Page 26

I’m here for you now , I told him, just as I’d said to the teenage version of myself in my vision. I’m going to take care of you.

The last time I cut my parents out of my life, I’d done it from a place of anger. Though their absence was a welcome reprieve to the stress of dealing with them, it couldn’t heal the deep wounds left behind. I welcomed my parents back into my home because this time, I was ready for that healing. I thought that by showing my father love and mentioning my therapy, I could lead by example and he’d behave differently, but it wasn’t my responsibility to alter his behavior. I had to do this differently for myself this time.

It became clear to me then that healing didn’t look the same for everyone. It was like trying to find treatment for my depression; what was right for others wasn’t necessarily right for me. Similarly, what worked for me in the past might not always work as I continued to evolve. There wasn’t one singular answer, because I was always changing the way I saw the world based on where I was in the present moment. Even if something helped me in the past, it could be harming me now, and I had the opportunity to change it.

People thought healing meant being able to stand up and take the hit without getting hurt, but healing was complex and didn’t look the same in every situation. Sometimes, healing looked like recognizing harmful patterns and choosing to no longer participate in them, even if ending the cycle hurt like hell. It was about looking toward the future and knowing that even if it was painful now, you were better off in the long run. It was about trusting yourself to do what was right for you and those you loved, even if sometimes that meant letting those people go.

I let my dad hang around this long because even though I hated how he treated me, there was still a part of me that loved him. I didn’t understand how I could after everything he’d done, but I did. Deep down, there was a part of me that still wanted my dad to care, and I felt sorry for him that he couldn’t. I wished I could show him the kind of love I shared with my own son, but my father wasn’t me, and I couldn’t expect him to be. He would always show up as the version of himself he chose to be, not the one I wanted.

Some people could heal from their childhood trauma and keep their parents in their life, but I realized that even if my father changed and did his own healing, I didn’t want to be there for it.

Before, I’d have torn into him, exploded with anger and tried to make him see, but I didn’t have to do that anymore. I felt no sadness or remorse in the decision I was about to make, because for the first time, I truly trusted what I needed to do. I’d known it in my heart for a long time, but I never quite understood how healing could exist in a place where I’d left him behind. It took a level of courage and bravery I never had before, and I was finally ready to make this choice for good—not from a place of anger, but from a place of absolute peace.

It occurred to me then that I didn’t need my father in my life to prove that I’d overcome the trauma, because not having him here at all in itself was a healed decision. There was so much nuance and gray areas to healing. For every three steps forward, it was two steps back. For all the years I put into healing, I was still learning more about it every day. Healing wasn’t about being able to sit in the abuse without it affecting me. It wasn’t about learning to handle the trauma, pain, and depression. I already knew how to live with that. Healing was about learning to live in the joy, peace, and happiness that I never had growing up. I couldn’t do that if he was still around.

I’d wanted to lead with love, but it was clear to me now that the greatest act of love was to end the cycle of pain. I didn’t have to keep welcoming my father back in and hurting myself or my family. I thought we had to work this out together, but I realized that some people just didn’t have the means to work together. Sometimes, the best thing to do for your community and yourself was to not be involved with certain people, because there was nothing you could do for them. I’d spent so long hoping that one day he’d figure out how to work with me, but it just wasn’t going to happen, and I didn’t have to force it any longer.

I stood calmly and walked over to the door. The room fell silent as all eyes followed me. A huge weight lifted from my shoulders as I twisted the handle.

“What are you doing?” my father demanded.

“Showing you the door,” I stated.

“I know what a fucking door is,” Jay replied sarcastically—and rather harshly, I might add.

It didn’t bother me in the slightest, which was really strange, because everything that came out of that man’s mouth got on my nerves. If he wanted to be a jerk, then so be it. To truly love my father, I had to let him be the person he chose to be, to accept him for all that he was and let him make his own choices, mistakes and all. I didn’t have to change him, but that didn’t mean I had to be around him any longer.

“You got what you came for,” I said. “You can leave now.”

“You can’t kick me out!” my father protested.

“I live here, so yes I can,” I stated matter-of-factly.

A proud smile touched Nadine’s lips. She was clearly glad I was standing up to him. I was proud of myself, too. After all this time and everything I’d gone through, I could truly say I was done for good this time. Even if he tried to force his way back into my life, it wouldn’t be the same. There was no coming back from this.

That really pissed my dad off, because he shot out of his chair and pointed a finger at me. “You think because you’re a priest now that you can just turn your back on your family!? You owe me!”

I shook my head in disbelief. At this point, his outburst was comical. Nadine looked like she was trying to hold back a laugh, while my mother sat frozen in her seat.

