Page 134 of The Surrender

A small ironic huff of laughter breaks past the lump in my throat as I dip into my bag and get my phone. I pull up Jude’s name. Click to type out a message. Take a breath.

Hey. I wish it hadn’t turned out like this. I wish such a monumental moment in my life didn’t feel so wrong. I want to tell you that I don’t know how it happened, but I do. I was stupid and careless and for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m pregnant. I’m not telling you because I expect anything. I’m only telling you because it would be wrong if I didn’t. I’m going away to try and get my head around it. If you want to discuss what happens going forward, I’ll be back in a few weeks. Amelia.

I slow to a stop, laughing at myself for signing off with my name. Because chances are, I could be one of many. My thumb hovers over the send icon, my laughter dying. Then a splash of water hits the screen of my phone. “Shit,” I sniff, wiping my eyes.Send it.I can’t move my thumb.

Send it.

I try to force my thumb down, one part of my mind telling me to do it, another telling me to wait, and another telling me not to tell him at all. That he doesn’t deserve my openness and honesty. And I don’t know which part to listen to.

“Amelia!”

My name lingers in the air behind me, and my shoulders rise to soften the impact of his voice hitting my back.

Don’t look!

“Amelia!”

Instructions flood my mind, but I can’t follow any of them through.Don’t look. Walk away. Send the message. Don’t send it.

I dare to glance back, wincing immediately. He’s not running, not even jogging, just walking with a determined pace. Half the buttons of his shirt are unfastened, his sleeves pushed up to his elbows roughly. Dark-blond hair kicks out from his nape, his facial hair on the longer side of tidy. And when he’s close enough, I see one of his eyes is black. He’s been in a fight?

Jude holds up a palm, as if halting me from walking away. I would, I’d run if I could, but my legs have lost all feeling. “You’re here,” he breathes, slowing to a stop a few feet away.

“I brought the car back.” I can’t look at him. Reminding myself of all the small things I fell for isn’t what I need right now.

“The car’s yours.”

“I don’t want it,” I say quickly, pushing back my shoulders, facing him. “And I no longer need it.”

His jaw tics, which pisses me off. He’s annoyed? “Your brother came to see me.” He points to his blackened eye.

“Clark?”Fuck, did he tell Jude?“I ...”

“I deserve more.” He takes one step closer. “Anouska said you have luggage.” Another step.

“I’m going away.”

“Where?” One more step.

“That’s none of your business, Jude.”

Fire blazes in his gaze. “So you came here to return the car?” Another step. “That’s it?”

“I would’ve brought the keys up to your apartment, but I was told you had company.”

“Amelia.”

“Were you sleeping with her?” My eyes fall down his half-buttoned shirt.

“No,” he grates, coming at me.

I hold a hand up, warning him back. “Katherine put the nuts in my dessert. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to worry you.”

“Be worried that your ex-fiancée tried to kill me?” I laugh, and it’s cold. “What the hell does she have over you, Jude? What’s so big that you can’t tell her to fuck off, even after she’s hurt me?”

He blinks, shying away, and that tells me all I need to know. Katherine will never be gone. “She’s out of my life, Amelia. I’ve told her.”