Page 12 of Tiny Precious Secrets (The Brothers of Calloway Creek The Montanas #4)

Asher

Allie barely said two words to me at the reception. Is she mad at me? For leaving the rehearsal dinner after our interrupted kiss? For not calling her after?

The two texts I sent this afternoon haven’t even been read as far as I can tell. Tonight is my last night here. Whatever is going on with her, I’m determined to figure it out.

After leaving a pouting Bug with Sarah, who’s babysitting Charlie and Maisy for the evening, I stop at the shop, buy a bottle of wine, and head over to Allie’s bungalow. We didn’t officially make plans, but it was implied that we were going to spend whatever time we could together.

But that was before she almost completely shut me out today.

Approaching her door, I hear a baby screaming.

She’s not alone. When my knock goes unanswered, I check the knob.

It’s unlocked, so I go in. I expect to see Regan and Lucas since I’m sure it’s their baby, Mitchell, who is exercising his lungs right now.

But the two of them aren’t here. It’s just Allie and the baby.

And what I see causes a flood of emotions, even more than what I felt at the wedding.

Allie is trying to comfort Mitchell. He’s cradled in her arms and she’s swaying him back and forth, singing to him so softly it’s hard for me to hear over the child’s cries.

Finally, after another minute or so, he calms. And that’s when it happens. Her voice pierces my goddamn heart, solidifying her place there as if she hadn’t already taken up residence. Quietly, she soothes him with a lullaby as she looks out over the impressive view.

Her back is turned to me and I remain quiet so she doesn’t know I’m here.

I don’t want to ruin this moment. The moment that has me envisioning a future with her unlike any I’ve ever imagined.

Because watching her body sway as she holds him, I can almost picture her in a different room holding a different baby.

After Stella, I never thought I’d want to go down the road of trying for another child. I decided Bug was enough and put all my efforts into raising her. But watching Allie with Mitchell, a longing deep inside me percolates to the surface. I want this. I want it with her.

But then I remember what she said about kids not being in her future. Ever . But, Jesus, she’s a natural. My heart aches thinking she may never have the joy of comforting her own child or the incredible happiness of bonding with another person in a way only a parent and child can.

She leans down and kisses him. “Sweet boy,” she says softly. “My sweet, sweet boy. God how you remind me of him. Your little Montana nose. The curve of your mouth. You’re… perfect.”

The last word comes out squeaky like she’s crying.

And I’m confused. He reminds her of him? Her brother? Kind of a strange thing to say.

“Hey, Al.”

She spins, surprised to see me.

I hold up a hand. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. I knocked.”

She eyes the bottle of wine I’m carrying and looks… sad?

“I got stuck babysitting.” She walks over to a bassinet and lays Mitchell down. “My mom was going to watch all the kids tonight, but Charlie was feeling sick, so I offered to watch this little guy so he wouldn’t be exposed to anything.”

I go over and gaze down at him. “He’s a cute kid.”

“He’s the best,” she says, leaning over to gently rub his back. Her momentary smile fades as she closes her eyes. She takes a deep breath, her shoulders slumping as her fingers run across the soft cotton fabric of his sleep sack.

Then it strikes me. What she said about children not being in the cards for her. Maybe it’s not a choice at all. Maybe it’s more like a curse.

And that makes me sad. For her. For potential babies who won’t get to have her as a mom. Because obviously she’d be great at it.

“You’ve got an amazing voice.”

Her cheeks pink. “Just how long were you standing there?”

“Long enough.”

When she looks sad again, I try to lighten the mood. “We should definitely go to karaoke sometime.”

Instead of laughing, though, she sits on the couch and pulls a throw pillow onto her lap. Something is wrong.

I set the bottle down on her kitchen table. “Hey, what’s the matter?”

“I messed up last night.”

“Is that what this is all about?” I go over and sit next to her.

It starts to make sense now, why she was avoiding me today. It was for Bug’s benefit. She didn’t want to throw fuel on the fire. Then again, it doesn’t explain why she didn’t text me back. Unless maybe she’s been stuck with Mitchell since the reception.

Still… it seems there’s more to it than that. I can read it in her eyes.