“What could I possibly owe you for?” I asked.

“Mitchel and I were best friends back in school, and you got him killed!” Dad yelled.

“Mitchel?” I furrowed my brow, though my tone remained surprisingly calm. “You mean Sheriff Baker? Dad, he tortured me and my wife.”

“I’m sure he had good reason,” Dad seethed. “Mitchel always had my back. When my coworker got pissed off for goddess knows what, he cursed me with an itch behind my elbow that hasn’t gone away for the last nine years! Mitchel was the one to bring the rat-bastard in and charge him with unauthorized spellcasting.”

Nadine started laughing so loud it caught my dad off guard. “That’s it, Jay? That’s the curse you wanted me to break a year ago? Hm… I wonder how you pissed this guy off. Maybe by being your delightful self.”

“Don’t you start with me, you entitled little bitch,” Jay snapped.

My mother gasped, but honestly, I felt more sad than anything. I didn’t stand for anyone insulting my wife, but Nadine clearly wasn’t bothered. All she could do was laugh at him, and it was funny, in a way, but tragic, too. My father really didn’t know any better, and it was heartbreaking to acknowledge the fact that some people went their whole lives feeling bitter about the world around them. Worse, no amount of love, compassion, or resources anyone could provide would ever help, because people like my dad wouldn’t accept change, even if it was for the better.

“You can leave now, Dad,” I stated calmly.

Dad stomped his foot—actually stomped his foot like a child. “I’m not going anywhere until you stop misbehaving. If you weren’t such a brat, we could be a family again!”

Marcus stirred awake and started fussing. Nadine quickly unstrapped him from his bouncer and cradled him in her arms. She shrank to the corner of the kitchen, because she had nowhere else to go. She’d have to walk past my dad to get anywhere else in the house.

“You think I’m such a bad guy, but you’re the one hurting me and your mother!” Jay shouted.

I didn’t even care to address the comment about being a family, seeing as we’d never been a real family in the first place. I had no interest in giving him any of my energy any longer. “I’m fine being the villain in your story if that means I’m the hero in mine.”

Jay scoffed. “Hero? That’s rich coming from a guy who failed the entire coven!”

Marcus started shrieking, and my dad raised his voice even more to be heard over my son’s cries. “You’re just mad I didn’t give you everything you wanted as a kid. Everything is always about you !”

“I’m not mad at you anymore,” I said, and I meant it. I wasn’t here to judge my father and question his choices, only to acknowledge that I needed to walk away for my own healing—not because I was making him out to be bad or wrong, but because choosing to stay only perpetuated an unhealthy pattern that was hurting me and my family. It wasn’t about him or anything he’d done. I’d spent so long trying to please my father, always backing down to keep the peace. In this singular act, I was done people pleasing, and I was putting my family first.

“You’re an entitled little brat who doesn’t know how good he had it!” Dad sneered. “You think I treated you so poorly, but my father was worse!”

“I’m sorry you were abused,” I told him calmly. “You didn’t deserve that. I appreciate your honesty, because it helps me understand you better. I can forgive you, Dad, but I can’t excuse what you did to me. I know you treated me the way you did because you didn’t have the tools to do better. But just because I understand that doesn’t mean I have to be a part of it anymore. At some point, the cycle has to end, and it ends here with me, because I’m not going to be this kind of father to my son. You deserve compassion, and compassion for all of us means going our separate ways. I can feel bad for you and still know you’re not good for me. I’m not doing this to punish you. I’m doing this for me and my family, because I can’t keep hurting myself by being around you. What you do now is up to you. This is your chance to do better, but we will never speak again, and I’m okay with that.”

“ Do better? ” he repeated. “You think you’re soo much better than me.”

My father hadn’t listened to a word I said, and there was nothing I could say to communicate my feelings. He was never going to get it, and I had to be okay with being misunderstood. I was done trying to convince him of anything.

Marcus’s cries pierced the air, but no matter how much she tried, Nadine couldn’t soothe him. My wife rocked our son back and forth desperately, all while my mother sat in her chair hopelessly glancing between everyone else.

“Would you shut that child up!?” my father bellowed as he pressed his fingers to the sides of his temples. He looked like he was trying to prevent his head from exploding. Pretty sure my wife would’ve cursed him to cork off by now if she had any access to her magic, but she was helpless to defend herself without it.

“He’ll be fine once you leave,” Nadine spat. “So help me, if you don’t walk out that door right now, you’ll live to regret it.”

Jay acted like he hadn’t even heard her. Instead, he stomped toward her screaming, “SHUT UP!”

