Page 11 of Tiny Precious Secrets (The Brothers of Calloway Creek The Montanas #4)

Allie

I haven’t slept much. Guilt has wreaked havoc on me.

It was my fault Asher’s night ended early.

It was such an adolescent thing to do, asking him to kiss me right there in front of everyone.

And the worst part, the part that makes me a terrible human, is that I knew Darla was there.

I caught a glimpse of blue hair right before I challenged him to kiss me.

I roll over and watch the sun rise through my bedroom window knowing I royally messed up.

I could very well have, in one fell swoop, ruined not only his relationship with Bug, but our relationship—whatever it may be.

The other thing that had sleep eluding me, and something that’s occurred to me more than once over the past twelve hours, is what if somehow I wanted it to happen.

Us being put in a precarious situation that could potentially blow up this thing we have.

I mean, the stuff he’s been saying recently.

The way he’s been acting and looking at me.

It’s all so intense. Am I subconsciously ruining this? Am I sabotaging it?

Even as all of that was going through my head, I was also disappointed. I wanted a replay of the night before. Us on the beach. Him making love to me. The two of us wrapped up in each other so tightly nothing was between us. Not my past. Not his daughter. Not my inability to let him in.

I crawl out of bed knowing there’s somewhere I need to be. My brother’s wedding. It’s at eleven o’clock this morning. An unconventional time, but they wanted Charlie and all the kids to be able to enjoy the reception, which will be a champagne brunch on the beach right after the ceremony.

Everything about this wedding is the complete opposite of when Dallas married his first wife, Phoebe.

That wedding took place at the winery at sunset and was a very formal occasion.

Nobody wanted any similarities to the wedding where Dallas married his high school sweetheart—the woman who died tragically a few years later, along with their infant son.

Their infant son.

My eyes close and I hold back the tears that threaten every time I think about Dallas’s son. Because thoughts of DJ inevitably lead to thoughts of Christopher. I push away the flashbacks that start creeping into my head. Today is not a day for mourning. It’s a day of celebration.

After a long, hot, soul-cleansing shower, I grab my makeup bag and head over to Mom and Dad’s bungalow where they’ve set up the bridal suite in one of the bedrooms.

Mom greets me at the door. “Good morning. How did you sleep?”

“Don’t ask.”

She wraps an arm around my shoulder, escorting me inside. There’s a huge spread of pastries along with coffee and mimosas in their kitchen. She picks up a mug. “Coffee?”

I sit on a barstool, noticing I’m the first one to arrive. “Please.”

“You and Asher were quite the topic of conversation last night.” She hands me the mug. “You’d have known that if you hadn’t rushed out so quickly. But it’s not like it really came as a surprise to anyone.”

I let my head fall to the countertop and bang my forehead against the unforgiving granite. “Can we not talk about this? There are more important things going on today.”

Her hand brushes across my back. “Just because your brother is getting married doesn’t mean we can’t figure out your problems.”

“Problems?” I lift my head and take a drink.

“I saw Bug jump in the pool, sweetie. Teenagers can be tough. Maybe you just need to talk with her. You know, woman to woman.”

I laugh. “She hates me, Mom. She’s not going to listen to a word I have to say.”

“She just needs reassurance that you aren’t taking her father away.”

As if to add insult to injury, the door swings open and Marti and Bug come through, laughing. It dies quickly when Bug sees me, however. She completely ignores me and goes to the spread of sweets, picking out a gooey cinnamon roll.

“You’re lucky you can eat that,” I joke. “You’d better enjoy it before you get older when every one of those will have you running an extra five miles.”

She stares daggers at me. “Are you calling me fat?”

“No. Of course not. That’s not what I meant at all.” I stumble over what to say that won’t have me putting my foot in my mouth. “Are you okay today? I was worried about you after you fell in the pool.”

“Why would you be worried?”

“Well, for one, because I like you and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

She studies me like I’m a freak. “You like me?”

“Sure. What’s not to like?”

Her eyes roll. “Whatever.”

I have to do something to fix this. I have no idea what happened between her and Asher after they left the rehearsal dinner.

Based on the look on his face when they were leaving, however, she might just be grounded for life.

Something I’m sure she’s blaming me for.

And she should. It is my fault. I caused whatever rift is now between them.

“Hey, how about I do your hair? I could curl it for you and then pin the front part up.” I pick up a piece of blue hair and hold it up against the back of her head. “Like this.”

She shrugs me off like my touch burned her. “Uh, no. Aunt Marti is going to do it.”

“Marti’s the bride. She has other things to worry about. Why not let me do it? It’ll be fun. I’m really good at doing hair. Ask anyone.” I stand up and hold out an arm in invitation. “Come on, Bug. We’ll stuff our faces with cinnamon rolls and put our hair in curlers.”

She doesn’t budge. “You’re not doing my hair.”

“Why not? Give me one good reason.”

“Because you don’t know how to do it. You’re not my mom. You’re not anyone’s mom, so you can’t possibly understand.”

Her words hit me right in the chest, piercing my heart and taking all the fight right out of me.

“And my name is Darla .” She stomps across the room heading for the bridal suite.

Mom and Marti stand nearby, having heard the entire exchange. Mom gives me the same empathetic look she gives me whenever I’m reminded that I’m not anyone’s mom .