“Don’t worry about Bug. She’ll get over it. Besides, you did nothing wrong. What happened is on her. I’m the one who should be apologizing for my kid making a scene.”

“It wasn’t her fault.”

“Of course it was. What she did was childish and selfish.”

“But she is a child. And maybe she’s allowed to be selfish when it comes to you. You’re all she has, Asher.” She sinks back into the couch. “ I’m the adult here, yet what I did was even more childish.”

“What do you mean?”

Her eyes close. “I ruined the entire night. Your father-daughter campout. And her dance. You should let her go to the dance. What happened wasn’t her fault. It was mine.”

“How is what happened possibly your fault? Because you wanted me to kiss you? Al, I wanted to kiss you all night. So if we’re placing blame, at least we can share it.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t know any better.” She looks at me, guilt oozing from her eyes. “I knew she was there, Asher. It’s why I asked you to kiss me. I wanted her to see us. I’m not even sure why. It was petty and stupid and I’m so sorry.”

I find it hard to hold in my laugh. “That’s what all this is about?”

“I just think”—she looks out the window—“maybe this is all getting too complicated.”

Instantly, my delight disappears. “Wait, what?”

“Aren’t you tired of sneaking around? Of lying to your daughter? Of her acting out and now me doing ridiculous things because, what, I’m jealous of her?”

“Okay, listen.” I grab her hand. It’s stiff at first, then she relaxes it into mine.

“First, you didn’t ruin our night. We still pitched a tent and slept under the stars.

She may not have spoken to me much, but she didn’t need to, I did most of the talking.

Allie, I told her about us. About seeing you when I travel—which she already suspected by the way.

She knows I… like you. And she knows you’re the only woman in my life. ”

And there it is. It’s a conversation we’ve never had. Never—not once—has she asked whether or not I’m seeing anyone else. I’ve never brought it up because I’m afraid of her reaction. But right now, with her seemingly wanting to pull away, I have to tell her.

“Al, I can’t promise Bug will be accepting of this.

But at least she knows. And I’ve asked her to be more respectful of my choices.

But really, after tonight, it won’t matter much because the only time you’ll cross paths is when we visit Marti and Charlie.

And I understand why you did what you did.

Sometimes I forget how this must be hard for you.

I’m this older guy with a teenager. You rarely get to see that part of me.

When I come to the city and we’re together, you get all of me.

When I’m at home in Orlando, she gets all of me.

” I wave a hand around. “It’s these times when my two worlds converge where it gets messy.

I’m sorry you got caught up in the mess. ”

“Out of curiosity…” She picks lint off the pillow, not making eye contact. “Since when have I been the only woman in your life?”

I pull her onto my lap. “Since the day Marti and I drove into Calloway Creek and I saw you on the steps of the winery.”

She stares down into my eyes and I swear I can see a battle going on behind her baby blues.

Is she trying to figure out if I’m worth it?

Me and all my baggage? Is she asking herself if she’s willing to deal with the occasional messiness of my life so that once a month she can have all of me?

Or is she still thinking it’s all too complicated?

“Allie.” I cup her cheeks. “You don’t need to overthink this. I want you. You’re all I can think about since seeing you in that dress earlier. I want you whatever way I can have you. And right now, I want to have you here on this couch.”

The battle ends as she leans down and crashes her lips to mine.

Relief overtakes me. I know how fragile this thing with her is.

I’ve felt all along that it could end at any moment.

With a text. With me being stood up at our hotel in the city.

With none of those, but instead just… nothing—poof, gone.

Because we never defined this. She doesn’t owe me anything.

But why then, do I want to give her everything ?

There is a hint of salt on her lips, confirmation that she was crying earlier when she was holding Mitchell. It makes me want to grab her and never let go. Tell her that whatever she’s thinking, whatever she’s feeling, I’m here. I’ll be with her. I’ll protect her. I’ll love her.

But all I can do is convey those feelings with my lips.

My touch. I pull down the spaghetti strap on her shoulder and let my mouth devour her neck.

Her clavicle. The upper part of her chest. She lets her head fall back as I explore every inch with my tongue.

As I taste her sweet skin, savoring it as any delicacy should be savored.

I’m growing painfully hard, a situation I’m confident she’s aware of since it’s her movements on my lap that have caused it.

