Page 19

Chapter nineteen

Landon

ESPN notification – Beaumont’s one-loss Sabertooths prep for their week eight game. What do they need to do to beat Washington?

ESPN notification – Landon Beaumont had three touchdowns in the Sentinels’ week eight Thursday evening game. Has Ray Landers finally figured out how to turn the tight end’s attitude around?

Shifting in the leather seat of his car, Landon looked away from his phone screen uncomfortably. After a couple of weeks of going back and forth post-accident, he’d decided to try therapy. Online, of course, so no one found out. But even with the distance it provided between himself and Dr. Esposito, he felt the discomfort of talking about his feelings like a physical weight pressing against his chest. He was desperate for air, and it was only the end of his second session.

“Landon?” Dr. Esposito said his name softly, and Landon’s eyes snapped to his phone. She smiled kindly. “Where did you go just now?”

He drummed a finger against his steering wheel. Cleared his throat. “Was just thinking about how uncomfortable I’m feeling right now…sharing.”

“That’s completely understandable. The fact that you sought professional help is already a step toward healing, so I commend you for that. And remember that this is collaborative. You can share as much or as little as you’d like in these sessions, okay?”

The feeling clawing at his chest dissipated a bit at the reminder. “Okay.”

“We’ve done some great work today. If it’s alright with you, I’d like to do a quick recap before we close, and then we can pick up again next week. Would that be okay?”

He nodded.

“Great. So last time, we explored a little bit about how your dad’s focus on football may have shaped how you view expressing your emotions. This time, we dove into it a bit more. You’re not answering most of his messages, and because of that, you’ve been feeling less pressure from him. You’ve also found some more intrinsic motivation to try harder on the field.”

Landon wasn’t sure that could all be attributed to not talking to his father. Finding someone he wanted to prove himself to had helped as well.

Like she’d picked up on his thought, she asked, “Is that right? Or did I miss something?”

“No, no. That’s correct.” He wasn’t ready to talk about Keala. Didn’t know what he would say even if he were.

Dr. Esposito smiled again. “Finally, we touched briefly on your relationship with your mother, specifically the out-of-control feelings you had around the time of her passing, as well as your search for attention in places that you believe might not have been best for you.”

Right. Namely drugs and fighting. The attention he’d gotten from women over the years hadn’t hurt.

“I know you expressed concerns about wanting tangible changes throughout this process, and I just want to point out that opening up the amount that you have already is remarkable. It’s clear you’ve been holding a lot in for a long time, so being able to talk about it, even just to name the feeling, is progress, okay?”

“Okay, thank you.” He didn’t feel like he’d made much headway, but she seemed excited about it, so he tried to be too.

“Do you have any questions for me before we wrap up for today?”

“Did you still want me to try being vulnerable with others like last week? As…homework or whatever.” Landon didn’t understand how this all worked, but he was paying a ridiculous amount of money for it. At the very least, he could try.

Dr. Esposito nodded. “I’m so glad you brought that up. Yes, see if there are any opportunities for you in your daily life to open up to even one person. About anything. We can talk about it next week.”

“Okay, I’ll do that.” He’d told his sister on the phone that he missed her this past week. Landon didn’t know what other opportunities he might get, but he suspected they would be coming soon, especially since he would be with Keala and her family this evening. “Thank you, Dr. Esposito.”

“Of course, Landon. Take care.”

“You too.”

He grimaced as soon as the call disconnected. Landon knew it was for the better, but man was it uncomfortable.

Keala’s parents’ two-story house was situated on a nice, tree-lined street in a southern San Jose suburb. It was painted a soft light-gray with white trim around the windows and doors, somehow both modern and warm. A small porch jutted out with a couple of chairs, and the lawn was neat, with flower beds along the edges that looked like they were cared for daily.

Landon couldn’t explain why he felt so nervous even with Ikaika by his side. Keala’s parents had invited the three of them over for what they called “Halloween Eve,” which was apparently an important event in the Lōkahi-Price household.

“Keeks is close,” Ikaika said, pocketing his phone as they walked up the driveway. “Her parents asked her to get the pumpkins. I wish they would’ve asked me—she just got off work and had to rush to the store.” He sighed. “I don’t think it’s on purpose, but they always do this. Ask her for things when she’s busier than anyone els—” He frowned, looking back at where Landon had stopped. “What’s wrong?”

