Page 31

Chapter thirty-one

Keala

K eala’s hip twinged as she jumped from the kick line into a split. It took considerable effort not to let her smile fall as she waved her poms at the empty stadium in front of her. Because they’d had a Thanksgiving Thursday game this week, they had switched Wednesday and Thursday practice for a longer, more thorough practice Sunday afternoon. And now, on hour four, she was feeling it.

Luckily, when she stood and began the next number, she could tell her hip was just sore and not torn. Out of the corner of her eye, she took Zoe’s cue to twirl, and then the smile wasn’t so forced because she had yet to miss a single beat this practice. Angelica hadn’t been able to say a word to her because, though she felt that perpetual exhaustion in her bones, she’d been eating more—thanks to Landon—and getting slightly better sleep than usual.

Well, that was on the nights she slept at Landon’s.

She, Ikaika, and Landon had spent both Friday and Saturday evening hanging out, and both nights, Landon had texted her to come over after. Sure, the release she got from him each and every time they were together was soul changing, but more surprising was that he asked her to stay over and she managed to sleep through the night every time.

She had woken up this morning after he’d left for the facility, a note on the nightstand that read:

You’re so beautiful…especially when your hair is a tangled mess from letting me take you from behind in the middle of the night.

PS you still owe me a favor for pumpkin carving. Care to venture a guess as to what it’ll be?

It had all been a change she could admittedly get used to. She knew he wasn’t a relationship guy, but things had seemed different the last few weeks, and while she’d promised she would no longer try to make something work if it didn’t, what she and Landon had felt special. Even if he refused to be anything but cheeky ninety-seven percent of the time.

He took care of her without her asking, he held her when she was sad, and more than that, she felt somehow able to express what she wanted when she was with him. If things did work out and he was interested in something more, she wouldn’t have to bend to his will until she broke, because that was never the expectation with him. He only ever seemed to want her as she was.

Keala couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so good .

When Angelica deemed them done for the day, Cora asked Keala and the captains to come talk to her.

“We’re going to forgo choreo today because we’ve been at this for a while. We have three new songs we want to get choreographed, so I’m hoping you can work on a piece before each of the practices this week. It won’t be more than thirty seconds to a minute. Zoe and Aurelia, I’ll send you what we want done for Tuesday practice. Jordy and Mackenzie, you’ll work on a piece we’ll learn Wednesday. And Keala, you’ll work on a thirty second piece for Thursday. Are all of you okay with that?”

A chorus of yeses from the five of them. Keala smiled wider with excitement. She wouldn’t have much time, but the thought of being able to choreograph an entire number for the team made all the physical and mental toll of work and the season worth it. This was exactly what she wanted.

Cora pulled her aside. “You doing okay?”

“I’m doing great!” Keala exclaimed, and for once, she meant it. Cora studied her face, then smiled.

“I’m glad. You looked amazing out there. I know you’re one of our busiest Sirens, but I’m proud of you for showing up every practice polished and ready to go. You set a great example.” She pointed at Keala’s face. “And you look like you’re getting sleep.”

“I promised I’d do better.”

“I know. But I also know the feeling of not knowing when to sit down for a second and rest. When to take a moment to breathe and not constantly run around doing something, always keeping yourself busy. So I’m proud of you for doing better in that way too.”

Tears pricked Keala’s eyes, and on a whim, she threw her arms around Cora. Though Cora had kept relationships with the girls professional, she and Keala had taken to each other so quickly that Cora felt more like a very close mentor than a team choreographer. “Thank you.”

Cora hugged her back and smiled when they pulled away. Keala walked to where the girls were stretching, and she plopped down between Len and Zoe to join them, working her sore hip.

“He’s so hot.” Kennedy giggled with a couple of people from her group. “God, I wish we could fraternize.”

“Who?” Jamie piped up, looking over her shoulder at a photo on Kennedy’s screen.

“Landon Beaumont. Look at him in a suit. He looks like a god.”

“Who’s that girl with him?”

For a heartbeat, Keala’s entire body stilled and she didn’t so much as breathe. Her stomach sank until she realized that if they were questioning who the woman in the picture was, it likely wasn’t her. Her secret was safe, at least.

She strained to hear what her teammates said next, ignoring the odd look Zoe threw her way. “Oh, that’s the girl from earlier this season, right? I feel like I remember seeing her in a picture with him and Savannah Blake a few months ago.”

“Weird that he’s at an event with her. I feel like he usually doesn’t go to these things with people he’s slept with. Do you think they’re together?”

“He has been out of the news for a while. Maybe.”

“Damn. She’s so lucky.”

It was too much for Keala. Her stomach was ripping itself to shreds, and the urge to vomit sprang up quickly. She whipped out her water and took a big gulp, pulling out her own phone.

After searching Landon’s name, she found a couple of articles from an hour ago, and when she clicked on the top one, her heart flew to her throat, her stomach still churning. In it, he was indeed wearing a suit, his hair a slight mess.

But the thing that stood out was the beautiful woman on his arm. They both smiled for the camera, though his was more of his faintly annoyed smirk. The fact that Keala could identify his emotions just from his expression made her feel even more violently ill. Tears pricked her eyes again, but for an entirely different reason, and she stood.

“I have to use the restroom,” she managed to say as she rushed away.

She made it into a stall right before the heaving began. It had been a few hours since she’d eaten, so it was mainly Pedialyte, but the feeling of it wracking her body, tears streaming down her face, made her wish she’d never met Landon.

The bathroom door opened, and Keala tried to calm herself, wiping under her eyes and patting her cheeks.

“Kay?” someone asked uneasily, and it only took a moment to realize Zoe had followed her. “Are you okay?”