I reacted instantly and grabbed my scythe I’d left leaning by the door, but I was all the way across the room. My father reached Nadine first and yanked Marcus out of her arms.

“BE QUIET, YOU LITTLE SHIT!” Dad roared.

Then he did the unthinkable, an act so vile it made my heart feel as if it was falling out of my chest. My father shook my baby .

My mother gasped in absolute horror. Nadine shrieked a heart-wrenching cry as she lunged out for our son, but my father shoved her back forcefully. His elbow hit her in the eye, and my wife fell to the ground.

It all happened in a split second. I reached my father and tore my son out of his hands, but Marcus was screaming louder than ever. Nadine was already back on her feet, and I quickly handed over our son as I planted myself between my father and my family.

Nadine sobbed, and she never cried in the face of violence. She was always head-strong and ready to fight, but what my father had done tore her to absolute shreds.

If there was ever a moment that called for violence, it was now, because nobody touched my family like that and got away with it. I’d been angry at my father many times before, but I had never felt as much rage toward him as I did at that moment.

I swung my scythe at my father, but he jumped backward out of reach. Jay stumbled into the dining room chair behind him and tripped over it. He crashed to the floor. As he lay there on his back, I noticed a small cut had broken open on his cheek, and a single drop of blood dripped down the side of his face.

Good. I still managed to nick him with the tip of the blade.

“You bastard!” Nadine seethed. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done!? You could have caused permanent damage!”

“Nad, take Marcus and get out of here,” I instructed firmly. My main priority was making sure my wife and child got someplace safe and far away from my father. “Call Dr. Mack and meet her at the hospital. Have her do every imaging test to confirm if any damage was done. I’ll handle this.”

Nadine didn’t have to be told twice. She grabbed the diaper bag and ran for the door. I finally took a breath once I heard her car leave.

My father hadn’t moved from where he lay on the floor, because I had my scythe aimed at him. Mom was still sitting at the kitchen table, trembling. She couldn’t even bring herself to look at my father.

Jay curled his upper lip back as he stared up at me. “You want to get rid of me? Why don’t you go ahead and kill me.”

I shook my head as I took a step back. “I’m not going to kill you. I’m going to leave you with the community you chose. You chose to be alone. You were given all these tools and opportunities, and people tried to help you, but you did nothing with them. Working with your community goes both ways. You didn’t let people help you, and you’ve chosen to become this. Together means together . I’ll meet you where you’re at, but I won’t participate.”

Slowly, my father got to his feet. He never took his eyes off me, as if he thought I might take another swing if he turned his back. He practically scampered out of the room.

I followed him out of the suite and to the back door, to make sure he actually got in the car and left. My mother trailed behind me, but she paused at my side in the middle of the open doorway.

Dad stopped at the passenger side door when he realized my mom hadn’t left the house yet. “What are you waiting for, bitch?” he snarled at her. “Get your damn keys and drive me home.”

Mom trembled at my side, appearing indecisive.

“You don’t have to go with him,” I assured her. I really hoped she didn’t. My dad had made his choice long ago, but I still had hope for my mother. She’d always followed my father’s every beck and call before, but now was her chance to step away from him for good.

My mother reached into her pocket and withdrew her car keys. Her gaze dropped to her hand, where I noticed a small scar. I recalled the night a few years ago when I’d walked into the house to visit, only to find her cleaning up the remaining shards of a casserole dish my father had shattered.

Finally, Mom curled her hand into a fist and lifted her chin to look at my father. “No.”

Jay was so shocked that he had to steady himself against the side of the car. “What did you just say to me?”

“I said no,” my mother repeated, more firmly this time. “I’m done cleaning up your messes. I won’t do it anymore.”

Then my mother tossed the keys to the ground. They landed several yards away from us in front of the driver’s side door.

Immense pride washed over me as I witnessed my mother stand up for herself for the first time. It was all I ever hoped for her, and there was a deep wound inside of me I didn’t even know was there that I felt heal in that moment—not because of anything I’d done, but because I got to be here to witness her incredible transformation.

My father started moving toward her, and I knew he’d drag her home by her hair if given the chance. Mom shrank behind me, and the second my father noticed the scythe still clutched tightly in my hand, he backed off. He played it off as if he was just moving around the vehicle to get into the driver’s seat.

Jay snatched up the keys on the ground and threw open the door. He whirled back toward us before getting into the driver’s seat. “If you want to be difficult like your dead-beat son, go right ahead. You’ll come crawling back like you always do.”

Mom shook her head. “Not this time, Jay. What you did to our grandchild is unforgivable.”

