Page 48

Sam

“ H ey, let’s go shower,” I said and nudged Kelsey out of bed. I hoped a hot shower would help relax her after she had nearly had a panic attack. Whenever she tried to think too far into the future, I could see her shut down. I would only reassure her if I showed up for her consistently.

I turned the faucet in the shower, making sure that all heads came on. She sighed as the hot water hit her back, and I watched her muscles visibly relax.

“I feel like I should have run you a bath.”

“I was hoping to take one of those tomorrow with Crew. I don’t have his baby tub, but I think it would work if I got in there with him.”

I mentally made a note to send Monica a list of basics.

I already planned to have the nursery fully converted for him while we were in New York.

But if I mentioned that now, it might send Kelsey back into a tailspin.

I had to figure out the right balance with her.

She was independent and one of the strongest women I had ever met, but that didn’t mean that she needed to struggle with the shit she handled daily.

“I have to be at the stadium around one tomorrow for training before the game. What time do you need to be at work?”

Kelsey sighed and averted her eyes as I picked up the loofah sponge, squirted a generous dollop of liquid soap, and worked it up to a lather before washing her.

“I asked about taking some time off, and they agreed. They gave me forever off. I got fired.”

“When did that happen?”

“I got the text while you were putting Crew to bed. It’s not unheard of for people like me to lose their jobs when they ask for flexibility. People are less likely to ask if they fear losing their jobs. They made an example out of me.”

“Do you get your medical benefits through them?”

“No, I’m still on my parent’s plan. But Crew qualifies for state coverage, and we have WIC benefits that support fruits, vegetables, and some essential foods while I’m breastfeeding.”

My jaw ticked, and I had a visceral reaction to Kelsey's reliance on federal or state programs as she struggled to make ends meet. I massaged the soap into her shoulders and kissed her neck when she tipped her head to the side, attempting to stretch and relieve more tension.

“It’s going to be okay, you know that, right?”

“Yeah, the move to my parents is something I should have done months ago. Shit, I forgot to tell my dad he had tomorrow night off from watching Crew. Maybe I should take advantage of his available time and drive Uber instead. It should be a busy night. I’m sure I’ll be able to make a good amount of money. ”

I tipped her face towards mine and forced her to make eye contact, her golden eyes swimming with worry. “Please don’t drive. I don’t doubt that you can handle yourself, but I won’t be able to handle worrying about you and every idiot who gets in your car.”

“So what? Should I start my Only Fans account now? I’m sure there are some freaks out there willing to pay to watch me pump breastmilk.”

The anger I felt exploded in my chest at the image of some sick bastard watching Kelsey or anyone else taking pleasure in her body.

“No, Kelsey. That’s a hard limit for me, and please don’t mention that again,” I said, scrubbing my eyes, hoping to erase the image.

“You’re going to work on your proposal for the team’s charitable giving program and be ready to present it once Avery gets the meeting finalized.

And you’ll be Crew’s mother, which is a full-time job.

And if you have time, you can hang out on the patio and read a trashy romance novel while Crew naps, plays, or has tummy time. ”

“And if the non-profit goes nowhere?” she asked, the tension in her shoulders returning as she worked through the scenarios in her head.

“Then you enroll in school in January, finish your degree, and do anything you want. And if the only barrier between you and your goals is money, shit, Kelsey, take it. Take whatever you need. I sure as hell don’t need it all.”

“He’s not even your kid, Sam. Why are you so willing to jump in and take responsibility for him?”

What she said was factual, but fuck, it hurt. He wasn’t my kid; nothing I could do would change that.

“Until I see another man trying to care for him and showing up for him, I’m going to be there.

Fuck, I’m going to be there even if he does show up.

I want you, and you and Crew are a unit.

If I’m lucky, maybe I’ll be a part of this little unit.

I don’t do things halfway, and please don’t make me watch you struggle. ”

Kelsey turned to face me, took the loofah from my hands, and we traded roles while she washed me.

“If someone had asked me to describe the man of my dreams, I wouldn’t have been able to suspend reality long enough to create you.

And no, it has nothing to do with what you do, what you have, or even what you can give me materially.

When I decided to go through with my pregnancy, I knew that I needed to be prepared to do it alone.

Even if I met a man who wanted me, I didn’t think I would ever trust anyone with Crew.

But dammit, I didn’t expect also to need to protect your heart. ”

We locked eyes, and I brushed my lips tenderly against her.

“Maybe we all agree to protect all our hearts? Yours, mine, his, if any of us is hurting Kelsey, we’re all hurting.”

“Sam, I said I loved you earlier and meant it. How is it that what I felt earlier was nothing compared to what I’m feeling now? It’s like I fell, I’m falling, and there’s no end to how far I will fall for you.”

“Will you let me love you guys too?”

“Yes.”

“Thank God.” I exhaled and caught her eyes again, “Are you clear on what that entails?”

“Meaning I sit on my ass and eat bonbons all day?” she asked, joking.

I rolled my eyes at her attempt at a joke. “Oh please, I doubt you could lounge around all day if you tried. It means we all take care of each other.”

“Or you do all the taking care of everything.”

“That’s why I have Monica. But I usually get worked up before spending time with my father. For the first time since I was a kid, I feel emotionally prepared to deal with his shit. Do you know why? Because I know you’ll be sitting at the table next to me. Do you understand what that means to me?”

We both finished rinsing, turned the water off, and wrapped ourselves in towels to dry. Kelsey paused before speaking, “I don’t know if you should trust me not to tell him off.”

“It would do him good to hear the hard truth. I’ve got too many years of avoiding him and shielding myself emotionally from him.

I’ve been holding out for him to quit drinking since my mother left him.

Josie and I thought that would be a wake-up call for him, but it got worse.

I always thought he drank to punish my mother for leaving him. ”

“You understand I don’t want him around Crew if he's drinking?”

“I do. And I don’t want him around him either. I won’t put either of you in that position.”

We dressed for bed and had only just turned back the covers when Crew’s fussing sounded through the monitor.

“Let me,” I said, moving to go get him from the nursery.

“I can nurse him in there.”

“Nah, I kinda want to cuddle both of you for a bit.”