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Chapter twenty-five

Keala

A nnie ambled into the room as Keala finished rinsing out the container she’d brought lunch in. “You’ve been eating real lunch instead of snacks recently.” Annie smiled. “Good for you. Some days, I can put together something quick, and other days”—she shook her head—“not so much.”

Unsurprisingly, the lunch she’d eaten was thanks to Landon. He’d left a note under this batch that read Thank you for letting me open up the best way I know how .

Short and sweet and another example of a version of him she never would have imagined before getting to know him. Keala had noticed the way his shoulders had dropped at the grocery store a few days ago, losing tension as he’d told her about his childhood.

“I’m the same way. Most of the time, I’m too tired,” Keala responded.

She tucked the container and spoon into her purse before getting back to work.

The moment she stepped out on the floor, the frenzy began again and she fell into the routine of it all. One room, then the next, then the next. She moved through the chaos, eyes scanning rooms as she juggled patient histories, lab results, and the usual ebb and flow of emergencies. One moment, she was suturing a deep laceration on a fourteen-year-old’s leg, and the next, she was interpreting an ECG for a suspected heart attack.

It was two and a half hours before she was able to check her phone again, and when she did, her stomach dropped.

Two missed calls from her mother could mean one of two things: someone in the family was gravely injured or dead, or she had forgotten Keala’s schedule again, which wasn’t uncommon.

Keala ducked into a supply closet and called her back.

“Hi, sweetie.”

“Mom? Is everything okay?”

“Everything is more than okay! You’ll never guess what we just found out.”

Keala couldn’t think of anything, but she attempted a joke. “I hope I’m not about to have another sibling.”

Her mom laughed, as Keala had hoped she would. Her mother was the first person she’d always wanted to please, after all.

“Nothing like that, no.” She chuckled again. “The next time Akoni is in town, we’re going to be celebrating big because he was accepted into his first program! More are going to come in, of course, but it’s the start of something very exciting for your brother…”

Her mother continued talking, but Keala’s throat had closed. She slammed a hand against the closet wall to steady herself as the floor flew out from under her.

Keala had spent almost every moment of her life trying to outrun Akoni or, at the very least, keep pace with him despite him being younger. And finally, the moment she’d been dreading was upon her.

Not only had he caught up, he’d done the thing she hadn’t been able to do.

“Sweetie? Can you hear me? You’re so quiet.”

Keala swallowed over the sandpaper in her throat. “No, that’s so great. I’m so happy for him. We knew it was coming.”

And a part of her had always known it. Healthcare for her had been the way to prove to her parents she was worthy of their love. It had never been a passion. But Akoni? He had been made for brain surgery, and her whole family had known it the moment he’d asked for a model of the human brain for his sixth birthday.

It shouldn’t have come as such a surprise to Keala. And yet, here she stood, trying to hold in the beginnings of a panic attack in a closet in the emergency department, where she was just a nurse practitioner, according to her family.

Not a doctor.

Her hand still rested against the wall, uncertain that she could manage her weight without it. The feeling of failure that had shoved its way down her throat five years ago when she’d found out she hadn’t gotten into any programs—a feeling which had grown dormant and had been assumed gone because of it—was now alive and well. And the only thing it told her was that her years in healthcare, no matter how hard they had been, no matter who she’d helped, no matter that she’d treated patients in almost every way that an MD could have, none of it made a difference.

She was back to being the sibling her parents were mildly proud of but not as much so as their prodigy. She was the girl who had lied about her intelligence and abilities, buried herself in a mountain of debt to pretend things were okay, and who still wasn’t good enough.

And it hurt so much to know that she would never be able to rectify it because there was no way in hell she was going to force her way through medical school now.

Which meant her only avenue to stay within shooting distance of her brother was to push herself harder at work, treat more patients, prove as valuable as she could now before he was doing his residency and moved on to bigger and better things. Keala needed to finish paying off her debt, work hard to find an NP job that paid more, and prove to everyone that she was capable. That there was a reason they kept her around.

Keala would salvage every last drop of pride her parents had ever shown her for a little longer.

“Yes, we did, but still, wish him well so he knows you’re thinking of him. And the next time you come home, we can all do a video call.”

“That sounds great.”

