Page 5

My words trailed off when I realized there were two teacups on the coffee table. There was my mom’s, which was half empty, and another that was completely gone. The empty teacup sat directly on the table, next to the saucer.

I didn’t know how many times I’d heard my mother ask my dad to use a coaster. He never listened.

I became so enraged that I placed Marcus in Nadine’s arms, because I couldn’t hold him right now. I snatched the teacup from the coffee table. “You let him in here, didn’t you!?” I growled. I didn’t even need her answer, because I already knew the truth.

Mom’s face drained of color. “Let me explain.”

“What’s there to explain?” I demanded. “We asked you for one thing only, and you didn’t listen. You let Dad come see Marcus!”

It was so fucking obvious, and the room went dead silent. The betrayal cut deep—so much deeper than I ever thought a mother could inflict upon her child. She knew how I felt about my father. I’d trusted her with my own child, and she did the one thing I asked her not to do. I couldn’t believe her.

Nadine took a step back, equally horrified. Our friends glanced between each other, like they wanted to help but couldn’t.

“How could you?” Nadine asked in a broken tone.

“I promise I didn’t plan this,” my mother practically begged. “I was only trying to help. Your father hit his head this morning. I didn’t know he was going to go see a doctor about it. They wouldn’t let him drive home by himself, so he called me to pick him up. I was going to call you, but you said you had an emergency, and I couldn’t take you away from your work. You’re a priest now, and that’s a very important job. I didn’t want to stress you out, and I knew I could handle this.”

“This isn’t handled, Mom!” I cried. “Dad’s the one who didn’t strap Marcus into the swing, isn’t he?”

I knew it didn’t sound like something my mother would do. But my father, the careless fuck? Absolutely.

“Yes,” Mom admitted.

“We told you he couldn’t see Marcus,” Nadine snapped, pulling our child closer to her chest.

“This was an emergency ,” my mom pressed. “I was only going to pick Jay up from the doctor and drop him off back home, but Marcus started fussing in the car, and I realized I forgot his diaper bag. Your house is on the way home, so we stopped here to get his diaper changed. While I put on some tea, Jay set Marcus in the swing, and he was fine .”

“Until he wasn’t,” I bit sharply. “I wish you would’ve just called. There is nothing— nothing —that is more important than my family.”

“Then why do you never come see us?” Mom demanded. “If we’re so important, then why treat us as if we don’t matter?”

My jaw clenched, and my voice shook as I said, “I wasn’t talking about you .”

Mom’s lip quivered. “If that’s the way you feel, then I guess I know where we stand. If all I am to you is a free babysitter, then you can find yourself a new one.”

She started toward the door, but I tried to stop her. “Mom, please. That’s not what I meant.”

She whirled toward me. “You never appreciated how hard I tried. I did everything for you boys!”

“You did your best,” I stated, and that’s really all I could give her. I knew she did everything she could, but my mother barely had the capacity to help herself, let alone two children.

“We both did!” she cried. “Your father made mistakes, but that doesn’t make him a bad guy. You spend so much time focusing on the bad that you can’t even recall the good memories. It’s time to forget the past, so you can finally move on.”

“This wasn’t in the past, Mom. This happened today, to my son! I keep letting you in because I want to help you—I want you to be a part of my life. But I can’t do that if you’re going to keep making excuses for him. How many more times are we going to run around this circle? I’m so sick of saying goodbye.”

Tears beaded in the corner of her eyes. “Then make sure the next time you say goodbye, it’s for good.”

Then my mother whirled around and stormed out of the house. The whole room went dead silent.

Nadine gently placed a hand on my shoulder. “Lucas, are you okay?”

I shook off my shock and turned back to my family. I didn’t really have the energy to give to my mother right now. “I’m more worried about Marcus.”

I stroked the top of his head, but he’d already fallen asleep in Nadine’s arms.

Onyx stood from the couch. “Lucas, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know your dad had been here. He must’ve left before I got home.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” I told her. “Thank you for looking Marcus over.”

“There’s something else you should know,” Onyx started. “I shouldn’t be telling you this, because it goes against patient privacy laws, but I know what your relationship with your dad is like, because my mom’s the same way. You deserve to know what’s going on.”

I didn’t like where this was going.

“Your dad came into the clinic earlier with a huge bruise on his forehead,” Onyx explained. “His employer must’ve sent him, because he made a huge scene about how he didn’t need to be there. The receptionist was trying to explain that his insurance would cover the appointment, so it couldn’t hurt to see a doctor. He went on this big rant about you guys, saying the new Imperium Council wanted to give everyone handouts, but that handouts were for lazy people.”

