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Chapter twenty-nine

Landon

ESPN notification – With San Jose’s Landon Beaumont stepping up the last few games, it’s possible we’ll get a Beaumont showdown in the championship game. Here’s what would have to happen…

Do you feel like you’ll be okay going in now?” Dr. Esposito asked him five days later. He sat in his car in the hospital garage, finishing up his session before the event began, growing ever more thankful that she made herself available around his schedule.

The itch he felt all over his body told him the answer to her question was probably not . “I know I’ll be fine, but I still don’t feel good about it.”

“And that’s completely understandable. I commend you for taking on these events every year. Your willingness to help others in spite of your personal feelings is remarkable.”

Landon didn’t agree with that sentiment, but he stayed quiet. He’d hoped talking to her would make this event a breeze. Unfortunately, while she’d helped him understand his younger self’s actions and reminded him that there was nothing more he could have done for his mother—something he was still struggling with—the itch was present and persistent.

“Our session is coming to an end and I know you have to go in now, so I’ll let you go.”

“Thank you, Dr. Esposito. I’ll have Sebastian schedule my next session.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Take care.”

After she hung up, Landon looked toward the elevators that would take him to one of his personal hells. He got out, locked his car, and steeled himself in preparation, knowing it was the best he could do.

Landon signed another jersey, smiling at Alice, the small, frail girl in the hospital bed in front of him. When her parents stood to get a picture, he leaned over so his face was closer to hers, plastering on a smile that he hoped didn’t look as fake as it felt.

He wanted to help boost morale for these children, who were in dire need of something to lift their spirits, but his skin tingled every time he remembered where he was. Which was, well, almost every moment. He hadn’t sat beside any of the kids yet, because he was sure when he did, that tingle would only intensify as he fell back through time to when he’d sat at his mother’s bedside hours before she’d died.

“Will you score a touchdown for me on Thursday?” Alice asked so softly that he barely heard her.

Thursday’s Thanksgiving game against Seattle would be a battle, but he’d promised himself he would do his best for the rest of the season. Just to see what would happen.

“I am certainly going to try.” He smiled down at her once more and then exchanged a pat on the back with Myles, who was rotating into her room next.

As Landon walked out of the room, he saw Keala and her teammates down the hall from him, waving their poms in unison. They weren’t dancing, but they stood out as bright as a match struck in the dead of night.

Keala most of all.

Her wavy hair was down, and she wore her red long-sleeve bodysuit. It zipped in the front to mid chest and had a tight red belt that extended to a half skirt across her ass. It was hot as fuck, and with the tall white boots, her legs looked like they went on forever.

After she’d slept over on Wednesday, she’d come over again the next two nights, but he hadn’t seen her much since Friday. Saturday had been walk-through day, and then he and the team had stayed at the hotel before the home game, like they typically did. Landon had seen her dancing during the game yesterday, but she’d fallen asleep on Ikaika’s couch by the time they’d gotten back from the stadium. Then she’d been gone for her pre-work workout before he’d gotten up this morning.

Looking at her quieted the uncomfortable feeling that had been chasing him since his conversation with Dr. Esposito over an hour ago, and when she caught his eye and smiled for a split second, it winked out completely. That soft smile was the reassurance she had promised him, and he’d needed it desperately.

Ikaika sidled up to him. “I hate hospitals,” he grumbled, shoulders tense, and Landon could only imagine the pain his friend must have been in, knowing what he’d gone through with his sister.

Rather than brush off the feeling, he said, “Me too. I feel like I have bugs crawling all over my body.”

“I feel like I’m going to throw up, but that’s…” He cleared his throat. “I don’t know how Keala does this all the time.”

“I know. But I don’t think she thinks she has any other option,” Landon replied, remembering what she’d shared with him a few days ago.

Ikaika sent Landon a knowing look. “Right.”

“What? We talk sometimes.”

Ikaika snorted. When Landon exchanged another secretive glance with Keala, one that had her blushing and turning around, Ikaika said, “Don’t be a dumbass. I told you I don’t care what you guys do as long as things don’t end up going poorly. But Angelica”—he pointed his chin in the direction of a woman with sharp features, thin blonde hair, and a face that looked as though she only knew how to frown—“will sniff it out faster than you can blink if you’re not careful. Keala’s an adult, and if she’s willing to risk it with you, that’s fine. But I’ll sink my fist into your face if you ruin her last year of dance, no matter how much of a pretty motherfucker you might be.”

“Aw, you think I’m pretty?”

Ikaika rolled his eyes. “Be more careful. I have no interest in dealing with a police report.”

“I got it, man. I’ll stop looking at her.”

“Oh, and if you make her life any more difficult than it is, or make her think about crying—”

“You’ll punch me in my pretty motherfucking face. I got it.”

Ikaika shrugged. “I wouldn’t say you’re the best at following directions, so reiterating seemed like a good idea.” He walked off to talk to the running backs coach.

Landon couldn’t help but glance over one more time, but Keala was listening to something one of her friends was telling her. He did, however, catch Zoe’s eye, who raised an eyebrow as she looked between the two of them. Heart racing, he turned around and almost slammed into Myles coming out of the room he’d been in.

“Hey, bro. Have you seen Avelina yet? The girl with CF? I meant to tell you earlier, she was asking for you when I was in there. Kid might know more about football than I do.”

“Which room?”

“215.” He pointed to a room right next to Keala’s group of cheerleaders.

“Oh, no I haven’t been to see her.” The last one on his sheet to visit had been Alice. “I’ll head over there now.”

Landon made a concerted effort not to look at Keala as he walked down the hall toward her group, even as his thoughts stayed on her. His thoughts had been doing that more and more recently, and now that he’d had more time to digest his feelings, it was terrifying.

It was terrifying that he had practically begged her not to avoid him because he’d missed doing mundane things with her—like talking while they played video games or shopped for groceries. It was terrifying that he’d continued pushing her to use him as stress relief because he knew having her physically was better than not having her at all, though he now realized he cared far more about the emotional side of things with her.

And that was the most terrifying of all. Landon was opening himself up to something he had spent his entire life running away from—with good reason. But with Keala, he wanted to line up at the plate of every expectation she had of him and knock it right out of the park. He wanted her to see he was capable of being whatever she needed him to be.

Though she had never asked him to, he’d been trying harder at practice, lifting outside of their daily training—even pushing himself so far that he’d nearly busted his phone when a weight had fallen near it—and he had been more locked in than he had ever remembered being.

She made him feel like he could be something great.

But how long before she decided she’d seen enough and didn’t like what made him him ? And if, somehow, he was lucky enough that she let him in after what she’d admitted about herself in relationships, how long before she expected something out of him that he couldn’t provide?

How long until this delusion wore off and he disappointed her, losing the first woman he’d cared about like this in an instant?

The group shook their poms as he walked up beside them. “Hello, ladies,” he drawled, smirking.

He made sure not to look at Keala before he turned and opened the door, smiling wide. “I hear somebody wants to teach me how to fix my ground game.”