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“With time, things will get better, but everything we’ve been through is still fresh. We can’t expect ourselves to just move on,” she said.

“I feel like I have to,” I admitted. “Because life is still moving forward regardless.”

It felt like years had passed since we took our seats on the Imperium Council, and at the same time, the last month had flown by in the blink of an eye. Time seemed to hold no meaning anymore, and it was really starting to fuck with me.

I gazed down at our son, whose eyes were starting to droop. “It’s strange. I’m holding Marcus in my arms, but it feels like a dream. Life can’t be this good, can it?”

“It can, and it is, but that doesn’t undo everything else you’ve been through,” Nadine said gently. “Now that we’re in a good place, we can finally work on healing ourselves in ways we couldn’t before. I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”

“I don’t really know what I need,” I admitted. Marcus had nearly fallen asleep again, so I placed him in his bouncer next to the couch. I strapped him in and turned back to Nadine. “I’m so used to going from one extreme to another. I've either got this impending feeling of doom, or I just can't be bothered to care. I feel like I’m in a constant war between my mind and my body. I want to feel normal , but I don’t even know what that’s like. I feel like I can’t keep up. I’m slipping, Nad, and I want to catch it this time before it gets worse.”

“You’ve already taken the first step by becoming aware of it,” she pointed out. “We can use some of the tools Dr. Mack taught you to ground ourselves. You haven’t written in your journal for a while, and that always helped. We can do meditations together, or come up with affirmations to bring us back to a better place when we start slipping.”

I shook my head. “None of that is going to help. I was in a different place then. The stuff we’ve been through can’t be undone by journal prompts and affirmations. I’ve sat down to try to journal it out, and I just get frustrated. I barely feel anything when I drink matus tea. Even music doesn’t work anymore. I don't want to put you through this, and I'm sorry, but I wouldn't bring this up to you if I hadn't tried everything already to fix it."

“Asking for help is a really important step,” Nadine encouraged. “It shows a lot of growth that you’re able to do that.”

“Thanks. I’ve found the good in my depression before. I know I can do it again. I’m just not sure where to start this time.”

“It might help to go back to therapy,” Nadine suggested. “You were doing so well with it last time.”

“When am I going to find the time to do that?” I asked. “Not to mention the coven’s going to have some big opinions about their priest going to therapy. They’re going to question my capacity to help them if I can’t even help myself.”

“Or you can be an example to them,” Nadine replied. “Therapy isn’t anything to be ashamed of.”

“ I know that. Doesn’t mean I’ll convince other people.”

“If you don’t want to go back to therapy, I won’t make you,” Nadine assured me. “But I think it’s important to explore alternatives. You said you feel like you’re warring between your brain and your body, and maybe you’re right. Your nervous system is very complex, and just because you consciously want to change it doesn’t mean it’s going to respond to that thought—not if the chemicals aren’t there to elicit a change. Maybe you don’t know what you need because you’re trying to change your thoughts, when it’s actually a biological response.”

“Maybe…” I mused.

“When we were in Hok’evale , Dr. Metzi said that healing magic doesn’t work on mental illness, because healing magic is limited by the body’s own capabilities. Magic can’t heal lupus because my immune system doesn’t have the capability to cure itself, but that’s going to be different for someone with a healthy immune system. Maybe your biology is different and your body doesn’t make the chemicals you’re supposed to make to stabilize your mood. Matus tea worked for you because it altered your brain chemistry. If it’s not working anymore, perhaps it’s time to try something stronger.”

I hesitated. “Like… medication?”

“Yes, if you’re willing to give it a try,” Nadine said. “It’s another tool we haven’t explored.”

I shook my head firmly. “I don’t want to go on meds.”

She ran her hand up and down my back. “It’s not a moral failing. There’s strength in calling out the bullshit society has led you to believe about your depression and finding what tools work for you. I think medication is at least worth a try. If it doesn’t work, we’ll try something else.”

“If the meds don’t work, there’s nothing more to try,” I pressed. “I need to find a way to work with my own mind and body, instead of trying to change who I am.”

“I would never want to change you,” she promised. “But there’s so much of you underneath your pain, and I don’t want to watch my husband suffer anymore.”

“What if the suffering never goes away, and it’s just a part of who I am? Are you okay with that?” I asked curiously.