“I feel like I shouldn’t be here. This seems like a family thing. Plus, I know she hasn’t been hanging out as much, and I’m not sure if that’s my fault.” It had been three weeks since he’d helped with her bake sale. Though he knew he’d read the signals correctly and she’d been as affected by their proximity as he had, she hadn’t been around as much since.

Ikaika shook his head. “You’re always welcome here; my aunt has made that clear. And the Sirens have been busy the last few weeks with a ton of new choreography. They had back-to-back home games to prepare for. She’s been at practice or practicing with her teammates every single day.”

That may have been true, but any time she did hang out with them at the apartment and Ikaika got up to use the restroom or call his family, or do anything that left Keala and Landon alone, she jumped up and ran out of the room, claiming she needed to go to bed.

Maybe she worried that the tension between them would break into something more if they were left alone again. Or maybe he had ruined things.

Ikaika, taking his silence as hesitation, continued, “Seriously. I like hanging out with you, don’t get me wrong, but it’s gotten more fun because you bring out a side of Keala I’ve never seen before.”

“In what way?”

“With everyone else, me included, she’s always like, ‘Yes, I’ll do whatever you want whenever you want me to.’ I mean, look at her running to do her parents’ bidding despite being the busiest of us all. But whatever you did when you guys first met, you clearly bug her so much that she’s going against her instincts, and I love it. I’ve never seen her like this.”

Maybe she hadn’t been fighting her instincts with him. Maybe she’d been letting him see the real her, the one she hid from everyone else so they’d always need her around.

Though, that may have been an absurd line of thinking, because why him? What was it about him that would make her feel she could let go and be her real self? Was it the same thing that had allowed him to be unguarded about his emotions in a way he’d never been able to with anyone else?

Nah, Ikaika was probably right. She was fighting her sweet, people-pleasing instincts to spite Landon. And Landon didn’t mind one bit.

“Glad to be of service,” Landon joked.

He followed Ikaika to the front door. A few seconds after his friend knocked, a woman with short wavy hair and Keala’s smile greeted them. “Come in, come in, please!” She pulled Ikaika into a tight hug, then did the same with Landon.

A tall, lanky man with thin glasses and graying hair stood in the living room, his eyes focused on the TV, where a couple of college teams played.

“Adrian,” Keala’s mom scolded him. He tossed the remote onto the coffee table and joined them, sheepishly smiling at his wife before shaking Landon’s hand.

“It’s good to meet you. We’ve enjoyed following your career.”

“Thank you. It’s good to meet you both too.” Though, if they were following his career, that likely meant they knew some of the worst things he’d done. Not a great start, but they didn’t seem to care.

The most remarkable thing Landon noticed about Keala’s parents was how much they touched. Her father’s arm around his wife’s back, her hand resting on his arm or stomach. It seemed so natural, as if they spent all of their time like this.

It was a dynamic completely opposite to his parents’.

The four of them made light small talk as they migrated past a small dining room to the living room. Behind the couch was a hallway with many doorways and a set of stairs.

Just as they sat down, Keala burst into the house, a big smile on her face, cheeks red from the cold, and arms full.

In an instant, Landon and Ikaika were up again, helping her with her bags.

“Ma, I got the groceries you asked for.”

Ikaika grabbed the bags she held out to her mother. “I can take these to the kitchen.”

“Thank you, Ikaika.” Her mother followed him to the first room that split off the hallway.

Landon assisted Keala with the three medium-sized pumpkins she’d purchased, setting them onto the coffee table. “Thank you,” she murmured, her eyes stilling on his face for half a second before she pulled out three carving kits and placed one beside each pumpkin.

“So, is this the family tradition?” he asked.

“Yes! Pumpkin carving. We do it every year.” She turned to her dad. “Dad, is Akoni not driving up? I thought he said he was coming, but when you only asked for three pumpkins—”

Her mother’s voice drifted to them as she and Ikaika returned to the living room. “Akoni had a medical school interview today at UCLA. He promised to send a picture of his pumpkin before tomorrow morning.” Pride was clear from her eyes to her smile.

Landon looked at Keala out of the corner of his eye. Her face fell imperceptibly before she smiled. “Same rules apply this year.”

“There are rules?” he asked, eyeing the pumpkins.