I scoffed. “Why am I not surprised? We don’t even have anything to do with his employer’s insurance, yet we’re the ones to blame.”

“There’s more,” Onyx continued. “The doctors gave him a psych eval, and they were concerned by the results. They suspect some sort of personality disorder, though I didn’t hear which one. They wanted to schedule him with a specialist to get him a proper diagnosis and treatment plan, but he refused. He went on and on about how he didn’t want their handouts because he’s a hard worker. He stormed out of the clinic.”

“Honestly, I’d be surprised if he hadn’t,” I said.

“I saw the bruise on his head,” Onyx admitted. “He said he hit it on the edge of the counter, but I knew he was lying. I’ve seen enough bruises to know he was hit by something flat and heavy. Then when I got home, your mom said something about having a rough morning. I think your parents got in a fight and your mom whacked him in the head.”

I expected this day to come eventually. Mom had always sat back and let my father rampage around the house. She’d yell and fight with him, but never fought back physically. I knew one day she’d be done with his bullshit. What I didn’t understand is why she went to pick him up at the hospital after all that.

“If I had to guess, I’d say she hit him with a frying pan,” Onyx added.

Nadine turned to me. “I guess she got inspired by you.”

“No kidding,” I replied. “The last time I saw Dad, I whacked him over the side of the head with a pot of clam chowder. I bet he was mad Mom hit him, so he had to give our son a bruise to match.”

Grant frowned. “That’s fucked up. Marcus is just a baby.”

“That’s my dad for you,” I said flatly.

“He never has to come near your son again,” Talia promised. “We’re all here for you, and one of us will be with Marcus at all times.”

“I’d love it if that were true, but it’s not realistic,” I said. “We don’t work efficiently if someone’s always taking off to watch him. I’m not letting my mom watch him, but we need to find someone who can.”

Chloe crossed her arms. “I don’t get why you’d let your parents back in, Lucas. You should know better than this. You know how they are, but you let your mom have access to your kid anyway.”

That was the last thing I wanted to hear right now. When you had narcissistic parents, people always found a way to blame you even when it wasn’t your fault, because they didn’t understand. Chloe didn’t have the best parents, but hers weren’t anything like mine. She thought you could just tell them off and they’d listen, but no amount of boundaries worked with my parents.

“We’re stretched thin as it is, Chloe. What other choice did we have?” I demanded. “You want to fix the coven, but you’re also demanding I completely cut out my parents, which doesn’t fit what we’re trying to do.”

“The coven needs to be reunited; I get that. But we need to admit to ourselves that some people are never going to be able to be reunified with us no matter what, because they're shit people and they're always going to be,” Chloe argued. “There's no reforming my grandmother, and there's no reforming your parents, either. Some people are going to have to be left behind in this new society we're building, because we can't take everyone.”

“So we just take the people we like and leave the rest?” I asked incredulously.

“You’re oversimplifying it,” Chloe demanded. “I’m saying some people aren’t going to work with us. You’re insistent people can change, but can we really build our foundation on that?”

“I think it’s worth trusting people to some degree,” I argued. “I get that I shouldn’t trust my mom, but it’s a really fucking low blow to blame what happened on me.”

Talia stepped between us. “I think everyone can acknowledge there’s a problem here. Let’s focus on solutions. We get that things are hard right now. Marcus wasn't planned, but you guys also chose to have him, and now we have to deal with the consequences.”

“What are you saying?” Nadine snapped. “That we shouldn’t have had Marcus? I wasn’t going to do what that stupid doctor said and have an abortion.”

Grant sighed in frustration. “Come on, Nadine. You know that’s not what Talia meant. We all love Marcus and we want him to be here, but we have to recognize that things are harder with a baby around. Tal and I got Plan B when we had a pregnancy scare, because we knew we weren’t ready, but you guys went ahead with having a kid when you weren’t prepared for one.”

“We didn't know we'd be running an entire town and raising a newborn,” Nadine insisted.

“But you knew you were on the run and in the middle of a war when you had him,” Grant countered. “It's all difficult, but these were your choices. All Talia’s saying is if having a baby was your choice, you need to figure out who you trust with him. Last-minute, irresponsible decisions aren't going to help you here.”

“Thanks for the advice,” I said sarcastically. “Our son just got hit in the head, and you’ve all been really fucking helpful. Nadine and I don’t have to stand here and listen to this.”