“Yes. I will always be here, no matter what. But I still want to help in any way I can.”

I pulled her close to me. “Having you here is more helpful than anything else. There’s no guarantee that meds will always be there, and I don’t want to develop a dependency on them.”

“I don’t think that’s a fair way to look at it,” Nadine insisted. “You’re sick, Lucas. You would never say that I should stop taking my meds because I’m dependent on them. I need medication for my body to function, and maybe you do, too. I think antidepressants could be useful. We don’t know until we try.”

I was starting to get frustrated, because I'd already had this conversation with Grant and Miles over a year ago, and now Nadine was going to push this on me, too. “I’m not going to just slap on a band-aid and lean on a crutch. I need to really dig deep and heal myself, because that’s the only way I’m going to get better.”

Nadine scowled. “Meds aren’t a crutch . It sounds like you’re not interested in trying to get better.”

“You’re not listening to me. I’m saying there are other options. You want to throw all these solutions at me when all I really need is your support.” I drew away from her and stood. All I really needed was Nadine to hear me, and I didn’t feel like she was. I paced around the room. “A lot of my depression is circumstantial. Life is good, but we’re overworked and stressed out. I think if I could solve some of these problems, I’d feel a lot better.”

“A lot of these problems we either can’t control or need to give it more time.”

“There’s got to be something we can control,” I insisted. “The Imperium Council makes dozens of decisions every day, but we’re being pulled in so many different directions that we aren't making the progress I hoped for. It doesn’t help that all five council members aren’t ever in the same room at the same time.”

“Someone has to stay and watch Marcus,” Nadine reminded me. “There’s no way we’re bringing him to work with us.”

After what happened with the priestesses, the last thing we wanted was to put our child in the eyes of the public. That’s why we’d come up with the solution to trade off days watching him. But to do so meant our council was running on fumes.

“I completely agree,” I told her. “But there has to be another way.”

“The only other option is to get someone else to watch him, but we’ve put our trust in so many people who have turned our back on us,” Nadine said. “I wouldn’t trust anyone but family to watch him.”

That gave me an idea. One of my biggest problems was with my family. If I could fix my relationship with them, then maybe this stress would go away. I didn’t really want to contact my parents, but maybe this was what we needed to get to a better place.

At the bare minimum, I needed them to stop contacting me, because it was interfering with my work. They’d never stop trying to contact me unless I reached out somehow. At some point, they were going to show up here, and a big blow out fight in front of Marcus and all our friends at the manor was the last thing we needed. If my family was better, maybe I wouldn't be so sad, and I wouldn’t have to go on meds. At the very least, talking to my parents would make them stop bothering me, and that needed to happen if the council was going to get anything done.

“My mom could watch him,” I suggested. She was the only family either of us had left.

Nadine crossed her arms. “Do you really think that’s a good idea? I thought you’d decided to cut your parents out.”

“Maybe that was never meant to be a permanent thing,” I said thoughtfully. “We’re here to bring the community back together, so it’s fitting to extend an olive branch to my mom. How can we expect the coven to unite and forgive each other if I can’t forgive my parents, and fix things with them? It’s hypocritical to expect our entire town to get along if I can’t mend the relationship I have with my own family. I have to take responsibility for my part, too.”

Nadine hesitated. “I really don’t like this.”

“My mom isn’t like my dad. She’s more reasonable. She has experience with babies, and she keeps asking to spend time with her grandson. If we don’t get help, we’re going to keep missing work, and the council will keep struggling.”

“We work long days,” Nadine pressed. “We can’t expect your mom to be here all day.”

“We’ll start with a couple of hours,” I suggested. “My parents are driving me nuts blowing up my phone all day. If I don’t give them something , they’re going to show up at work and make things harder for us. Maybe this will help me, too. If I can’t be around them without being triggered, then I haven’t learned my lesson yet. I’d really like to get to a place where we’re all at peace with each other. My depression isn’t going to get better if this problem with my mom and dad isn’t fixed.”

“If we do this, your mom has to come here,” Nadine demanded. There was no arguing with her on that. “I don’t want Marcus anywhere near your dad.”

