Page 117 of The Wrong Game

My heart broke in that moment, but not for me. For her. For this beautiful, amazing, intelligent, strong and resilient woman who had gone through something no one in this life ever should have to.

She thought she was scaring me away. She thought I’d run.

I only wanted to hold her tighter.

“Come here,” I said. I held my arms open as she shook her head. “Just for a minute. Please, Gemma, come here.”

She was still crying, shaking her head like everything was pointless as she closed the distance between us. I took her in my arms, wrapped her in the biggest hug I could manage, and we both let out a long, tired breath.

For a moment, I just held her, wondering what to say. When I finally spoke, it was soft, words whispered into her hair.

“You’re scared,” I said. “I get it. Trust me, I do. I mean, dating… love… it isn’t a game that you just play your part and everything works out. Unfortunately, you have to have the right person on the other side of the board, too. What he did to you, it’s… awful, Gemma. It’s absolutely horrifying and I’m so sorry you had to go through it alone.”

“I don’t want your pity.”

“No, I know you don’t,” I said, still holding her. “I’m just saying that…”What was I saying?It seemed I couldn’t figure it out, couldn’t find the right words. “I’m just saying that, yeah, love hurts. But life without it?” I shook my head. “It isn’t worth living.”

Those words hung between us, suspended in space, and I waited for her to grasp them. I tried to find something more. What I’d said wasn’t all I wanted to say, it wasn’t everything she needed to hear. But, I needed time. I needed her to let me hold her. I needed her to just…trustme, to give me time to prove her wrong.

And so, I held her, and I waited for her to use what little words I had as something to hold onto, something to believe in.

But she just laughed, and shoved me away.

“Unbelievable,” she murmured when she was out of my hold. Her eyes met mine, fire burning around the irises. “Hecheatedon me, Zach. Before he died, he cheated on me, and I had to bury that secret. I will never know why. I will never know how long. Not that any of that matters, because all thatdoesmatter is that he was the perfect husband, he said all the right things and treated me the way any woman would beg to be treated, and even still… he betrayed me.”

I wanted her back in my arms, wanted her to feel my heartbeat when I told her I would never do the same. But she kept stepping away, farther and farther, putting more distance between us.

“You feel these things now, but some day, you’ll wake up, and you just won’t anymore,” she said. “And I can’t do it. I can’t stick around and wait for that break.”

I shook my head, following her as she tried to walk away. “You think you’re the only one who has been through shit, Gemma?” I asked, heart thundering in my chest. “You think you’re the only one who’s been hurt? Micah was diagnosed with cancer, too. Did you know that?”

Gemma stopped, turning enough to meet my eyes.

I nodded. “Yeah. When he wasfour. And I was eighteen. I was in my freshman year of college, on a paid scholarship to play football. I was living mydream. And suddenly, I had a choice to make. Could I have stayed and played football, left it to my parents to figure out what to do about my brother?” I nodded. “Of course, I could have. That’s what they said Ishouldhave done. But you know what I actually did? I quit. I made a choice to put my family first, above my dreams, above anything else becausetheyare what matters most to me. And yes, I lost the girl I thought was my everything then, when she decided football was what she really loved — not me. But you know what? I’d still go back and make the same choice, again and again. Because I love my family, and they matter most to me. They needed my help — financially, emotionally — and I was there for them. So you can say what you want about Carlo, but you don’t know me enough to say that you know how I will or won’t act in the future. My family?” I said, beating on my chest. “My wife? She will be myeverything. I’m a man of my word, Gemma.” I paused, standing taller. “That’s one thing you can’t take away from me.”

Gemma blinked, watching me like I was a completely new person. “I…”

“Didn’t know?” I shook my head. “Yeah, well, unlike how you so delicately put it before, Iwouldhave told you. One day. When we got to that point. And I believe you would have told me about Carlo, too. That’s how love works. You learn more about each other, you trust, you give and you take in equal measure and yes, you take a fucking risk,” I said, exhausted now.

Gemma just watched me, and I took another step, closing in, holding my arms open.

“My brother wasn’t promised another year, Gemma, and he’s here. He’s living his life without a single ounce of fear, even though he was told he wouldn’t see the age of five. If he can do that, then you and I? We can do anything. But we can’t take anothersinglesecond for granted. We are going to make each other happy, Gemma. And sure, sometimes, we’re going to hurt each other, too. We’re going to mess up. That’s how this works.”

She didn’t move as I made my way toward her, and a crisp whip of wind swept between us as soon as I reached for her, pulling both of her hands into mine. I lifted them, pressing my lips to her knuckles and holding them there as my eyes found hers.

“You have to take a risk, yes. I won’t lie to you. You have to face a fear.” I smiled. “But, just like I held your hand at Tilt, I’ll hold your hand now. If you’ll let me.”

Her eyes watered again, her hands squeezing mine in return. I felt it, her want to lean into me, to fall into me.

But she didn’t.

“Gemma,” I said again, eyes still on hers. “Trust me.”

She swallowed, closing her eyes as more tears were set free with the motion, each of them racing down to join the others that had fallen.

She squeezed my hands, and then she pulled hers away.

“I can’t.”