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Kelsey

T he last thing I wanted to do was travel today, and Crew seemed to be on the same page. He woke up crabby, and when we got to the airport, he completely rebelled. Sam and I took turns walking through the airport with him and trying to distract him.

“Hopefully, he’ll sleep on the plane. I feel terrible if he cries for the entire flight,” I said, trying to distract the baby with one of his teething toys. Nothing was working.

Sam eventually got him to settle as we were called to board. Once we’d settled in our seats on the plane, the flight attendant offered us both beverages.

“Look at how good he’s being for Daddy,” she said as she brought us both water bottles. I noticed Sam squeeze him just a little bit tighter when the word “Daddy” was spoken.

Here we were, possibly days from contacting Crew’s biological father, and I couldn’t imagine another man as his father.

What would happen if he wanted a relationship with his son?

A hockey player? Shit, I’d heard about hockey players.

They had horrible reputations for sleeping around with parades of women.

Would I be able to prevent Crew from exposure to these women?

The lack of control was the source of most of my anxiety.

Sam reached out and took my hand, “Kelsey, I can feel the anxiety radiating off you. What’s got your mind?”

“He’s a hockey player.”

“Yes, and I play baseball.”

“Don’t hockey players surround themselves with puck bunnies? Is that even what they call them?”

Sam laughed when I referenced the puck bunnies. “If you held every womanizer professional baseball player’s reputation against me, you would never have given me the time of day.”

“I knew you before I knew your profession.”

“Not really. You met a drunk asshole who then turned up at your bar in one of his lowest moments. You had enough information to decide to run, yet you gave me a chance. There is no way I will let Crew go with him unless we know he will be safe.”

“Sam, I don’t want my son raised by a man who doesn’t respect women.”

“Just because he plays hockey doesn’t mean he’s a pig.

And right now, you’re about ten steps ahead of where we are.

We still have a meeting with our attorney, and then you’ll need to determine who makes contact, you or the attorney.

Was there anything about him that would have made you think he didn’t respect women? ”

“No, he wasn’t a jerk, but I spent less than four hours with him in total. People can hide their bullshit for four hours. If this were you, and you were getting that call, what would you have preferred?”

“Kels, it’s you guys. I would have preferred personal contact.

But that’s a completely biased response because I am now in this with you guys.

It might be better to reach out, get the paternity test, and let him process it independently.

He might say something at the moment that he’d regret later.

I have some distance from my rookie season, but the timing is terrible.

I would have accused whoever the woman was of lying. ”

The plane had finally finished boarding, and Crew had fallen asleep on Sam. “I thought he’d be fussy still. He was so over-stimulated at the airport.”

“I used to look forward to getting away on an island the first few weeks of the off-season. Now? I’m looking forward to shutting in at home with you two. I don't know how I did it, and the prospect of being alone in a hotel room is overwhelming.”

“At some point, you’ll need to be alone again.”

Sam turned his head quickly, his face alarming. “You don’t want to travel with me?”

“I didn’t say that, but Avery doesn’t always follow Carlos. I can see that it’s much more difficult with their kids being older. She can’t go when they have school; the kids have friends and activities and don’t always want to follow. And at some point, I’ll have another job or even school.”

“If I’m lucky, I’ll get another eight years playing the game.

The oldest pitcher in the game is 41 this year.

Could that happen to me? Yeah, but it would be extraordinary.

But I’m not willing to sacrifice you guys to make history.

I could retire after this season, and we could still live comfortably.

If this gets to be too much for you, that’s a me and you discussion, okay? ”

My brain was not fully computing what Sam was saying. I would never do anything that came between Sam and his career. What if I got tired of the travel, he chose to settle down, and then missed the game too much? He’d resent us both. Nope. I’d never push him to make that choice .

“Kelsey, promise me you’ll let me know when this gets too much?”

I leaned back in the seat, met Sam’s earnest expression, and nodded, knowing I would sacrifice almost anything for this man’s happiness. Sam gives so much and asks for so little in return.