Page 24

Chapter twenty-four

Landon

ESPN notification – Sabertooths fall in week nine but are still the top seed in their conference. What do head coach Mark Turner and quarterback Colton Beaumont need to fix to keep it that way?

ESPN notification – Looking ahead to week ten: Will Myles Young, Landon Beaumont, and the Sentinels come out of their bye week as strong as they went into it?

Right as Landon tossed on his apron to prep for dinner, there was a knock on his door. Checking the peephole, he found Keala looking gorgeous despite the dark crescents below her eyes, her hair in a messy ponytail with pieces that fell around her face. Landon opened the door, and her jaw dropped when she noticed what he wore, cheeks turning pink.

He grinned. His apron read My meat is 100% going into your mouth today . “You like it? It’s one of my favorites.”

She laughed before her eyes met his, not saying a word.

He’d desperately hoped to see her again, and the urge to bend down and kiss her was strong. Instead, he said, “Ikaika told me you had an event with the girls after your shift tonight.”

“I did. Left before it was over so I could turn in early. But I think Ikaika’s trying to get back at me for last night because he’s hooking up with someone very loudly.”

Landon chuckled. “Yeah, he met her when we went out last night.” He paused. “Have you eaten? I was about to make a quick dinner, but I can order some groceries to make something more.”

“It’s after nine thirty. Why are you just eating dinner?” He looked at her expectantly, and she ducked her head with a sheepish smile. “Okay, no, I also haven’t eaten since lunch. But don’t order groceries. Tell me what you need and I’ll go across the street.”

He frowned. “I’m not sending you out into the night to get my groceries.”

“It’s the least I can do when you’re constantly making me food.”

Landon thought for a moment, then went to his bedroom. He took off the apron and pulled on a sweatshirt, grabbing one for her. When he came back up to the main floor, she still stood in the foyer.

“Come here,” he murmured. She tilted her head as she stepped toward him, puzzled. Landon held the sweatshirt up for her, and she grew more confused, eyebrows nearly touching.

“What’s happening?”

“Arms up, Keeks.”

She obliged hesitantly, and he pulled the hoodie over her. His hand brushed her soft cheek as he fixed the hood so it sat on her head properly.

“What are you doing?”

Landon smiled softly. “I know you’re going to be upset tomorrow if you’re plastered everywhere in connection with me. And I’m not going to let you go across the street to get the groceries on your own. I’m coming with you.”

She was already shaking her head. “No. No! That’s a horrible idea. I don’t want to be seen with you.”

“Ouch.” He forced his smile wider, pretending the words didn’t sting.

Keala crossed her arms. “Landon.”

“Look, it’s late and we’re going across the street.” He pulled up his hood and rolled down his sleeves so they covered his tattoos. “Nobody will notice us. I rarely get photographed—”

“You’re literally always photographed.”

“You didn’t let me finish. I rarely get photographed unless I want to be. People here aren’t our biggest fans anyway since we can barely keep a playoff run in the cards once every three or four years.”

Keala squinted at him for a few seconds before she relented. “Fine. But walk a little ahead of me.”

“Deal.”

They were at the grocery store a few short minutes later, a small basket on Keala’s arm. She looked around, worry creasing her brow, but there were only three other people there.

Landon put his hands on Keala’s shoulders, forcing her to look up at him. He smoothed the crease between her eyebrows, whispering, “Breathe. It’s okay. There’s nobody here. And give me the basket.”

She obliged without argument, eyes still bouncing around. “Do you think they think we’re going to rob the store?”

Landon huffed a laugh as he walked ahead of her. “If so, we’d better hurry.”

He heard the squeak of her running shoes as she followed him. Landon had visited this grocery store so many times, whether making meals for himself or for her, that he could grab all the ingredients for dinner in under five minutes.

Keala followed him through the vegetable section, and as they began toward the meats, she said, “I feel like I’m not helping much. It was my idea to come here, so give me half the list and I can go grab the rest of what we need.”

Something snapped inside him at the word “we,” but he just shook his head. “You’re not going to get out of hanging with me that easily. Plus, I like grocery shopping with company. You don’t need to help. Just talk to me.”

Landon picked up a pack of chicken thighs and added it to the basket after wrapping it in a plastic bag.

“This feels oddly domestic,” Keala whispered, pulling his sweatshirt tight over her body.

“I like it.” The words slipped out as he looked longingly toward the wine aisle. Cooking for Keala made him want to buy a bottle of wine he’d never drink except when she was around.

He had spent all of last night thinking about her and the hottest sex of his life. It had been so intimate that, for the first time maybe ever, he’d been overwhelmed by emotions as they’d come together. It was a tough pill to swallow knowing he wanted something more than the physical with her and she didn’t feel the same. Suddenly he was on the other side of a situation he’d been in countless times before. It had always been him wondering why women couldn’t do casual, and now he was wondering why he didn’t want casual.

He was convinced his parents’ relationship had ruined his chances. Every time his mother had challenged his father, whether by asking for more time with her family or suggesting he and Colton spend more time on schoolwork and less on the field, it had spiraled into heated arguments that rattled the house, especially when his father slammed doors. The house had always gotten eerily quiet afterward, as if everyone had been holding their breath, too afraid to break the silence for fear that they would be yelled at next.

Relationships meant emotions, and emotions always had a way of ending in conflict. That’s why he’d become a wall of granite with a cocky, charming exterior.

At least that’s what Dr. Esposito said.

If Keala cut him open, saw his innermost thoughts, his shortcomings and all the ways he’d disappointed his mother, his father, his siblings, and everyone else in his life, would she stay? Would she still want him in any capacity?