“We should all get some rest, and we can talk solutions in the morning,” Onyx suggested.

Nobody argued with that, because we all knew this conversation was going nowhere after the long day we had. Nadine and I returned to our suite and got Marcus settled into bed. Rishi snuggled beside him in the bassinet. I trusted Onyx’s medical assessment, but still, the nasty bruise on his head worried me.

Nadine paced around the living room of our suite, while I leaned against the bedroom doorway. “I said I didn’t want Marcus anywhere near your dad, and this is exactly why!” she raged. “I don’t condone hanging, but I understand why the priestesses hang people like that man.”

I rubbed my hands over my face. I was angry, too, but that was a heavy thing to say. Didn’t matter when it came to our child, though. “We’re not going to hang him.”

“Well, he sure as hell isn’t going to see our son again!”

“We can try to protect Marcus from him, but we live in the same town,” I pointed out. “We’re bound to run into him.”

“Being in close proximity to your parents doesn’t mean they have to be a part of our lives. Why are you still trying?”

“I want to help my mom,” I insisted. “She’s not the same as my dad. She’s a product of her upbringing. She’s an abuse victim, too.”

“That doesn’t make it okay,” Nadine snapped. “People have the choice to use that as an excuse or to learn and grow and do better. She failed us today, and there’s no excuse for that.”

“I wish I could say goodbye for good, but these things aren’t easy.” My voice grew louder with frustration. Chloe didn’t understand, and neither did Nadine. “Ever since we’ve been back in Octavia Falls, they won’t leave me alone, no matter how much I ignore their messages. How do you propose we fix this? Because if you think my family is going to stay away, you’re delusional.”

She placed a hand on her hip. “Delusional?”

“It’s true. I can’t control them, so tell me what you want me to do.”

She crossed her arms. “You can start by cutting your parents out for good, because being around them puts our family in danger. Put up boundaries, block them, or do whatever you have to do. They need to know they aren’t welcome in our lives.”

“If I block them, they’ll just show up at the house or to work,” I told her.

“They need to know that isn’t an option, because this has gone too far,” she stated firmly. “Your connection to our family got our son hurt. Our son isn’t going to be fucked up because you come from a fucked-up family!”

I reeled back. “You agree with Chloe that this is my fault? That’s not fair!”

“None of this is fair, Lucas. I’m not blaming you for what happened. I’m here for you, and I’m going to help you through this, but to do that, we need to face this issue, and you’re not facing it. We need to do something to put an end to this, because I don’t want you to continue hurting like this.”

“I don’t want anyone getting hurt,” I insisted. “Maybe my mom was right and dropping Marcus really was an accident. My dad’s a broken person, but I know he can do better if he tried. We can get there with him, but we just need more time.”

“How can you still give him the benefit of the doubt?” Nadine demanded.

“What else am I supposed to do?” I shot back. “Blocking them and burying my head in the sand isn’t going to actually solve any problems. You act like it’s easy, but you don’t understand. Your parents were perfect. You don’t know what it’s like to be a child of an abuser.”

“My parents are dead !” she yelled, as if she couldn’t believe I’d bring them up.

“That doesn’t change how good you had it,” I countered. “I’d rather have a good childhood and have my parents be gone than to have them be alive and they treat me like shit. It doesn’t matter if I go months without talking to my parents, because the second they’re back in my life, everything’s back to the way it was. Cutting them out, continuing to talk to them, it doesn’t matter. There isn’t a perfect solution. There isn’t even a permanent one. You can’t reason with these people.”

“Maybe that’s the problem—that you’re trying to reason with them! Your need to please your parents and have them love you does not come before our son. I didn’t really want your mom to watch him, but you pushed for it.”

“You said you were fine with it!” I shouted.

“I wanted to support you, but at some point, I need to draw a line.” Her voice cracked.

It took everything to make Nadine cry, and that’s how I knew we had both reached a breaking point. The weight of the coven stood on our shoulders, and now we had a family to protect as well.

“You’re putting your mom before Marcus, but her feelings aren’t more important than our son,” Nadine cried. “What if something really bad happened and Marcus was affected by it because you felt bad for your mom? As long as you keep letting them come around, he’s in danger. It seems like you want to please your parents more than you want to keep him safe!”

I hated this. Nadine and I never yelled at each other, but the pressure of the last few months was finally catching up to us. I’d done a lot of fucked up things to piss her off, but Nadine had never been this mad at me.

