn’t been completely honest with them in the first place.

She’d never once told them dance was her biggest passion. Keala had spent her whole life pushing and pushing to be what she thought her parents wanted, to be like Akoni, that she hadn’t stopped to wonder if that was the life they wanted for her too. Maybe they thought medicine was her passion. After all, she’d always lied about loving her job.

But now Keala was forced to see that she was burnt out, tired beyond belief, and so ruinously unhappy.

So who was she doing this for?

“Is that a hypothetical or…?”

“I made lots of money as a lawyer, but things didn’t get better for me. I thought if I kept putting in the hours, I would have enough money to make sure I was happy no matter what, but it never happened. So, finally, on a whim, I quit my job and chose to chase my passion: dance. Haven’t looked back since. It’s how I met my husband, and it’s enriched my life more than money ever could.”

“I—I don’t even know where I’d start.”

Cora shrugged. “Maybe it’s time to take a risk. You’re a professional dancer with ties to two professional teams. Any team—professional, college, or otherwise—would be lucky to have you. You’re one of the strongest technical dancers I’ve seen in my fifteen years with the Sirens, if not the strongest. I know it’s scary to put everything on the line and potentially fail, but think about how much happier you’ll be doing what you want.”

“But what about money?” Keala thought about her debt, which still sat in the five-figure range. “And do you have to deal with people treating you differently because you’re not in a traditional field?”

“We’ll find you a position that pays well. And if you have to work a couple of part-time choreography gigs for a few years, that’s fine. As for the way people treat me? I stopped caring. I stopped needing to prove to everyone that I could fit in their boxes and decided to make myself happy. It’s a hard mindset to kick, and I still have to work on it sometimes, but it was a deliberate effort to take back control. And I finally did.”

Could Keala stop caring? She’d tried the night she’d met Landon, but that hadn’t worked out.

Landon.

“Did you say Zoe brought my phone?” Keala asked. Cora grimaced but nodded. Frowning, Keala wondered, “What happened?”

“I was going to talk to you about it after the game when I noticed it in the tunnel, but then you went and gave everyone a heart attack on live television. The poor boy couldn’t help himself. The moment he realized it was you, he was sprinting to you and calling your name.”

Static played between Keala’s ears, sharp and painful as she realized what she was about to lose. What she’d already lost. “I’m off the team?”

“Not quite.” Cora grabbed Keala’s phone from one of the chairs, handing it to her. “Search his name.”

Keala listened and was met with results from dozens of news sites from mere hours ago. She clicked on the first one, seeing a photo of a frantic Landon held back from running to her limp body by Ikaika. Then, below it was a video of Landon speaking directly to the camera.

She played it, confused when it panned from the game to him coming out of the tunnel in his postgame sweatsuit. “He didn’t finish the game?”

Cora shook her head but didn’t answer.

Keala bit her lip, watching the broadcaster ask where he’d been.

“I had to make sure she was okay.”

“And is she?”

Landon nodded, relief clear in his face. Her stomach lurched at the sight of him. She’d missed him so much. “She’s resting now.”

He’d come to the hospital to check on her? He hated hospitals.

“And what’s the nature of your relationship? You seemed very worried about her.”

“I know you all may know me as the sarcastic, fun-loving guy who doesn’t take things too seriously. The guy who hangs out with a new girl every weekend.” He swallowed. He’d probably been horrified having to share his feelings on live television. “Maybe you’ve noticed things have been different for me lately. I’ve been different. I’m playing better, and I’m more focused on getting this team to the level I know it can be. That’s because of her. I love her more than anyone or anything in this world, and I’m so thankful she’s alright.” His voice wavered on the last word, but he covered it with a smile. A genuine one.

Keala’s lips tipped up, glancing at Cora. “Oh, wow,” Keala whispered, wiping under her eyes. “I—I…”

“Feel the same way, I know. I could tell the minute I saw you two interact in the tunnel that he was part of the reason you were so miserable. He’s a genius, you know. Angelica and the Sentinels can’t do anything about the no-fraternization rule now.”

“Why?”

“That video has gone viral on every platform you can possibly imagine. If the Sentinels tried to fire you, it would be a PR nightmare. Millions of people are talking about the star-crossed Sentinels couple.”

He’d saved her. Landon had saved her last month of dance, and he’d done so by letting his guard down for millions of people.

“You should’ve seen him when the girls and I were leaving. He was pacing in the tunnel, talking to his agent about the agreement with the team. I’ve never seen anyon—”

“Wait, wait. What agreement?”

“Oh, right. Angelica knew she couldn’t fire you after the confession. But just to be sure, Landon let the GM and owner know that if you got cut, he would walk.”

“Wha—why would he do that? He can’t throw away the season he’s worked so hard for. If they won today, they’re almost guaranteed a playoff spot.”

“Don’t worry, you’re both safe. The franchise is spinning it now and is probably going to have you both taking tons of promo pictures to prove that all’s well.”

Keala blew out a sigh. She needed to talk to Landon, prove to him how much he meant to her and how sorry she was. She needed to apologize, and not just to him.

She needed to let Josie know she was sorry for not calling more and only texting when she needed advice. Keala hadn’t been a good friend to her, to her teammates, or to Ikaika.

And she needed to apologize to Akoni for not being more supportive.

She’d put a job she barely liked above her health and her closest relationships.

A knock sounded, and then Keala’s mom poked her head in. “Is she up? Oh, sweetie, hi! How are you?” Keala’s father came in after her.

“I’m okay.” Just in a deep state of questioning every decision I’ve ever made . Cora gave her a stern look, the kind that had the truth spilling from Keala’s lips. “Actually, I’m not.”