“If you want to leave now, then I’m not giving you another chance,” Jay threatened. “I’ll take the house, the cars, our savings, all of it!”

“All of what, Jay?” I asked in complete disbelief. His name felt strange on my tongue, but I realized then that I’d already stopped thinking of him as my dad. “You’re living in a rental, and don’t act like you haven’t drank all your money away already. Now leave, before I make you.”

Jay huffed and slammed the car door, before the engine roared to life and he tore out of the driveway, running over the flowerbeds on his way out. Only when he’d disappeared down the street did my mother finally turn to me and break down in sobs of relief. I dropped my scythe and wrapped her in my arms. Her whole body rocked with the weight of her tears. She felt so fragile in my arms.

“It’s okay, Mom,” I promised. “I’m not going to let him hurt you ever again. What you did here was very brave. I’m proud of you.”

Mom drew away to wipe her tears. “I couldn’t have done it without you. What you said about being able to understand him without participating in his madness made me realize that even though I care deeply about your father, that doesn’t mean I have to put up with him anymore. I’m sorry about what he did to Marcus. I wish I’d never brought him with me.”

“We can’t change what happened, but we can move forward and do better,” I said. “I need to go be with my wife and child now. You’re welcome to stay here for as long as you wish.”

Mom’s form went rigid. “I can’t be here alone if he decides to come back. I’ll come to the hospital with you.”

“All right,” I agreed. “My car’s out front.”

I grabbed my keys, and we drove to the hospital. We found Nadine with Dr. Mack in the pediatric ward, but the rest of the hospital was deserted. Dr. Mack was just finishing up an imaging test. She didn’t usually work with medical imaging, but she was the only doctor around to help us. My shoulders sagged in relief when I saw that Marcus had quieted down, though I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad.

Nadine cradled Marcus in her arms. I rushed over to my family immediately and stroked Marcus’s cheek. He wiggled in Nadine’s arms and looked up at me, which was a good sign. He was alert.

“How’s he doing?” I asked.

Nadine pursed her lips, appearing on the edge of tears. Her voice cracked as she said, “He’ll be all right.”

“Your son has a mild concussion, but it should heal on its own with rest,” Dr. Mack reported. “But shaking a baby can have permanent consequences. You two should be on the lookout for any psychological conditions in Marcus’s future, because now he’ll be predisposed to them.”

Mom’s hand went over her mouth, and she seemed entirely devastated by the news. Nobody was shocked but her, and I didn’t understand how she was still surprised by the monster my father was.

My hands shook at my sides, but I took a steadying breath, because the last thing we needed was for me to lose it and go teach Jay a lesson. There were better ways to deal with him. “Anything else?”

“No,” Dr. Mack said gently. “You did the right thing by calling me. Your father could’ve broken Marcus’s neck or caused retinal detachment, but I don’t see any evidence of severe damage. I’m going to add these images to his medical file and get you a physical copy so you can take them to another hospital if you ever need them. I can drop the records off at your house later. You all take care.”

“Thank you, Dr. Mack,” Nadine said kindly.

Dr. Mack walked away, and Mom gave a huge sigh. “I guess Marcus got lucky.”

I pulled my phone from my pocket. “He’s not severely injured, but Dad still hurt him. We have evidence against him to build a case on child abuse. I won’t let him get away with this. I’m calling Miles, and we’re pressing charges. I don’t care if we have to get another police department involved from a neighboring town.”

“Lucas, you can’t!” my mother protested.

I couldn’t believe her. “After what he did, you’re still taking his side?”

“I’m not defending him,” Mom insisted. “But you’re taking this too far by trying to get him arrested. It’s an abuse of your power as priest to use your friends and status to punish your father. This is a family matter.”

I was so stunned that I had to take a step back. “You said what he’d done was unforgivable, and you were right. You’re just going to back down now?”

“I meant what I said to him at your house. I’m leaving him, and I’m going to file for divorce,” Mom replied. “But that doesn’t mean he deserves to be in prison over this.”

“Mom, he deserves to be in prison for a lot more,” I said. “For all the times he hit you and all the terrible ways he treated you. Isn’t it better if you’re safe from him? The cops can’t arrest him for being an asshole, but they sure as hell can try him for shaking a baby. I don’t understand how after everything he’s done you’re shocked he’d do this, too.”

“I never imagined he’d do it again!” Mom cried.

My jaw hung slack, and I’d gone completely breathless. I had a hard time processing what I’d just heard, because I didn’t want to believe what my mom had just admitted to. “You… let this happen before?”