I crossed my arms. I didn’t know what to say to her, because everything she said was correct, yet my heart and my emotions told me she was wrong. I came back here to help people, and if I couldn’t fix the family I came from, how could I be the dad Marcus needed me to be?

I tried to steady my voice, but it nonetheless came out sounding harsh. “You can’t put this all on me. My mom’s not the greatest, but she’d never let anything terrible happen to Marcus. This isn’t her fault. This is my dad’s fault.”

“That’s not true,” Nadine argued. “Your mom’s an enabler, and as long as she’s around your dad, she can’t be around our kid. We already lost one kid. We’re not losing another.”

That really fucking hurt. It wasn’t anybody’s fault that Dean had died, but by her saying that, it felt like she was putting his death on me.

“I would never do anything to hurt our son,” I said cruelly. “Don’t act like I’ve forgotten about Dean, because I think of him every goddamn day. I’m sorry you can just go about life after a loved one dies, but I can’t. I accepted my grief, but underlying it all is this ache that feels like it’s never going to go away.”

“You don’t think I feel that, too!?” Nadine screamed. “I came back here to become the priestess I was born to be, and be a mom, and do it all, but I’m not Superwoman! I want to help these people, all while spending time with my family. There’s just not enough hours in the day. I haven’t even had a chance to look for the Curse Breaker Wand because we’re working so much. Between all that, I’m supposed to find time to grieve our son properly!”

“I have things I want to do, too! I want to start writing a reaper guide, to pass on to my apprentice someday, and I want to finish my degree. I’m fine putting all that off for now because of what we’re doing here, but I’m not okay with missing my son’s life! I want to see him smile for the first time. I’ve barely held him all month. I’ve changed two diapers and given him a bottle a couple of times. You can’t even breastfeed like you wanted because you’re never with him.”

“Yes, and that tears me apart inside!” she bellowed. “I want to spend time with my son, too. Please understand that I know what you’re going through.”

“Do you, though?” I asked. “You’re so good at keeping it together. Meanwhile, I’m really struggling.”

Tears leaked from her eyes as she shouted, “I have to keep it together, because if I don’t, who will?”

If her words stung before, it was nothing like the knife to my gut now. The unspoken meaning in her words was clear. She didn’t think I was capable.

I’d made so much progress these last few years. I didn’t feel like the same person I was when we met, and Nadine had helped me through so much. But when she said that, it felt like she only saw the guy I used to be, and I needed her to see me for who I was now. Our lives were difficult at the moment, but I’d come to her to work through it before things got worse, and it felt like she was throwing that in my face. She didn’t understand my struggle with my parents, and she didn’t get this, either.

My shoulders slumped. “You don’t have any faith in me, do you?”

Nadine’s tone softened, like she realized she’d taken it too far. “That’s not what I meant, Lucas. It's not about having faith in you. It's about how much you can take. You're so close to breaking again that I can feel it every day. I couldn't run a marathon when I was in the worst throes of my lupus, and you can't handle all of this, either. I know you can't because I'm watching you, and you're falling apart in front of my eyes. So don't blame me for trying to hold us all together.”

"I'm sick of doing that to you, Nadine. I'm the man of this family, I'm the one who's supposed to be holding us together."

"I know. But you can’t right now, so if I have to step up to do that, then I will.”

That wasn’t what I wanted. I’d wanted us to work together, but it was clear Nadine felt the emotional burden fall on her. The last thing I ever intended was to hurt her.

I slumped to the couch. “Forget it. I’ll sleep out here tonight.”

“Please don’t,” she begged. “Married couples should never go to bed angry at each other.”

“Maybe we should,” I suggested. “Perhaps we’ll feel better in the morning. Maybe we’re not angry at all, but just fucking tired. Nad, I’m so exhausted. It’s been one thing after another, and we haven’t had a chance to slow down.”

My wife choked back her tears. “Let’s table this for now, then. But please, don’t sleep out here alone. Come to bed.”

She reached out for me, and I reluctantly took her hand. I had nothing more to say, because if we kept this up, I didn’t know if there’d be a marriage to save by the end of the night. I felt like a walking shell of a human being as I followed her into the bedroom. I went through the motions getting ready for bed. Nadine and I crawled under the sheets together, but for the first time in our marriage, we fell asleep with our backs to each other.

This issue with my parents went far deeper than I realized, because it was starting to affect my marriage, and that fucking sucked. I could deal with all these other problems, but I couldn’t handle Nadine and me not getting along.

We’d come back here to rebuild the coven, but I feared saving our people might cost us our family.