Page 142 of The Surrender

“Just a little,” the nurse says.

“Will he be able to eat?”

“Yes, but soft foods at first.” She pulls her gloves off and pops them in the bin. “Just use the buzzer if you need me.”

“Thank you.” I move closer, stroking the top of his hand, keeping his eyes. “Do you remember anything?” I ask. He blinks once, and I deflate, wishing he didn’t, if only because of how hideous and terrifying the whole horrid scene was. “Everything?”

Two blinks.

“You swerved to miss me.” I flinch away from the memory. It’s replayed in my head over and over, torturing me. Seeing his car upend and spin in midair, hearing the god-awful sounds of the metal bending and screaming.

Jude blinks once. He remembers that.

“You told me about your dad.”

One more blink.

I’m almost scared to ask if he remembers whatItoldhim.I sigh and run my eyes down the length of him. I should tell him exactly what he’s recovering from now he’s fully with it. “You have a broken leg,” I say. “The bone in your thigh. I can’t remember what it’s called. The femur, I think.” He smiles a little, as if that’s something to celebrate. “You have five broken ribs and a ruptured spleen.” My face bunches, and Jude remains looking mildly cheerful as I list his numerous injuries. “Impact on your throat by something blunt meant they had to do an emergency tracheotomy. Do you remember that?” I ask, moving closer. Two blinks, and I exhale my relief. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. My eyes well and Jude starts to blink over and over, shaking his head too. “I should have stopped sooner.”

More blinking, more shaking.

“I love you.” I’m struggling to get my words out, my throat closing. “I don’t care about how I came to love you, just that I do, and that you feel the same.”

He nods, telling me what I need to know.

“And do you remember what I told you before the crash?”

His eyes drop to my tummy, and I inhale. One blink. And definitely a widening of his smile.

“I’m pregnant,” I say anyway, my voice tight, my words shaky. His eyes lift to mine, the green dull but still beautiful. “Disgusting?” He blinks twice, and I laugh over a sob, moving in closer, getting my face as close to his neck as I can. “I promise I’ll never walk away again.” I feel him squeeze my hand. “I’ll always listen when you talk.” Another squeeze. “See you when you stand in front of me.”

A knock at the door interrupts our moment and I peek up, seeing Casey and Rhys enter. They both pause on the threshold and take in the mess of their brother on the bed. My initial reaction is to yell at them for being so blissfully unaware of their brother’s turmoil. I want to tellthem what Jude’s burdened himself with for years to protect them from the added pain and grief he’s suffered.

But that’s not my call, and as I glance at Jude, I see with perfect clarity that he never will. But it’s no longer a burden.

“Well, look at the state of you,” Casey murmurs, approaching the bed. “Jesus.”

“He can’t talk.” I stand, smiling at Rhys.

“How are you holding up?” he asks, dipping and kissing my cheek.

“I’m okay.” Pregnant but okay.

“What the hell happened?” Casey asks, frowning at the dressing on Jude’s throat. I shift, the guilt coming on strong.

And Jude doesn’t miss it. “I ...” he rasps, scowling, lifting a heavy hand to his throat and feeling around the dressing.

“Don’t talk,” I say, and he exhales, tired.

And, of course, he completely ignores me. “I . . . had . . . a . . . sh . . . ock.”

I blink my surprise as his brothers glance back and forth between us. “A shock?” Casey asks.

Jude stares at me, blinking once, out of breath. He wants me to tell them? He blinks again. “I’m pregnant,” I murmur, eyes on Jude. He smiles. His brothers nearly choke.

“And you chose to tell him that while he was driving?” Casey asks, laughing. “Fucking hell, if you’d come to me first, Amelia, I would have told you straight you’d have to sit him down and put a strong drink in his hand first.”

I press my lips together, mortified, while Jude’s smile remains in place, his eyes more alive.