I could barely get the words out. I kept wanting to believe the best in my mother, kept giving her the benefit of the doubt. But in that moment, all hope I had left for her collapsed. My father had shown her the kind of person he was over and over again, and she still defended him.

Beside me, Nadine already had her phone to her ear and was talking to Miles. She went down the hall while I handled my mother.

“When did this happen?” I demanded. “This summer, when you let him see Marcus without our permission?”

“No,” Mom insisted. “This was decades ago.”

The rest of her explanation was clear in her silence. I felt sick to my stomach, and I had to steady myself against the armrest of a nearby chair. “He did this to me ? I can’t believe you’d let that happen!”

“It was an accident,” Mom pressed. “Your father suffers from depression ?—”

“I don’t give a flying fuck what excuses you want to give,” I growled. I had really wanted to believe my mother was better than this. “I have depression too, and it’s never driven me to abuse people. This could be one of the reasons I’m mentally ill and have been suffering my whole life, and why I’ll continue to need treatment. You realize this could’ve happened to Eric, too, and we lost him, Mom. Now dad’s done the same thing to Marcus.”

“You don’t understand what your father has been through,” she insisted.

I couldn’t believe she was still defending him. I searched her gaze for one last shred of hope, but I didn’t find it. “You are never going to be the person I need to be, are you?”

Mom’s mouth bobbed open, then closed. There was nothing she could say to make this better. “I’m sorry I’m not the mom you wanted. I tried so hard, but I don’t know where I went wrong?—”

“Stop,” I interrupted. “If you can’t be genuine with me, then I don’t want to hear it. I know when you’re trying to manipulate me. You want me to tell you that you’re wrong, that you were a great mom and none of this is your fault, but that would be a lie. You weren’t as bad as Dad, but you’re just as wounded, if not more.”

Mom sniffled. “Please, Lucas. Forgive me.”

She reached out for me, but I took another step back. “I don’t want your apologies. I don’t need them. You do. Every apology you want to give me is an apology you need to give yourself. You stayed with Dad long enough to let this happen again, despite him showing you what kind of person he was the first time, and you need to be the one to sit with that. You’re not the one who hurt Marcus, and I’m never going to place that blame on you, but you’re a victim too, Mom. Until you acknowledge that and start to forgive yourself , you will never be free of him.”

I hoped she could understand this, but this was no longer about what my mom chose to do. This choice was about what I needed to do.

“I’m done with him, I swear,” Mom insisted.

“I’m glad you finally had the courage to leave him, but I can’t be a part of your life anymore. We need to go our separate ways now.”

The harrowing heartbreak of losing not just one parent tonight, but two, tore me to pieces. On the one hand, this was what I had wanted—to finally say goodbye and never see either of my parents again. But it came with a grief I hadn’t anticipated, because even though I knew it was best, it was still difficult to let them go.

Mom took a wary step back. “For what it’s worth, Lucas, I really am sorry.”

It took a lot to believe her, considering she’d told me she’d lost me just like Eric many times over when I stopped visiting. She’d told me to leave all those years ago. Now she was finally getting her wish.

It didn’t really matter if she meant it or not, though, because her apology was something I needed for my own healing. To accept it was not to do her any favors, but to show myself the love I desperately needed from my mother for so long. She couldn’t give me that anymore, but I could still choose it for myself.

So when she said she was sorry, I chose to believe her.

Nadine hung up the phone and returned to my side. “Miles is going to pick up your father right now. He’ll be facing serious criminal charges.”

Mom seemed to shrink in on herself. She looked positively terrified. “I don’t know where to go from here.”

“Go be happy,” I told her. “That’s all I want for you, even if I can’t be a part of your life anymore. We’ll give you a car and enough money to make it across the country. You can go to Kinpago. There’s a women’s shelter there, and they’ll take in any supernaturals who need help. Hok’evale isn’t far from there, either. He won’t find you in California.”

“I—I’ll gather my things,” Mom stammered.

Then she turned and left the hospital, walking out of my life forever. I felt immense sadness at the same time I relished in profound relief, because it was finally done. I’d never have to do this ever again.

That reality was just as heartbreaking as it was freeing.

Nadine gazed up at me with tears in her eyes. “Are you sure this is what you want, Lucas?”

I wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her and my son close. “None of this is easy, but I know in my heart it’s the right thing to do. Mom needs to lose both of her kids so she can start over and completely redo her life. As hard as it is, I need to lose my parents, too.”

Perhaps that’s what losing the coven was about, too. We didn’t have to keep trying to save what we once had, but move on and make something better. It was time to move on and start anew…

Even if we lost ourselves in the process.