Page 23

Kelsey

I bent down and pulled off my heels to run faster, pure panic and guilt for leaving him with someone else. Sam stayed on my heel, and we both crashed through the door, finding Crew screaming in Avery’s arms. She passed him over to me, and I immediately felt that he was warm to the touch.

I raced around the suite, trying to find everything I needed simultaneously, yet I only managed to run in circles.

“Kels, what do you need?” Sam asked.

“There’s a bag in the bathroom, first aid. It has a thermometer.” Sam went to rummage for the bag, and I stared helplessly at Avery.

“He’s going to be okay. The fever isn’t that high. I promise.” She did her best to reassure me.

Crew’s screaming had subsided, and he’d started to whimper in my arms. Sam had found the bag and was rifling through it for the thermometer. I took it from him, ran it across his forehead, and it read 100.2.

“I have to call his doctor. ”

“Here, let me hold him so you can focus on the call,” Sam said, reaching for him. Crew whimpered as Sam took him, and I scrolled my phone to find the doctor’s number. The on-call service answered and took the message, promising the doctor would call me back shortly.

Sam held us both while we waited an interminable five minutes for the callback. “Breathe, Kelsey. It’s okay.”

When the doctor called back, I put the phone on speakerphone.

Crew’s pediatrician reassured us that he didn’t technically have a fever but that if it spiked over 103, it could indicate an emergency.

Until then, I could give him acetaminophen to make him more comfortable.

While I wrote down the dose, I realized that Crew had quieted and was sucking and gnawing on Sam’s fingers.

“Hey, Doc?” Sam interrupted, “Could he be teething?”

“That’s possible. He’s a little young for that. Has he been drooling a lot or chewing on his toys?”

Relief flooded over me, “Yeah, he’s been sucking on my fingers and drooling a LOT.”

“Ok, we’ll treat him to make him comfortable. Keep an eye on him to make sure that his fever doesn’t spike, but more than likely, he’ll feel a lot better when the acetaminophen kicks in. You might want to wet and freeze a facecloth for him to suck on. It will make his gums feel better.”

We hung up with the doctor, and I measured out the medicine and administered it while Sam found every facecloth in the suite and froze them all. Avery said goodbye and slipped out the door, leaving us to handle the baby.

I nursed Crew to sleep, relieved that the meds had returned his temperature to normal. When he was out cold, I put him to sleep in his bassinet, pressing a kiss on the top of his head .

Sam stood in the living room, opened his arms, and I rushed to him, letting him fold me into him. Once the tears started to fall, I couldn’t stop them. I sobbed into Sam’s solid chest, my entire body shaking.

“God, I suck at this. I don’t know why I thought I could do this. I can’t.”

“Kelsey, you just did.”

“Do you know how it feels to realize that no matter what I do, it won't be enough? Why did he get stuck with me as his mom?”

“Baby, I’m okay with a little bit of self-doubt. That’s normal. But I can’t listen to you talk that way about yourself. That little boy there is safe, loved, and well cared for because he got you for a mom.”

“Can you stay tonight? Not for sex. I’m not in the mood for that anymore. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“Yeah, I don’t want to leave you guys anyway.”

Sam and I quietly changed in the bathroom. He stripped down to his boxers, bare-chested. He unzipped the back of my dress and stared at me in the mirror at the lingerie Monica had sent over. “Damn, will you wear this for me again?”

I nodded and met his eyes in the mirror, “Can you unlace the corset?”

His hands shook as he loosened the material, and when there was enough room, it slid down my body. His eyes never strayed from mine, even though my breasts were now bare, and he was free to look. I reached down, unfastened the stockings, and slid them off my legs.

“Let me know when you are ready, Kels, and I will worship you. Until then, where the fuck are your t-shirts? I was minutes away from being inside you, and my brain understands it’s not happening. But my body is not on the same page.”

I grabbed a T-shirt from the pile on the floor, got dressed, and we both took turns in the bathroom before we collapsed on the bed. Crew slept soundly; he was fine, and I didn’t feel so lonely just for tonight.