Cora excused herself, saying a quick goodbye to Keala’s parents.

“Do you need water? I can grab you some food,” her mother said, concerned.

“I didn’t get into medical school,” Keala breathed. I guess that’s where we’ll start . Their faces were shocked, her mother’s hand over her chest. “I’m so sorry I lied to you. I was embarrassed.”

If she could’ve gone the rest of her life never telling them, she would have, but maybe this was the first step in the direction of taking control.

“I…don’t understand.” Keala read the hurt in her mother’s expression. “You’ve been holding on to this for over five years? You didn’t think you could tell us?”

“I’m sorry. I know it was wrong to keep it from you, but I was worried you wouldn’t love me as much if you found out I wasn’t as smart as Akoni. And I was so embarrassed, I went for the closest thing I could, hoping you would still be proud of me. But now I’m lost and I’m just so sorry.” She put her head in her hands, her shoulders drooping in defeat.

Her mother pulled Keala’s hands from her face. “Sweetheart, we are proud of you. There’s never been a competition for our love. We love all of our kids equally, and we’re sorry if we didn’t make that clear. And that you didn’t feel”—her voice broke, but she looked up for a second before continuing—“that you could tell us about medical school. You always worked so hard toward medicine that I thought it was what you were passionate about.”

Her father’s face pinched slightly, his nose scrunched up like it did when he got overwhelmed by emotion.

“But you kicked Nohea out after he messed up in school. I thought, since Dad was a doctor and you’d always talked about us all becoming doctors, that if I didn’t go down that path, you’d be upset with me. Cast me aside like Nohea.”

Her parents looked at each other, lost in a silent conversation before they nodded and turned back to Keala. “We asked Nohea to leave after he put you and Akoni in danger by bringing drugs and violence into the home one too many times. We never stopped loving him.” Her mother’s voice shook, and Keala saw her other hand slip into her father’s, watching as they held each other quietly.

Just like her and Landon.

“Oh. I didn’t know that.” All she remembered was her brother getting yelled at, her parents shouting at each other, and bringing Akoni, who had only been a toddler, into her room to play games so they didn’t have to listen to it all.

Her father patted her shin. “Of course you didn’t, Keeks. We didn’t want you to think of your brother like that, but now I see it was worse being dishonest.”

Keala’s entire life had shifted because of what she’d perceived as Nohea losing their love for disappointing them in some way. And maybe he had, but kicking him out had more to do with keeping her and Akoni safe than not loving him.

It was a blow to the carefully curated image of her family she’d held onto for so long, shattering it into tiny pieces she would cut her hands on trying to put back together.

Her father took a breath. “We kept in touch with him often. Kept paying for his phone so we could talk to him a few times a week. But after a while, I think Nohea felt betrayed that we forced him out, so he cut us off. We haven’t heard from him s-since.” He stuttered on the last word, wrapping an arm around Keala’s mom. “We looked for him for a long time, kept our phone numbers the same, even hired PIs, but we haven’t found him. We like to believe he has a family now that loves him as much as we do.” His shoulders dipped forward, and Keala’s mom leaned against him.

“I’m so sorry. I really…I had no idea.” They smiled at her. Nodded. But she could still see the hurt underneath it. “And I’m sorry I was dishonest, too. There were so many times I wanted to tell you, but the longer I waited, the harder it became, and then when you kept asking me to try again…I just worried if you found out that I had tried, hard, to become that person, and I failed, you would stop…” Loving me . “I didn’t want you to see me as a failure when you so clearly wanted a life in medicine for me.”

Her mother wiped Keala’s cheeks and took her face in her hands. “I only brought it up because I thought you loved medicine and wanted you to have the life I know you deserve.”

“I don’t. I don’t like working in medicine, in any capacity. And I know that because I’ve handled so many types of cases and not one of them appealed to me. I don’t want to be a dermatologist or a surgeon or anything like that. I want to choreograph. I want to dance . I don’t want to come home from a job that forces me to confront so many of society’s wrongs with lead-filled limbs and a brain that won’t stop running even after I’ve showered and gotten into bed, no matter how tired I am.”

She breathed, about to deal the final blow. “I’ve tried to be the person I thought you wanted me to be—someone who could keep up with Akoni—but this isn’t the life I would want for my friends or family. If I knew anyone I loved felt this way about their job, I would tell them to quit. So I’m taking that advice, and I’m…going to pursue choreography.”

Her mom bent down, setting her forehead on Keala’s. She smoothed Keala’s hair, a tear slipping down her face and mixing with ones Keala hadn’t noticed she’d been crying. When her mother pulled back, she said, “The only person I want you to be is Keala. Whatever that means for you. We don’t need another Akoni, honey. We need you , happy and healthy. And if dance and choreography are what make you happy, then we’ll do anything we can to get you on that path. I’m so sorry we made you feel otherwise.”

“And I’m sorry we didn’t make it clearer that we love all of you as you are,” her father chimed in quietly. “Your mother and I will support you no matter what you choose to do. Watching you dance is one of my greatest joys, Keeks. I can’t wait to see you light up the world with your choreography.”

Relief bubbled up, and breathing came easier as she smiled at her parents. She could see they were still hurt, knew there would still be lots to talk about, but she’d taken a step toward the life she wanted. The life she deserved.

A step toward a future that filled her with hope and excitement instead of dread and sadness. One where she could coach a group of talented women like her teammates and see them flourish on the field, smiling as she watched her work come to life in front of millions.

One where she could come home at a normal time, feeling nothing but happy and grateful, and hug the man she loved before he danced her into the kitchen to make them food.

Keala would have to take a few more steps to get there, but it was a path she was finally ready to walk.