“Me either,” I agreed. “I’ll fix things with my dad eventually, because I know I need to in order to heal, but I’m not ready for that yet. But Mom’s a different story, because she’ll be more considerate of what we have to say. Starting with her is a good idea. It’s my day with Marcus, so my mom can come over this morning. I’ll be home once our morning meetings are done. We need to get all five council members in a room again, because it just wastes time to constantly be updating each other. It’ll only be for a few hours. If my mom can watch Marcus in the mornings, we’ll be much more efficient as a council.”

Nadine frowned. “I’m really not sure about this, but if you think it will help, then we can start with a few hours and see how it goes.”

“I’ll give her a call.” I paced around the room as I waited for her to pick up. My heartrate quickened, so much that I could hear my pulse in my ears over the sound of her line ringing.

“Lucas,” she answered. “Nice of you to finally return my calls.”

She said it was nice , but she sounded less than pleased.

“Hey, Mom,” I started.

I could feel the tension over the line. I’d kept my distance from my parents since returning to Octavia Falls, because if I went to see Mom, I knew Dad would be there. I felt bad for her more than anything, because she still had to deal with my dad, but I genuinely believed she didn’t know any better and didn’t have the tools to leave him. Maybe if I showed her there was another way, she’d finally see that she deserved better.

“What do you want?” she demanded.

“I know I haven’t reached out in a while, but we could really use some help with Marcus. Would you like to watch him for a few hours, just so Nadine and I can get some stuff done? I promise it won’t take up too much of your time.”

“I thought you didn’t want me to meet him,” she replied rather harshly.

“I needed some space, but now that Nadine and I are back in town, I thought maybe you could get to know your grandson.”

Mom’s tone instantly brightened, because I was finally giving her what she wanted. “Well, okay. If you really need the favor, I’ll be right over.”

My mom seemed really excited to help out with Marcus. She arrived at the estate only twenty minutes later. Nadine gave her a hug when she stepped in the house, though the embrace seemed stilted from both of them.

“It’s nice to see you, Margo,” Nadine said kindly.

“Good to see you again, Nadine,” Mom replied. She squeezed Nadine’s hands, and her gaze darted down to Nadine’s wedding ring. “It’s been a while. I bet your wedding was so beautiful. I wish I’d been there to see it.”

I ignored her passive-aggressive comment, but my voice still came out flat. “Thanks for coming, Mom.”

“Of course! Marcus and I are going to have a great day together. Can I hold him?” Mom reached out for the baby in my arms. He was asleep now and wrapped in a bundle of blankets.

It was strange welcoming her back into our home, because back when we were living at the safe house, I was certain I’d never see my parents again. Now that we were back in town, it was inevitable that they’d be a part of our lives again.

I gently placed Marcus in my mother’s arms, and he didn’t even stir. She rocked him back and forth.

“Hello, Marcus dear,” she sang. “Don’t worry. Grandma Margo’s here.”

“All the supplies you should need are on the counter,” Nadine instructed. “If he’s still crying after changing and feeding him, he usually just wants his pacifier. His bassinet is in our room, but he gets really cranky when we set him down. He sleeps best when he’s held.”

“That’s natural,” my mother said. “All babies cry when you set them down. You just need to let them cry for a bit, and they’ll eventually fall asleep. You can’t go to them every time they fuss, or you’ll train them to expect you to always be there.”

Nadine frowned, though my mother didn’t surprise me at all. A lot of people her age thought that way.

“I will always be there for him, so there’s no harm in making sure he knows that,” Nadine emphasized. “Studies show that you can’t possibly spoil your child in their first year of life, and that creating a healthy environment for them where they know they’re safe is important for their development.”

“Lots of parents would disagree with you, and their kids still turn out fine,” Mom stated coolly.

I quickly stepped in. “Mom, I understand that you’re going to do some things differently than we are, but if you’re going to watch Marcus, you need to respect our parenting style.”

“I understand.” Mom waved her hand like it was no big deal. “I didn’t mean anything by it. If you want to spoil your kid, it’s not my place to question it.”

Nadine shot me a glance, like she was about ready to call off the arrangement. The last thing I wanted was to settle a fight between my wife and my mother in the first minute of this arrangement. My mom may not agree with us on everything, but she was harmless.

“There’s no need to make a big deal out of small details,” I said. “Just keep Marcus alive for a couple of hours. That’s all we ask.”