Keala saw white boots stop in front of her stall, and when she didn’t reach for the lock to let her in, Zoe said, “Don’t make me climb under the door. You know I will.”

Reluctantly, Keala opened the stall. Zoe’s face softened when she saw her on the floor, what was sure to have been a scolding gone in an instant.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, that’s not an option. Is this about Landon?”

Keala searched her friend’s face, looking for any sign of judgment. Telling anyone about what she’d been doing with Landon could be a mistake, especially anyone from the team. But this was Zoe.

“I saw the way he looked at you, you know. At the club on Halloween, at the children’s hospital. Your cousin told him off on Monday for it, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off you.”

Keala felt another sob coming on, so she dug her nails into the skin of her palms to stop it the way she used to. When her parents had fought about Nohea and she’d been terrified of what was going to happen to her brother and whether her parents were going to get a divorce because of it, this was one of her strategies. She had always been on the verge of tears when she’d heard the yelling, but she’d learned to cope, to find ways to stop the tears from falling when she knew Akoni was looking to her for comfort.

When her parents needed her to be the easy one.

“I—I don’t…” Keala sighed. “Please don’t be mad at me.”

“You know the only reason I’d be mad is because you’ve been hiding something juicy from me, and I’ll give you a pass if it is about Landon because I get it.”

So Keala quietly explained it all. The first night when she’d thought she’d been off the team for good. How she’d found out he was moving in across the hall, and the many evenings they’d spent in Ikaika’s apartment together until she couldn’t deny the tension that culminated on Halloween and had finally let it happen. All the meals he’d cooked for her and the notes he’d left her. The feelings that had been brewing over the last few weeks, and the thought that maybe he was in the same place as her.

“It was so dumb. I’m so embarrassed for thinking he would want something more.”

“Oh, sweetie, no.” Zoe lowered down with a grimace, trying not to let any part of her practice shorts touch the floor until she gave up and threw herself down unceremoniously. “You’re not dumb. If I were in your shoes, I’d think the same thing.”

“I just thought he would’ve told me? Like, let me know that ‘hey, I’m hooking up with other people and going out with them publicly.’ But then on the other hand, I know he doesn’t owe me anything. He is literally known for this. I don’t know why I expected that I’d be different. We agreed it was only going to be casual, and it makes sense that he would want to do more with other people. He’s so…advanced. And I’m not.”

Keala had thought the sex was good, even if it wasn’t the only thing she looked forward to with him anymore. He’d seemed to like it. But he had also mentioned kinks that first night, and maybe, since he always made it about what she wanted, he wasn’t being completely fulfilled.

Zoe pulled Keala into a side hug, resting her head on top of Keala’s. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. And I’m sorry you felt like you had to do this on your own. I know nobody can ever know about what happened between you two, but I’m glad you told me. Even if I did force you to,” she joked.

“Oh my god.” Keala pulled away, hand gripping the toilet again despite her empty stomach. “What if he had people over while I was across the hall? How often do you think I was going about my day at my apartment while he was hooking up with someone else? Oh my god, he probably did.” She knew it was none of her business, but the thought that he’d smuggled someone in without her knowledge while she was right there , right across the hall—nausea built in her throat again, hot and angry.

“Do you think he would sleep with other people? I know he’s a known ass, but did he give you any indication he would do something like this? Because from the way he was looking at you—”

“I don’t see why not,” Keala said, cutting her friend off. She didn’t want to know how he’d looked at her, because clearly it hadn’t meant anything. “If he didn’t tell me about this, it’s not like he’d tell me about anything else. And that’s his right. He has every right to hook up with whoever he wants because we agreed to one thing: that it was just sex.”

Keala slapped a hand over her mouth. This was horrible. Was this what happened when someone allowed themselves to sink into a relationship? Her whole body ached, her face taut from drying tears, and her stomach was in dire need of Pepto-Bismol or a carbonated equivalent.

“But it wasn’t for you,” Zoe whispered.

“It wasn’t for me,” Keala agreed. “And I was stupid for hoping.”

She whipped out her phone and pulled up their texts.

Keala

I don’t think us hooking up is a good idea anymore. For Ikaika’s sake, I think we should go back to how things were before.

Zoe looked over her shoulder as she typed, rubbing her arm and nodding. Keala took her agreement as encouragement to send it.

She could be an adult about this. She wouldn’t avoid him this time. Sure, her feelings were hurt right now, but that was just the shock of it all. It would wear off. Keala could remove herself from what they’d been doing, put Ikaika first in this friendship, compartmentalize like she’d been doing since she was little, and go back to being Landon’s friend.

And if she struggled in the beginning, well, then it was a good thing she was so busy with dance and work.

“I’m sorry, KayKay. I hope you know that we’re here for you, even if you don’t tell the rest of the girls who it is. You’ve become family to us over the last few months. We’re your sisters, and we will rage with you and hold you up until you can do it on your own again, okay?”

Before Keala could respond, Zoe continued, “And you know what? Screw him. There are so many other people out there who will love every part of you. Who will make it clear that they want only you. Who will make you feel like you can be yourself with them. They won’t let you wear yourself down to please them because they’ll see you, know that’s who you are, and want to take care of you instead.”

Except that person was Landon. Keala wasn’t sure she’d ever find someone who so easily allowed her to be herself with them. Who asked for nothing more and nothing less.

Keala cursed Landon for being so good to her, because all it had done was confuse her. And now she was hopelessly lost and so very sad.

She flipped her phone over so she couldn’t see the screen, leaning into Zoe.

Keala just hoped he would be out late so she didn't have to sit through Sunday evening football with him and Ikaika.