“Pumpkin carving is a big thing for our family. When we were younger, we would all sit around the table and Dad would carve whatever we asked him to. Then, when we got older, we began having family competitions.”

Adrian smiled fondly. “Keeks got so excited the first year we let her try, she cut her hand open and we had to take her to the emergency room.”

Keala laughed, holding up her palm. A small, faded, white scar curved under her thumb. He’d never noticed it before. “Dad got me a baby pumpkin, and the moment he left the room, after expressly telling me to wait, I grabbed the knife and went to town. Cut clean through the pumpkin and into my hand.”

“Maybe that’s when she fell in love with emergency medicine,” her father said, pleased.

“Maybe,” Keala responded weakly.

“Don’t be silly, Adrian. The kids have wanted to be in medicine since they were little and you let them use your stethoscope. Akoni especially, right, Keala? I remember, when he was young, he would sit and listen to your dad talk for hours about his day.”

Keala shifted uncomfortably, sharing a look with Landon. They’d come to a kind of understanding after learning about each other’s family dynamics. “Yeah.”

“So who won last year? And who wins most often?” Landon asked.

Keala looked at him gratefully. “Surprisingly? Always Ikaika.” She shrugged. “Man’s got a gift.”

Ikaika smiled. “Mom always said if football didn’t work out, I’d be a good artist.”

“Why are you leaving out the best part?” her mother asked.

“Because it’s the best part for Ikaika and nobody else,” Keala grumbled.

“What’s the best part?” Landon questioned.

Ikaika grabbed one of the pumpkins, examining it from all angles. “Winner gets a favor from the losers.”

Landon smirked at Keala. “Really? You don’t say.”

Keala rolled her eyes. “Yes, yes. Whatever. Ikaika, stop cheating. We draw numbers to see who gets to choose first.”

Each of them picked a small slip of paper with a number from one to three out of a hat. Landon, who drew the number one, chose first, then Keala, then Ikaika. Once chosen, they spread out. Landon settled with his back against the wall of the dining room, where he had a clear view of Ikaika beside the TV stand and Keala beside the couch.

Immediately, Ikaika and Keala got to work. They seemed to not only have an idea of what they wanted to carve but also how to execute it. Landon frowned down at his pumpkin, waiting for an ounce of creativity or an idea to jump out of him.

Keala pulled her hair into a ponytail. Over the last couple of months of getting to know her, he’d figured out that meant she was focusing hard. There was a small crease between her brow as she drew on her pumpkin, tilting her head back and forth, squinting her eyes.

Like with football, with expressing his emotions, and anything else where he knew Keala was watching, Landon wanted to try . Even if it was for a dumb pumpkin.

That’s when the idea hit him. The thing that connected them all—the Sentinels.

The red-and-black logo featured a medieval knight with a helmet, its visor down and plume flowing behind him. He held a sword with both hands and appeared to be in the middle of driving it down into someone or something. Landon’s drawing skills were mediocre at best, but by the time he had finished, it looked surprisingly like the symbol painted all over the facility and fields.

Landon had only carved pumpkins once, so he wasn’t sure about his abilities off the dome. He desperately wanted Keala to owe him a favor, so he pulled up a video with step-by-step instructions on how to carve the Sentinels logo and muted it.

Was it cheating if it was for a good cause? He pretended the answer wasn’t yes.

The three of them worked diligently for over half an hour. Keala’s parents stayed seated on the loveseat, not wanting to see the pumpkins before they were done since they were judging. They asked questions, checking in with Ikaika and Keala, and sometimes Landon, on their lives, but most of their attention was on each other. They whispered to each other, laughing together like teenagers in the honeymoon stage. Mr. Price had an arm around her waist, her legs in his lap, and more often than not, their eyes were on the other as they talked, engrossed in conversation.

Their love was palpable.

Every time Landon noticed, he looked over at Keala. Often, he found her smiling at her parents, a wistful look in her eyes. A rope tightened roughly in his chest, seeing how badly she wanted something like that for herself.

At one point, wanting to see how Keala was doing, Landon had gotten up and pretended to go to the bathroom. She’d been working on something familiar, with a long, creepy smile, but he couldn’t pinpoint what exactly it was.

“Hey! Cheater! Get out of here,” she’d said, pointing at him like she was scolding him, a poorly hidden smile peeking through.