Keala shoved down the bitterness, the jealousy, the hurt. Every horrible emotion she had never let herself feel because of how it brought others down. She would smile and applaud her brother, she would text him how proud of him she was, and she would throw herself back into her work to prove she was, at the very least, half the child he was.

“And how’s work?” her mother asked, as if it were an afterthought. Though Keala knew she didn’t mean anything by it, the question still carried that subtle undercurrent of disappointment that Keala had chosen not to go to medical school.

Or maybe it was all in her head.

“It’s good. Busy.”

“And it’s never too late to go to medical school. You got in once, you could do it again. You have so much training now. You could do derm and never be on call. It would be a better life.”

Now would have been the time to come clean. Tell her mother she hadn’t chosen this life over medical school. Tell her she hadn’t gotten into a single program, even with her extracurriculars, time spent in the field, and test scores. That careening down the path of NP had come out of necessity because she wasn’t as smart or perfect as Akoni.

But all that honesty would do was prove to her parents she was the failure she’d been trying so hard not to be.

Better to lie. “Okay, Mom. I’ll look into derm.” After a beat, likely because of how overwhelmed she felt, she whispered, “I don’t want to disappoint you…I don’t want to be anything like Nohea.”

Her mother was so silent, Keala thought she’d hung up. She’d broken the Lōkahi-Prices’ cardinal rule: never talk about her older brother.

“What…what do you mean?”

Aaliyah knocked and stuck her head into the closet. “There’s a cardiologist here to consult for the patient in room fifteen.”

“On it. Thank you, Aaliyah.” The nurse nodded and left. “Mom, I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay, sweetheart. Will you be coming over to watch the game on Sunday?”

“Probably not. I promised I’d watch with the girls, but I can come over before.”

“Great. Love you.”

“Love you too,” Keala answered quietly before clicking her phone off and letting out a sigh. She texted her brother quickly, then threw herself into the rest of her shift, trying to distract herself from feelings she thought she had laid to rest.

Keala

I heard you got into your first program. Congratulations!

Hope you’re doing well, and looking forward to seeing you for the holidays.

Akoni

Thank you. It’s not my top choice, but excited nonetheless. See you soon!

Later that evening, after dance practice at Zoe’s, the girls had convinced Keala to come out for weekly drinks. She’d missed a lot of bonding time with them because of work, and with her newfound promise to focus more on her job, this could be her last opportunity for a while.It helped that going out meant not seeing the guys, especially Landon.

Keala liked what she and Landon had right now. They’d hooked up once since the first time Sunday, and though she’d given small pieces of herself to him, she wasn’t ready to talk about the feelings her conversation with her mother had brought up. Landon would have been able to read it in her face in a second, and she couldn’t stomach explaining it to him. Didn’t want to see his face when she told him the full spectrum of her inadequacies.

She would get back after they were asleep, then tomorrow they would be on a plane to Florida for their game, giving her a few days.

And it was Friday. Did she need any other reason to go out?

“And then he came in my hair when I specifically told him not to,” Kennedy said so loudly, three separate groups of guys at the bar turned to look at her. Keala and Zoe leaned into each other, giggling, three margaritas in.

“Wait, believe it or not, that happened to me too,” Carol chimed in. “Two hours before call time for a game.”

As one, the girls groaned in understanding.

“Exactly! I couldn’t wash it, so I had to go in and clean it up manually. Brooklyn found me double-checking that it was all gone in the bathroom and helped.”

Nova, a third year, sat up taller on her stool. “Did you guys hear Brooklyn’s looking at other teams?”

There were gasps around the table. Keala wasn’t all that surprised, considering Brooklyn hardly paid attention during choreography sessions, but she was a sweetheart. The team would certainly miss her.

“Do you think Cora and Angelica know?” Jamie asked.

Nova scoffed. “There’s no way. Angelica would have skinned her alive by now.”

“Graphic,” Zoe muttered, slipping her hand into Keala’s and setting her head on Keala’s shoulder.

“But true,” Keala responded quietly.

Their waitress brought out a tray of shots. Aurelia, one of the captains, set her drink down and clapped a couple of times. “Ladies, I think we all know what time it is. Nova just got engaged, and that means—”

“Shots!” most of the girls yelled.

Zoe laughed when Keala jumped. “Zo, there’s no way I can take shots. I have work tomorrow and I’ll be lucky to wake up on time as it is.”