I lift her sundress up and over her head, and, Jesus, she’s braless.

It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve seen Allie in all her naked glory, every time is like the first time. I cup her creamy white breasts in my hands. “You’re fucking beautiful.”

She cracks a smile. “I’ll bet you say that to all the half-naked ladies who straddle you.”

My laughter bounces her in my lap. I’m glad to see she’s recovered her sense of humor. And I don’t bother with an answer. She knows now that she’s the only one.

“I’d prefer you to be wholly naked.”

I lift her off me so she’s standing right in front of me.

Leaning in, I lower her panties to the floor then kiss her stomach and let my tongue blaze a trail down to the tippy top of her tiny triangle of curls.

“I like this,” I say, licking the smooth surface around her manicured area, wondering if she waxes all the time, or just when she knows we’ll be together.

I urge her right leg up onto the couch next to me. Then I place her hands on my shoulders. I glance up with a confident smirk as my fingers find her slick folds, parting the way for my tongue.

It’s damn sexy the way she watches me. Even when I can’t see her stare, I can feel it. She moans my name when I suck on her clit. She almost stumbles when my fingers find the spot inside her that drives her wild.

Her fingers dig into my shoulders, incenting me to work harder. I reach up and pinch a nipple. It’s that motion that pushes her over the edge, and her hands move from my shoulders to my head as she grabs my hair and holds me in place while her entire body vibrates with an orgasm.

I move my hand from her breast to her hip to keep her from collapsing. She comes hard, and I can tell she’s struggling to keep herself from screaming my name. Or maybe God’s.

She doesn’t want to wake the baby. Which I’m grateful for, because in about twenty seconds, my clothes will be off and I’ll be burying myself inside her. And I surmise in about thirty, I’m the one who’ll have to hold in shouts of pleasure.

~ ~ ~

“I’ll just be a minute,” she says, gathering her panties and dress then disappearing into the bathroom.

I toss the condom into the trash and am pulling on my shorts when Mitchell starts crying. It’s not a wail like earlier, more like a reminder that he’s there. I pad over, not even fully dressed, and pick him up.

It’s been a while since I’ve held an infant. Years. But it’s just as wonderful as I remembered it to be.

“Hey, little guy.”

He stares up at me, fortunately still too young to be frightened of strangers. My heart stands still as I gaze down into the innocent eyes of a beautiful child, longing for something that will probably never happen for me again.

The bathroom door swings open. Allie’s mouth hangs agape when she sees me holding her nephew. She’s frozen in place, looking entranced. Shocked. Scared.

“I, uh… he was crying. He seems fine now.” When she doesn’t move, I add, “You know I have experience holding babies, right?”

Her head shakes as if she was somewhere else entirely and not right here. “Yeah. Of course.”

I go over and hand him to her. “It’s been forever, though. Not since I held Alex.” I sigh when I think of it. “It was the day before she died. She was only a week old.”

Allie’s entire body shudders. She knows how my sister lost her infant daughter. “I… I’m really tired, Asher. It’s been a long day. And this one needs to have a bottle.”

I study her as she goes into the kitchen. She’s been all over the place tonight. Changing from cold to hot and back to cold at the drop of a hat. I come up behind her, kissing her bare shoulder. “Our flight leaves at nine. This is probably goodbye.”

“Okay.” She pulls a bottle out of the fridge.

Okay?

“So, I guess I’ll see you in a few weeks? I already have a business trip planned for May eighth.”

“Sounds good.”

I walk around to her front so she has to look at me. “Allie, we just made love. The least you can do is kiss me goodbye.”

“Sorry. It’s just that he’s really hungry.”

I look down at a very content baby. Then, over the top of his head, I pull her close. “I’m hungry too.”

When I kiss her, it’s not like before. I guess she’s concerned about doing this and holding Mitchell. The kiss is over all too soon.

And even before I’m out the door, I miss her.

Making my way back to my room, passing couple after couple, I’m confronted by what’s come to be one of my greatest fears—not having Allie in my life.

And I swear right here and now, the next time I go to the city, I’m going to tell her.

I’m going to tell her how I feel. And what’s more—I’m going to make her listen until she hears it.