Finally, Keala stood, hands on her hips. “Are we all done?” Landon surveyed his pumpkin one last time, then nodded. “Everyone hold them up in three”—Landon hoisted his up, still facing him—“two, one.” They all turned theirs to face the center of the room. Keala’s was a more cleaned-up version of what he had seen when he’d walked to the bathroom, and Ikaika had gone for a silhouette of a cat.

Keala’s parents looked at each of the pumpkins, and Keala’s brows furrowed when she looked at Landon’s.

“What the hell is that?” Ikaika asked him, cracking a smile. He probably thought he’d won.

Landon walked to the coffee table, set down his pumpkin, then turned the flashlight of his phone on and placed it inside. He put the top of the pumpkin back on.

“Oh wow!” Keala’s mom traced the carving with a finger, and her father looked impressed.

Keala’s jaw dropped. “Oh. My. God.”

Landon smirked at her. “That good, huh?”

She ignored him. “Ikaika, put your flashlight in yours so we can compare.” She did the same, placing hers beside Landon’s on the table. Keala’s mom flicked off the lights.

Admittedly, Landon’s wasn’t perfect, but when taking into account difficulty, he was pretty sure he had them both beat. By miles. He grinned.

“What is yours supposed to be?” he asked Keala.

She glared at him. “ Supposed to be? It’s obviously Jack Skellington.” When he didn’t register who that was, she continued, “From The Nightmare Before Christmas ?”

“Oh, right. Hey, that’s not bad.” Her glare intensified, sharper and more angular in the light of the TV and their flashlights, her arms crossed.

“Very impressive work, Landon. Ikaika has some serious competition this year,” her father said, picking up the top of Landon’s pumpkin to look inside, then putting it back.

“Damn, man. Did you used to carve pumpkins as a kid too?” Ikaika asked.

“Only once.”

Keala looked intrigued, so he started to explain. Realizing there were others in the room and not sure he wanted to be vulnerable in front of all of them, he closed his mouth. Like she had heard his thought process, her face dropped, turning back toward the pumpkins.

Screw it. It was his homework, after all. “My sister needed to carve one for class one year. She wanted it to be a sparrow because they were my mother’s favorite. Maya thought it would make Mom feel better since she was sick.”

He’d wanted to help, but both he and Colton had been tied up with practice and games. When he’d mentioned to his dad that he felt bad for not helping, his father had yelled at Landon and told him to stop being such a baby. Two nights before it was due, Maya had gone to bed with red-rimmed eyes, and the next day, Landon had purchased a bunch of pumpkins and gotten to work.

“I carved a ton before I got good at it, and around three thirty in the morning, I finally finished one I knew she’d love.”

That strange, unidentifiable look was back in Keala’s eyes. The one he had wished for more of when she’d cleaned his knuckles in the kitchen almost four weeks ago. He hoped it was something good, something like admiration.

“Well, you got real good,” Ikaika mused.

Landon’s eyes were still on Keala’s, and she didn’t look away. It made his chest clench and shudder in a way he was sure it never had.

Her parents took photos of the pumpkins before turning the lights back on. Her mom motioned in the direction of the door. “Sweetie, would you mind putting them outside on the porch? It’ll be the perfect décor for when kids come by tomorrow.”

“Of course,” Keala answered, pulling her phone out of her pumpkin.

“I’ll help.” Landon grabbed the phones out of the other two, then picked the pumpkins up from the bottom, leaning them against his body as he followed Keala outside, where a blast of cold air hit them. Keala shivered, and he wished he’d brought a sweatshirt.

They placed them beside each other near the door, and when they were done, Keala took a step back to survey their work.

Landon gestured at his pumpkin. “I think we all know I won.”

Keala grimaced like she knew it too. “We’ll have to see what my parents say.”

Landon took a step toward Keala, and she looked at him warily. “So, if I do win, you’ll do anything I want?”

She heaved a beleaguered sigh. “Landon.”

“What? It’s a genuine question. I want to make sure I understand what’s allowed here.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Nothing sexual.”

“Oh, Keeks. Ikaika and I aren’t like that.”

She shoved him, and he grinned as his back hit one of the wooden posts holding up the porch.

She hadn’t mentioned any rules forbidding dates.