“Don’t worry.” She nodded toward the shots, then tapped Keala’s empty margarita glass. “It’s clear liquor. Dump it in here when we knock them back and pretend the ice is melting.”

“You’re a genius.”

“I know!”

The girls each took a shot, and when they tossed them back, Keala poured hers into her glass.

Mackenzie chimed in. “Now we each have to tell a story of our favorite Nova moment. Zoe first!”

“But I have so many.” Zoe pouted, thinking. “Okay, okay. Two years ago when she got drunk, climbed onto the roof of her ex’s house, and took a selfie on top of Rudolph.”

Nova pointed at Zoe, nodding. “Yes! One of my better moments. I’m so glad you guys were there to save me when I slipped off the gutter.”

“Love you Nova girl!” Zoe yelled.

Mackenzie faced Keala. “KayKay, your turn!”

Keala thought about her more recent interactions with Nova, but because they weren’t in the same group, they hadn’t had many. “Tryouts this year. I was nervous because everyone knew each other and had formed friend groups and I didn’t think there was a place for me. But Nova hugged me like she’d known me her whole life, and when she saw my first solo, she told me she would give up her spot if I didn’t make it. It was the sweetest thing to say, even if Angelica would have spit on the idea, and it made me feel like I’d found my people. Like my last year in a new place didn’t have to be lonely.”

A chorus of awws went around the table.

Nova, who was all the way across the long table from Keala, got up and drunkenly ran to her, throwing her arms around Keala’s shoulders. “You aren’t supposed to make me cry!”

“I mean it,” Keala responded quietly, patting her arms. “I was so intimidated by you guys, and you made me feel like I belonged.”

“Love you,” Nova whispered.

“Love you more, and so happy for you.”

Nova returned to her seat, and each of the rest of the girls who’d come out gave their favorite stories about her. When everyone had either made Nova laugh so hard that she almost fell out of her seat or shed a few tears, conversation turned to other topics. During Jamie’s graphic explanation of a dog neutering surgery gone wrong, Keala’s phone vibrated under her leg.

She had seven messages from Landon: five from over an hour ago, one from half an hour ago, and one just now.

Landon

Smash isn’t the same without you.

He’d sent a photo of him and Ikaika playing the video game.

Landon

Bet you thought I was talking about sex. I must be rubbing off on you.

Hah, that one was sexual too.

You should come over after you’re done with practice. I can promise two earth-shattering orgasms. At least.

You doing okay? Let me know when you’re on the way. I’ll wait up.

Keeks?

Regret and longing twisted in her chest, even as something fluttered in her stomach. She so badly wanted to respond, but she’d also spent a lot of her week focusing on him and how giddy he made her feel. Did she have time to continue what they were doing? Keala didn’t think so.

“KayKay! Who’s got you blushing?” Jordy asked from a couple of seats down. Keala clicked her phone off, putting it back under her leg.

“Is it the guy from Halloween? Did you end up going out with him?”

Keala laughed nervously, checking if Zoe had seen anything. If so, her friend seemed very nonchalant. “I went out with him once, but no.” Trying to come up with a way to spin this, she continued, “I’ve been hooking up with…a guy from work. It’s not exactly allowed, but I’m not sure it’s going to continue anyway.”

“Why not?” Jordy asked. The table quieted.

“I…He’s not a relationship guy, and it seems like a bad idea to keep going when it isn’t permitted.”

“Show us a picture!” someone yelled at the same time Mackenzie asked, “Do you like him?”

“I don’t have any pictures. I like hanging out with him and we’re compatible, but I’m so busy with work that even if he were a relationship guy, I’m not sure it would work out.”

A few of the girls nodded thoughtfully.

“Is he hot?” Jordy asked.

“Insanely.”

Nova slapped the table. “Does he make sure you finish?”

Keala nodded slyly. That was an understatement.

“Then fuck it,” Mackenzie said. “And keep fucking him.”

The girls laughed, a few murmuring their assent. Keala wasn’t sure they’d feel that way if they knew the truth of who he was. Plus, she still wasn’t ready to face his well-meaning scrutiny after the call with her mother.

Keala shoved Landon from her mind, enjoying the rest of the evening with her girls. She hoped the Sentinels kept winning so she could have more times like these.

After this season, nothing would be the same.