Landon cleared his throat, hoping to fix his wording, reiterate that company in the grocery store was always appreciated, but Keala beat him. “Okay, Mr. Doesn’t Fall in Love.”

She picked up a box of cashews and slyly added it to the basket.

“How do you know I don’t fall in love? Maybe I have so much love to give that I don’t know what to do with it all.” Keala looked at him incredulously. He shrugged. Turning attention away from himself, he asked, “Do you fall in love?”

“I think…it’s so hard to say. My parents are very happy and in love. They dance in the kitchen and cuddle on the couch. I grew up knowing two things: I needed to go to medical school, and I desperately wanted to find somebody who could love me, and who I could love, as much as my parents love each other. But both of those things have been a wash.”

She looked down the snack aisle eagerly, so he guided her into it as she continued talking. “I want it so badly that I become someone that I’m…not. I conform to whatever my partner wants me to be and I bend and I bend and I bend until I break. Until I’m not me anymore, not really. I do that with everyone to a certain extent but more so in relationships. I cling to the hope that this one will end with the happiness my parents share—once, it got to the point that I would have given up cheer if not for Ikaika talking me out of it.”

Landon stopped short. He thought she was her authentic self with him, thought that was what Ikaika had hinted at, but he had to be sure. “You’re not like that with me, are you? You don’t…morph into someone when you talk to me, right?”

Keala laughed, patting his arm as she grabbed a small bag of sea salt and vinegar chips and added it to the basket. “No, you unfortunately just get boring old me. The first night, I wanted so badly to shed that part of me, hoping it would be the last time I saw you. I thought that since I wasn’t going to interact with you again, I didn’t need to be what you wanted. But then I couldn’t stop thinking about what you would like when I’d promised myself not to be like that—”

“And that’s why you were so in your head.”

She nodded. “But then I was so upset, mostly with myself, for not being able to do it. For blurting all that stuff out. And for thinking I could avoid seeing you. That anger allowed me to push aside the urge to be what I thought you wanted, I guess.” She waved her hands over her body. “So again, boring old me.”

“Stop saying that. I don’t need you to be anyone else.” Landon caught the smile on her face before she could hide it, hating that it made him want to always be around to remind her of that fact. He guided her into the next aisle, picking up the ingredients he’d memorized.

Keala seemed more at ease as they neared the end of the last aisle, seeing no one around them.

She sent him a sidelong glance, the corners of her lips still raised. “So, Mr. Always Falls in Love?”

Landon laughed. “Not quite.”

“Have you ever been in love?” When he didn’t respond, she asked, “Why?”

“Your parents have a good relationship. Mine did not. Didn’t seem like a good idea for me.”

“Ah.” She nodded knowingly but didn’t press him.

“You’re not going to ask me to explain?”

“I assume you will if you want to. If you’re willing to talk about it, I’m happy to listen. I just don’t make a habit of pushing people with things like this.”

“‘Things like this?’”

Her lips thinned as she thought through her next words. Landon grabbed the final item on the list and guided them to self-checkout.

“How often do you let people in? Like, do you talk to people about your past and your feelings?”

“God no.”

“Right. So I figure I’m no different.” She took items out of the basket and scanned them.

But she was different. Sharing didn’t feel scary when it was with her. It felt right .

She continued when he stayed silent. “Just so you know, I’m happy to listen if that ever changes.”

“I was never anyone’s favorite,” he blurted. His lips twisted to the side. “My dad favored Colton, obviously, and Mom and Maya were always closer. My mom tried hard to give me the attention I needed, but I spent most of my childhood on the field with my dad. And when he didn’t give me the validation I wanted, I got emotional. I was a kid, you know?”

Keala nodded. She’d stopped what she’d been doing, staring at him. Needing a second, he finished scanning their items, paid, and grabbed their bags. Still, she remained quiet, waiting.

Walking with his head down, he began again. “I would cry if something didn’t go my way, or express sadness or frustration over small things, like wanting him to coach me more. Any time I expressed any kind of emotion, he would berate me or call me a disappointment. Mom would step in and help, but then she’d get stuck in the crossfire and I’d feel worse.”

Talking to Keala over the last few months, paired with seeing Dr. Esposito, had forced Landon to confront this part of his past. It was only fitting he let his guard down and tell Keala what he’d learned about himself.

“So instead of continuing that cycle, I figured I’d get the approval I was searching for elsewhere. Fell in with the wrong crowd and started doing dumb things. I realized it got me attention from my parents, even if it wasn’t the good kind. Mom tried harder to be what I needed, but then she got sick and the little bit of good attention I was getting was gone. I didn’t know how to handle the fact that she was dying, so I got worse. Drinking, partying, doing drugs, missing school. She was dying, and I was fucking around and…”

Landon sighed. “She needed me, and I was too stupid to be there for her. I disappointed her ’til the very end, and I knew that’s all I would ever be. So I became what I am. Enjoyed doing it. I enjoyed the media’s attention and the attention of women. It was all I’d ever wanted. And I promised myself relationships were off the table. I never wanted someone to rely on me. To expect something of me and…” He trailed off.

They’d made it back into their elevator, and Keala stepped closer to him. “You don’t want to be in a situation where someone wants something from you that you can’t give them.”

He nodded once, wanting to look away or make a dumb joke. Instead, he kept his eyes locked on hers. “Failing people is easy when you do it on purpose. It’s a different story when you try and still fail.”

She pushed onto her toes and kissed him softly. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. Landon smiled at her gratefully.

Keala had listened to one of his darkest secrets, and instead of running, she’d broken one of her rules.

Suddenly, his shoulders felt lighter and breathing came easier.