Marti looks horrified over her niece’s outburst. “Allie, I am so sorry. I’ll talk to her. She shouldn’t be that disrespectful.”

I shake my head. “It’s fine. I feel like I ran right into that one. I’m not sure what I was thinking trying to be her friend or whatever after what happened last night. Don’t be too hard on her, okay?”

“Give her some time. She’ll come around.”

“Will she?”

Marti takes a sip of her mimosa. “She’s just mad that Asher said she couldn’t go to the eighth-grade dance next week.”

Guilt crawls up my spine. “Oh, no. She must be devastated.”

“She’ll get over it.”

I nod even though I don’t agree. I’m not sure she will get over it. The eighth-grade dance is a big deal. And she’s going to blame me. For everything. The dance. The special father-daughter night they had planned that most likely got ruined.

Maybe this is all becoming way too complicated.

“Hey,” I say, picking up my own mimosa, “this day is all about you. Now let’s go get ready. I can’t wait for you to be my newest sister-in-law.”

She smiles big. “I’m soooooo ready to marry your brother. Truth be told, I’ve been ready since the day we met after my car skidded off the road and stranded me with him.”

“I know. I could tell that about you from the moment we met.”

Her smile doesn’t fall as she cocks her head.

“What is it?” I ask.

“I could say the same thing about you, you know. The moment you and Asher laid eyes on each other—it’s like time stood still. I could practically feel it. It was intense, Allie.”

I think back to that very moment. When I was on the steps of the winery and Asher came driving up with Marti. She’s right. Time did stand still. My breath catches in my chest just thinking about it.

Oh, what a simpler time that was.

“Come on.” I pull her toward the suite. “Let’s go make you the most beautiful bride who ever lived.”

~ ~ ~

Three hours and zero additional conversations with Bug later, I’m smiling as Charlie, the ring bearer, and Maisy, the flower girl, walk down the aisle. After them, Bug and I carry our bouquets past the small crowd of friends and family.

Then I turn and my breath catches as Marti comes into view, looking even more captivating than when I left her just ten minutes ago. She’s glowing as Asher walks her down the aisle toward my brother.

Well, it’s not so much an aisle as it is a shell and flower-lined path in the sand, the sparkling bay as a backdrop. But it’s perfect. The sun is high in the sky. There isn’t a cloud to be seen, and everyone’s eyes are on the gorgeous bride.

She isn’t the only one who’s gorgeous, however.

Holy hell. I’ve never seen Asher look so handsome in his beige linen pants, crisp white dress shirt, and tie the exact color of my blue-green dress.

But I think what makes him so incredibly beautiful in this moment is the pride on his face.

The love he has for his sister is so palpable I’m almost jealous of it.

For all intents and purposes, he’s been Marti’s father since she was twelve.

And he did an incredible job raising her.

I look to my left, where Bug is standing as Marti’s maid of honor. He’s doing an amazing job raising her, too. And here I am throwing a wrench in all of it.

Asher kisses Marti’s cheek and hands her off to Dallas, who has a smile on his face and tears in his eyes.

I never thought there would be a time I’d see my brother happy again. Marti and Charlie, though, they’ve brought him that happiness.

Sometimes I wonder if I could ever have that.

Happiness .

It’s such a foreign concept to me now. Has been for all of my adult life. Sure, there are times when I laugh, smile, and feel joyful. But being truly happy—like all the time—is an unclimbable mountain, an unfathomable feat.

I stare at Asher as he takes his seat in the front row.

Since I’m just a bridesmaid and have no real duties here, I have nothing to do but stare at him.

I stare at him as his sister pledges her life to my brother.

Then, when Dallas says his vows, speaking of love after loss, it hits me like another arrow to the heart.

Marti and I have such similar stories. The main difference is, she doesn’t hide her loss.

She wears her loss on her sleeve like a badge of honor, whereas I keep mine locked up in a little compartment in my heart.

And despite how much I’m drawn to the gorgeous man who’s now staring back at me, that compartment takes up so much room, I’m not sure there’s any space left for anything else.

Not even for the man who’s looking at me like he wants to be the one standing at the altar reciting vows of love and destiny.

Like he wants to be gazing into my eyes speaking of forever.

A glimpse of blue hair in my periphery breaks the spell I was caught in. The dream I was lost in.

Asher’s eyes are telling me what he wants. But I’m not capable of what Marti and Dallas have. I can’t do happy. And I certainly can’t do forever.

Things like that can’t exist for me. They simply can’t. I’m a shattered woman. And not even the love of an amazing man can put me back together when pieces of me will be gone forever. Because if I’m not mistaken, he does love me. He’s never said it, but his eyes don’t lie.

Which is why I have to look away and put my focus where it should be, on Marti and Dallas, the two people who actually have a future together. There are no secrets between them. No hurt that hasn’t been overcome. No angsty teenage drama to get in the way. No hoops and hurdles.

Using Bug as a convenient excuse, I push aside any hopes and dreams of a future I know isn’t possible.

But even as I try to blame Bug, I know full well she’s not the reason I should end things with Asher. It has absolutely nothing to do with her, no matter how much I try to tell myself it does.

And if I can’t blame anyone else, there’s only one person I can blame.