“One more rule,” Nadine added. “We don’t want Marcus around Jay.”

Mom’s features fell. She appeared very hurt by the request. Almost confused, actually. It’s like she didn’t know why we didn’t want my dad to be a part of our son’s life. She stared down at Marcus in her arms, ducking her face. “If that’s what you want . I’ll do my best to keep him alive.”

We showed my mom where to find everything and introduced her to Rose. We didn’t expect her to help with Rose, since Rose usually kept to herself in her guest room, but it was good to have my mom with her in case of an emergency. By the time we left the house, the others were already gone.

Octavia Hall had been destroyed the night we faced the priestesses, so the Imperium Council headquarters had been moved to a room in the courthouse. We met Chloe, Talia, and Grant there and got to work. It was good to finally work with all five of us at once, though our meeting stretched over two hours since we had so much to update Chloe on from the day before. Even though today’s meeting felt cumbersome, I was positive that if we were able to keep up a morning schedule like this, things would start running more efficiently in no time.

Just as we were wrapping up our meeting, my phone rang. I quickly grabbed it, thinking it was my mom. Instead, it was Miles.

“Hey, we just got a call that there’s a water main break on Oak Street,” Miles said. “You guys need to get down here.”

We hurried to respond quickly, and I called my mom on our way. “We might need you to stay with Marcus a little while longer,” I told her.

“Not a problem,” Mom assured me. “Take all the time you need.”

The emergency response crews were already there when we arrived, but it was our job to direct everyone. We ordered the crews to block off the streets, which were flooding, and made sure the nearby businesses closed down while we worked on repairing the break. The crews worked for hours to excavate, inspect, and flush the pipe before we could reconnect it to the system. The sidewalk and road in the immediate vicinity were cracked and would need complete repair. This was devastating news because so many businesses were already shut down for good, and now many of those that still had their doors open were literally underwater or ruined.

After some investigation, we learned that the issue was due to old pipes, which the previous council had failed to replace years prior when it was needed. Now, we were the ones who had to deal with their oversight, and it was another problem we had to budget for. We stayed as long as we could to help and didn’t make it home until after dinner time.

Marcus’s loud cries came from the main living room when we arrived home. Onyx was already back from work, and I overheard her say, “It’s a nasty bruise, but he’s going to be all right. There are no signs of a concussion.”

Nadine’s features paled, and she rushed down the hall. We entered the living room to find Onyx rocking Marcus in her arms and my mother sitting across from her. My mom brought a teacup to her lips, though her hands shook. Her hair was a mess, and she appeared absolutely exhausted. She looked like she hadn’t slept in two days. I didn’t realize how hard watching an infant would be on her, but it’d clearly taken its toll.

“What’s going on here?” Nadine demanded.

Mom set her cup aside and shot to her feet, appearing stunned to see us. I didn’t think she’d heard us come in over the sound of Marcus’s screams. “Everything’s all right.”

I quickly took Marcus from Onyx’s arms. My stomach dropped when I saw the goose egg of a bruise on the side of his forehead. Talia, Grant, and Chloe stopped in the doorway behind us, but they were all too stunned to say anything. Marcus began to quiet in my arms.

Nadine turned toward my mother. “What. Happened?”

“I’m so sorry,” my mom started. “Marcus was in his swing, and I guess he didn’t get strapped in properly. He wiggled himself down and fell out. He bumped his head on the floor.”

“Is he going to be okay?” Talia asked in worry.

“Yes,” Mom replied. “Onyx got home shortly after, and she looked him over. She says there’s no permanent damage. It’s just a bruise.”

Grant eyed Marcus apprehensively. “That’s one hell of a bruise.”

He wasn’t afraid to say what we were all thinking.

“Mom, you can’t just brush this off,” I said incredulously. “It’s just a bruise now , but what if it was something more serious? If you’d have walked out of the room and he fell on his face, he could’ve suffocated! He can’t roll himself over yet.”

“I was right there, I swear. I picked him up and snuggled him immediately, and he’s okay,” she insisted.

Talia stepped between us. “Let’s all calm down and talk this out. Guys, I know you’re very protective because you’re new parents, but it sounds like it was an accident.”

I sighed heavily. “I was hoping we could get through day one without a catastrophe…”