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Kelsey

I should have been intimidated by Josie, but she was far too likable for me to notice how different we were. And she was so much like Sam that I was instantly comfortable with her. She’d brought me out early for a day of shopping, and when she caught me checking the price tags, she tsked.

“I know you have a fresh AMEX in your wallet, and Sam told me to make sure you used it.”

“But I don’t need anything,” I protested as she sent the store attendant back with a new dress for each of us.

“Do you think I need anything? Sam mentioned that Monica picked out the last couple of dresses. I’ll admit, she did okay. But give me a chance to do better.”

“I don’t need more than the two dresses he’s already bought.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. You can’t wear the same dress to another event. You’ve already been photographed in it. The shoes were amazing, too, but now they’ve been seen.”

I tried on everything she put in front of me, and to alleviate my guilt, she made the final call on what to purchase. I handed over the credit card, and she covered my ears as the total was read out.

Me: I love your sister, but she’s spending your money like you lost a bet.

Sam: She’s been waiting to get me back for when I ruined a surprise she had for Jake. I’m ready.

Me: I don’t need any of this….

Sam: But how does it make you feel?

Me: It makes me feel spoiled and a bit irresponsible. But also loved.

Me: And now I feel guilty because I’m not materialistic.

Sam: Please, focus on shopping and yourself for once.

Me: How is Crew?

Sam: He’s perfect. He was more than a little pissed at the fake nipple, but we came to an understanding eventually.

Me: Sorry, he hates bottles.

Sam: Considering the other option, I understand where he’s coming from.

“Are you texting my brother?”

“Yeah, I won’t lie, I’m not completely comfortable spending all this money.”

“If I didn’t see that you understood, Sam, I wouldn’t be out here encouraging you to rack up his credit card bill. You see him, don’t you? What I mean by that is you understand who he is, not what he is to everyone else.”

“Yeah,” I whispered.

“Sam was always the caretaker. He protected me from my father’s anger, sometimes at his own expense.

He did everything he could to be the perfect son, always with the hope that if he were perfect, our father wouldn’t need to drink.

He’s always taken that burden on himself.

And while initially, I feared that you guys were one more thing he needed to take care of, I realized how he was healing in front of my eyes. He’s softer than he looks.”

“Yeah. I don’t have any friends with kids, but I always see women complain about how little help they get with their babies or older kids.

He never hesitates. Even now, look around.

Look at the fathers. Watch them stare at their phones as their wives handle the kids.

I can’t help but feel like I will wake up and it’s all a lie.

Like there is no way that Sam can be real. ”

“He’s real, Kelsey. But you’re the first one outside our family to see that side of him. He’s never let in anyone else. By the way, Gramps told me what you told my father and how you stuck up for Sam. If I didn’t already love the shit out of you, that moment did it for me.”

We continued shopping, or Josie did; she just asked me to fork over the card when she was done. I wasn’t convinced I needed three cocktail dresses, but I loved the Gucci crossbody she’d picked for me. Yep, that was something I never would have bought myself.

“What does one get the man who needs nothing for their birthday,” I wondered out loud.

“What’s his schedule like on his birthday?” Josie asked.

“It looks like we’ll be in Seattle.”

“Ooh! That’s perfect. He loved Seattle when he lived there.

I think the restaurant in the Space Needle reopened.

You should see if Monica can book you two reservations for the night.

But fair warning, Sam was well-loved when he pitched for Seattle.

You are very likely to be interrupted wherever you go.

And with him, he doesn’t need a grand gesture.

Even small gestures would make him happy. ”

“Are you coming to Houston tomorrow?”

“I am. I said nothing earlier, but Jake and I have been trying for a baby, and, well, we have a schedule to follow if we want to time everything just right. This is your first season, and while you get used to the cycle, there are non-negotiables. I hoped it would happen sooner; we wanted to time it with his off-season, but nothing yet. Sam mentioned that you struggled with anxiety, too; I may have questions for you later. It’s been controlled, but the meds and pregnancy scare me. ”

“They scared me too. I’ve been seeing my therapist consistently, and some days, I need to tap into every single skill I learned to keep from having a panic attack. Sam is the first person who’s ever understood my anxiety. I don’t need to hide it or pretend I’m okay when I’m not.”

“Jake has also been great. But I worry that I might be pre-disposed for post-partum depression.”

“The best thing to do is have a support system around you. People who will check in on you, take care of you, and remind you to take care of yourself. And don’t skip your appointments, no matter how exhausted you are.

I make it sound like it’s easy, it isn’t.

I’m also not a therapist or a doctor, but I’m a good listener if you ever need one. ”

Josie pulled me into a hug. “Thank you. Some days, I feel ready to be pregnant, but then others, I’m filled with doubts. I’m not going to lie. Spending time with Crew will push anyone into parenthood. He’s adorable.”

By the time we arrived back at Josie’s house, Sam and Crew were back, and we found them relaxing by the pool. Sam had found a spot in the shade, and Crew was well-covered and wore a sunhat.

“How does he know to do that?” I asked Josie.

“That’s just Sam. He’s been taking care of all of us for as long as I’ve been alive.”